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Tuesday, September 27, 2011

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Mondo Labia

Ladies, here’s an important tip to help you determine if your man is serious husband material: If he has large, dangling genitals, then you can tell that those parts have been overused and stretched out, and he’s obviously dirty, diseased and slutty. But if he has tiny, barely visible genitals that don’t hang down too far, that means he is clean, healthy, virginal, and worthy of marriage.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Yet, when I was doing research for this article, I saw the reverse version of this advice being given to men. The post in question showed two women bent over side by side. The one with the small, hidden inner labia was deemed clean, healthy, and virginal, while the one with larger, protruding labia was branded a nasty, diseased whore. It should be noted that both of the women in the photo are adult performers, so it’s reasonable to assume that both of them are having frequent sex with multiple partners. Obviously, neither one is “virginal.”

Fact: Sexual intercourse does not make your labia longer. They are either naturally large or naturally small or somewhere in between, just like testicles. Don’t believe me? Check out famous MILF porn star Rebecca Bardoux, who has been making a living with her petite “virginal” labia for nearly 20 years.

On the other hand, Scarleteen, a sex education and advice website for teens, receives tons of emails from young female readers who have been made to feel self-conscious about their large labia. Clearly, these teenagers, many of whom actually are virgins, have not been “overused” or stretched out. The only thing that has been overused is their already heightened sense of media-induced body-shame.

I have always been both horrified and fascinated by the lengths women will go to make themselves conform to ever-changing cultural standards of perfection. But there was never anything (besides hair removal or piercing) that you could do to modify your nether regions. Not until now. 
Now, everywhere women turn, we are bombarded by ads for vaginal plastic surgery, asking us if we suffer from feelings of anxiety and low self esteem due to overly large, “imperfect” labia. Personally, I don’t get this “perfect pussy” nonsense. I’ve seen plenty and every single one is totally unique. Everyone who likes them (just like those who prefer penises) has a different idea about what constitutes the perfect pussy. Some like “innies” and some like “outies.” Some don’t care what it looks like, as long as it’s wet and happy. This is how it should be, variety being the spice of life and all. Something for everyone. Apparently some plastic surgeons really do insist that there's such a thing as an objectively “perfect vagina” that women should pay to emulate. This most desirable pudenda is one with a petite clitoral hood and tiny, perfectly symmetrical labia minora that do not protrude beyond the labia majora. A look that just coincidentally happens to be something they can surgically create with a simple, in-office procedure.

Me, I have a large, pronounced clitoris and generous labia minora that I am quite fond of, thank you very much. They have served me well over the years and I would not give up a single millimeter of their size in order to make my vagina fit some plastic surgeon’s idea of “perfect.” In spite of these supposed flaws, I’ve always been totally happy with my personal endowments and I have never once had someone hit the breaks after the big reveal and call the whole thing off because my vagina just wasn’t good enough. Yet, when I poke around online, I see before and after photos of women who started off with external genitalia far smaller than mine and still paid to get chopped. According to the guys selling labiaplasty, I should be suffering from anxiety and low self esteem due to my ugly, imperfect vagina. Of course I don’t, but I can’t help but feel sympathy for women who do. Like one 15-year-old patient whose underaged area I found available for viewing online, both before and after her labiaplasty. Never mind the fact that she’s a minor and anyone with internet access can ogle her at will, but what kind of world do we live in where a teenage girl has been made to feel so ashamed of her labia that she needs plastic surgery? We’re not talking freakish, foot-long batwings here, we’re talking just slightly larger than average.

Of course there was the totally absurd claim that, in addition to anxiety and low self esteem, she also experienced “discomfort in clothes” and therefore required this procedure at an age where most people are just figuring out how amazing it is down there. “Discomfort in clothes?” Give me a break. If your clothes are too tight for your junk, buy better fitting clothes. The smallest penis in the world is longer than this girl’s original labia, but you never see young men going in for penis reduction surgery because of “discomfort in clothes.” Discomfort in her own skin is more like it. She obviously saw mean, ignorant posts like the one I described at the beginning of this article and bought some surgeon’s hard-sell baloney about her baloney curtains. Just like so many young women buy the idea that they need breast implants, collagen duck-lips, or to be rail-thin in order to be loved.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for body modification and freedom of choice. But before you shell out your hard-earned simoleons to chop off your labia, take a minute to google an adult website called “Mondo Labia.” (Very NSFW.) This is just one of dozens of websites dedicated to the fervent worship of women just like you.

