The Best Time I Found Out I Had HPV
Tom and I had been dating for about a month when the dots appeared. It was a Saturday morning and I had been lying in his bed while he showered, but when he came back into his room — wrapped in a towel but not remotely dry — he bypassed the girl and the bed and headed directly to his computer to type furiously and mumble anxiously. I watched him from across the room and waited for him to tell me what all the fuss was about. With him, there was always fuss about. Finally, I asked what was wrong.
"I found these dots. On my finger."
"Okay…" I prompted, teasingly. No one had to tell me that Tom was a hypochondriac to figure out that Tom was a hypochondriac.
"They could be the beginnings of a plantar's wart, which could only come from HPV," he said. None of this is medically accurate, but I was struck. An STD had been invoked while I was still naked in a boy's bed. This was bad.
"Did you look that up on WebMD?"
"No. Wikipedia."
"That's WORSE!" I exclaimed. I had never been diagnosed with HPV, and I had tried to make myself one less, one less by getting the Gardisil shot a few years prior. Still, I already had a gynecologist appointment scheduled for that week. I told him I would get checked out, and we would know. Cautiously, two panicky little people decided not to panic.
At the doctor, I relayed my whole story. Fingers and Wikipedia and all. I even told her how Tom had taken a picture of his finger and sent it to his mother, so that she could send it to the doctor-father of the mutual friend who had set us up. She shook her head. "Plantar's warts are on your feet," she said. I laughed, in stirrups.
I wish, for the cliché’s sake, that I could say I was not laughing a week later when the nurse called and asked me to come in for a colposcopy. But I was laughing: nervous laughter, ironic laughter. I couldn’t reassure Speckles that we were in the clear. I took the further testing to mean that I only maybe had HPV. This must have been a wishful misunderstanding.
My second time at the gynecologist’s office in as many weeks, I filled out the same paperwork. I emailed my friends that I was nervous about having a robot in my vagina, and not the good kind. I drummed my fingers on my face, probably clogging my pores. I thought about two weeks before, when my biggest relationship concern was that Tom wouldn’t take my Gentile ass seriously. I watched the soap operas that played in the waiting room. A pretty but mean-faced woman accused a large piece of man of giving her a sexually transmitted disease. The man lobbed the charge right back at her. I thought that whoever was in charge of the programming around here should really consider the audience.
When I was called downstairs, I was instructed to go to a room at the end of the hall and disrobe from the waist down. I nodded but didn’t move. “Go to the room at the end of the hall and disrobe from the waist down,” the nurse repeated. I went. When she found me, fully clothed, door ajar, I was nodding at everything in the examining room. Yes, I seemed to be saying, this is a biohazard trash can. Yes, these are gauze pads. She reminded me to disrobe from the waist down. I nodded at her like she was the scale or the big pink table.
When the nurse returned again, she began to explain the procedure to me. “You will feel three little pinches.” She pinched my arm a few times. The doctor came and explained it all again. She also pinched my arm, definitely more than three times. I told them I knew what pinches felt like. I already did not like this procedure.
The procedure was uncomfortable, but done quickly. I made a lot of awkward jokes, straight through, but no one laughed. There was blood on the speculum and I felt, just as they told me, like I had menstrual cramps. The gyno gave me pads for the bleeding, and described what it would be like when the goop they had used to cauterize the scrapes came out. What it actually looked like was cardboard baby poop. I asked when I would know if I had HPV. “You definitely have HPV,” I was told, “We just need to find out if it’s the serious kind or not.”
Out on the street, I called my mom before I got in a cab. I told her I had HPV, and she was silent for a long minute. I filled the silence by telling her that it was OK, that something like 80% of women have it (true!), and that all of my friends had it (false!), and that there were lots of ways that I could have gotten it (super false!). I told her it would be fine. She told me that she would love me no matter what. I told her that this was not a “no matter what” situation. I knew that I was right about it being OK, but I cried a little as people in scrubs walked by, probably thinking that something much more terrible must have happened.
When I got home, I vacillated about whether or not to call Tom right away. Things hadn't been going so well with us and I wasn’t ready to break this news, but he had asked about HPV directly and I didn't want to hide anything from him. I called.
"Hey," I said, possibly through tears, "I don't know how to tell you this, but I think it would be shitty of me not to tell you right away. It turns out I do have HPV." Like my mother, he was silent. "I mean, I've never had to tell anyone that before so I'm sorry if I told you the wrong way, on the phone and all… " More silence. "Look, if you don't want to see each other anymore, I totally understand. It doesn't have to be a big — "
"No," he finally said, "Look, do you want to meet up later?" I said yes. He reassured me that it would be OK and we hung up. I sat on the edge of my bed and stared at the floor. Then, I wept. I thought about my mom’s disappointment. I thought about how I had given this nice guy sex cancer. I thought about how silent they both were. I thought about how nothing would even happen to him. I thought, how dare he be so silent? I thought he must hate me. I thought about mistakes I had made, and I thought about how it was probably all my fault.
Later that afternoon, I got a frantic phone call. "I've been running around for hours — I went all the way to this clinic in Elmhurst and I filled out all this paperwork to get tested and then the clinic closed and it was this woman's first day on the job and she was so upset she couldn't help me and we were both so upset." I took this all in.
"I'm so, so sorry that happened to you," I said, "but… I don't think there's a test for that."
"What?" he asked.
"I don't think they can test for that in men."
"What are you talking about?"
"I don't think that can test for HPV in men." I said.
"For what?" he asked.
"What?" I replied.
"For WHAT?"
"WHAT?"
"For WHAT?"
"WHAT??!"
Then, we both started laughing. Despite being the one to bring up HPV in the first place, and despite knowing that I was undergoing tests for the virus, Tom had heard my earlier admission as a statement that I had HIV. A small but important half-moon of difference.
