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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

193

Eggless Nogs, Why Not

Eggnog is great. Or, it’s gross, because it’s brimming (sort of) with raw eggs, but it’s also totally tasty. So, you vegans or ovophobes, what to do? Well, you might want to try making one of these four egg-free eggnog recipes that we dug up from the dusty crevasses of the Internet and tried out. One thing helped universally: Bacardi.

1. Carrot Nog – (recipe)

We started with the carrot nog because it seemed like it would blend the easiest, and be the prettiest. Oooh:

“It looks like vomit,” a friend offered.

We gave it a sniff. It smelled like pumpkin pie. Daintily, we sipped. It tasted like pumpkin pie!

RATE THE NOG: B+. It was spicy! The rum helped a lot. We’d actually make it again.

2. Avocado nog – (recipe)

Wait, avocado? This just got REAL. We’d heard, though, of people making brownies and chocolate pudding with avocados and things turning out not terrible, so we were hoping it wouldn’t be like a Christmas-Guacamole-shake up in there. Chrimolshake!

Depitting the avocado. Who says we never cook?

When we put the avocado in with the coconut milk and other accoutrements, it looked ... not great:

But after you blend it, it all swirls into a lovely, Shamrock Shake-esque shade of green:

RATE THE NOG: A. This was actually delicious. You can’t taste the avocado, which is a plus, obviously, but it does provide a nice, creamy texture. In other words, it’s the most milk-mustache-y.

3. Tofu nog, courtesy Vegetarian Times – (recipe)

OMG, WE CAN STILL TASTE THIS ONE.

So we sliced up the tofu in its tofu container and scraped it out into the blender, where it plopped in its lovely tofu way with a sickening plash.

It got worse. Here is the tofu sprinkled with nutmeg.

We pushed “blend.” The tofu tested the limits of our cheap Duane Reade blender.

RATE THE NOG: F. No one wanted to try it, but when we did, It tasted like chalky Play-Doh with a death wish. We like tofu. But tofu as eggnog? More like no tofucking way.

4. Pudding nog – (recipe)

This one had the most “normal” ingredients, so we were stoked to cleanse our tofog-scarred palates. It’s also the only non-vegan recipe, since we used cream (although you could substitute non-dairy whipping cream).

It got the frothiest:

But it just tasted like soy milk.

RATE THE NOG: B. Eh.

Finally, although we were a wee bit nogged out, we decided to mix the remnants of all nogs together to see what one large nog panoply would taste like. Would it be nog-overload? The Wu-Tang Clan of nogs? The word “nog” is starting to sound weird.

Carvocadofuddingnog:

RATE THE NOG: A-. Combining all of our weird concoctions actually made for a pretty decent beverage. The thickness of the avocado balanced out the thinness of the other nogs. Sadly, it wasn’t enough to totally mask the flavor of the tofu. *shudder*

And finally, all you slothful vegans, here’s the lazy version: Carton of Silk Nog.

I mean, it’s okay. Add rum.

Jessica Misener and Nadia Chaudhury don’t feel so good.

Top photo by Stephanie Frey, via Shutterstock

193 Comments / Post A Comment

melis

This doesn't have a "New Weekly Feature" tag - could someone fix this?

wharrgarbl

I am totally going to make the avocado one with/for a friend who is an avocado fiend.

Vicky

@wharrgarbl Right?! They had me at "Shamrock Shake-esque."

sox
sox

@wharrgarbl Another delightful avocado reipe is chocolate mousse pie, which you should make and then bring to a party and make everyone guess what's in it.
1) Put some hazelnuts and dates in a food processor and give it few goes, then dump in a pie dish and press it all around to form the crust.
2) Clean out the food processor and then put in avocados along with unsweetened cocoa and honey to taste. Start with a little and keep adding til you love it.
3) Chill it in the fridge til it's ready to serve.

It is frightenly healthy and delicious.

wharrgarbl

@sox Ooooh. I now have several dairy- and/or gluten-free coworkers, so that one's going in the book.

insouciantlover

@wharrgarbl oh man, avocado milkshakes are divine so I imagine the avonog would be delicious.

redheaded&crazy

@sox Mmmmmm I have had this before, it's one of those things where you're like "oh you poor vegans why can't you have normal dessert?" going in, and then "I WANT YOUR DESSERTS VEGANS" going into your mouth.

