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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

80

Drive: An Illustrated Response

I like Ryan Gosling. I liked him in The Notebook, Half Nelson, Lars and the Real Girl, and Google Image Search. And driving around LA at night while listening to pop music is my favorite thing on Earth, so seeing Drive was a no-brainer.

WARNING: CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS.

• The opening of the movie is so cool, with the Kavinsky music and the retro font and everything. I'll be happy if this is all that happens for the rest of the movie.

• Ryan Gosling's character reminds me a little of Clint Eastwood in The Good, The Bad and the Ugly, maybe because they're both nameless. But there's also a touch of Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man; He doesn't have much personality, he does specific things with expert skill, and he always has this goofy, savant-like, "I dunno why I'm doing this!" expression, whether he's fixing cars or stomping skulls.

• But maybe I'm just thinking about Rain Man because they both like toothpicks.

• We keep having to second guess what Driver actually does. He's a getaway driver. Now he's a cop! Wait, now he's a stuntman ... and a mechanic! Now he's a U.S. Marshall and a bounty hunter! Now he's a beauuuuuuuutiful lady!

• I can tell this theme song, "A Real Hero," is going to be stuck in my head forever. It's really good and catchy, but the lyrics are sung by a girl with weird standards when it comes to what makes dudes worth singing about. "You have proved to be a real human being!!! And a real hero...and a REAL HUMAN BEING!!!" Maybe she's dated a lot of robots?

• The costume department did a good job of making "the Driver" look really, really cool.

• But I think they could have gone a little further and given him a couple more accoutrement ("accooltrement?"):

• Brian Cranston is as craggy as Albert Brooks is puffy. This is like watching an english muffin talk to a marshmallow.

• "Cranston & Brooks" sounds like a brand of marmalade I would spread on an english muffin. They should do a marketing campaign for Thomas english muffins and talk about their "Brooks and Crannies."

• There are surprisingly few exciting driving scenes in this movie, but I'll try not to be a baby about it because I can always watch something dumber and with a higher VRRRROOOM! factor later. 2 Fast 2 Furious? Or Crank 2? Oops, gotta pay attention now, the main characters are falling in love.

• Carey Mulligan is adorable and a fine actress, but her character is basically "pretty bug waiting around to get squished."

• Aw man, Christina Hendricks is only in this movie for like two seconds! "How you gonna fit all them titties into two seconds?" is what the weird asshole part of my brain just thought.

• Shit is getting incredibly violent now. I just heard a "whoosh!" as the entire audience reached up to cover their eyes, and then a collective gasp and wave of laughter as everybody tried to recover from whatever the fuck we just saw.

• Albert Brooks just killed Cranston by slicing his wrist open, but at least he was really nice about it?

• I had to go get some blood tests done a couple of hours before the movie, and unlike Brian Cranston I was a total spineless wiener about it.

• Al Brooks just whipped out a collection of the prettiest knives I've ever seen. We've already watched him stab a bunch of people, but now we know for sure that knifing is his thing.

• Now the audience is roaring with laughter because Driver is continuing to wear his scorpion jacket, even though it's soaked with blood.

• Being nameless is the coolest. From now on, all of you can just call me "the Drawer."

• It's hard to make fun of this movie, because everything seems really deliberate and smart. Gosling and the director, Nicholas Winding Refn, seem totally in control of how each choice they made will be perceived.

• Fun Fact: Nicholas Winding Refn can't drive; he failed his driver's test EIGHT times and never got a license. So, he made a movie about the thing he's the absolute worst at.

• My boyfriend just said, "My ultimate movie would be a remake of Drive, starring Andy Serkis as a stoic, unnamed getaway chimp." I usually say no when he asks me to draw stuff, but, for obvious reasons:

• In conclusion: This movie references a million other movies and it's super stylized, like a less-campy Tarantino flick. It's also a ton of fun. I give it 5-out-of-5 Goslings!

Previously: Fashion Week Animals in Hats.

