Friday, October 7, 2011


Has Anyone Read What If You Are a Horse in Human Form?

This book discusses openly what many have known but very few have ever revealed, even to family members and close friends. Today there are many horses in human form in the world, and they are here to help their race-and humanity. What if You are a Horse in Human Form? was written to comfort, inform, and encourage these equines, most of whom have never met another in their situation and fear that they are all alone. Here they will find information that will facilitate their own journeys of self-discovery to learn why they are here and what the equine race wants them to accomplish. This work will also be of help to the human relatives and friends of these horses-in-human-guise.

It is Jason the Horse's only book so far, and it is available on Amazon and as an eBook.

[Thanks, Sarah!]


books, horses

72 Comments / Post A Comment


We demand equine-ality!

raised amongst catalogs

@thekelburrows I'm gonna have to ask you to rein in such horrible puns.


@thekelburrows You only want to stirrup trouble


@NeenerNeener It's almost the weekend. Don't saddle us with your lame wordplay.


@boyofdestiny I was just coming along for the ride.

Tuna Surprise

@thekelburrows Whoah, girl. Try to bridle that enthusiasm.


@thekelburrows Our lack of a stable economy is the mane obstacle to equine-ality.


@thekelburrows Should we close the comments? I vote neigh.


Wow, 50+ comments and nobody's mentioned Sarah Jessica Parker? That's some kind of mareacle.


@riotnrrd Seriously. I clicked on this article expecting puns, but also much SJP-related banter. What a sorry tail these comments have become.


Oh man, I love this so much. If you are on Twitter please immediately go follow @Horse_ebooks. It's a Spam Bot that makes nonsensical tweets that somehow work out to be hilarious poetry. I'm obsessed.


Lisa Hanawalt@twitter

@freelee I am also obsessed with @Horse_ebooks and the delightful nonsense it tweets!

Anna Marquardt

@freelee I'm glad you mentioned @Horse_ebooks! That was my immediate thought upon reading this. DELIGHTFUL


I once wrote a letter to God asking him/her to bring me back as a horse in my next life. Included very detailed pictures of what I wanted to look like, too. Suddenly my horse-crazy childhood is making so much more sense...


@tortietabbie I used to set up jumps in the living room, canter up to them, jump them, and even switch leads when I changed directions. (I did this all the way from age five to age.. Seventeen. God, no wonder I never had a boyfriend!) I'm now at college on a double scholarship - equestrian team and track. You guessed it... I'm a hurdler. Guess being a nutjob pays off.


When I was in fourth grade, one of my classmates was really into Family Feud. REALLY into Family Feud. To the point that he designed his own Family Feud game that he convinced our teacher to let the class play one Friday toward the end of the year. He had a little set that he made out of oaktag, and he came in wearing a suit so he could act as host. So the class was divided into teams, and we played the Feud. I remember my team was doing really well, until we got to the category "Things children want to be when they grow up." Easy enough, right? We went through all the usual answers: cop, fireman, astronaut, movie star, singer, etc., but amazingly, we couldn't come up with the top answer. After we got our three strikes, the answer, the number 1 thing children say they want to be when they grow up, was revealed: a horse.

I don't remember if my team even won or lost the round, I was so stupefied by what had just happened. What kind of idiot thinks he can grow up to be a horse! As the years went by, a lot of additional questions came to mind, like who the hell was my classmate surveying to get these Family Feud categories in the first place? This book comes close to providing answers.

Tragically Ludicrous

@boyofdestiny I wanted to grow up to be a seal at one point, but I was two.


@Tragically Ludicrous DON'T GIVE UP!


@Tragically Ludicrous I knew two sisters when I was little, and one wanted to grow up to be a dog, and the other wanted to be a table.


@Pixley In kindergarten I told my teacher that I wanted to be a toaster or a soccer team. Ahh, youth...


This wasn't the 90s then, if the top answer wasn't 'marine biologist'.