Bottom line: If the person you’re with doesn’t think your pussy is perfect, dump them and find someone who does.

Christa Faust has penned numerous crime and horror novels, including the Scribe Award-winning novel version of the cult movie Snakes on a Plane and Edgar Award-Nominated Money Shot. Choke Hold, the standalone follow-up to Money Shot, is released on October 4th.



121 Comments / Post A Comment

melis

Like any of us need an excuse to check out the work of famous MILF porn star Rebecca Bardoux!

But seriously, thanks for the excuse to check out famous MILF porn star Rebecca Bardoux.

likethestore

@melis If I disappear tomorrow and they check my internet history to find out what happened to me, someone's in for a surprise.

melis

@likethestore Thaaaat is what private browsing is for!

The Lady of Shalott

Where in the hell did you come across men's advice that told them to rate their partner's labia?!?!? Please let me know what planet it was from so I can NEVER GO THERE.

Also: If I'm sleeping with a guy, the only comment he had better have about my lady parts are "they're beautiful." Because if he suggests surgical alteration of my lady parts, I am going to suggest surgical alteration of his dude parts, without the benefit of surgeon.

glitterary

@The Lady of Shalott I'll settle for "they're fun to play with!" Rating genitalia on attractiveness is a bit of a lose-lose situation; all types are pretty hilarious. (Not that I don't appreciate 'em, you understand; I just recognise that such appreciation is rather influenced by an understanding of how much fun I'm about to have/have just had with them)

anna to the infinite power

BRAVA! This should be a full page PSA in all the magazines that sell body hate & unrealistic objective beauty standards to the young women of today.

rayray

@anna to the infinite power
Which, even the ones that promote body confidence in their actual articles, usually have classifieds filled almost exclusively with ads for companies offering cosmetic surgery/aesthetic procedures.

Queen of Uncool@twitter

@rayray to add to the million photoshopped articles and ads already in there..alongside their "this is HOW to look like this" articles..I don't know of a magazine that only promotes healthy body image. There is always the diet articles etc alongside..

glitterary

For srs, this! I'd had a look at my own with a mirror, but I'd never even seen pictures of another lady's privates until I started looking at porn in my early 20s, and they usually had a penis in them so comparison wasn't really possible. It didn't even occur to me to be surprised at how much variety there is until I found myself enjoying one at, ah, much closer quarters.

I guess arguably smaller is neater, but larger... more easily navigable? Maybe not labia but clitoris-wise? This just seems such a weird thing to be self-conscious about. If someone's got far enough to get a good look, they're really not going to be put off at that point.

carolita

Years and years ago, freshly sprung from my parents' home, I used to wear giant nun-like panties up to my belly-button (because my mom'd bought them for me and they were free, okay?). When I'd disrobe behind stage at fashion shows, my dressers would say, "oho! I bet your boyfriend loves those!" And I'd be like, "I don't date men who have time to notice my underwear." And that goes double for my labia!! Love me, love my labia!

Apocalypstick

@carolita Exactly! If he's complaining about you getting naked, he's doing it wrong.

Megasus

Man, I don't even think about my labia? Who thinks about their labia!?

insouciantlover

@Megan Patterson@facebook I think about your labia.

rararuby

@Megan Patterson@facebook Catholics, for one.

Turtle

@rararuby

Naw, I credit my sheltered Catholic upbringing for the fact that I didn't even know that my labia was a part of my body that I could/should be worried about until just now.

saul "the bear" berenson

@rararuby I hear that catholiplasty can fix that problem right up.

MrComment

I find this whole thing bizarre. The entirety of my thought process is, "Well, that's what hers is like." Any guy who treats that as a serious factor is petrified of a relationship (or women).

atipofthehat

@MrComment

Or: "Wow, one of hers is way bigger than the other. Cool!"

leonstj

@atipofthehat The motion carries. Obvs women should not judge theirbodies by what men think/sayabout them, but in no dude-talk have I ever heard a dude complain about this. And some of the dudes I hang out with are fairly slutty.

PerinealFavorite

@leon.saintjean I've overheard men talking shit about women's labia. Not any I would ever consider sleeping with, but still...