Lisa Hanawalt lives in Brooklyn and does illustrations + funnies for publications like the New York Times, McSweeney’s, Vice, and Chronicle Books. She’s best known for her comic book series I Want You.



80 Comments / Post A Comment

Hot Doom

BROOKS & CRANNIES! You are marvelous.

Ahhh, this made me snort & chortle, heartily. Snortled.

Lucienne

@LolaLaBalc Brooks and Crannies was my favorite part, because I am twelve and twee. (Not really! Really it is because it is hilarious.)

backstagebethy

I'm crying a little. This was perfect.

brakattack

"246 toothpicks"
"toothpick with a cigarette"

I had no idea until just now that my favorite thing in the world is a visual toothpick joke.

shenannies

I love the little duck! My only other contribution is to add that I saw Ryan Gosling and his oddly shaven doggie on my block a few weeks back. I wonder if the doggie is okay.

MoxyCrimeFighter

@shenannies I believe the dog's name is George, and I am in love with him. Look up the video of Gosling on Jimmy Fallon; George is a special guest star, and his haircut/wardrobe choices are explained, adorably.

stagbeetle

@shenannies It's a gosling!

ohbladi

@shenannies uh how did you so casually drop that you saw Ryan Gosling in PERSON??? Jealousy is pouring out through my every orifice (gross).

I haven't seen Drive yet (hopefully this weekend) but I have to say that I am so happy that Ryan Gosling is the subject of an article on The Hairpin! It's catering to the interests of my cooler, more mature self but also to my 14 year old celebrity obsessed self. Except I'm mostly still the 14 year old. Lesbihonest.

Katie Heaney

Phenomenal, as always! Perhaps NOW I will be able to convince someone to go see Drive with me (did they not get the part about it starring RYAN GOSLING wtf).

emilylou

@Katie Heaney You have to CONVINCE someone to see Drive with you?! I am questioning your friends, family, and acquaintances.

I've already put out an open offer to any/all people I know that I will go see it with them, over and over again, always.

Katie Heaney

@emilylouise I know, right?? my bff is like "ryan gosling is not enough to see a movie about cars" and i'm like "listen to what you just said" and she's like "i'd rather see 'what's your number'" and i'm like "WTF!"

Lisa Hanawalt@twitter

@Katie Heaney Your friends are crazy! Let's go see The Ides of March, gurl!

emilylou

@Katie Heaney Ahh what. Make her a deal... do a double feature, she sees Drive with you, then to burn the images of crushed skulls/blood/etc out of your brains, you guys go see WYN together?

Or just forget the whole issue, make a weird compromise, and see Dolphin Tale together, I don't know.

Katie Heaney

@Lisa Hanawalt@twitter What do movies cost in New York? It sounds like I probably have to move there if I want to see any of these things like a reasonable human being

purplesocks

@emilylouise i finally saw it this weekend, otherwise i totally would have taken you up on that offer....

emilylou

@purplesocks Dang! Did you love it?!

Maybe we can go see Ides of March when it comes out. I don't even know what it's really about and I'm not normally into "political thriller" type movies, but my love for Ryan overrides all that.

jennfizz

@Katie Heaney Do not do this to your friends. The movie is terrible. I say this as someone who loves Gosling, Tarantino, and ultra-violence. It is a heartbreakingly stupid movie.

Gnatalby

Gosling scale! Gosling scale!

fareby_galore

@Gnatalby This scale is going to reign/ruin my life.

Polina

Nicolas Winding Refn always brings the primal man candy. Bronson (oh my GOD even when he's being scary Tom Hardy makes my panties drop)? Valhalla Rising?

Brodo Hamcheese

@polina I always forget he (Refn) did Bronson. That man knows how to cast a super dishy male lead.

wharrgarbl

So basically he's only a couple of accoutrements away from being Hunter S. Thompson.

