Thursday, October 6, 2011


Ask a Clean Person: Let’s Clean Our Beds and Then Take to Them for the Entire Winter

I dated a guy who peed on my mattress. Three times. He was very, very drunk each time, which I know is no excuse.

Anyway, now we're broken up and I have my mattress in my new apartment (I couldn't afford to buy a new one). Each time he peed, I did what my mom used to do with cat pee and that was to sop up as much mess with paper towels and then put corn starch on it to soak up the rest. Then I vacuumed up the corn starch once it was dry and did some extra cleaning with Resolve. I think that did a lot to clean things as the mattress doesn't smell like pee.

But there are stains. Telling outlines of where the pee happened. It just grosses me out every time I take off my mattress pad to clean it. And what if I someday have a man-friend over and we happen to change the sheets together? I don't want it to look like I peed the bed nor do I want to explain that I dated a man who peed the bed and then had me to clean up his mess (three times!).

So my question is: How do I get rid of the stain?

Ahhh look at you go with your smell removal techniques!!! I raise my bleachatini to you, and am thrilled that the rest of the readership can benefit from your shared wisdom!

Mattress stains are definitely tricky, because of course you can’t saturate a mattress, and forced water is, like, The Thing for stains. So we’re going to have to do a spot treatment. Fortuitously, as I was sitting down to write this column, the fine folks at Good Housekeeping tweeted an article about mattress care (I read Good Housekeeping so you don’t have to)(that’s not a knock, I mean, I absolutely LOVE Good Housekeeping — almost as much I love Family Circle), in which they recommend using products designed for cleaning stains and smells associated with pet accidents. They particularly make note of Bissell’s Pet Stain & Odor Remover. Use the product as directed, being careful not to go overboard on the spraying, and blot up the solution with a clean, white towel before allowing the mattress to air dry. You can also turn a fan or hairdryer on it to speed along this process.

Of course, our beloved old faithful, OxiClean, is another option, especially because by now every single person reading this column has a vat of it in their homes. (RIGHT??? Right.) Apply the same basic techinque as what we did with the Jizzcliner –make a low-water paste, apply to stain, allow it to do its Oxi thang, blot blot blot with a damp towel, and allow the mattress to dry before making the bed again. You could also try the spray version of Oxi, OxiClean Max Force Laundry Stain Remover, if you don’t want to muck around with pastes.

I sleep on silk pillowcases. Yes, this sounds crazy. I do it because it keeps my hair from getting super frizzy, and thus keeps it from getting too dry and twisty and dead, and because it REALLY helps my complexion. No idea why, but my dermatologist  recommended it and it's amazing. They are cream colored, and I need to know how to wash,  stain-treat, and generally maintain my three silk pillowcases. What temp of water? What products? Why are my linens so complicated?!?

Well fa-la-la, Miss Priss, aren’t you fancy?!? I was recently admiring Agent Provocateur’s new line of silk sheeting and hummina hummina can you imagine? Well, yes, I suppose you can.

For those of you who are going to rush out to buy silk bedding, the thing I want you to do is ask upon purchase how the particular brand you’ve picked up should be cared for. Different manufacturers will have different best practices, and you should follow those. But generally here’s what you want to do with silk:

(1) Buy a detergent specifically made to play nicely with silk. There are several brands, including Le Blanc Silk & Lingerie Wash, Charlie’s Soap, Eucalen, or even good old Ivory Snow.

(2) You needn’t hand wash your silk sheeting, though you may if you wish; laundering them in the machine is absolutely fine. You just must use the gentle cycle, and cold water only, and you should wash them separate of other non-silk items.

(3) You can tumble dry the sheets on a no-heat setting, but it’s best to let the sheets air dry. If you need to iron them, do so when they’re still slightly damp, turn the iron to the lowest heat setting possible and turn sheets/cases inside out before hitting them with the iron.

(4) If your silk bedding gets stained, use WinterSilks Spot Out to treat the area.

