When I was 12 years old, I fell in love for the first time. After two years on the rollercoaster of un-requitement, I gave up and carried on, with a broken heart. His name was Jonathan Taylor Thomas. These are the real surviving documents of that love:
As constant and beautiful simply
as light in far-away sky
I dream of the light in darkness
And welcome it when I awaken
I can only hope that I awake
from darkness of not holding him.
I am a Cancer: gentle, sentimental, inventive and original, mega moody, organized and methodical, affectionate, loyal and devoted.
He is a Virgo: Inventive and original, sense of humor in tough times, organized and methodical, animated and talkative, affectionate, full of magnetism, loyal and devoted.
I love: Animals and the environment, celebritys, my family, Jodie Foster, him, shopping.
He loves: Acting, animals and the environment, getting into mischief, his family, Jodie Foster, Anthony Hopkins, the mall, hats.
My dream guy: Cocky, intelligent, cute, loves animals, thoughtful, romantic, affectionate.
His dream girl: Intelligent, cute, likes to travel, vegatarian, likes to fish, upbeat.
People describe me as: Mature, intelligent, upbeat, perky, fun, pretty, generous, thoughtful, romantic, talkative, center of attention, creative, affectionate, moody, emotional.
People describe him as: Mature, mischievous, intelligent, logical, sweet, romantic, upbeat, affectionate, original, trusting, honest, gentle, charismatic, cocky.
Why I Need Him
I would cry for help
But no one will answer
Which is why I
would cry for help
Family thinks me asleep
Friends are past curfews
Dog is resting
All I want is him
I need his shoulder
I want his hand
I desire his lips
I connect to his soul
I am starting this book to give to you when I meet you. Right now I am 13, and you are 14. We watched Lauren Hutton’s show last night, with you on it. Your politics are approved by my mom, by the way. Today I saw Tom And Huck. Kate has decided she KINDA likes Brad Renfro. She thinks he has nice eyes. Not as good as yours!
Tons O’ Love (Really, Love!),
I hate [redacted] sometimes. I wish I knew you today, I could call you and everything would be alright. When the person you love loves you back, life in general, I think, must be a lot better, you know. I think I dreamt of you, but I don’t quite remember.
I love you I think. Who knows? But there are lots of other guys... Still, when I see you, or read something you said, I just have this feeling like: This Is It. I don’t know. But I do care for you, if nothing else. I got another postcard. Those are so sad to me, so impersonal, you don’t even know who I am! Oh well...
I don’t know anymore. Maybe it’s not worth it. I probably won’t ever meet you. <Sigh>
But I do love you...
A full cycle in 5 pages. I still love you more than ANYONE knows, even Kate. I don’t know what to do, now, everything is hopeful and depressing also.
Summer, your forever admirer
I don’t think about you quite as much lately but whenever I see you I get the most intense feelings. It’s kinda like you don’t effect everything now, but you effect all the most important stuff more than you ever did...
Summer [a bunch of hearts drawn here]
I rarely pine for you these days but you still effect my life. I keep comparing guys to you, I still have rituals (wishing on stars, rocks...) and looking back on 3 years (“our” anniversary is Halloween) I still feel as if I kinda love you. It’s all screwed up if I do, though. I need to move on and let it happen if it’s going to happen.
The clock blinks 1:31
And this morning I woke early
I’m more tired than ever
I wanna fall asleep
But you are all I can think of
Honey, you’re the one
With you in L.A.
And me in Austin
These thoughts won’t ever let me be