Also, Crank 2 is my go-to movie whenever I'm all "This movie is good and all, but I was promised a guy shooting himself out of a cannon with two machine guns per fist in order to bring the fight to his mortal enemy, the moon, which killed his entire family of pet squirrels during the last eclipse."

Brodo Hamcheese

This is the most amazing thing.

If anyone is on a Nicholas Winding Refn kick after seeing Drive, you should totally check out Valhalla Rising. I mean, only if you like movies about Vikings who may or may not have floated down a river to Hell and are now going insane and killing themselves. And there's a lot of no one talking and I guess we're just supposed to read their beard braids for emotional cues? And also Mads Mikkelsen, Danish cheese danish of my heart, is in it.

Polina

@Brodo Hamcheese I loved that movie. One of those ones that really sticks in your brain for a while.

Anna Marquardt

@Brodo Hamcheese MADS MIKKELSEN. YES.

annepersand

I know you meant from now on we can call you "the Drawer" like "Draw-er" but I think I might call you the "Drawer" like, thing you can put clothes in? Is that cool?

O! Winged Wanderer

@annepersand At least she acts alone. Otherwise, frill-less underthings might spring to mind...

laurel

I haven't seen Drive but I keep reading reviews of reviews n' things about it. None of them have shown the scorpion on the back of the jacket and I wanted to see it.

It is so much better than I even anticipated.

DorothyMantooth

OhmyGOD, the scorpion with the smiley face!! (!!!!)

fleurdelivre

OMYGOD THIS WAS AMAZING. Especially the parrot that says, "Hey Girl!"

Donald Rogers

Man, Lisa is tops!

I wonder how different of a movie Drive would have been if the driver were an over-sharing gay man with a habit of looking over his shoulder at his passengers, and slapping their knees.

a horde of great crab things

@Donald Rogers I enjoyed Nicholas Winding Refn's version of Drive an enormous amount, but your version sounds HUGELY BETTER.

KellyStitzel

In regards to "Drive" referencing other movies, am I the only one who immediately thought it was ripping off elements of Terminator 2 and Halloween?

Danzig!

@KellySkittles Which parts of Halloween?

The music used is a deliberate throwback to Risky Business, which also had an awesome synthpop soundtrack. Beyond that, lots of Michael Mann (Miami Vice, natch) stuff.

JoanTition

Wallet chain.

thank you.

atipofthehat

I am actually retyping quotes from this piece and texting them. And that's not even mentioning the illustrations!

Calraigh O' War@facebook

This is the best thing I've ever seen and I'm completely not exaggerating. '' 246 toothpicks ''...I DIE.

iceberg

Correction: Nobody should EVER watch Crank 2, even though it has Jason "Handsome Rob" Statham in it.

Probs

Awesome as always. All the toothpick stuff and the gosling pun killed me.

Anna Marquardt

"Brian Cranston is as craggy as Albert Brooks is puffy. This is like watching an english muffin talk to a marshmallow."

I think I am in love with you. This was a delight.

tbird

I am seeing Drive on Wednesday night so I couldn't read this very closely for fear of spoiling but ahhhh these illustrations are the best!!!

likethestore

This is perfect.

acookieaday

I don't think Mulligan was Manic Pixie Dream Girl. I think she was just there (but did really well at being there without any lines).

tortietabbie

@acookieaday She made me feel a great sadness, which I guess was what she was there to do, so hats off to her?

yeah-elle

I loved Drive and can't stop thinking about it and that drawing of Ryan Gosling on a skateboard with a saxophone and the "Hey Girl" parrot is possibly the best thing I have seen in a long long time and I kind of want to print it out and frame it.

SarcasticFringehead

@yeah-elle I want the one with the getaway chimp.

yeah-elle

@SarcasticFringehead I want them all.

Lisa, will you sell prints of these? I know you sell prints of your other artwork.

Lisa Hanawalt@twitter

@yeah-elle Yes, maybe! I really need to start making more prints. Stay tuned!

lobsterhug

Perfect! Not-so-silently laughing at my desk. Thank you for this.