Any thoughts on how to de-funkify a mattress? Despite not believing myself to be the sweatiest lady on the block or having any memory of unfortunate spills, and though I am a dedicated sheet-washer, I feel like my mattress sometimes smells a little grody (my suspicion is that it's where all the wafting kitchen smells in my doorless bedroom end up hiding). It's not a terrible smell, maybe a little musty and not overly pleasant. Thoughts? To add difficulty, some parts of the internet have instructed me to sprinkle various powders then vacuum, but I am rugless and wood-floored and have no vacuum to speak of.  Any solutions?

I’m actually a little disappointed that the first Q-asker didn’t have a problem with smells because there’s a product out there called ExStink that I feel would be so satisfying for her to use on her mattress. But you’re here and so yay, you get to use this stuff! It’s a powder, so you’ll sprinkle it all over the mattress and leave it for an hour to pull the smells up. Normally, you’d vacuum the powder up, but since you don’t have one you should get a new mini dustbrooom, something along these lines, and brush the powder off. And do buy a new one — it won’t cost that much and I don’t want you using a dirty broomlet on your bed. If there's any extra powder the brush didn’t get off the mattress, dampen a cloth and run it over the surface to pick up the excess. You can also run the same set of tricks using plain old baking soda.

You might also want to consider buying a handheld vacuum; a quick review of Amazon turned up a number of pretty affordable options, including one that is shaped like a shark. You should absolutely buy that and then use it to menace your pets.

If you don’t want to use a powder option, you could also take a page from the Good Housekeeping article upcolumn and spray the mattress with Lysol or any other similar disinfecting spray. Just remember not to saturate the mattress and give it plenty of time to dry before resheeting.

My mom's a big bargain shopper, so when she found a queen sized duvet that matched my bedroom, I told her to go for it. It's a great duvet except for one thing: It produces ridiculous amounts of lint. It's dark brown and the lint is white, pilly, and everywhere. It reappears within hours of making the bed, and have you ever tried to lint roll a queen sized bed? I tumble-dried it extra long last time to try and knock some of the lint off, but that didn't really seem to help at all.  Should I just pretend it's on purpose and say it's "Freshly Fallen Snow" pattern?

Real talk time: I think you ended up with a lemon of a duvet cover. But if you’re hellbent and determined to keep it there are a few options.

You gave no indication in your letter as to what is/might be causing the lint, so I can’t really help you, prevention-wise, but if you’re washing the duvet with towels or jersey sheets or fleece anything no no no stop doing that. Is it possible that whatever comforter situation you’ve got stuffed inside the duvet is causing the pilling? If so, deal with that in some way.

Moving along to coping skills: I’m actually super excited to share my very favorite DIY lint removal trick — and I learned this while working at Vogue so you know it’s the real deal: FedEx pouches. I know, I just killed you dead, didn’t I? Just peel the brown wax paper backing off the pouch and use the sticky side to pull swaths of lint off the duvet.

There’s a product on the market that basically replicates the principle, so if you’re not a person who has easy access to a mailroom from which you can gank a stack of FedEx pouches, check out StickySheets.

There are also lint rollers that are designed specifically for large surfaces, which are also great for those with hair-on-furniture issues, which of course none of you have because you’ve already gotten rid of your cats and your men.

I use a really rich night moisturizer on my face, and I've noticed that it rubs off on my pillowcases to the point that it doesn't really come off in the wash. My "clean" sheets still have darker spots that look greasy. This is concentrated on my pillowcases, but if I've gone crazy on the body lotion, I notice that it happens to the actual sheets, too. Is there anything I can do to rectify the situation?

Sure thing! You could certainly toss a cup of ammonia in with your wash — you know how I’m always banging on about how ammonia is aces on grease? Right, and lotion is just grease for your body. If that feels really, really wrong to you, you can try using a cup of white vinegar in the laundry; it won’t do quite the job of ammonia, but it will help. Applying a solvent-based stain treatment like Shout to the stained areas before washing is also an option, though it sounds like your problem might be too big for spot treatments to be realistic.