Knowing this, his silence on the phone — a silence that made me think angry thoughts about his own unaffected health — had been patient and kind. He believed that I was telling him something that would change both of our lives, and he was measured and calm and comforting. My anxious mumbler had somehow been stoic in the face of a brand new future. A future I hadn't even considered, but, for now, didn't have to.
And now, it all seemed funny. It wasn't funny that Tom had thought that he had been exposed to HIV and it wasn't funny that we got off relatively light when others do not — but it was pretty funny that he ended up in Elmhurst, trains and trains away from home. And that he destroyed that poor woman's day. And that he turned my vaginal problems into an episode of Three's Company, or a risque game of Operator. It was funny we were both always thinking the wrong extreme thing. Two panicky little people, trying not to panic. Most of all it was funny how supportive he was; funny and surprising and wonderful.
Tom’s misunderstanding put my situation into perspective. HPV is not that big a deal. At least 80% of women will get it by the time they're 50, and it's highly treatable. I know, because I was highly treated.
In the end, I did have the serious kind. I had to have part of my cervix removed. The doctor told me that the area she had to take out was small and I said, “Thank you,” like I was terribly flattered. Finally, she laughed. Even though I had finally landed a joke, that procedure was more painful than the last, and the ramifications lasted longer. It really sucked. But when I went back the gynecologist and she told me that the area was clear, that I was fine and just needed to check back in six months, I was glad to have this neurotic person on lookout for plantar’s warts, and this pinchy-pinchy doctor to keep me safe.
A. Tully Hall seats 1,086 patrons, or works in publishing. Or both.
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I was shocked too when I found out I had HPV. Then I realized so many people get it at some point in their lives. I got really good at telling my partners about it. One dude even complimented me, saying it was the most frank, mature STI discussion he had ever experienced. It also made me a lot more cautious about unprotected sex. So yeah, maybe some good things have come out of me having had HPV.
Good god I freaked when my doctor's office called, and then sad little me was like oh god I hope it's not a warts strain I'd rather it be straight cancer. They ended up not doing a colposcopy and wanted to see me back in six months. Since then all my paps have been clear, but it still scares me to know that I had an STD.
I have HPV! On my FEET. Because I have plantar's warts. Because if you have a wart anywhere on your body, you have HPV! What I'm trying to say is that maybe doctors should come up with a more specific name for the kind that freaks everyone out than "the bad kind."
@jfruh But medically speaking, there is no "bad kind." Like 40 of the 100-something HPV viruses can show up in & around your genitals, and some of those can lead to cancer– but it's the cancer that you have to watch for. Most people who contract high-risk HPV never develop cancer. Warts are more common, but again, medically, a wart on your labia is pretty much the same as a wart on your finger. Doctors don't really spend a lot of time with the social and cultural taxonomy of "good" and "bad" diseases, which I think is a good model to adopt, given that HPV is super common and super treatable no matter what/where it is.
@jfruh
It's ok. There are a lot of medical terms that mean more than one thing. When I got shingles in college, the doctor/nurse/whatever at the student health center told me I had herpes zoster, without explaining that it wasn't what most people think of as herpes. So I went home thinking "AAAGH! HERPES!!" until the internet fixed it.
<3 Tom!
@Chiara Atik@twitter Seriously! A keeper for sure.
@backstagebethy Yeah, I'm feeling a lot of warmth for Tom.
@Nicole Cliffe Are you sure that warmth's not a…
No. Too easy.
Wait, so you got the Gardasil shot and still got it??? I'm so confused. I am staying away from Google/wikipedia and asking you HairPinners…..
-someone who got the Gardasil shot
@Crockita Yes! I have been considering the shot as a precautionary measure, but…it doesn't actually do anything?! What? Can we have an Ask a STD Expert column?
@Awesomely Nonfunctional The Gardadsil shot doesn't protect against every strain of HPV, only (I think) the ones most likely to cause cervical cancer.
@Crockita there are many different strains of HPV, and the Gardasil shot is a vaccine that protects against some but not all of the strains. Also, sometimes vaccines don't take (i.e. your body doesn't develop antibodies in response) or can fade in efficacy over time. I don't know if they have something for Gardasil, but for the Hep B vaccine they can check for the antibodies, and re administer if it didn't take at first.
The shot is still more effective than not getting the shot, so don't take this as a reason to not protect yourself! Better some antibodies than none!
@Crockita She also may have been exposed before getting the shot, but, as the previous poster said, not all the strains- Gardasil reduces but does not eliminate the risk of contracting HPV.
@thebestjasmine @Awesomely Nonfunctional right, it's supposed to protect against 4 strains that can cause cervical cancer (that are generally found through through abnormal paps). did she have it before she got the Gardasil shot and it just showed up later on?
@Awesomely Nonfunctional It depends on when you get the shot. If you are sexually active before you get the shot, then it's possible that you will not be inoculated from HPV.
Also, Gardasil inoculates you from some (the most likely cancer causing) but not all strains of HPV. There are 40 strains of HPV and Gardasil covers 4 or 5 of them.
@Awesomely Nonfunctional My doc told me that it really only works if you've never been exposed to it before. She said, "I can give the shot but it will really only be effective if you're a virgin."
I love how my gyno makes jokes whenever I see her.
(I also have had HPV and it scared the crap out of me until I told a few friends and realized how common an abnormal pap and HPV is.)
@sox Um, she ALSO told me that you can get exposed to the warts strain and it can just latently chill in your body for YEARS, and it is fairly common for it to rear its ugly head when you become pregnant. *shudddddders*
@Crockita Gardasil doesn't protect against all kinds of HPV, only the four types that are most often responsible for cervical cancer/genital warts.
