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Sentence Names
After my friend introduced himself to me as "Philip May, my name makes a sentence," I became obsessed with Sentence Names. There was Jessica Struggles, Jenny Rocks, Jeff Hurt, Emily Rose, etc. Once you've heard of them, you see Sentence Names everywhere. Here are some you may have heard of: Dean Winters.
Rosa Parks
Sean Combs
Heather Mills
Then, there are the Command Names:
Bill Clinton
Pat Benetar
Mark Zuckerberg
and Chuck Bass.
Desi Gonzalez looks at pictures during the day and thinks about words at night.
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I came across an amusing name the other day- Jonathan Fingers
@yrouttasight !
@yrouttasight Aaaah my dentist's name is Dr. Finger. *shudder*
@posturegirl Marilyn Monroe's doctor was named Dr. Finger! I have a picture of a bottle of sleeping pills prescribed to her saved on my computer because I can't get over that name.
@posturegirl I could never ever ever. That makes me think of Salad Fingers, a meme which needs not be repeated.
@posturegirl The OB/GYN who delivered me was named Dr. Hirt. :/
@jen325 My orthodontist as a teen was Dr. Payne, and my regular dentist was Dr. Love. :/
@sophi Really? Wow!
@everyone No sentence name can beat the son of my eight grade science teacher. Her name, Katrina Raper, was funny enough, but she named her son Will. WILL RAPER (Will rape her, but also could be interpreted as someone who rapes people named Will? Double trouble.). If he grows up to be a gynecologist… Dr. Will Raper.
@yrouttasight It would be really bad if they got married and hyphenated their names.
@posturegirl I had a throat surgeon named Dr. Hackett. My friend's dad is a surgeon named Dr. Stump. Shudder.
@jen325 Dr. Love delivered my oldest son.
Oooh,ooh! I know a Sherry Harms!
oh, i like a person very much called, Kelly Counts.
I once met a girl named Palmer Kuder (pronounced 'cooter')
@archetype THIS IS MY FAVORITE.
That Chuck Bass image is so good. My name has the makings of a sentence name but isn't. Alas.
Need I remind everyone of the immortal novel Under the Bleachers by Seymore Butz?
@atipofthehat or Don't Stand Downstream by I.P. Freely?
@atipofthehat: The Tiger's Revenge by Claude Balls
@atipofthehat Wait a minute… Listen to me, you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!
-You'll get that punk someday, Moe.
I don't know. He's tough to catch. He keeps changing his name.
@melis "When I catch you, I'm going to rip out your eyes and shove them down your pants so you watch me kick the crap out of you. Then I'm going to use your tongue to paint my boat!"
Tom Waits!
@vanillawaif: Bill Withers!
@ejcsanfran George Wendt? Does that count?
Yes, it counts – but then so does Johnny Unitas.
@vanillawaif George Wendt always counts.
@ejcsanfran Fair enough. This whole thing has made me think about Jan Hooks in a brand new way.
@Katie Scarlett I like the way you think.
Vladimir Putin.
@vanillawaif
Famous paleoanthropologist Dr. Dick Leakey?
@vanillawaif: Ha. I totally thought "Tom Waits" some some Becketty kind of stage name. It's not!
@vanillawaif Indeed he does: http://i.imgur.com/IrAUJ.jpg
@atipofthehat Or for that matter, race car driver Dick Trickle?
What about ones like Amanda Knox?
@Ophelia Amanda Knox, but Tom Waits?
@Sarah in Japan and Ashley Bates (actual friend's name). Also Ivy Wells, and possibly Todd Grant.
Edith Simmers, man.
@atipofthehat Alex Balks.
Reminds me of a story I heard once about Ethel Merman discussing the music and lyrics to "Everything's Coming up Roses" with Sondheim and Jule Styne, and Ethel said, puzzled, "Everything's coming up Rose's what?"
Where's Nicole Cliffe? She'd appreciate this story.
ahhhh! I didn't know this kid in high school but I was on yearbook and noticed him and was obsessed with his sentence name. Unfortunately a quick search shows only him as an option so I don't want to put it in here so fake first name Demetrius Must. Loved it. Such a good name. Never met him but have always remembered his name… I'm a creep.
@BuffyBot
Samesies…I have a great one but I'm too nervous to post her name.