The last time we talked about grease stains the commentariette went bananas singing the praises of Pine Sol for this purpose. The ladies suggest doing a 30-minute pre-soak before laundering as usual.

Previously: Get Rid of Your Men, Seriously, They Are Revolting.

Jolie Kerr is not paid to endorse any of the products mentioned in this column, but she sure would be very happy to accept any free samples the manufacturers care to send her way! Are you looking for a green alternative to the suggestions found here? Because we’ve got some! More importantly: Is anything you own dirty?

Photo by Arkadia, via Shutterstock

121 Comments / Post A Comment


so, Femme's Guide: DIY silk pillowcases? because apparently these are what my hair and face were missing.


@Lucia Martinez YES PLEASE!

raised amongst catalogs

@Lucia Martinez Seriously, silk pillowcases are the answer? I kind of want to understand why they are the answer for complexions but I also don't really need to hear the answer because I am already sold on this.

Chesty LaRue

@Lucia Martinez Yes! I need to learn how to do this


I somehow have a really old, really long drawstring waist silk skirt that I've never worn. I wonder if I could get two pillow cases out of it?! At least one, certainly. Yessssssss.


@Lucia Martinez The Femme's Guides are my absolute favorite way of reminding myself why I can't have nice things.


@wharrgarbl right now I cover my pillowcase with an old pillowcase because proactiv bleaches all the things. but if I start with white silk...


@Lucia Martinez I've been googling! Amino Acids! I need silk!


@Lucia Martinez Satin pillowcases are great for keeping hair frizz free too and way cheaper than silk. That's what I used for 4 years until I got new pillows that were too large. I don't know if it helped my skin, but it definitely was nice for the hair.

The main caveat, however, is that they are hot. They hold all of your body heat.


@KatnotCat ...silk satin? or poly/synthetic? I was thinking of just going the silk charmeuse route, or maybe a twill, if I can find it on sale. real silk satin won't hold heat like that, either.

Alexandra Martell

@Lucia Martinez Buy the beech satin sheets! They are basically like sleeping in silk and they are beyond the bomb. Here they are, they are great, don't buy them without a coupon! http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/product.asp?SKU=130425&RN=16&


@Lucia Martinez it always used to freak me out how proactiv left bleached areas on all my shit ... I mean ... I put that on my face ... should it be doing that?!

then again, shit does work, so.


@Lucia Martinez Ugh, the stuff I use for my acne also bleaches my pillows. I found this out by sleeping on our pretty new pillow cases :(


Wait! Lucia, when I wrote that comment I forgot that I'm your enemy! Pretend I said something mean about your complexion and hinted that mine doesn't actually need the stuff I use that bleaches my pillow.


@redheadedandcrazy @SarahP benzoyl peroxide, guys. keyword: peroxide.

@aliemartell the girlfriend just vetoed satin (silk or otherwise) and I agree...the shiny, slippery thing is a leeeeettle too brothely/Vegas/"sexy" for us. silk twill will probably be the fabric of choice.


@SarahP crap, I forgot you're my enemy, too!

BECAUSE YOU'RE FORGETTABLE. #seehowididthat #uncompromisinglightofday


@Lucia Martinez I guess I was hoping the "benzoyl" parts would keep my sheets safe. Now I am super careful even pulling on/off shirts so I don't touch them with my face, just in case.

You're lucky you don't have to worry about that, with the state your clothes are in.

Alexandra Martell

@Lucia Martinez I actually feel like the satin isn't really shiny at all in terms of these sheets. They're not too slippery either, just the comfiest sheets I've ever owned.


@SarahP oh, that's so true! and I only pull my clothes on and off once a day. a girl with as many gentlemen callers as you have must be kept so busy, changing clothes all the time.

or do you even bother?