Waiting

@sox wow that sounds amazing! Avocado is my FAVORITE food

angermonkey

@wharrgarbl I'm pretty sure this is almost EXACTLY the avocado "juice" we would drink all the time in Qatar. It was basically a pale green awesome milkshake. If you're ever in Doha, head straight to Turkey Central and pick one up. Also, get a business card: They have a picture of a fat kid eating soup on them. I have no idea why.

Inkling

@redheadedandcrazy Wait, that's a vegan recipe? Honey can't be vegan, can it?
Definitely going to make the avonog in attempts to impress a vegetarian-vegan family I know. And maybe also try that cake thing??

redheaded&crazy

@Inkcrafter I... I'm actually not an expert on vegan things. It's possible my friend who made it is only vegetarian? And/or gluten free?

I would not take my word for it. Honey isn't vegan?! I guess because of the bees. Riiiight. Got it.

Inkling

@redheadedandcrazy I know a lot of bees get crushed from hasty beekeeping, and I'd assume they get hungry as well... Man I dunno, I'm just trying to impress some vegans, I gotta be on point with this.

redheaded&crazy

@Inkcrafter No no I think you have a point. I wasn't trying to discount the negative impact honey farming could have on bees, it just didn't occur to me (plus I may have skimmed over the honey part of the recipe). But I've seen the bee movie! I know we're stealing honey from bees without proper reimbursement! I'm not ignorant!

Inkling

@redheadedandcrazy
CARE about BEES OKAY.
Agave nectar is actually really awesome. It's like less viscous, same-flavored honey. There's no reason for me to keep buying honey, except childhood "Celtic" "magick" books and "The Moorchild" have convinced me that honey is fairy food.

annepersand

I wonder if silken tofu would make the tofu nog less groce...?

I am generally opposed to non-beverage items in my beverages (making me the World's Most Boring, I know), but I feel like I've seen silken tofu used for shakes and stuff before? And I know that it's used for desserts and generally tastes a bit less tofu-y.

melis

@annepersand I dunno man, I used the silken stuff in a vegan Hollandaise sauce recipe last month and it was tasted overwhelmingly of...liquid tofu. For which I don't fault the recipe; it seemed deeply promising! Tofu just doesn't have a very blendable flavor, I think.

M'fly

@annepersand Yeah, I think it would. Also you can get, like, flavoured silken tofu, and some of them taste very unlike tofu. Perhaps vanilla would be good here?

Steven

@annepersand Yeah, given that the recipe /calls/ for silken tofu, and that's not what's been used here, I would take the assessment of grossness with a grain of salt. It least accounts for the unpleasant texture. Speaking of grains of salt, a pinch or two can take off a bit of the "tofu" taste and probably wouldn't be noticeable in a sweet-ish recipe. I would also bring the whole batch up to a simmer (pre-booze, I guess) on the stove, both to make sure that the sugar is fully dissolved and because cooking can also help with the unpleasant (to some) soy flavour. If all else fails, double the alcohol and call it a day.

annepersand

@Steven Oh I like the salt tip! I subscribe to the "a little salt makes everything better" school.

Craftastrophies

@annepersand See, I subscribe to the "double the alcohol makes everything better" school. Let's cook together!

AniaGosia

@Steven Salt would make it really good. I put a little salt in everything sweet to balance out the flavors. Certainly making the nog with silken tofu is the way to go. I'm definitely making the avocado nog though.
I'm currently (while I type, bad idea, I know ... I once spilled an entire glass of wine into my computer) eating the most delicious vegan carrot cake with tahini/honey icing. OMG. So rich and amazing.

LabRat

I have that Heroes of the Torah glass! Fishs Eddy FTW!

candybeans

@LabRat the egg nog in the "heroes of the torah" glass was my second favorite part, right after "no tofucking way."

Setec Astrology

@LabRat - Me, too! (I have the whole set, actually.)

It is, of course, a quasi-inappropriate choice for test-driving nogs...

gfrancie

I will stick with original nog. With plenty of bourbon.
Apparently George Washington was famous for his egg nog recipe. It would get you so fucked up that you would wake up next to Thomas Jefferson feeling a little confused but at least he made you breakfast and didn't act weird about things.

melis

Plus you would always wake up on time.