@BuffyBot I went to school with a kid named William "Willie" Leek. I never met the kid, but I was sick in the nurse's office one day, waiting for my mom to pick me up from school, and I overheard the nurses quietly snickering about his name (mean I know, but c'mon. He couldn't have gone with another nickname?).
I'll see you all and raise you one R. Izydorek.
@melis
No!
@spex True story. When I worked at my county's DA's office, there was a defendant named Shithead. Poor dude didn't stand a chance.
@spex You're friends with Steven Levitt?
@kayjay Oh, sorry, I got skittish and edited my comment and now yours doesn't make any sense.
I confess! It was I who introduced the topic of people named Shithead!
@kayjay OMG! I work in my county DA's office now, and the names are THE BEST. My faves –
President Pimpin' (Actual first and middle name)
Afroditie
@NeverOddOrEven NO!! I love it! We had Snowhite once. That was a good day in the office.
@NeverOddOrEven Ooh, ooh! I knew I had another – there was a girl with the middle name Alize-Champagne.
@kayjay YES. When I got his file back from sentencing one of the conditions was that he got a GED (!).
Another true story, a friend works at a neighboring counties impound lot and they have a repeat customer who's car is always there for drug violations. Her name?
Cocainia.
@NeverOddOrEven I wish my memory was better. There were so many awesome defendant names, but it was so long ago when I worked there. Cocainia is perfect. Seriously, I'm dying in my cube.
@BuffyBot I know a (fake first name) Kelly Needs. She makes great sentences.
@kayjay I used to work for law firm in Louisiana, and we ran into some awesome names. My favorite? Catfish Bill Carrigan.
@phlox My great-aunt's first name was Juanita, but she was always called Nita. Maiden surname Foote, married name Weiner. She went from Nita Foote to Nita Weiner! *SNICKER*
@MsChilePepper A really good friend of mine's last name is Bluett (pronounced blew it)…it's awesome.
Samuel Pepys! A terribly fine name for a diarist.
@feartie Ah the lost years wherein I thought it was pronounced "Pepe's"
@feartie Samuel "Marshmallow" Pepys is a favorite!
I am related to a Sue Pantera, which I believe their former webmaster is attempting to do.
@Vicky Johnson: The band or the car?
I have a friend who talks about a time in school when a kid named Justin Case was called to the office (as in "Justin Case, please come to the office") and she showed up like a fool.
That can't be true, though! Too precious.
@spex I had a friend who went to school with a Justin Thyme. Apparently he did the weather for their morning news program, and his tagline was "It's Justin Thyme for the weather!"
@rebecca@twitter He exists!
I have a sentence name! Kimberly Drew
@Kimberly Drew If I can be overwhelmingly tactless for a moment, I hope that if you are currently single and plan on taking your husbands name as a hyphenate, choose your mate wisely. The possibilities…
@Vicky Johnson Like if she married you? Then she'd be Kimberly Drew Johnson?
Sorry. I'm seven years old, everyone.
@Kimberly Drew:
I knew of a girl in school with a great hyphenated name – Amanda Parker-Ford. Perfect!
@Kimberly Drew Good lord! We have the same last name!
You must have the same problem with vanity googling that I do. Stories and things that come up "Clara drew a picture…"
@Vicky Johnson Oh gosh–this reminds me of a friend's aunt, whose maiden name name was spelled differently but pronounced "coochie" and married someone with the last name "Burns." No hyphenation for her.
@Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse You know I'm just going to keep commenting on stuff you write because of your name, right? Just letting you know.
@kayjay Yesss! My plan to bolster my popularity by pandering to the interests of Hairpinners is succeeding! Why would anyone eat anything other than breakfast food?
@Vicky Johnson Help? I don't get this? Explain for those of us who have IQs of 6?
@Kimberly Drew My daughter's last name is "Draw". She has a sentence name, too! I never realized…duh!
@Four Horsemeals of the Eggporkalypse I'm going to need ALL the bacon and eggs you have.
I know a family with the last name "Peed." I mean, come on.
@one cow.: So that's why Ray J doesn't use his last name…
@one cow. There's Mike Peed from the New Yorker.
@one cow. When I was growing up, some local politician named Carl Peed was always running for office in my town. Those campaign signs were the best. My family spent a LOT of time crafting jokes with the punchline "Carl peed."
When I used to work at a museum, my friends and I used to amuse ourselves by typing silly words into the member directory with the hopes that we would discover a member named, say, Beaver. Or Wiener. Or something equally mature. We found many gems, but the only sentence name that comes to me right now is Elizabeth Poos. I mean, really.