Jillsy Sloper

@Lucia Martinez Silk charmeuse pillowcases, $12.65 each. Ready for crafty types to get their dye on, or we nighttime benzoyl peroxide users can leave them white.


@Lucia Martinez Don't worry, no one expects lower-income ladies to change for each social engagement; it would be too demanding on their strained (English student) wallets. I mean, if they even have social engagements. Which I'm sure you will, someday!


@Lucia Martinez I love this.


@SarahP god I do too--can't stop laughing, even though I think you've outwitted me with the last one.


@Lucia Martinez Good, because I think you got the final word in the "Always in Vogue" one.


@Lucia Martinez I can't believe I broke the internet! Sorry :/


@SarahP This is reminding me of Monkey Island. I think Lucia would make an EXCELLENT swordmaster.


@Lucia Martinez Could you two do this always, in every thread? Or collaborate for a column on... just about anything, really? Because HILARITY.


@Lucia Martinez YES.


@FinalGirl I'm game if Lucia is! Though I hear she's always game. You know.


@SarahP oh, you know me, always up for a little fun!

though how you manage to have any energy left after working all night is beyond me. terribly impressive, the girls never fail to mention it at our little lunches.


@Lucia Martinez Oh, yes, the girls have mentioned the little lunches... and your tiiiiny bad habit of eating all the petit fours. We're all sure that won't affect your figure.


@SarahP oh, I don't mind the extra mile here or there on my runs. it must be so nice, though, to not care about how you look--you must tell me how you manage!

Dema Grim@facebook

@Lucia Martinez i love how silky soft those beech wood sheets are but boy did they make me hot! Not recommended for the perimenopausel.


I can't wait until this shows up on the banner at the top of the page because then gold bullion and silk sheets will be next to each other and I can drink my coffee with my pinkie extended and pretend like I am fancy.


FedEx pouches as lint removers? BRILLIANT.


@LastMinuteLulu I used to use wide silver duct tape when I had a cat that enjoyed sitting on my LaZBoy and making it all furry (FurrYBoy?) Probably not as cost effective as liberating FedEx pouches from your office tho ; )


@iceberg Better to have cat hair on your LaZBoy than...


@Ophelia ohgodohgodohgod


Funnily enough, I DID buy a vat of Oxi Clean thanks to you. I have this white button down shirt/tunic thing that I love, but constant wearing for 2 years gave it this narsty pit stain. I made a little Oxi Paste, left it on the shirt for a weeked (I was gone and it seemed fine) and when I came back—COMPLETELY PERFECT SHIRT. You're my hero.


@lafleur, I bought the little tub because I still harbored some doubts, despite Our Lady Jolie's advice. But it removed the yellow from my white shirts, so I'm converted. Let us go forth and spread the good news.


@lafleur BRB going out to buy OxiClean... for a friend.


I got a little red Dirt Devil vacuum for under $20 at Target and it's the best purchase I made last year. So much easier than lugging out the giant vacuum when I just wanna get the dust bunnies.

raised amongst catalogs

Just read a comment on the Beauty Brains forum in which a person quoted Nicole Kidman as saying that silk pillowcases keep her curly hair frizz-free. Nicole Kidman, you guys!


Bleachtini! I love it!

And now I have been shamed into buying Oxyclean, in spite of the fact that I hate things from infomercials. (That means you, Shamwow).


@sam.i.am I first tried real Oxiclean in a non-vat, then bought the Target brand when I'd run through that. It somehow made me feel more ok with infomercial susceptibility(and I can testify that performance remained consistent.)

Caitlin Podiak

My dad goes to China a lot on business and he always brings back various silk items and tells us to wash them with J&J baby shampoo because silk is just like hair, according to the people who make silk things in China?


@Caitlin Podiak This is true! I wash my wool/cashmere sweaters and, like, the one silk thing I own with baby shampoo. But I handwash those things. Not sure how much you'd use in a washing machine.


Mmmm bleachtini! Next hairpin meetup drink of choice?!