@Crockita Gardasil does 4 (of somewhere north of 100) strains of HPV. It will protect you from the 2 responsible for 80% of cervical cancers and the 2 most likely to turn up as genital warts.
@Crockita Yeah, I was pretty shocked when I got HPV from my boyfriend last year (which resulted in my needing a LEEP procedure), as I actually did get vaccinated with Gardasil a few years ago, and while I was still a virgin, no less. This has made me scream to high heavens to all my girlfriends to GET REGULAR PAPS, even if you've had the vaccine.
Interesting. You were given a colposcopy immediately after diagnosis? Found out I had HPV this March and my gyno said not to worry and just come back in a year to make sure it was gone. Were there secondary factors that led your doctor to schedule the test?
@rj77 I don't know about the author's experience, but for me it was that they saw something during the pap that warranted further examination (in the form of a colposcopy).
@rj77 Yeah, one time a gyno told me I had some kind of HPV, but the pap was fine, so no colposcopy. Then the HPV went away. But another time I did get referred for a colposcopy (but he didn't actually do the biopsy part, because my cervix looked so good (speaking of compliments I weirdly really appreciated)).
@Lily Rowan So yeah, I basically posted this comment to bolster the "everyone's had HPV!" thing.
@Lily Rowan that was pretty much the same experience I had. Except he said my cervix was "a 7, at best."
@insouciantlover I'm so sorry.
@rj77 From what (sadly little) I understand, the recommendation can somewhat depend on your age. If you are 27+ like myself they'll likely recommend an immediate colposcopy to cut down on chances of "the bad kind" of HPV interfering with your fertility…should you, I guess, want to be using it soon?
@rj77 Not necessarily true–I'm in my mid-30s and was told I had HPV, but just to get a pap the following year to make sure it had cleared. Perhaps you had an abnormal pap?
@Michelle LeBlanc@twitter the older you get, the less likely you are to clear up HPV on your own. if you have an abnormal pap and a positive HPV test and you're in your late 20s, yeah, we probably will send you to colposcopy. HPV doesn't have any effect on fertility by itself–if you ended up having cervical changes that needed LEEPin' or godde$$ forbid cervical cancer, then it might be a different story.
@janbrady i am guessing you had a normal pap but a positive HPV test? that means you have/had a high risk HPV strain but it was just chilling, not causing any dysplasia.
@lola p. Ahhhhh yes. That's it. Thanks.
@janbrady Oh hey, it's letting me add comments today! I am 34 and I was told just what you were told: Come back and year and make sure it's cleared up. The nurse who called me was very "you're fine, really, just be aware this is happening and make sure you get a check-up."
If this guy had warts on his fingers it would be low risk HPV, right? And the cervical bisopy for high risk HPV would not be necessary? Or was this just a random happenstance of unrelated warts and almost cervical cancer?
Also, worst facebook message I ever had to send was telling my loser, immature ex-boyfriend that he gave me high risk HPV which could potentially give me (and all the other girls he slept with) cervical cancer. Still, nice to have the moral highground on beleiving he is total scum for the rest of my life.
@claire-de-lune yuck at that guy!!
@claire-de-lune I don't mean to be contrary, and I don't doubt the guy was an asshole, but how does *that* give you the moral highground? He couldn't possibly have known that he had it as there's no test for men. Or am I just misunderstanding and this is the stupidest comment ever.
@claire-de-lune
There are a couple of hundred different types of HPV. Only a few of these cause any symptoms, and they affect different parts of the body. The types that cause common warts are different from the types that cause plantar warts (on your feet), etc.
The 'low-risk' and 'high-risk' refers to two different categories of HPV types, both of which affect the ano-genital region. The high-risk ones can cause cancers, the low-risk ones merely cause warts. That's why it's necessary to test those.
But no, you can't get cancer from the types of warts that grow on fingers, so yes, this was just a random unfortunate coincidence.
@winslow perhaps I should have phrased it differently. Obviously he had no way of knowing. And if he had been a better human being to me in our relationship, it would be an easily forgivable accident. But this is just the icing on the cake of the shit he put me through. You can't expect a girl to forgive you after you lied about loving her, humiliated her in front of your friends, broke up with her in a text message AND given her an STI. So maybe moral highground is the wrong way to put it. I certainly don't want to look like I'm hating on people in general who've accidently given it to their partners.
I don't have a comment on HPV, just this piece. Very endearing, I quite enjoyed it.
This is so well written!
Nice story. I found out I carried it when I had an abnormal pap, and was under the impression that it's not something that needs to be "tested" for on its own, other than through regular paps. The whole thing was a bit scary–colposcopy, LEEP, but ultimately turned out fine. More surprising was the bill I got from the doctor for the whole episode. It added up to over $2000, mostly for the lab tests that weren't covered by my insurance (the doctors' visits were, just not the labs).
Re: Gardasil. It only protects you in the future, and does not negate any effects of past exposure.
@rockinrobin oh shit no one told me that the lab tests might not be covered!
@rockinrobin hey, out of curiosity, do you remember which lab tests they ran? that's pretty surprising…
I think people are getting different kinds of colposcopies than me. I get one everytime I go to the gyno and I don't find it to be that huge a deal? And I'm not saying that to disparage anyone elses experience, but mine just seems totally different, less bloody and basically: everything. Getting a LEAP procedure? Whole 'nother story.
@maevemealone forgive my ignorance but what is a LEAP procedure?
@maevemealone I thiiiiink people generally use colposcopy to mean the whole thing including cervical biopsy (the hard part), when I'd imagine the word technically means the looking part? I am not a medical professional.