@boyofdestiny I wanted to grow up to be a kitten, a ballerina, or "Elmo's wife"


@steve Why did everyone want to be a marine biologist in the '90s?! I, too, had aspirations of declogging whale spouts or whatever it was I thought marine biologists did. I think it was because what I actually wanted to be was a mermaid, but having a personal dolphin was the best I could hope for?

Tragically Ludicrous

@MoxyCrimeFighter I wanted to be a marine biologist because someone told me that everyone who trained/swam with dolphins at the Baltimore Aquarium was a marine biologist. Therefore, it was the best career.


@boyofdestiny I'm guessing it had something to do with Flipper and Free Willy? Lisa Frank folders adorned with multicolored dolphins? These were all factors in my intense desire to be a marine biologist. Previously: Lady Lovelylocks or a Penguin.


@boyofdestiny I wanted to be a mermaid so desperately that I used my birthday wish on it for YEARS. When he was little, my boyfriend wanted to be a truck.

raised amongst catalogs

Just ordered it. With that in her stocking, I think my niece is going to have an extra wonderful Christmas this year.

fondue with cheddar

Publisher: I would like to search inside this book.


@jen325 I found a tiny tidbit online:

"Have you ever been propositioned by a horse?
Have you ever found the use of fingers perplexing?
Then my friend, you might be a horse."

I frequently find the use of fingers perplexing, but I'm pretty sure it's because I'm an ocelot trapped in a human's body.

fondue with cheddar

@meattubs What is the laziest animal? I'm that trapped in a human's body.


@jen325 Since you're too lazy to do it, I googled your question for you. Take your pick:
1. Koala - sleeps up to 22 hours
2. Sloth - sleeps up to 20 hours
3. Armadillo - sleeps up to 19 hours
4. Opossum - sleeps up to 19 hours
5. Lemur - sleeps up to 16 hours


@jen325 Who hasn't said "I am very flattered by your interest horse, and I think very highly of you, but I'm just not into horses. I would love to offer you this apple as a token of my esteem for you, but I just can't figure out these fingers of mine"


@graffin Seriously. At that point (assuming I don't want to go on a date with that particular horse), I usually offer a carrot with my teeth. I've found that carrots and sugar cubes are a lot easier to manage sans thumbs.

fondue with cheddar

@meattubs Hey, thanks! I'm going to go with Koala, because they're huggable (or at least they appear to be) and they like to hang out in trees. Sloths do too, but I don't like to hang upside-down. And lemurs are way too energetic when they're awake. And I don't have a thick skin or a nasty demeanor.

Also, I had a koala Shirt Tales nightie when I was eight, so.


@jen325 SHIRT TALES PREACH! God, I'm so, so glad I'm not the only "middle-aged" Pinner.

fondue with cheddar

@SuperGogo You are not! And, like you, I refuse to call myself "middle-aged" without quotation marks. :)

I always thought Shirt Tales the cartoon was superior to Monchichi. Thoughts?


They're absolutely huggable, as long as they're reasonably tame. And if you get bored of hanging out in trees you can drop onto people's heads.


@jen325 @Supergogo wait, we're "middle aged"? Shit.


@jen325 Both are inferior to the mothereffing Wuzzles.

fondue with cheddar

@SuperGogo I never really got into the Wuzzles, though I did like the concept.


@jen325 To be fair, I don't really remember the Monchichi cartoon beyond the kick-ass theme song. I remember the dolls though. I never had one....and noooow I need to step back from the conversation because 1980s and dolls takes me dangerously close to my emotional trigger of having a fake Cabbage Patch doll. *sniff*

fondue with cheddar

@SuperGogo I'M SO SORRY. :( You can come over and play with mine any time you want! Yes, I still have them. I have two giant bags of dolls and stuffed animals WHAT?