@bonnbee And everyone will call each other 'Heather', right?

The Lady of Shalott

brb, going to buy silk and/or satin pillowcases TO FIX ALL OF MY PROBLEMS!!!!


Yes! FedEx pouches! I use them almost everyday when I get to work to get rid of lingering kitty hair (sorry Jolie...I'm keeping the kitties! And the boy creature!)!


@Porporina, if you change your mind about the cats, you can use the pouches to ship them to me.


@Porporina though I have to add that the boy creature's pillow is stanky! I think because he sleeps with it kinda jammed up in his armpit? Anywhoo...will the mattress destinking techniques work for that too?!


@wallsdonotfall ha! I'll keep it in mind!


@Porporina You might be able to toss the whole damn pillow in the washing machine and dryer, depending on the stuffing and whether the fabric is fairly sturdy (like, if it's not your man's childhood pillow and getting threadbare). Also, get zip-close quilted pillow covers that go between the pillow and its case. They'll catch more of the funk and you can wash them.


Here's another lint/pilling removal trick, that while not good for large areas, works wonders on sweaters and the like. Use a dull disposable razor to shave your sweater. It lifts up all the pilling but doesn't damage the weave underneath.


@RocketSurgeon My mom gave me this thing called a sweater comb that does pretty much the same job.


@RocketSurgeon Oh my god you just reminded me of the time I worked at the costume rental store and we had to spend hours shaving the pills off of our cheap-ass polyester Elvis costumes with those blades you use in utility knives. When I write it out like that, it sounds a lot weirder than it felt at the time.


@RocketSurgeon I now have a little $4.99 sweater shaver that does the same thing in 1/4 the time. (Courtesy of my mom, who got frustrated watching me carefully shave the pills off with a dull Schick.)


LW3: Get a mattress pad! You can wash it every couple of weeks and your (larger, more expensive, harder-to-clean) mattress will absorb less cooking funk.

amateur hour

Jolie, you seriously get me so excited about cleaning. yay!


I just need to join in the Oh My God FEDEX POUCHES!!!! chorus. Whyyyy did I not ever think of this before?!


@bloodorange I KNOW, RIGHT?! And here I was, wasting all the packing tape in the office.


@LastMinuteLulu I'm now envisioning someone wrapped in packing tape, rolling around on their pilly comforter.


LW1 -- Did you date my ex? Your letter was a horrific reminder of that time in my life when I justified an alcoholic bed-wetter as a reasonable boyfriend. The worst was how I woke up in the lake and had to slap him to get him to wake up so we could strip the bed. At 4 am. FLAMES. But now I have a new boy(mannish)friend AND a new queen pillowtop bed. Just hold out for the Macy's mattress sale! It's so worth it. (Oh, and so is a non-bed-wetter.)


@Stevie Holy Mary, Mother of God...I was just about to pose the same question to LW1. Either there's more than one bed-wetting alcoholic out there, or you and I dated the same pathetic drunk.


@TheJerseyDevil I ALSO dated a drunken bed-wetter! He claimed it was due to an actual medical problem with his man-parts, but I dunno, I had my doubts. Nothing like waking up in the middle of the night and wondering why your left side is all wet and cold, UGH.

I always stayed at his place though so at least my mattress escaped the fate of LW1's mattress!


OK, how is it a man can wet his/his girlfriend's bed (with her in it!) and still have the confidence to continue dating? Is it just the alcoholic's conveniently poor memory? Denial? Inability to gross himself out?


@Stevie This is to everyone in the thread--how bad of an alcoholic were these guys? I mean, I know pretty heavy drinkers who don't even wet the bed. I'm genuinely curious.


@laurel Uhm, why did the ladies stay with the bedwetter is the more pertinent question. Ladies? The answer better be awesome oral sex. And @waffleswaffleswaffles - sad head shake. Yeah, not really.