@maevemealone I think you must have the terminology confused. A colposcopy is a cervical biopsy that's performed when you have an abnormal Pap: http://www.webmd.com/cancer/cervical-cancer/colposcopy-and-cervical-biopsy. I've had three over the years, and they're uncomfortable and a little bloody. No one should be getting one every time she's at the GYN's office.
@maevemealone LEEP is when they cut out the infected portions of your cervix with an electrified loop of wire. It is about as pleasant as it sounds.
@maevemealone I have had several colpos (usually get one after every abnormal pap) and one LEEP. the colposcopies certainly got easier, but the first one left me pretty shaky-kneed and vulnerable. for the LEEP they gave me some ativan, so it was quite a bit less traumatic than the first colpo.
@Katie Lambert@twitter Nope, my doc has only done the occasional biopsy and called it biopsy but colposcopy part has only been the scope and spraying vinegar. I schedule it at the same time so that I don't have to take another half day off work a week later to have it done.
@Crockita a LEAP procedure is having highly irregular precancerous cervical cells removed. They slice a very very thin layer off and cauterize the surface. The actual procedure only takes 30 seconds, but the build up takes an eternity.
@emily deckerson Sorry, I'm spelling it wrong, I've tried to block that day from my memory
But yeah, it sucks.
@maevemealone you know when somebody jabs you really hard right in the middle of your belly button? That was how my colposcopy felt, but sharper. In other words, strangely horrible but mercifully brief.
@insouciantlover When I had the LEEP done, at one point I thought I going to do *something* from that pressure in the middle of the belly. And was on the verge of telling the doc he might have to back out of there quick but then he was done! I dunno, I guess I just pretty used to the whole rack ' em up and get this done every time, I don't find it uncomfortable. I was totally freaked out by the LEEP and very much regretted not telling my mom until afterward. I bought my vagina a bottle of wine on the way home.
@maevemealone hey y'all, the term "colposcopy" refers to the whole procedure, not a specific action. we sit down at our wheely microscope, look in, see if there's anything abnormal–the vinegar helps with this. and if there is, we biopsy it.
some people you look in and see basically nothing, nothing to biopsy, patient goes home thinking "whoa, that colposcopy was more like a snoozecoscopy." some people have one or a bunch of different areas that need sampling. hence, variation!
@Katie Lambert@twitter Oh, god, I've been reading colposcopy as "colonoscopy" and was like "HOW DID I NOT KNOW HOW COMMON COLONOSCOPIES WERE?!" This explains a whole lot.
When I lived in the UK in the mid-90s, I went to the college nurse for a morning-after-pill. Apparently, "condom break" in my accent sounds very much like "kinda rape" to some British ears. Wacky hijinks due to miscommunication ensued.
This was a great piece. Thank you for sharing.
Lord, people can be such a-holes about an STI that it seems like just about everybody has. From the Bachmann fiasco to an overly reactive or just sweet and too-concerned mother, it just makes me go UGH.
I'm glad this Tom fellow turned out to be so lovely. When I told my long-term boyfriend, he stopped speaking, turned around, and got in the shower.
@Katie Lambert@twitter I hope you spritzed his pecker with bleach and then dumped him.
Ugh, this resonated. I was diagnosed with HPV after taking part in a research study at my college (related to the development of Gardasil, I think). I'm still so angry at the health services staff for the way they delivered the news to me, and to the MANY other girls who had it. We were treated like diseased whores — lots of disapproval, no mention of the 80% rate of infection, no mention of how ridiculously contagious it is (condoms don't even prevent it because it can be transmitted via skin-to-skin contact), not even a goddamn pamphlet. I spent three years thinking I was some kind of disgusting, diseased slut before stumbling across the info that pretty much EVERYONE has it. Ugh.
I wish I had been aware of articles like this before I had HPV (the kind that just… went away. neat!). I was so freaked out, traumatized and unfortunately ashamed, when really there was no need to be. So kudos to the Hairpin for posting stuff like this, I think it's really necessary and great.
The best part of HPV for me is that I started at a new dentist when it was all happening. I filled out the forms and indicated that I had an STD and said it was HPV. Now my patient file has a giant "MEDICAL ALERT" sticker on it like I am going to facefuck the hygenist and give her oral cancer.
@emily deckerson Actually, given the rates of oral cancers recently, and the links to be made with HPV, it's not a bad thing that they flagged your chart. Means they'll keep an eye out for any abnormalities in your mouth; I actually mentioned it to my dental hygienist recently.
Had to add in here: I had the low risk kind, which was still not fun. Treatment for me lasted over two years, accompanied by a fair amount of pain and discomfort, attendant feelings of shame etc etc. But I have to disagree with the poster who said it can come back; all the information I came across stated that the body eventually gains mastery over the virus and you don't have to worry about it coming back. Smoking is pretty bad, because it depresses your immune system making it harder for your body to fight the virus off. I got Gardasil and wish they'd start giving it to boys and men, because there are no tests for HPV for males. Unless they get warts, they'd never know they were carrying the virus, it can be spread even when there are no obvious signs.
An aside: my aunt died of cancer which began as cervical cancer. She was neglectful of her health, not getting her regular pap tests, smoked heavily, and by the time her cancer was discovered, it was so advanced that she had to have a hysterectomy. Ladies, please do see your doctor every year for a Pap! There's no reason for anyone to die of cervical cancer. And no, condoms are no panacea, but they do help somewhat. But if I learned anything, it's that there's no such thing as safe sex, only safer sex.
Oof. This happened to me, except I was in high school. And this was years before Gardasil commercials. And my mom made me go to this awful gynecologist who didn't give me any details except for "We found some pre-cancerous cells. Make an appointment." so 16 year old me was like "WHAT THE HELL, I HAVE CANCER?!"