@Katie Scarlett I used to catalog course reserves in a university library and was startled when I pulled up a list for a Professor Gross and found someone had cross-referenced his name as "Yucky."
Not a sentence, but…I went to school with a B.J. Palmer. PLEASE TELL ME YOU THINK THIS IS AS HILARIOUS AS I DO.
@mirror_father_mirror There was one poor guy in my high school named Phuc Dang. That had to be hard.
@Lera Atwater one of the women I knew in China had the english name of 'Betty Dong'
@Craftastrophies Not to mention all the Wangs out here.
@giantspider I went to school with a Kishore Bhutt. 5th grade was tough.
@Ophelia I have a customer at my store named Christy Wang who lives on Dicks Rd.
I knew a girl, first name changed in case she doesn't want to show up on Google, named "Jessica Rose Haier"
SO COOL. SHE ROSE HIGHER, GET IT GUYS.
@Briana_Ritz Higher and higher. I wish I could stop, you guys.
@Briana_Ritz OOH! My younger bro went to HS w/ a girl who had the surname Knopf, pronounced noff. Her first name was Jacquelyn, but of course she went by Jackie. Jackie Knopf. Yep.
@melis SO GOOD. All my training montages are based on this one.
no name can top Albert Pujols. I know, I know, not a sentence name… but pooholes? I would marry that man in a heartbeat.
@honeybadger: I always laugh when I hear his name. Because I'm an 8-year-old.
I have a sentence name! Jennifer Bridges.
Am I going to get things thrown at me if I suggest that it really only works if the last name is an intransitive verb? Okay, I'm getting ready to duck now.
I very much enjoyed the images, though, I bet someone had a blast with Photoshop!
@amity Only roses and confetti. And maybe kittens.
My surname is Cox – does that count?
(Please say yes)
@Katato I work with a guy who has the surname cox. His grandchildren call him Poppy Cox…
it's awesome
I love this! It makes me feel validated!
I knew these two guys that used to hang out all the time, and their names made a phrase – Mark Look (also a command name) and Kenny Sweet. I always heard it like this:
Person One- "Mark, Look! Kenny!"
Person Two – "Sweet."
Can I also just take this opportunity to say that for a brief time in middle school I dated Mike Hunt?
@NeverOddOrEven
I dated the Lingus sisters, though never at the same time. Hygiene!
Connie, I'll never forget you.
Anna, you left a bitter taste….
@atipofthehat Seriously? You can't be serious. But it's the internets so….?
@NeverOddOrEven Well I've dated a Mike Litt AND a Zach Hunt, so I win. (I'm not even kidding.)
@TheBabyHereComes HA! Mike Litt is definitely my favorite sentence name that is not actually a sentence.
@TheBabyHereComes YOU AUSTINITE! $100 says we know each other.
@TheBabyHereComes So weird seeing both those names. I worked with Zach at Fresh Plus!
I wish I had a phone book on hand. Whitepages.com was not created with this game in mind!
My friend's name is Julian Ho! I will now strictly use his name in the imperative.
@Chiara Atik@twitter Like…"Go forth and ho for all you're worth!!!"?
OMG, my mom's name is a sentence name! (Her last name is Sparks).
Hope you guys didn't plan on getting anything done this afternoon, because BAM
http://nameoftheyear.blogspot.com/
friend of a friend of a friend of a friend: Hope Still.
bear grylls!
Used to work with a Richard Dangles. Of course he went by Rich.
@ImASadGiraffe I wish with all my heart he had chosen to go by "Dick". Hilarity.
@LilyMarlene My mother once met a Richard Head who actually goes by "Dick."
@Xanthophyllippa My ex boyfriend knew a guy named Richard Les who went by "Dick". What's wrong with these guys? DON'T THEY KNOW?
@jen325 I think they become so resigned that they just decide to own it.
@Xanthophyllippa I'm related to a Dick Johnson. I just wish they'd named his brother Peter.
Can't believe nobody's gone for this yet:
Karl Marx.
In the realm of the living, my organization employs a Jonathan Huggs.
Two lawyers I have come across in my Other Hemisphere professional life; one Mr. Douch, and a certain Mr. Fail. I can't decide if I'd hire them as my personal legal Dream Team or not, if the need arose.