MrComment

@PerinealFavorite If it wasn't that, they'd find something else to shit talk about. It's not really about the women at all. What they're really trying to say is, "I totally got laid, and so many chicks want to do me that I can afford to be judgmental." Yes, please don't sleep with those guys.

frigwiggin

I actually used to be self-conscious about my labia once I realized they were kind of long. I haven't thought about that in years, actually. Now I feel sad for Younger Figwiggin. Girl! So many things more worth your thinkin' time.

wharrgarbl

Unless your labia are so long you're getting chronic infections no matter what the hell you do, for the love of god, leave them alone. By all accounts, the surgeons who push this bullshit are frequently not super-clear with their patients about the risk of permanent nerve damage, loss of sensitivity, or possibility of serious scarring.

Wookiee Hole

@wharrgarbl PREACH.

PistolPackinMama

@wharrgarbl Jeeez... we spend all this time freaking out about clitoridectomies/FGM BECAUSE OH MY GOD SAVAGES SAVAGES WHO DON'T RESPECT WOMEN ISLAM ISLAM OMG.

And yet here we are, with super-educated medical professionals, and men, and women telling themselves and each other that women should have surgery to correct their imperfect genitalia (ie, make it appealing to men) and by the way POSSIBLY DAMAGE THEIR NERVES.

God.

D.@twitter

@AnthroK8 Did anyone else start singing that song from "Pochanatas"? Savages, SAVAGES, barely even human...lala *hums*

bunB

@D.@twitter YES!

fondue with cheddar

@wharrgarbl Even though my large labia cause me problems, I would never, ever get them surgically altered. I think they're beautiful. And my boyfriend says they feel good, too. ;)

Personally, I think all vulvas are beautiful, awesome, and super fun to play with!

mulligan

I LOVE this place so much :) Funny and well written article about a subject that can be difficult to broach. LOVE

suzabellajones

If anyone's interested this awesome gallery shows a jillion pictures of different vulvas. It becomes really clear that there is no normal.

Queen of Uncool@twitter

@suzabellajones That's awesome!

Zombie Cucumber

A guy here.
Men don't think, wonder, or attach ratings to any of this. When it comes to labia and proximity to labia, we are, as the old saying goes, just happy to be there.

steve

@Zombie Cucumber
I can confirm this is true.

zidaane

Where do I get to vote?

Dandizette

Track down the documentary "Beperkt Houdbaar" by Sunny Bergman (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0982851). In it, a 15 yr old American girl (the same?) with freakish labia, according to her mum who never saw her daughter naked. And according to her boyfriend whose only reference was Playboy mag. And possibly Barbie. Bergman visits the girl's plastic surgeon and this happens: http://is.gd/3NnaaU

Wookiee Hole

@MurderMyAngel Holy shit.

whoneedslight

I have always been a little self-conscious of my labia, but I've never had any comments or complaints. Quite the opposite (maybe not labia-specific)!

Kneetoe

Picture or I can't judge.

wee_ramekin

@Kneetoe #ohspates

theharpoon

@wee_ramekin Glad you're carrying the torch. I miss you guys!

wee_ramekin

@theharpoon We miss you toooooo! Are you coming to the Crafternoon on October 22nd?!

theharpoon

@wee_ramekin AAAAAAAH 1000 years later, no I'm not, I'm out of town that weekend :(

Meghan-Sara Karre@facebook

Labia acceptance = body acceptance. Wishful thinking, but maybe someday we'll realize that everyone is beautiful in their own way. Sometimes I want to stand up on my seat on the subway and announce "Excuse me, everyone, this woman is gorgeous. Thank you." whenever I see natural or unconventional beauty but that is like always and standing when I could be sitting is ridiculous amirite??? /rant.

notandersoncooper

Problem labia are tearing this country apart. Please, Big Pharma, we need expensive cures!

Inkling

@notandersoncooper YOU'RE TEARING ME APAHHT, LABIA!

dormilona

@Inkcrafter i would like to like more than once. is there a big-pharma fix that can help me out?