I wish I had seen this before the movie because I was not expecting all the violence. I had to cover my eyes. Maybe I missed the good trailers, but this movie was not as advertised!

Carey Mulligan is ridiculous in this movie.

During that scene where he has dinner with Standard and Irene, Ryan Gosling looks like a muppet. It's weird.

parallel-lines

Lisa Hanawalt, I am very fond of your brain.

Katie Scarlett

accooltrement! Perfect!

stormageddon

God I loved this post! Has anyone else read the short novel Drive was adapted from? It's by James Sallis and it is excellent- different from the movie (violent but not ultraviolent, less "pat") but equally good.

Basically I had the same reaction to the end of the book as I did the end of the movie, which was to stare into space for a good 30 seconds thinking, "Damn. Wow. Damn. Wow. Damn."

agentlover

AHHHHH THIS WAS AWESOME

Nutmeg

OH GOD I just laughed so much that my roommates will all be worried, because normally the only sound drifting from my room is muffled sobs

Summer Anne Burton

Lisa this is the most amazing thing! I want that skateboard drawing as a print real hard.

chicago79

i love these so much

James Kass@twitter

Congrats, your work has been stolen, without credit, by ONTD:

http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/63254046.html

They're notorious for stealing comedy writers' work and not giving credit.

Summer Anne Burton

@James Kass@twitter Did they change this after you posted it? Because Lisa is credited right under the title of the piece and The Hairpin is sourced.

Valley Girl

@James Kass@twitter Yes, because ONTD totally presents itself as the original source of everything they post.

graciesf

amazing! love it. love it.

jenergy

This whole thing made me laugh so hard. But especially the toothpick with a cigarette. Holy crap that's funny.

Gnome Vagina

Okay, so this is hilarious and Lisa, you are a genius.

BUT.

Did anyone else HATE Drive?! I kept giving it so so so so so much benefit of the doubt, because, like, Ryan Gosling! Christina Hendricks! Albert Brooks! Bryan Cranston! It has to get good soon, right? But no, it is the plot of every crime movie, good-hearted criminal just wants to do his crime in an inoffensive and competent way, until he falls for a girl, and then things get Complicated, and myah myah myah. And oh my god in the end, when (SPOILER ALERT) they stab each other? That is when all the benefit of the doubt I had been giving the movie collapsed like a mound of Ryan Gosling's 246 toothpicks, and I thought, UGH.

So in conclusion, your drawings made me feel much better about hating Drive, but still, someone please affirm that they hated Drive as much as me!

tortietabbie

@Gnome Vagina Sorry, I liked it a lot. :) I love noir-y kind of movies where the "hero" is kind of an ass and dies in the end. The hero should always die in the end, I'm just saying.

Melissa Riddle@facebook

@Gnome Vagina I did. I hated it as much as you did. I wanted it to be good.

Gnome Vagina

@Melissa Riddle@facebook THANK YOU.

TempleOfPei@twitter

Oh yeah. I totally love Maria Forde's art too. http://mariaforde.net/home.htm

mandymanray

i just loved that coool things photo haha. also yeah i loved how stylized this film was. mm fav.

marytoddlincoln

I hated Drive but loved every moment of this post! Especially the scorpion's smile, but also your boyfriend! It's weird, because I love stylized Tarantino violence and I love Ryan Gosling but I did not like this movie. It was no fun at all. Zero fun. A great disappointment!

savasavasava

I was wondering when someone would do something with the fact that his last name is baby goose. thank you.

BScottie

"But now we know for sure that knifing is his thing." Hahaha! I love the drawing of the box of named knives. This whole thing is perfect from start to finish.

Shawn Conley@facebook

This was a great post, but I have already burned my scorpion jacket. The movie was nearly the worst I've ever watched. It was unbelievably cliche, and I think I knew what was about to happen at every instant, except for the extremely out of place and over dramatized kiss in the elevator. Props on the baby goose with the sunglasses and toothpick...

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