Rock and Roll Ken Doll

The great thing about Nog is that, after xmas, it's on sale! Stock up for a fun January! Unfortunately, the native flavoring remains the same price.

beanie

Have never tried egg nog. It scares me. But I totally want to! I feel the same way about the McRib. Need to put on the big girl panties.

parallel-lines

@beanie You can live a long and happy life never having eaten a McRib. It's basically particleboard pork shaped like, uh...ribs.

melis

@beanie If you're west of the Rockies, you have to start with Straus - it is not to be missed.

redheadedtwit

@beanie I also have never tried a McRib, but I count it as a good thing. I do LOVE eggnog, especially my Gram's, which will have you on your back passed out after 2.5 cups.

MoonBat

@beanie Skip the McSpam, it's really yukky.

queenofbithynia

@beanie But there's nothing disgusting or processed about nog! It's all rum and cream and eggs and brandy -- just think of it as a flourless christmas cake.

annepersand

@melis I'm suspicious of their claim that you can skip the rum.

beanie

@parallel-lines I eat their chicken nuggets weekly, so I obviously have no taste...

@melis that looks delicious. Adding it to the cart at Ralph's this weekend.

@redheadedtwit would your grandmother like to have me over?

melis

@beanie Ralph's will almost certainly not carry it, just as a heads up. I've had luck at various Whole Foods and local produce markets/grocers, though.

feartie

@beanie Even more scary than eggnog: in Scotland we have an old timey version that went by the name 'Old Man's Milk'. I say 'went' because I've never heard of anyone actually drinking this.

Cream or milk, honey, eggs and spices. And lots of whisky. And the only version I could find online also added ale, omitting the dairy. And heated it up...whyyy?

redheadedtwit

@beanie I'm sure you are welcome, if you can handle the semi-crazy Southern IN vibe.

spanglepants

@feartie 'Old Man's Milk'? Not an appetising name, is it? Boak!

I've also never tried eggnog. I don't think it's nearly as much of a thing over here as it is in the US.

feartie

@sparklepants It's like drinking alcoholic cream, like fresh baileys, in my opinion. And I am of the opinion that baileys (or the cheaper, Lidl stuff I used to buy) belongs only in hot chocolate or coffee. It's cloying and gives me stomach aches. Much better is toasty mulled wine with a dash of raspberry schnapps.

beanie

@feartie Old Man's Milk is the grossest/funniest name ever. It is making me smile.

@melis are you saying that Ralph's is not as classy as Whole Foods? Whole Foods doesn't even carry Doritos! (or any other bad-for-you-food I like to consume)

M'fly

@feartie "Old Man's Milk"?!?!!? I just threw up in my mouth. No exaggeration, my gag reflex is powerful.

Craftastrophies

@J Keems@twitter I imagine it's what you give to the old man who cannot chew his christmas dinner. I imagine that, because imagining the alternative is just not ok.

I have never tried eggnog. It just looks so.. thick and... egggy. Actually, that's a lie! I did try it, last year at a party. It was AWFUL. But I would totally try a not-eggy version. I like creamy but regular nog sounds too proteiny. I would get full! Drinking at christmas should not cheat you out of actual food!

Thinking about this... what would be the actual difference between a nog and just drinking some thin custard. Like the kind that comes in a carton for pouring?

anotherkate

@Craftastrophies You have custard in cartons? I don't think that exists in America.

Craftastrophies

@anotherkate Yes. And this year, there is BRANDY custard. (non alcoholic, though, why??) Also, Christmas cake icecream. Hello, Summer Christmas. Why are you so good to me?

feartie

@Craftastrophies Brandy Butter too, which is just buttercream + booze for having with mince pies or Christmas pudding when it is on fire (ooh pretty indoor blue bonfire!)

Craftastrophies

@feartie I had mince pies for breakfast this morning. And yesterday. Oh, and the day before.

Guy DeBr0'd

Ladies. Please. Gyn[a]ecomastia is a serious matter.

Polina

I actually just had the Silk version last night. It tasted like egg nog, but much thinner in consistency. Meh.

Hot Doom

@Polina As a goddamned lactose intolerant sadsack-at-the-holidays, I have to say, Silk isn't too bad as far as the uneggy-noncreamy nogs go. I usually blend it with soy creamer, ice, some extra spices and a GRIP of bourbon, and it's a party all day long.
The avocado one is in my future though, I can tell.

Polina

@LolaLaBalc Yeah, it was fine! And I have to agree with you on the avocado. I'll be trying that.

miwome

@Polina I'm intrigued by the carrot one, personally, but the avocado one does sound good too.