(and also your comment below)

Inkling

To be honest, I could have done without the porn site linkage. I don't feel good about my small breasts, for example, due to the knowledge that a huge, faceless internet group wants to fetishize about them. (I'd MAYBE like them even more after receiving personal praise from a loved one?) But actually I like them because they're part of me, and I'm pretty cool, from my perspective.
If you just try to find your unconventional parts represented in porn, all you're saying is "folks still wanna rut on me" and that's not even the right way to think about your living vessel.

merg

@Inkcrafter right? i mean, i wouldn't advise a girl contemplating a nose job to check out a fetish site featuring guys coming on big nosed girls faces or something.

Lily Rowan

@Inkcrafter For me, the benefit of looking at diverse kinds of porn is just to see the variety out there that I wouldn't see otherwise.

Honestly, an afternoon spent with a stack of Playboys was super illuminating -- even these women who all fit one really narrow definition of "attractive" had a lot of differences.

katekari

@Inkcrafter Fair enough, although I'm the opposite. I love seeing breasts like mine represented in porn. And, for that matter, I love seeing small breasts celebrated in mainstream venues. I still struggle almost daily with feelings of inadequacy that are both mainstream and sexual, so having validation come from both mainstream and sexualized venues actually makes me feel better. I'm totally with you on not wanting to feel used or marginalized, but for me, seeing breasts like mine in pron doesn't do that.

MrComment

@Inkcrafter It's really not just a fetishization. At some point it just became an easy shorthand that bigger breasts = more attractive. It works well in commercials, but it's not really true. There was an entire generation of guys with a massive crush on Natalie Portman. I would say that even in terms of superficial attractiveness, the big breast obsession is as much a punchline as a reality.

Inkling

@MrComment What? That's not even the point.
I'm using small breasts as an example of something that's unconventionally beautiful. As I also occupy space in this world, I understand that people find small breasts attractive.
That was the OPPOSITE of my point. It does not MATTER if someone finds something attractive. That has nothing to do with its value as a part of someone's body.

MrComment

@Inkcrafter I'm not trying to suggest that anyone needs my or anyone else's approval to appreciate their body. In the context of the article and this thread, I just wanted to make the point that a lot of the things that cause insecurity are neither unconventional nor unattractive.

Inkling

@MrComment Reread. I was using them as an example of "unconventionally attractive", not unconventional and unattractive. They also do not cause insecurity.
"A generation of guys with a massive crush on [example]!" holds the same relevance as a fap of fetish site-goers having a massive erection over [example]. It's just not relevant.

Barry Grant

Oh for goodness sake. No.
It's all quite nice really.

AmyB

I remember being 15 and HATING my labia with a passion. The only reference I had was a VHS of "Backdoor Bimbos 13" (or something to that effect) I found in my brothers room. I had no idea.

And, yes, as a teen it was normal to wear crotch pinching jeans. And no underpants. TMI? yes. waaaaay TMI.

D.@twitter

GERLACKASSASFJKHDSGFSJ BLAHHH, what kind of parent pays for their fifteen-year-old to get vulva surgery??

ThundaCunt

Wow...so apparently I'm a whore....good to know! i loooove my big ol' hanging labia!! More grippin for the slippin, as I always say!!

nomorecheese

@ThundaCunt LOL'd in class

annev6

Any dude who would refuse to have sex with or belittle someone based on the size of their vagina parts (or breasts, for that matter) doesn't deserve to be having sex with anyone. Stop having sex with these men, everyone. Stop it now.

Gertrude

One of my favorite Ask a Dude moments was the Dude that waxed poetic about an ex and her larger-than-average labia.

Inkling

@Gertrude THAT WAS SO SEXY URNNGH.
I still think about that.
And the time when everyone talked about how they like pulling hair...

BostonKaren

hit the *brakes*

Sella Turcica

So, I had laser vaporization of my vulva because of carcinoma in situ (pre-cancerous cells). That stuff hurts. There is scarring. I can see the scars. My boyfriend can see those scars, as can the med students who are up in my business.
Recovery time took about 6 weeks. During that time I couldn't use toilet paper. I used a squirt bottle of warm water and patted dry with lint-free gauze or a clean cloth. I took daily baths in sea salt and I was tired as hell while my body worked to heal. It may be a one-day procedure but it is far from a one day ordeal.

katekari

@Delighted by User Thanks for sharing, seriously -- I thought it sounded ridiculous to minimize the recovery and difficulty of surgery on the vulva, and your story validates that. I hope you're cancer-free now, and pain-free as well!