No one, not even my doctor, told me it was HPV until I was lying on the table, mid-colposcapy. And even then it was from a nurse with a pretty heavy Russian accent, so I had this thing colposcoping me and I freaked out again. "WHAT THE HELL, I HAVE AN STD?!" The right thing to do seemed to be to call my ex and let him know. Except, this was the ex that pretend to kill himself via drain cleaner (remember him?) so he was nine kinds of crazy over it.
The best part is that even though my mom was born in 1957, she somehow missed all of the 60s, 70s, and 80s, and had no idea HPV was an STD (STI?) until she told me she had gotten my sister Gardasil and I commented that I was surprised she'd get an STV vaccine for her.
In conclusion, doctors should really be more clear about these sorts of things.
I just want to know if you are still dating this Tom person, because he sounds pretty great.
Do they not offer the cryotherapy procedure anymore? I had that back in 2004 for cervical displasia caused by HPV; it was the second step after the colposcopy.
@Shehatesme I had the cryo too. I heard it's better than LEEP because they don't have to remove any of your cervix (which can cause infertility). My sister in law had LEEP and her doctor never even mentioned the option of cryo.
@Shehatesme Cryo is not standard protocol any longer. The cervix tends to scar more over time and can close up.
@Shehatesme My understanding is that, in addition to the lessened scarring, LEEP is preferred over cryo because it's diagnostic.
@Shehatesme I had the cryo when I was 17…I will never forget what it felt like to be cold from the inside. So awful.
I'm glad The Awl picked this up. Choire comports himself like a true friend of the ladies.
after reading all these comments, damn– my gyno is awesome. When she told me I had HPV, she drew a little chart to explain the differences between the high-risk and low-risk kind and really emphasized that I SHOULDN'T WORRY. And that yeah, almost everyone gets it at some point. AND that I didn't have to tell my boyfriend (I asked) because it's not like there is a test for men, so it'd be pretty pointless. So yeah, if your doctor is not giving you info besides "You have an STD & some pre-cancer cells(slut!) let me pinch some parts out of your cervix!" then either ask questions or get a more sensitive gyno? ack
@Marieeee Actually there is one inaccuracy in here– "once you have HPV, you always have HPV, even though your body may suppress it." Actually, most people's immune systems will "clear" the virus, unlike herpes or HIV, and akin to the (less common) clearing of the Hep C virus. Most often HPV lasts for about two years, UNLESS for whatever reason it sticks around and turns into pre-cancerous cells, and it takes longer/is less likely to clear the older you are when you contract it. Which is why it's so tricky– mostly asymptomatic, disappearing into the night, flaring up all over the place.
Also, to clarify: Paps don't detect HPV. They detect the precancerous changes to the cervix CAUSED by HPV. This is because most people with high-risk HPV don't go on to develop cancer. So get Paps, but know that a clear Pap has nothing to do with whether or not you have HPV.
HPV! Probably everyone has it, so let's all chill out.
@claire-de-lune I totally had a similar experience with an ex-boyfriend, except not with HPV. He gave my gonorrhea. I messaged him via facebook (after not talking to him since we broke up 9 months prior…) and told him that I had been diagnosed with gonorrhea. I was a virgin when we got together, and didn't sleep with anyone else after we broke up, so it's not like there's any guessing about where I got it from. I made sure he knew that. I told him to tell all the girls he'd slept with that he had it (because there's no way he didn't have it if I did.)
Within 15 minutes of sending him that message, I received a phone call from mutual friend who told me that he was crying like a baby, telling everyone that I was being the meanest bitch in the world.
The next day, he told my friend to tell me that if I ever contact him again, he will get a restraining order because every time I talk to him, it makes him so sad that he wants to kill himself.
Yeah, don't date whiney boys. They make for terrible boyfriends and for even more terrible ex-boyfriends.
@Ashley Marie@facebook Wow. That man does not deserve to have sex.
@Ashley Marie@facebook UUUUGGGHHH.
@Ashley Marie@facebook I was a virgin too! I hadn't slept with anyone else too! Damn, though. Mine just started off the response email with a frowny face and admission that I probably didn't want to hear from him ever again (which was true). I hope your mutual friend realizes how pathetic your ex is. I agree that dude doesn't deserve sex either if that's how he responses to such an adult situation. I hope you (and I) have better luck next time.
I'm really glad to see more and more pieces like this floating around out there. There is still so much shame, mystery, and misinformation floating around about this virus, even though most people get it at some point or another. I remember when I had my HPV experience, most of my friends were pretty much virgins or very inexperienced (despite being mid-20's – yes, I and my friends are nerds), and they acted all shocked and repulsed and judgey that I had an STD. I wish there had been things like this out there back then for me to read. It really made the whole experience a lot worse than it needed to be, as I turned out to have the kind that just goes away after awhile, although I did have to endure two colposcopies before that happened, blergh. I hate how some people act all self-righteous about "never having had it," when in fact most of them probably have had it and just never knew about it.
@ponymalta LIKE
Bleh. I am having my first colposcopy this friday, so this piece is quite timely…
Man, this is all so familiar. I was in my junior year of college when I was diagnosed with HPV. The colposcopy wasn't painful, but I was more freaked out during it than I'd realized- when I tried to stand up afterwards, I almost fainted. When the results came back, my doctor told me I had pre-cancerous cells, which ended up being way less scary than it sounded. Within a year there was no sign of the virus anymore. Turns out that's pretty common, which they failed to mention in my middle school sex ed classes in between showing us giant projected images of untreated STIs.
Overall, the worst part was having to contact the super-manipulative dude I'd broken up with six months before to tell him he might have HPV. Gentleman that he was, he took that as a chance to call me a slut in a roundabout way.