SarahP

@Polina Earth Balance makes a better (soy) nog, and So Delicious makes a coconut-based (but not -flavored) one that is really thick. Too thick for me, but my family loooves it.

purefog

@SarahP That could have been a post yesterday: "Well, I just think this nog's too thick."

Polina

@SarahP I know not everyone loves the thickness but I do, so thanks for the suggestion about the coconut based one!

EpWs

@purefog But I hate the thickness! I would be okay with the flavor (pile on the rum!) but the thickness and the feeling of coating my mouth/throat makes me sad/barfy.

elsbels

I need that cup from the avocado nog recipe.

Jessica Misener@twitter

@kayjay Fishs Eddy in NYC!

parallel-lines

Silk soy nog is the best - BEST - nog and is sometimes very hard to find in NYC. If you can't find any it's because I'm hoarding that shit.

filo

@parallel-lines I love it too, I don't particularly care how close it is to real nog or not. I could drink one carton a day of that shiz. I tried the Silk Pumpkin Spice nog and it is not as good so if you see it save your money.

The Lady of Shalott

Add rum

These are instructions for life, right?

parallel-lines

@The Lady of Shalott That's a typo, it should say, "Add bourbon".

Beck Rea@facebook

@parallel-lines No, no, no, clearly it's "Add St. Germaine".

...What? ShutupIlikeitineverything.

MoonBat

"Jessica Misener and Nadia Chaudhury don’t feel so good." was my favorite part! I didn't feel so good myself, after scrolling through the photos!

Beck Rea@facebook

@MoonBat Mine too! And seriously, Tofunog? bleahlkaelka;afaskjakvomit.

honeybadger

what about Qream nog? Qog?

On a side note, I had Qream at a bar last week. Both bottles were unopened and the bartender had no idea what to do with it. I opted for the peach flavor... I can't decide if it was the best or worst $4 I've ever spent.

Nadia

@honeybadger I'm really disappointed in myself for not thinking of this.

dinos

@honeybadger I saw 2 empty Qream bottles at Film Biz Recycling last week, which makes me hope for an upcoming film cameo (qrameo?).

honeybadger

@Nadia you're just saving it for a special holiday qream-themed post... right? RIGHT?!

Nadia

@honeybadger Edith? Jane?

honeybadger

@Nadia i want this to happen so badly that i'm willing to take one for the team. holiday-themed qream guest post?

joie

@honeybadger You guys! Qream is in my little Alaskan liquor store! I was shocked. It costs $35 though, which, hell no. If I'm going to drop $35 on liquor, it's going to be classy gin.

Nadia

@honeybadger I would be down to shoot that.

The Lady of Shalott

@honeybadger Wait! Baq up! You had Qream in a bar? Liqe, for reals? TELL US ABOUT IT. Did you drink it...on the roqs? In something? Just shoot it back like I'm sure Pharrell dreams about? Did the bartender look at you weirdly? Etc. etc.

melis

@The Lady of Shalott I can verify that Qream is served at Hola's Mexican Cantina in Belmont, California, should you choose to try it yourself.

The Lady of Shalott

@melis I am so tempted to go visit Hola's, but I just did a "distance between" search and it is literally 2870 miles away from me right now. Although in my dreams sometimes I imagine what it would be like to go on a Hairpin road trip, going from city to city in an effort to meet 'Pinners all over the place and drinq Qream with them.

melis

@The Lady of Shalott This is what happens.

melis

STUPID BROKEN LINK

melis

Anyhow, it was a picture of me drinking Qream and looking pretty unhappy about the whole prospect. BUT I GUESS THE WORLD WILL NEVER SEE IT NOW.

The Lady of Shalott

@melis DUDE, YOU HAVE TO POST IT, PLEASE LET ME SEE

honeybadger

@The Lady of Shalott i was at a neighborhood bar at 3pm on a monday (don't judge) and noticed they had 2 brand-spanking-new bottles of qream. i asked the bartender what she makes with them, and she didn't even know they existed til i pointed them out. i ordered a shot of the peach one and shared it with everyone there because they were all questioning it. i was like ITS QREAM YOU GUYS DONT YOU KNOW ANYTHING but no one was as amazed as i was. it tasted like what old ladies smell like.

honeybadger

@The Lady of Shalott also, all the people at the bar = a bunch of scuzzy santa cruz locals who looked hilarious sipping a pale pink liquid out of a shot glass.

melis

@The Lady of Shalott I shall email it to you, if you provide me with an address.