DrFeelGood

Mondo Labia is the name of my band! Copyright infringement!

KitschyQueen

This new trend makes me so sad. I am going to be 26 next month, and as if I didn't have enough to be self-concious of (all very normal "abnormalities" I learned I was plagued with through teen mags and TV) I am now getting the notion that the nethers I was born with are deformed. Thank goodness my boyfriend LOVES my vagina. I mean as in (staring) "Oh my God, I love your vagina." I have one that sounds familiar to Christa's, and I wear skimpy frilly panties and jeggings or skinny jeans everyday and little shorts when it's warm. I wear teeny bikinis all summer. I ride a bike. I walk and run long distances. My vagina has never, ever caused me any physical discomfort. Especially during sex, I must add--In fact, I sometimes think the reason my boyfriend and I enjoy our sex so much is because my "huge and ugly" vagina is the perfect glove for his ummm generous endowments.

sweetleah

The stretched-out slut labia logic can't be true because I am a girl that cannot keep it in the pants and yet have very small labia (actually called "tiny" by one of my mans). My way-more than 19 (??) partners have not managed to stretch them out even a little!

Titania

@sweetleah Yup. I passed 19 sometime around my freshman year of college and mine are still tiny. At the risk of sounding like I'm humblebragging, the guy I'm seeing now uses both the terms "work of art" and "classic beauty" to refer to it, and he says that that is the aesthetic that he responds to most, but without a doubt different guys prefer different things. No matter what your parts look like, the answer is always to find someone who loves you exactly for who you are.

fondue with cheddar

@sweetleah And I had large labia when I was still a virgin. I call shenanigans!

thenewbrunette

Yes! Thank you Hairpin. I was just feeling bad about my own "outies" (as I will do occasionally, despite being feminist enough to know better) and BOOM, along comes this article to slap some sense into me. And then all the comments, about "big ol' hangin labia" pride... just... I love you guys.

Beericle

@sweetleah ballpark, honey!

Lola P.

a great place to begin for major mondo labia inspiration (labi-nspiration majora!? god) is panayiotis lamprou's gorgeous sexy "portrait of my british wife," which won a national portrait prize last year: http://www.matildesoligno.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/panayiotis_lamprou_Portrait_ofmy_British_wife.jpg

LizaLemon

Thanks, Hairpin for bringing this subject out into the open. Which is also where my labia happen to be. *gazes lovingly downward*

MatchGirl

Yeah, so... I hopped on my lady doctor's website a few weeks ago to get the number to make my yearly pilgrimage to the stirrups and was met with this little "announcement" http://www.awomanshealingcenter.com/news.php?id=20
Even though I laughed and sent the link to all my friends as an idea for upcoming girls night out activities - I am currently looing for a new lady doctor. You know, to avoid the upsell.

Elvis Costello's Spectacles

It never even occurred to me to think that there could be a "perfect" standard of appearance for one's lady parts, until I started seeing articles about labiaplasty maybe a year or so ago. Fortunately by that point I'd had enough compliments/sexytimes to know that it is complete and utter rubbish. I feel really sad for anyone who thinks they have to do something like that.

anonymous9

Well, apologies in advance for the TMI, but I have one of those much ballyhooed 'perfect vaginas' (naturally occurring), and it is freaking useless to me. It's about as sensitive as my elbow. I wonder if that is because the labia minora are almost non-existent? I tried to google any scientific studies on the subject but didn't get any immediate useful hits and didn't really want to delve any further. Anyone have any information on this?

posturegirl

@anonymous9 TMI challenge excepted because GAAAH ME TOOOO!!! *screams in frustration* I have to bust out the Hitachi just to get ANYTHING. Ugh. Teeny ladyparts suck (YMMV).

fondue with cheddar

@anonymous9 I have large labia and they're not sensitive at all either. I don't think it has anything to do with size.

Mame16th

@anonymous9 @posturegirl Hey yeah, me too! Thank God for batteries.

Texian

This just makes me sad. Young women are being told to go to war with their bodies in so many ways. In decades past a vagina just needed to be clean. Now it also has to be vajazzled, clean-shaven, tinted the right color and of perfect proportion. I'm calling bullshit on all of this right now. Don't do this stuff. The true ladies and gentlemen out there don't care. Everybody's beautiful... in their own way...