@LilyMarlene There's a construction firm based around here called Hope & Clay, which I always thought seemed like a bad strategy for modern engineering.
@AbdulAlhazred I assume they are a subsidiary of Spit & Tacks, LLC?
AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!
I may or may not be dating a Phillip Moore.
@Hollydoll85 Lucky for you! Maybe.
My ex was ripped off by a faith healer who went by the name of April Marks. Granted, "marks" is a transitive verb so it's not a good sentence, but still–good luck Googling that shit
I have a friend who if she had hyphenated her name when she got married would have been [First name] Wendt-Still. She decided to take her husband's name.
I will take any opportunity, no matter how oblique, to bring up Nancy Ann Cianci. Greatest name in human history.
@Edith Zimmerman No no! Mario Hilario!
Mine is close. Maybe I should change my middle name to "May"?
I'm one! Jesslyn Shields. I feel like I just won a raffle or something. it's weird.
I registered to state for the record that the best sentence name (except for the dirty names, of course) is Clive Staples Lewis.
At graduation a friend and I looked through the graduation booklet for funny names. We found "Lucy Hidden". I can't remember how much I said "Where's Lucy Hidden?" that day.
At my old workplace I spoke to a woman from a government agency and her name was Sandy Shore! Shaw?
In junior high I had a friend whose last name was Handler. Her dad? Richard. Yep. He went by Dick.
Imogen Poots. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1782299/
Yes I made an account to post this.
I just now got a phone call from a Les Payne. More of a directive than a sentence name, but I had to share.
Mike Peed! Kimberly Drew! Clive Staples Lewis! Imogen Poots! I'm so proud of all of these Name Sentences and have so many to add to my collection.
Just last week, ran across a Richard, goes by 'Dick' Vane.
I had a professor in college named Sharon Cox. She must have been generous, sharin' all those…well, you get it. Hee!
English High Court Judge James Pickles! And his sister Christina Pickles! She played Judy Geller in Friends and I find it extremely odd that they should happen to be related, but there you go!
My father supposedly worked with some poor fellow named Peter Wiener.
Nicholas Winding Refn
I just need to figure out what a 'refn' is.
I thought about not posting this because, eek internets! but I am out there already, who cares. My last (maiden) name is Rose. My first name begins with the letter A. Every work email I have ever had has been "arose." A Rose arose. Yippity.
I have a lifelong obsession with names that are also THINGS. Now also verbs, apparently. I am a thing AND a verb! It goes both ways! That's what she said…aaaaand good day.
@MrsLlama A company I made business cards for uses the same format for their email addresses. My favorite was the one for Albert Wang.
Oh, and we also did business cards for Joy Sachs. And a woman appeared in a booklet we printed who had the hyphenated name Bush-Cutts.
@MrsLlama: Ann Teeters. Verb AND thing!
@MrsLlama I knew a girl whose last name was Rouse. First name with an A also. arouse@whatever…
Tangent but I know someone whose first name begins with "S" and his last name is Hart, so his work email is shart@emailaddress.com!!
"Cook Poo?" *tiny voice "here"*…
"Come on you guys, thats not even funny, Cook Poo?" *tiny voice "here"…
"Real original, guys!! What about Seymour Butts, or Ben Dover. Real Funny! Cook Poo!" *tiny voice, now crying a little "here".
"Dude, she's back here!!"
i get emails IRL from a Merry Christmas-Cox….umm…EXTREME AWESOMENESS!!
@ThundaCunt Seriously, I watched that ep like a week ago, and just winced every time he said it.
Anita Poupard. Really. I wish I were lying.
Also, Ieta Parrot.
@jen325 Oh, and I can't forget my brother's classmate, Anita Dickey.
My dad told me he once knew a priest called Willy Strains. Unfortunate.
Understanding Bush. He was a guy at the welfare office where I worked for a while.
@descie That's a real name?!?! I love it.
A friend of a friend has the last name of Fiehler, pronounced "feeler". Her brother went into the army and became Private Fiehler. We're all hoping he makes Major or General.
@whateverlolawants Captain Fiehler has a nice ring to it also… not dirty, just funny. The word "captain" is funny, guys.
most unfortunate artist name ever: When i was a teenager i attened a sailing camp and they would allways try to sell us postcards of the sailing ships painted by a Harry Henie. That got all the adeolecents giggling.
http://www.ultramarine.ca/artists/harry_heine.html