I always thought the Monchichi dolls were creepy, which sort of soured me on the cartoon. Not as creepy as The Great Space Coaster, though. *shudder*


@jen325 You KNOW there had to be some serious pharmacutical products involved in the creation of that show.

fondue with cheddar

@SuperGogo Yes. Pharmaceutical products. Holy crap, was that show wacked. It was literally too scary for me to watch. Gary the Gnu was okay, but that elephant and villain guy and orangutan and OMG THE GIANT SCARY CLOWN. WTF, PEOPLE?


you know who has read this book? w.b. ward, voice of the audio book. im gonna try and tweet at him and ask about it.


This is possibly the best premise I have ever heard for a junior fiction fantasy series!

but i'm a bird

what does it mean if this makes immediate sense?


@but i'm a bird OMG your username!!!!!! I love you!

but i'm a bird

@rootmarm I love your unicorn! and still laughing always about the coronation of that darn bird. hahahaaahahaha


@Lisa Hanawalt@twitter YES! That is excellent. I just re-joined Twitter after being off for years and Horse_ebooks is pretty much my number 1 inspiration to keep checking back. Its greatness is so hard to explain to my non-twitter friends.


Is this where we talk about the pony play episode of Bones?


@dinos Yeah, I was just going to ask if this was that pony play thing I saw on "Real Sex" that one time in like 1998.


@dinos I cannot believe / am overjoyed that someone beat me to referencing the pony play episode of Bones.



I have written on here before about how I used to work in a fancy ladies' sex shop and learned all kinds of faaaascinating things about the human race. I'm pretty chill about all that stuff to begin with, and in a professional setting I certainly had to put on a neutral front, but the day we got in the glass buttplug with a ponytail attachment is the day I questioned how I would write about this job on my future resumes.


Kaboom! Interview with Jason Wentworth (aka Jason the Horse):

Please someone listen to it and recap. Or ... I could make my class listen to it right now. Although, what if one of them outs herself as a horse? I don't want to deal with that. It's Friday.

P.S. I'm a sub and they are taking a test, so please don't equate my commenting right now as "the state of education in America."


@meattubs OMG OMG OMG, so I'm a streamlink member of C2C (please don't judge, sometimes homegirl doesn't sleep). WHAT I'M ASKING IS, do you want me to email you the mp3s? I remember this guest! He's been on twice... and he is GOLD (I should mention that I don't think you can listen without being a member). This goes for anyone who wants to, I pay too much for my coast membership not to share the wealth :)


@abbyh Damn C2C! If you're going to do vitally important interviews like this, you have a duty to share it with everyone! Actually, I kind of (who are we kidding?) - I really do want to listen to it. Thank you so much for your kind offer. My email is henniedarling@gmail.com. Neigh.


@meattubs Ok, so I'm sending them now!! I'm sorry, it's in many huge emails!! Is this an ok time to completely fill your box with horses? (insert Catherine the Great joke here)


@abbyh Lewd! Yes, all times are good horse times. That's actually a secondary account, so I won't be overwhelmed :) Thanks so much!


@meattubs Oh my god, PLEASE. krysbrezinski@gmail.com


Edith! Thank you for sharing my submission with the world. Now everyone can be wary of their fellow horse-humans!

but i'm a bird

@PrimarySource wary?


@but i'm a bird Are you not at least slightly wary of people who believe they are horses?


@Lauren_O'Neal They don't "believe" they are horses. They ARE horses!

Ironika Leigh

Does this include sea horses? If so, this might explain a lot in my life.

Barry Grant

I just realized how many animal avatars are on here.


My lady friend saw me post about this book on facebook and now one copy is in the mail for me. OH GOD I'M SO EXCITED. I will let you know if Jane Marie is not just a great advice-giving lady but actually a superior horse-human-lady.

Chloe H@twitter

Has anyone read this? Pure gold, I can't even.



A thorough and detailed review of this book can be found at http://whatifyouareahorse.atspace.cc

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