@Stevie Mine alternated between 2-3 bottles of wine and a bottle of hard liquor a night...this was on top of the beers he'd start having around lunch time. He still managed to get top grades--in medical school, no less.

After we broke up, I learned from his ex and one of the women he cheated with that they too had the experience of waking up soggy. As for the other three barely legal ladies he cheated with, I guess I'll never know.

As for pissing someone's bed and not wilting from embarrassment, I dunno how they do it. It must be an addict/denial thing. My period surprised me once while getting down and dirty with my fiance and I immediately stopped, stripped the bed and washed the sheets, and that was with someone I'd had sex with about 500 times, both on and off the rag.


@Texian IT WAS A BAD TIME IN MY LIFE, OKAY? No seriously, it was and it's long over, thank Baby Jesus. What's really awful is his bedwetting was one of the least offensive things about that dude.

Re: the oral sexin', let's just say that alcohol impairs one's ability to perform a variety of motor tasks.


@TheJerseyDevil Wow, you also answered my question. Poor guy, I hope he got help at some point, that is an insane amount of alcohol.
Congratulations to your engagement!

Katie Boyer@twitter

@Stevie Oh my god, everyone! Between this and the Jizzcliner, I think we need a patented Hairpin penis-plug, because all 'a y'all's menfolk appear to be incapable of keeping their liquids on the inside! This is so horrible, it's apparently made me turn Southern so that I can get a case of the vapors.


Pet enzyme cleaners not only get out smells but stains (at least the one we use, Nature's Miracle, does), so even though LW1 got rid of the smell, she could still use one of those to work on the stains.


@SarahP Nature's Miracle is a LIFESAVER.

Tuna Surprise

I've heard (probably from Martha) that it's great to let your mattress breath. When you go on an long vacation, strip off all the sheets and the cover and let that puppy get a breath of fresh air.


@Tuna Surprise But I refuse to remove my bed bug mattress protectors, so I guess mine will have to suffocate. At least until I don't live in such a high-threat location.


@Tuna Surprise I did this once and my apartment was broken into. Never again.


@bocadelperro I don't think it's related?


@bocadelperro I get it. I always like to have the house clean before I leave on vacation, too. So embarrassing to have an unmade bed. Never know who might break-in and steal your shit, right?


@brista128 I'm pretty sure it was, seeing as how the curtains somehow got opened, and it was fairly obvious that the mattress was bare for i don't know how long (I was gone for three weeks)


LW3 - I am definitely NOT a clean person, but I think that Jolie must be rubbing off on me because I just went and bought a vacuum a couple of weeks ago. Totally satisfying. I love getting up all the hair and dust bunnies I was never able to quite get rid of before.

The Lou 83

I am still in shock that LW1 let her boyfriend sleep over after the 2nd offense.


@The Lou 83 Ha, piss in my bed once, shame on you... piss in my bed twice, well, still shame on you to be honest but also a little bit shame on me.
I'm gonna go with 'love is blind (to bed-wetting)'.


@The Lou 83 If that happened to me, I couldn't even go out with him again.


I have long contemplated silk sheets, because awesome, BUT! They are slidey and slippery, yes? Does that absence of friction cause an issue during sexytimes? Also, do they ever get snuggly?

I kind of want a silk and flannel sheeted bed.


@karion I have these Bamboo Jersey sheets that are kick ass. They are soft, but not heavy like regular jersey, just kind of light and silky, but snuggly like flannel..Mmm...I think I'm going to lay in them right now.... anyway - I got them at like Target or some shit a year or two ago, but they're prolly online somewhere.


@karion Yes, they'll get snuggly - silk bedding warms up quickly, holds heat well, and stays cool during the summer. (Or at least, my duvet does.)


I kind of gagged at "bleachatini".


for the greasy moisturizer lady: lestoil! lestoil! lestoil!


I really could have used the mattress/cornstarch advice when my kid was potty training! Those of you who are looking forward to this joyous experience may want to bookmark this page.