@honeybadger You're in Santa Cruz? Why aren't we drinking together RIGHT NOW?

honeybadger

@melis WHAT the crap. yes lets make that happen. i wish hairpin had some sort of sweet sneaky messaging service. how do we do this?!

The Lady of Shalott

@melis I would also like a sweet messaging Hairpin service! But in the meantime melis (and, I suppose, anyone else who cares to) can reach me at sdqsdq at g mail dot com. Wow, that reads like a spammer.

@honeybadger I WOULD NEVER JUDGE you for being at a bar at 3pm on a Monday. Also I am shocked, SHOCKED, that the bartender did not know what the hell Qream was. Shoqed, even.

EpWs

@honeybadger OH THANK GOD someone mentioned this. It's all I came down here looking for. I would love love love to see a Qristmas (or Hanuqqah! Or Qwanzaa!) themed qocqtail post. (ow my brain.)

Barry Grant

@honeybadger
The Rush Inn? Brady's Yacht Club? The Asti? Whenever you want to sample some Qream in SC, I'm down. You can find me here: kozmo at baymoon dot com. Whee!

Guy DeBr0'd

@Barry Grant I bet it was the Red Room

honeybadger

@Guy DeBr0'd it was actually at Castaways. But i know for a fact they have it at the Rush Inn as well. Call me a qream connoisseur if you will

honeybadger

@melis hmm...i dont want this to sound creepy but i got really excited about the thought of meeting another SC hairpinner. shoot me an email! mari.doroud at gmail

MollyculeTheory

You can make coquito without eggs and it is still delicious.

cat of the canals

@MollyculeTheory I came here to try and convert people to coquito. Do it people! Leave the eggnog behind. Egg-Nog, even the name is off-putting to me. Egggggnooooogggg.

anotherkate

@MollyculeTheory I wonder if you could do an horchata-nog hybrid as well. It already has cinnamon in it.

kayjay

@MollyculeTheory YES! Coquito is something else entirely. Something magical and better and could lead to dancing.

Dancercise

The best nog ever is the one full of bourbon that your boss makes and brings to work to share.

melis

@Dancersize She's making that again this year, right? That's the only reason I took the promotion.

Dancercise

@melis I should make an Outlook invite for egg nog drinking. Then she cannot refuse.

RK Fire

@Dancersize: I read that as "I should make an Outlook invite for egg nog drinking that she cannot refuse," with the Godfather voice.

lisma

I find eggnog stressful. It is delicious and creamy and festive, but I can't get drunk because all the cream and egg soak up the booze. Talk about your conundrums.

Dancercise

@ginalouise
Clearly you are not adding enough booze.

lisma

@Dancersize Or! One shot bourbon with every sip of nog. Gooooodbyyyyye holiday blues.

dinos

Carrot nog! I am going to do that the second I get home.

parallel-lines

The NYer in me has to ask: where is this magical place you reside that has so much counter space!? I recently upgraded apartments and now have approximately two feet (huge improvement over 0 inches of counter space at last apartment.

Nadia

@parallel-lines Haha, thank you. We just moved into the apartment! It's in Ditmas Park. But we use it for mail and bags and etc so it's often messy.

smartastic

@parallel-lines Do you like Ditmas? I have a move coming up,and was thinking about looking out there.

Nadia

@smartastic I really like it there. My boyfriend had lived there for about a year beforehand too. There are really good restaurants (an AMAZING Tibetan place) and a nice bar and it's right by the Q. I'd recommend it.

rootmarm

Isa, the lady who created the avocado nog, is a genius. All of her recipes are amazing.

Porn Peddler

@rootmarm I would join the church of Isa, if there were such a thing. I love her and all of her delicious creations so much.

tambourinetrees

@rootmarm i too would like to sing Isa's praises! we are fellow nebraskans!! she posted on her facebook recently that she is officially looking for a space to open a restaurant in omaha and i literally ran laps around my apartment screaming with delight.

kayjay

I can attest to the use of avocados in dessert items. I made chocolate "mousse" using avocado, and it was positively divine. Extremely rich, though. A little goes a very long way.

What did Dave Attell say about egg nog? "I want to get a little drunk, but I also want some pancakes." Also, that thing about it being elf cum. Thanks, Dave.

miwome

@kayjay AUGH ELF CUM

This is like a virus, isn't it. Someone ruins your nogsperiences with this notion and you can't rest until you ruin someone else. I can feel it coming* already.