Oh, and the cardboard baby poop discharge. That was yuck.
@shar pei side-eye I fainted right after my colposcopy, and again in the waiting room as I was waiting to check out.
One of the worst things about going in for these exams is being surrounded in the Ob/Gyn waiting room by all the heavily-pregnant ladies. All love to them, and I know everyone has their own problems, but I remember sitting there feeling like the withered, cervix-diseased bad apple in a bunch of gorgeous, glowing pregnant apples. Anyway, after I fainted in the waiting room a very nice, very pregnant woman gave me her chair to sit in while I sipped some juice and recovered my bearings.
What I wanted to say is that my doctor explained to me that fainting was actually a very common reaction to the colpo. Her exact words–this is the doctor, not me–were "the heart and the cervix are connected." Words to live by.
Good luck, all! My HPV has not interfered with my life for a while, and I hope it's gone the fuck to sleep. I want to have babies, you know?
@barnacletree So when Ask A Lady says heart/vagina she is ALMOST right!
I have had multiple biopsies looking for HPV cancer because I guess I have had HPV? I don't know I am unclear on the specifics of whether or not it developed, or was just precancerous cells, or whatever. Point is, every biopsy was painful and resulted in me passing out. It sucked.
@meghan galewski@twitter I had two colpos, one in 2005 and one in 2007, both times I passed out and generally felt sick all day and night afterwards. Thankfully, I've been completely clean since then.
So, if you have a PAP and it is abnormal, depending on the type of abnormal cells you have they will recommend you do a colpo which helps determine further the type of cells, how they've spread, etc. And they take a nice chunk of your cervix with it.
I second the request for an HPV expert. This shit is confusing and exhausting.
Sooo… I've had two different guys in my life tell me that they were told by doctors that they are carriers for HPV but they have never had any signs of it. From the information in this piece, the comments that have been left by other Hairpinners and some less-than scientific wikipedia-ing I'm thinking this might be BS? Especially since there are no tests for men?
@nikibee Whether or not they're actually carrying HPV is pretty much unprovable. BUT, assume that they are. Since, ya know, most people are. And that's basically okay! Keep up with your annuals and it's all good.
OH the timing of this article… I recently found out I have HPV, one of the more aggressive strains & also moderate precancerous cells, which means more sharp things in my vag soon yay! I so wish my most current x-partner had been as cool as neurotic guy in this story. He first was so awesome & supportive, even asking if I wanted him at my impending LEEP (seriously – how many non-boyfriend guys offer to go to gyn surgeries?!). Then, like shar pei side-eye's lovely gentleman, his guy-ego/selfishness kicked in & he got all concerned that no girl would consider a relationship with a guy who has a cancer causing STD, and wouldn't believe that it was at all possible that I could have gotten this from him, even though we had been hooking up for over a year and a half…
I had the vaccine about three years before I started having sex, so I'm pretty sure (or you know, as sure as you can be) that I won't be getting an sti strain of HPV, but I'm also pretty sure (yes, okay, via webMD & Lord Wikipedia) that I have one of the baby strains (1 or 2) because I get warts on my hands very rarely. So thanks mum I guess?
in other news, this Tom person sounds lovely. and all in all, it sounds like you had a good(?) experiance in learning you have HPV.
reading this makes me want to lock my vagina in a cage. i feel disproportionately ill-informed about these type of things to my age/the amount of sex i've had.
so if I've never had an abnormal PAP does that mean I definitely don't have HPV? or could it be hiding?
I had a wart and FREAKED OUT because I thought it meant I was a filthy whore. Also, because the lady at Planned Parenthood told me it was "enormous" and she "couldn't treat it" and I should go to my regular gynecologist. OK. Thanks for the reassurance. My gyno told me that she was 100% wrong, I was totally normal, everything was fine, and that it was no big damn deal. He removed it, I got a cooter suture, and went back to work. The end.
@alpelican "Cooter Suture" would be a great name for an all-girl novelty goth band.
"I thought about how I had given this nice guy sex cancer. … I thought about mistakes I had made, and I thought about how it was probably all my fault."
this is basically what i'm dealing with RIGHT NOW! geez, it's like i'm being watched by hairpin contributers sometimes.
i just had a colposcopy yesterday and today i was barely able to walk, which is okay i guess because last night i wasn't able to sit. it hurts to pee, it really hurts to wipe, it hurts to think about it.
but yeah, when they called me last week to tell me that my pap came back abnormal all i could think about was my poor, adorbale ex-boyfriend and how such a sweet boy now has a cursed penis and will give all of his future girlfriends cancer because i was a big ol' slutty slut slut and i deserved what was coming to me because i spent all this time doing internet dating and sleeping around and not getting my checkups done. the only reason i even went to the gyno this year is because my ex has problems using condoms and i wanted to go on the pill so we could bang. i had been putting off going for so long!
i am feeling a little better about it but i think if the results from the bazillion biopsies the NP (not even a doctor!) took come back as cancer i will never forgive myself and i will never see myself as a sexual being again. so i guess i hope it's nothing because i really don't feel like living a life racked with guilt and sexual shame. i admire anyone who can go through this without feeling bad about themselves because i know that is the correct attitude to have.
i'm glad you're okay now.
@mathlete I am also in not the same boat but I guess a similar boat where on one hand, reading these articles I'm trying to reassure myself, but on the other hand I'm still freaking out! I haven't had an abnormal pap. I just engaged in VERY UNSAFE behaviour and then post unsafe-behaviour have been obsessively performing very indepth examinations of my nether regions and there was like, this little red spot, and I was freaking out about it, and imagining that everything is hurting more than usual and there are random sharp pains and EVEN THOUGH i'm trying to convince myself it's all psychosomatic, I'm still freaking out.