THANK YOU to whoever wrote the lotion/sheets question. I have the same issue except I accepted my blotchy sheet fate and never even though to Google and/or Ask A Clean Person.

Now let's say one of those things with a dark greasy stain is an oversized light teal decorative pillow made of cotton and specifically says DO NOT WASH. You can't take the pillowcase off because there isn't one. SO how do you get that clean?


@brista128 How much was the pillow?


@Ophelia Like $18. I should probably just get a new one butttttt...


i've read that you should clean pee stains in mattresses using hydrogen peroxide. try to drip the peroxide in exactly the same amount and speed as the original stain so it will soak into the mattress in exactly the same places as the original stain. then set mattress up on chairs or something and blow a fan from underneath to help dry it out. our post-katrina housesitter let someone sleep in our bed and i discovered a large stain months later. i was so angry, i just bought a new mattress.


@roaringkitten How on earth can you tell if you're dripping the peroxide at the same speed at which someone initially peed the bed?

Ella Thompson@facebook

for the duvet, how about just buying a duvet sheet cover?? that would fix it...

apples and oranges

Ooo bed cleaning questions... I use a quilt instead of a comforter/duvet/whatever other bed-blanket-y options there are, and it has an odor. Not a BAD smell per se but if I walk into my room from the hallway, I notice it. I've gotten in dry cleaned (I'm afraid to wash it in my washing machine) a couple times but the smell persists. I don't want to hand wash it if the smell won't go away because it's huge and my only blanket and now it's cold where I live. IDEAS??


I suggest pee mattress lady get a zip-on mattress pad, the kind Tempurpedic beds have? These aren't changed every time you want to change the sheets, and if she does laundry with a new boyfriend, that can stay on over the pee mattress.

Alternatively, blame it on a pet.


Jolie, I just wanted to warn you that my boyfriend has said that instead of asking me to clean things around the house, he will now just direct questions for you to answer so that I will be motivated by Ask a Clean Person and do it without him having to ask.



I have to give [yet another] shout out to Folex. I put a set of brand new red sheets on my bed sans mattress pad (don't judge me, it hadn't arrived in the mail yet), and OH GOD, the dye rubbed off all over the mattress. Folex! Took it right out! I'm telling you, that shit is amazing. Candle wick soot stains on the rug? Food stains on upholstery? Pet stains? Random grossness? BOOM. FOLEX.


@collier It's like cleaning with fire, only no ashes to vacuum up!

Dema Grim@facebook

@Xanthophyllippa Most new mattresses come with a warranty which would be invalid if there is so much as the faintest stain. Highly recommend a mattress protector just in case.


I have had some good luck with this Shark model (not the one pictured... though now I want that one too): http://www.sharkclean.com/Shark-Cordless-Pet-Perfect-Hand-Vac/

It seems to do the job, even on a velour-ish couch (not the best idea when you have a cat and hair that flies off your head and settles everywhere... but I loved its '70s, sectional, leopardy, lounge-like splendor so much--and it was FREE!). Anyway, so far so good with that vacuum. I think it would work with a duvet or a comforter too.

I also want to add that, as another Clean Person (the smell of bleach, oh my goodness, is there candle I can get?) , this site has brought me much joy and saved me a lot of dough on cleaning supplies; once I realized the wonders of vinegar and baking soda, HOLY SHIT, MAN! An obsession began and an all-day, top-to-bottom kitchen-cleaning ensued! ! And now I don't have to go to Target for all the Method stuff (even though it is more aesthetically pleasing under my kitchen sink). The vinegar even got the BF's pillowcase clean (just a general discoloration in the middle; he doesn't believe me that his face products are too drying and thus causing more oil, poor thing) after I had already tried and failed with regular laundry detergent! Which leads me to...

Silk pillowcases fight frizzy hair? I feel OMG SUCH GLEE right now to have learned this! Oh, I love it here! It's the little things...