*HAW.

kayjay

@miwome Sorry, I can't help it sometimes when things come spurting forth from my brain, even when it's premature. My advice is to maintain your stiff upper lip. Sometimes, even the best jokes fall flaccid.

Also, sperm.

miwome

@kayjay That's all right. At times like these, when our best attempts may reach only half-mast, it might be time to relax and regroup with a nice facial.

kayjay

@miwome I find treating myself to jewelry is nice, too. A pearl necklace, for example.

Beck Rea@facebook

@kayjay @This whole thread:

BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

miwome

@kayjay I love pearls in the winter. They remind me of snowballs.

melis

@miwome "Why would I still want to date you? You're just a loser who doesn't even know what snowblowing is."

miwome

@melis "And you don't seem to understand the wintertime joys of the snowblower slushie. I can't be with someone who doesn't share my traditions and values."

melis

I'm sorry, a Stepmom quote can only ever be met with another Stepmom quote.

Craftastrophies

@kayjay If you can't finish your nog, you could always just wait ten minutes and try again. That has definitely never happened before, though. Maybe you're just tired?

missustufnel

Okay, this is the best eggnog (though does contain an egg, does not have any dairy):
Bourbon, raw egg, simple syrup, nutmeg on top.
I mean, it's not really eggnog, but it tastes more amazing than anything.

emilylou

Yes!! Good one. I love culinary experiments.
I'm not surprised the avocado recipe reigned supreme! Avocado can work well in milkshakes, too. Weird but true.

bitzyboozer

@emilylouise Avocado margarita, haaaay!

HydrogenJukebox

Nog is one of my favorite words. It's just so fun to say. If there were a scale, "nog" would be on one side, and "moist" would be on the other.

(what is my brain)

kayjay

@HydrogenJukebox "Corn nog!?!"

lisma

@HydrogenJukebox what about the word milky?

EpWs

@HydrogenJukebox I have a feeling that, were I to successfully get smashed on nog (I can never get enough of it down to make the drunk happen...too thick and ew), all I would do would be to say "nog" for several hours. Nog. Nog. Nogggggggg.

Porn Peddler

Dammit, I am a vegan allergic to coconut! Luckily, the very idea of eggnog freaks me the fuck out.

AND HOLY SHIT IT'S SNOWING. OMG OMG OMG. I JUST SAW IT ON MY WEATHER WIDGET AND PRACTICALLY GAVE MYSELF WHIPLASH LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW. FINALLY. GET WITH IT, ROCHESTER.

Maria

@Third Wave Housewife Jealous of your snow, but happy for you too. Go make a snow angel!

gobblegirl

@Third Wave Housewife We had so much lovely snow in the middle of November, and it was about -25C, and then it went above zero again for more than a week and it ALL MELTED. My heart broke.

kayjay

@Third Wave Housewife Rochester, NY? I'm down here in the Hudson Valley and I'm sick of not seeing snow.

Porn Peddler

@Maria Oh man, the second snow starts accumulating...

@kayjay Yes! Especially annoying was when Long Island got snow back in October and my whole family was sending raging texts about it (while I was trying to sleep, no less) and all I could think was why the fuck is it not snowing yet?

highcuts forever!

@gobblegirl Are you in Alberta by any chance? Or is there someplace else that has had the same crazy November weather?

M'fly

@highcuts forever! AHHHH another Albertan?!!? Does this mean we get to have a pinup in Edmonton??? Please say yes.

miwome

@kayjay It was 65 degrees in Boston yesterday. WTF.

highcuts forever!

@J Keems@twitter Oh man I would love an Edmonton pinup!

gobblegirl

@Third Wave Housewife @highcuts forever! YES! I am in Edmonton, aka the land of not making its fucking mind up about winter!

Maria

My aunt once made a batch of egg nog that tasted suspiciously like a punch bowl full of Jack Daniels with whipped cream on top. She said it was a Martha Stewart recipe. If true I need to start hanging out with Martha.

Hot Doom

@Maria Duuuuuude, I was about to suggest the Martha recipe on here, for the more egg-ly inclined. It's highly flammable and delicious and contains ALL of the Mount Gay Rum. She could have made a bunch of friends in the pokey with that stuff.

EpWs

@Maria I don't even like bourbon and that sounds fantastic. Can I do it with rum? Apparently I can do it with rum.