I looked back at this post, took a swig of wine for every time I said the words "freaking out," did another lady parts examination where the random red spot is fading and probably was just like.. a rash.. from.. the sexing.. and..
I hate how I've internalized all this negative crazy shit about something which by most people's accounts is not a big deal? This is why we can't let the Republicans win.
@mathlete i gotta give a shout for myself and my profession–the reason why you got a colposcopy from an NP is because the NP was a competent professional who was qualified to give a colposcopy just as good as a doc. promise.
my doctor totally slut shamed me when i found out I had HPV. She was all "This is VERY serious, you could have cancer, you totally shouldn't have sex for the next 6 months". Not, use condoms, but ABSTAIN FROM ALL FUN TIMES cause what are you doing having sex anyway, you bad girl? you should be studying. She ended the phone call by telling me i shouldn't put out for men who don't deserve it.
And this is why you should never have a church-going conservative family friend do your pap smear. She was my mother's doctor and I was young and piggy backing off family insurance.
I called my bf up freaking the fuck out, until he was like…um, read about it. It's like a common cold. And by my next pap smear, it was gone.
This was an incredibly well-written piece on a topic (HPV) that I've only found approached in either completely clinical or completely unrealistic. As you said: nearly 80% of us will have it by age 50, and it's treatable.
Hats off to you, ma'am. Hoping to see more posts from you in the future.
The best time I found out I had HPV I was on my way to my very first class EVER in college. My doctor (on the other side of the country) called to let me know I had a high risk strain of HPV, but didn't give me any helpful "Lots of people get it; it usually goes away by itself, especially in 18 year olds, blahblahblah"-type information, just that it was "worrying" and I should get another Pap in 6 months. I don't really remember anything from that first class because I was a little to busy freaking out about how diseased I was.
Also, I then spent the rest of the semester watching all those ads for Gardasil (which I did actually get before the first time I had sex) that showed a woman dying of cancer because of HPV she'd gotten from her college boyfriend. Good times.
When HPV was detected in one of my pap smears many years ago, the doctor didn't even refer to it as an STI. She described it as some sort of pre-cursor to pre-cancer cells in the cervix and I just had to go for a pap smear every year instead of every two. In fact, I didn't even know it was sexually transmitted until I read this today!
@Maj That's because it NBD.
So a couple of years ago I was in a polyamorous relationship, right? N and I had both had funtimes with J, who was dating E. One day E calls. She's got HPV, she's devastated, her life is going to change FOREVAR and she thinks N and I (that's me! So many letters.) should know. N and I proceed to panic.
J facebooks N. "Oh, HPV? Yeah, I think an ex of mine mentioned having that once. We should totally hook up again sometime!" N and I decide once and for all that J stands for Juicebox.
N tests positive for HPV. DEVASTATION. Then I go to the kindly folks at Planned Parenthood.
Nurse: "There are a few strains of HPV that are categorized as 'high risk,' but a lot of the time it clears up by itself anyway. Gardasil just immunizes you against the four strains that are likeliest to show up as 'high risk,' so you're less likely to need a colposcopy. And 'high risk' HPV takes, like, ten years to develop into cancer. So just keep coming in for your annuals and you'll be fine. Also, 80% of sexually active adults carry this virus."
Me: "Oh."
And that's why I support Planned Parenthood.
I had HPV before HPV was EVERYWHERE. I didn't know what it was, no commercials were out or pamphlets or anything until almost a year after I was treated for the first time. It actually took my stupid doctors TWO YEARS to figure out just what was wrong with me and by then I nearly had full blown cervical cancer. After two years of pap smears every 3 months with tests coming back abnormal "but I had nothing to worry about", they put a magnifying glass to my cervix (AWKWARD) and discovered 5 spots. I had the colposcopy (which is uncomfortable but nothing compared to LEEP, which I've had twice) and then sat down and said that maaaybe I had HPV. Say what? I was blown away.
It was then determined, after a biopsy that I needed to have my cervix scraped since I was advanced far enough to be in danger of getting cancer–or as my lovely doctor described to me on the phone, it would be like shaving meat at the deli. I nearly threw up. I had LEEP done, was in pain for days, and then told that in the three weeks since the biospy, my spots had multiplied AND were way too close to cancer for comfort. I was told to come back in 6 months. At 6 months my tests came back abnormal again and because I was at such a high risk for cancer, I went through LEEP again, not even bothering with a colposcopy. If I ever came back abnormal, I would have had to go through LEEP just in case.
I do not have HPV anymore, it finally cleared up and I would like never ever ever to see a magnifying glass pointed towards my cervix again thankyouverymuch. It's been a while since I've talked about my experience with HPV on my blog, I may have to do so again after being so inspired by your post! Thank you for posting this!!
@ashalah This sounds terrifying! A professional doctor actually told you "It would be like shaving meat at the deli" ??? Comparing the inside of your cervix to any kind of deli machinery is never acceptable. I'm glad you're okay now!
@all of you Awesome Medical Professionals: Okay, so…I want to make sure I understand, because I am SO confused about HPV and I…thought it was a form of herpes? I thought all warts and cold sores were forms of herpes. Is that wrong?
So, from what @Marieeee said, I'm understanding that HPV is:
a) a virus
b) transmitted from skin-to-skin contact. [Does that mean only genital skin, or just any kind of skin? Could someone have it on their hands and transmit it to me if they touched my vagina or like...my...eye? or mouth? Or any moist tract, basically? (Where does HPV live/hang out in your body?)]
c) a virus that in some strains causes your cervical cells to become pre-cancerous. [What does "pre-cancerous" mean? That sounds really scary.]
d) a disease that can be cured.
Am I correctly understanding the facts?