#1 on this week's Ask a Clean Person reaffirms my advice from last week's Ask a Clean Person: all of you must lock your boyfriends in a sarcophagus of white vinegar for all eternity.


Ok,this is a safe space, right? Because I could have used this info before I returned my mattress. It sprung a spring right in the middle of the bed - and yes, it WAS right when we were having sex. Anyway, it had female ejaculate stains all over it, and oy! I had to get a good (male) friend with a van to help me return it. Luckily he is not the kind to worry, or ask embarrassing questions. But the salesperson who served us kept stopping all the other employees and being like 'hey, check out this spring that is broken here!' and making it boing. Right in the middle of a stain.


Anyway, I bought a bed wetting matt thing from ebay, so the new mattress is SO SHINY AND CLEAN. Well, not actually shiny, that would be weird. But you know. Sometimes you just really don't want to stop and get the matt.

I'm sorry if I traumatised you, but there are a limited number of people in my real life that I can tell that story too.


@Craftastrophies : Oh my goodness that must've been...awkward, wasn't it? Aaaaaand, now I really want a shiny chrome mattress. And don't anybody say "SILVER GREY SILK SHEETS." Silk anything just totally squicks me out. I don't like slippy-feeling things touching me. Bleh.


I am a truly clean person - to the point where i'll clean my boyfriend's house when i go over there, because I JUST. CAN'T. STAND. IT.
Reading this column makes me truly feel like I've found my soul mates. Thankyou for making me feel less of a freak about my obsessive cleaning habits.


I love you, LW#2, because I bought a silk duvet and a silk duvet cover recently and have been absolutely terrified I'll get a spot on them. Thank you for asking what I need to know, and come move in with me so we can have a(n almost) full set of silk bedding!

Chelsea Morning

So you know when you learn a new word and then you hear it everywhere? I think I'm having a silk pillowcase moment. I read this article, thought "Oh, maybe I should try that because my bed hair is RIDICULOUS" and then the VERY NEXT LINK I CLICKED ON THE INTERNET WAS THIS:http://imgur.com/yXMPY

So yeah ladies, if we can't afford silk pillowcases use another silk item to sleep on!

ida claire

Can anyone recommend a moderately priced 100% silk pillowcase? I. Need. This. Now.


@ida claire So, after reading this post yesterday and waking up thinking about it, I ordered this one off Amazon at 7:30 in the morning:

This one is cheaper, but only comes in standard size (i have a king size pillow):

Dema Grim@facebook

@ida claire Check http://overstock.com


I'm still cringing over this whole bedwetting X3 thing. I would never see that person again if it happened even once, SO MUCH SHAAAME.

Kathy Gibb

How to get pee stains out of a mattress or mattress pad:
This is a miracle!!
Mix 3 tbs baking soda with 10 oz hydrogen peroxide, pour in spray bottle add 2 drops dish-soap shake hard and spray away . You do not have to saturate mattress. It dries fast taking urine rings with it. If you're cleaning a topper put it outside in ( bright) sunlight to refresh - this works great with all bedding esp. down pillows, the UV rads kill all sorts of bacteria and mites! Good luck!!

Kathy Gibb

For pee and blood stains in yr sheets mix a scoup of Oxyclean with the same amount of Biz ( Biz is the original old school enzyme laundry product and is hard to find - you want it in powder form in a box so you can scoup it out) load washer, mix well, add clothes and the normal amount of a soap like Ecos ( this is a biodegradable, coconut based product- great for babies and people with chemical allergies).agitate to mix well then let it soak 24-48 hours( seriously). Run the cycle then rinse again adding half cup of white vinegar to the rinse water ( this to soften it- I have MCS so I rinse twice. If you have a yard, take sheets out when still damp and spread them on the grass- that sunlight will bleach them naturally- it makes a real difference!


"Real talk time: I think you ended up with a lemon of a duvet cover. But if you’re hellbent and determined to keep it there are a few options"

Thanks for sharing, for australian online duvets
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