Maria

@The Everpresent Wordsnatcher Yes.

gobblegirl

Am I the only one who doesn't ever add alcohol? I didn't even realize it was usually used as a mixer until like, last year.

M'fly

@gobblegirl Me too! I was at a solstice party with my mom at her best friend's house last year and someone handed me a glass of eggnog, and I took a huge swig and HOLY SHIT that's got rum in it! And then I got sloppy drunk and so did my mom, and we had to take the bus home and we both peed in the bushes on the way home because home was sooo far away.

And that's the end of my story.

Brunhilde

@J Keems@twitter Your mom sounds awesome.

sarah girl

@gobblegirl Yep, same! I only ever had it with my family, and my parents don't drink, so yeah.

lovelettersinhell

@gobblegirl ok friends. I need a good non alcoholic eggnog recipe, preferrably with actual eggs. Halp?

kayjay

Also, can you PLEASE tell me how I can get my hands on a "Heros of the Torah" glassware set?????

Jessica Misener@twitter

@kayjay Fishs Eddy in NYC!

kayjay

@anotherkate Thanks, ladies! What an awesome site. Gift shopping DONE. Boom.

E
E

Is there some way to use horchata or rice pudding to reverse engineer a nog? Rice dream makes a rice nog...brown rice might even make it look more noggy. I duno. I'm not an eggnogger or a vegan...but I am interested in odd recipes.

AniaGosia

@E This is such a good idea. Horchata is kind of like cold nog, right? Kinda. With booze it certainly would be.

Artressa Vandelay

I'm not ashamed to admit I'll be trying the Silk Nog. I actually use whiskey instead of rum though. Jameson makes everything better.

honeybadger

@Artressa Vandelay Silk Nog isn't bad!! But since I can't drink dairy I don't really have a choice...so maybe I've convinced myself it's delicious.

Artressa Vandelay

@honeybadger: I think it would be decent. They make good stuff. It's those vegan cheeses that are a hard sell! Why don't they melt?! Am I eating plastic??

miwome

@Artressa Vandelay I feel the same way. I can get behind pretty much all the vegan substitutes you can find in a hippie-riffic store (I'm not vegan, but I'm an adventurous vegetarian), except the cheese.

kayjay

@Artressa Vandelay Word. Maybe I should just put a Polaroid on my sandwich.

mustelid

@Artressa Vandelay @miwome I am not vegan either, but I will say there is one vegan cheese that is edible. It's called Daiya, it comes in "cheddar" and "mozzarella" and while it's not as good as, you know, cheese, it's totally fine if you need to cook for a vegan friend or something. It melts! I'd never choose it over cheese, but at least it doesn't ruin whatever it is on/in. It's definitely passable.

The Gurgling Cod

Allow me to suggest an alternative: http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2007/12/eggnog-recipe.html

tortietabbie

I've never had egg nog...but that carroty pumpkiny one is calling my name.

Ham Snadwich

The answer is not to forgo the eggs. The answer is to add lots more booze and age it for several weeks.

miwome

@Ham Snadwich Whoa.

kayjay

@Ham Snadwich I think if you're willing/able intestinally to mix bourbon, rum and brandy together in the same drink, maybe aging it a few weeks isn't going to be a huge problem for you.

Ham Snadwich

@kayjay - Pretty much. I've had food poisoning exactly once, and that was because I ate a chicken sandwich that had been sitting in a hot car for 4 hours.

Jon Custer

Oh vegans, is there anything they can't ruin?

(Just kidding, I love you, vegans!)

Jon Custer

@Jon Custer (The answer to my rhetorical question, is, of course, "salad." A salad and a glass of bourbon. That's your vegan eggnog.)

miwome

@Jon Custer That's actually my whole life, except also eggs.

Valley Girl

Alternogs! Alternatinogs?

I actually made some aioli this weekend with raw egg for the very first time and was so nervy about the salmonella. I haven't died so far so I might just start rolling the dice more often. I have an old Playboy cocktail recipe book from the '60s, and so many cocktails used raw egg back then!

miwome

@Valley Girl Alternanogs! Say it with me now!

I didn't die all the times I ate cookie dough as a child, so I feel pretty okay about the whole thing.

mustelid

@Valley Girl Estimates are that one out of 20,000 eggs is infected with salmonella. It is often due to unsanitary farm conditions, so if you're buying from a local, trusted farm it's probably even lower. So it's like, really really unlikely. And even if you get it in that 20,000th raw egg you eat in your life, as long as you're healthy you just get the shits for a few days and then you're back on track as long as you're not elderly, pregnant, sick, or a child.