@wee_ramekin Maybe go read some of this stuff, from the CDC? http://www.cdc.gov/std/default.htm
My non-boyfriend of six weeks had a job at the bike shop around the corner from my OB/GYN. After finding that I had HPV I visited him at work to break the news.
First response: "That doesn't affect guys, right?"
Last time I talked to him.
God, what a relief to hear all these stories. I'm working in Japan, and got the call from Planned Parenthood back home two weeks ago that I need to come in for a colposcopy. Since going home is impossible, I get to share this adventure with you all in a foreign language. I'm sure I'll have a Personal Best story by the end of it.
@Knife Pants Good luck!
@wee_ramekin Herpes is a different thing from HPV. Cold sores are caused by the one, warts by the other.
a) yes
b) Any kind of skin, but there are scads of types of HPV (two reasons it's so common) and only some are dangerous.
c) Pre-cancerous means the cells have undergone changes that make them likely (but not guaranteed) to turn cancerous at some point in the future. Depending on where the cells are and how dangerous the possible future-cancer, they're either left alone or removed.
d) We have a vaccine for a few types, and your body can generally clear outbreaks on its own, and we can treat it, but we can't cure-cure it anymore than we can cure herpes, chickenpox, or HIV.
Oh, and I was told by a doctor forever ago that, while you can't do a random test for it in dudes, you can soak a washcloth in a mild vinegar, wrap the penis in it, and the exposure to vinegar will cause any HPV lesions to temporarily lighten.
@wharrgarbl Thank you for answering my questions. I appreciate it!
I'm glad to read everyone's stories. I haven't ever been diagnosed with HPV, but it sort of haunts my dreams. A coworker/friend was diagnosed with it and have to have a colposcopy in her early 20s, having had only two partners, both in long-term monogamous relationships.
So, although I've never been diagnosed with it, I still get kind of wigged out sometimes that I will. It's nice to hear so many stories of people who faced the cervix monster and survived.
Thanks to everyone's stories and comments, I have made the dreaded appointment for my annual gynosaurus appointment. Very grateful for the group of intelligent, brave and well-spoken women we have here!
This is amazing. I totally remember when I found out I had HPV; I thought I was now a slutty leper. NOBODY at health centers ever tell you about the 80% stat. Thanks thanks thanks for sharing!
excellent read to both A. and all the commenters.
I found out i had HPV last month and um…how can i put this? i feel like my vagina's ego has taken a hit. she's all shy and coy now, not like her usual self at all. I've kind of shut myself (it) off from any form of vaguely sexy interaction for when i think about it, many reasons. anyone else go through this?
@Kirby Boom Totally, Kirby. I feel slightly nauseous at the thought of going on a date now, let alone having any kind of naked sexy time.
I'm very confused. A cancerous STD? ie-cancer that is cathcing? Educate me people!
@Queen of Uncool@twitter (and others). I'm a bit worried by all the misinformation on this so as an (almost) medical professional, I'll do my best to explain.
HPV (human papilloma virus) is a family of viruses that cause warts on the skin and mucous membranes (including vulva, vagina, cervix, anus, etc.) If you think about a wart on your hand, it causes the skin cells to divide more rapidly, which is why you get a lump. Normally, once your body has cleared the virus, the cells go back to normal.
If this happens on your cervix, the cells grow a little bit funny. Typically, once your body clears the virus the cells will return to normal. In some cases, the cells don’t return to normal and continue to become more and more abnormal, and a small number progress to cancer. The high-risk strains of HPV are those that have more of a tendency to cause the lasting changes to the cells.
Most abnormal pap smears are due to an acute infection with HPV. If the smear shows only slightly unusual cells, most doctors will wait 6-12 months before repeating the Pap smear, and in most cases HPV is cleared by your body and the cells will look normal again. If the cells looked more unusual the first time, they might recommend a colposcopy, which is when they use a magnifying glass to look at the cervix, and take samples of any bits that look atypical. Based on that, they might recommend a LEEP/LLETZ procedure, which is when they use a loop with an electrical current to remove the weird cervical cells.
The thing to remember is that only a small number of women who get HPV will get low grade cell changes, and only a small number of them will progress to high-grade changes, and an even smaller number of them will progress to cancer. So while an abnormal pap smear is ‘pre-cancerous’, there is only a small likelihood of it turning into cancer, and even if you are one of the unlucky ones, that generally takes decades.
So the moral of the story is:
1. If you’ve had sex at any time, condom or no condom, you have an 80% chance of being affected. Try not to panic too much if you have an abnormal smear, or someone tells you that you have HPV, it’s not as bad as all that. Your mum, best friend, and judgmental churchy colleague have probably also been affected with no lasting effects, even if they don’t know it.
2. Have regular pap smears!
me too (in a small voice) has kept me from ever going near someone again (and its dreadful, emotionally painful) for over three years and I don't think I'll ever be close to anyone again.
@Lise Mctaggart@facebook This makes me sad. What I've learned from this thread is that 80% of us have it. EIGHTY PERCENT. And usually your own body clears it out on its own. And you can get if even if you use protection so it has nothing to do with being promiscuous. Don't let it stand in the way of getting close to someone (easier said than done, I'm sure) but especially since chances are they have it too!
I don't know what it was about this article, but I read it then promptly went out and scheduled my first gyno exam since 2008. Thank you, you've terrified me into responsiblity.
Extraordinary late to this but… Hairpin, thank you. I got a call from my doctor this morning, and as an aside, at the end of the call, she's like "oh and you have HPV, too." Um. What?!?! Normal pap. But I spent the day at work wanting to throw up. I feel better now. DOCTORS: can you please add the stats on this, the clears up on its own mostly, and the other less horrible stuff when you pop the diagnosis on us?