Totally worth it in my opinion because two of the best things in the world are homemade mayonnaise (especially chipotle omg omg omg) and meringue buttercream frosting.

Also I have totally accidentally let children eat some of my raw egg stuff before, and I eat it myself all the time. Nobody's gotten sick yet. Goooooo for it!

Valley Girl

@mustelid YES I didn't know the numbers but I knew they were astronomical so I finally decided to just risk the sick. I used to look out for pasteurized eggs because I love meringue and frosting but I never even saw any to confirm my assumption that they would be supes expensive. I don't really shop at the fancy stores, I guess.

@miwome Isn't it funny how I ate cookie dough through my whole childhood, and it was only when I was old enough to know better and also probably not even be as at risk that I started worrying about it??? No more, I'm eating all the homemade mayo and frosting (EAT ALL THE THINGS).

Hambulance

@Valley Girl GIN FIZZ.

Inkling

@Valley Girl
My mildly-chicken-farm-youth gave me the understanding that you can't have actual diseases INSIDE an egg, because it's a self-contained.. period.. but the shell might be contaminated. So, raw egg dripping down the shell could pick up bacteria, but if the shell is clean, you will be okay. Eat that stuff everyday, it's good for you.

Amber

I work at a restaurant that serves "Paleo" chocolate pudding made with avocado and coconut milk. It's delicious and no one ever even realizes it's made of AVOCADOOOOS.

melis

@Amber That actually sounds pretty delicious. You get this ONE THING, Paleos.

February Revolution

@Amber For sure! Early homo sapiens foraging in the African savannah always made sure to pick up some coconuts, chocolate, and avocados. Gotta have some delish dessert to wash down that stringy wild game!

(But actually that sounds amazing and I'm sure nobody would complain if you "borrowed" the recipe to share with the internet, right?)

QuiteAmiable

That tofu one just gives me the runs looking at it.

MissMushkila

I have a question, which might be silly, but I've never had egg nog so...those cartons they sell at the store, those are not alcoholic yes? So, the booze to which everyone is referring, we just mix it in right? Because I live in Minnesota so grocery stores are not allowed to sell liquor (unless they have a separate liquor store) but they definitely sell eggnog. To sum - a festive mixer, right?

lisma

@MissMushkila Yeah the ones at the grocery store come without any booze. And besides, they are often DISGUSTING and a POOR EXCUSE for eggnog. They're usually just really syrupy and unpleasant. Homemade nog is the only nog.

Two-Headed Girl

AVOCADO ONE.

The best milkshake I've ever had involved avocados, chocolate syrup, and Kahlua. I am fully in favour of avocado fauxnog.

becky@twitter

they make pumpkin pie flavored eggnog. it is like liquid pie, but i will spare you the gastro-details of what happens after you and your sister split a quart of it on christmas eve.

EpWs

@becky@twitter I am so sorry.

redheaded&crazy

I used to consume insane quantities of egg nog in the winter until I drank it one time and there was some lumpy congealed something in it. I guess ... lumpy congealed egg mass? I pretty much never drink it after that.

But I will happily substitute avocado nog! AVOCADO NOG! OM NOM NOM

EpWs

@redheadedandcrazy *hurk*

j-furr

Jägermeister and Eggnog make suprizingly good companions - and you can call it JägNog which is fun.

Ham Snadwich

@j-furr - Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for JAGERNOG!

fareby_galore

I have only ever had store bought egg nog, which is a really boring story.
BUT- Might I recommend Horizon's Organic Egg Nog?
It has like 4 ingredients (rum obv not included), and is SO DELICIOUS.

awlpoops

Egg free eggs.

hotdog

yeah, I just made that avocado nog and what an overly sweet mess! I blame it on the agave I used-but just a word to the wise, sweeten a little bit at a time. There is NO WAY I could add the sweet rum to this without getting diabetes in like four seconds.

Jessica Misener@twitter

@hotdog Ours was pretty sweet too. I'd also recommend easing up on the agave, or skipping it entirely. I think it depends on whether the coconut milk you use is sweetened.

Michelle Davis@facebook

If a recipe comes from Vegetarian Times, it's a 98% guarantee that it will SUCK, that it will be fucking disgusting, and that you will be really, really angry that you wasted a lot of perfectly good ingredients on that godawful mess.

I hate Vegetarian Times so hard.

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