Note to all the mothers out there - if you need a little work done to get lift things back in place definitely go for it. Nobody should suffer with incontinence or sex without orgasms.

rivetingrosie

LOVED this! I, too, did not realize this was a thing to be concerned about until I started seeing ads around the Internet and in magazines. It's weird to think that there is an objectively "perfect" labia out there that we should all aspire to, especially because it's the "imperfections" and the small differences that make me LIKE people more, and I'm sure a lot of other people feel that way.

kayjay

I clearly don't get out enough. Or even Intertubes enough. I'm ashamed to say I didn't even know this was a thing. Wow. Well, here's my rocket ship to Plant Z, where no one judges people's labias. Anyone else coming?

slutberry

For real? I always wished my labia were longer/clitoris was bigger. Just seems like more to play with = more fun. Huh.

palliata

Most of this is completely valid, but I have to ask - who are these guys who prefer larger labia? I will admit I haven't done a survey but any time it has come up with friends it has been a universal inny>outie agreement. Not saying there's anything wrong with either, but let's not pretend this is something there's a lot of debate on.

theharpoon

@palliata Are you trolling again?

thenewbrunette

@palliata Erm, my boyfriend? Who loves my vag and says it would look "weird" if there were no frills sticking out at all? I don't mean to feed the trolls, but erm... fuck off?

Miss Sunday

I came across this bit of internet a loooong time ago, and it put the labia battle in perspective for me. http://www.sexylabia.com/articles/playboy-labia.htm The point being that large labia are actually TOO sexy for mainstream, just like a fully erect penis is too sexy. So I'm gonna keep on being proud of my generous meat drapes!

Talking Figleaf@twitter

Actually, sort of, technically, the morons are right that sexual activity can change the appearance of someone's labia. Unfortunately what they don't seem to understand is that it's not "overuse" but, um, arousal that's responsible. So to make the mock example from your introductory paragraphs even more accurate you could say "But if he has tiny, barely visible genitals that always flaccidly dangles downard and never swells and becomes tumescent, that means he is clean, healthy, virginal, and worthy of marriage."

One also suspects the morons responsible for the comparison either don't have very much experience with women partners or else have never once had sex with a partner who was the least bit interested, in sex, with them.

Meanwhile is it *possible* to have "unattractive" labia? Sure, I guess, just like it's possible to have an "unattractive" tongue. But... consider how much more often we see people's tongues. And compare that to how many people go to plastic surgeons to get their tongues "trimmed?"

And finally, considering that most women's vulvas regain their original looks relatively quickly after *child birth* it's kind of, um, wrong to imagine that any amount of intercourse would make a difference.

Sheesh!

figleaf

nomorecheese

I love Hairpin so much. I love that there are so many women out there fighting to help women get out of the prepackaged box that our culture forces us into. I gained 10ish pounds recently and while I would rather be thinner again, posts like these keep me from hating on myself. So thank you. <3

To put this labia thing into better perspective, I think it is clear that sexual activity or number of sexual partners do not necessarily result in an altered vagina. However, I think that what is actually done to the vagina can have an impact in many women. If a women has sex without lube a lot, she can stretch out the vaginal opening. If a women is getting fisted, or using very large dildos on a regular basis, these can all affect the vagina. So I think there is some truth to the fact that lots of sexual activity and childbirth can alter the vagina. It's a fact of life. BUT. Surgically altering the vagina? Just to conform to a "clean virginal" look? Vom.

Queen of Uncool@twitter

@nomorecheese She's not talking about vaginas. She's talking about labia.

nomorecheese

@Queen of Uncool@twitter Labia are part of the vagina.

I'm Not Rufus

Just adding another voice that I have literally never heard any intra-dudes conversation about some labia being sexier than others. I would be surprised if there were very many guys for whom this is not a complete non-issue.

Another Anon

Swear I'm not trolling. My labia are about an inch long, and I can't stand them. They're oversensitive, uncomfortable, they get in the way, and they get cold (and I just wear regular clothes; I'm not a deep-sea diver or anything). And yeah, to be honest, I don't like the way they look. None of this means I shy away from sex (and my partner is a damn sight more mature than I am), but it really does make other things more difficult.

@serenityfound

Did any New Yorkers see the performance a few years back at Lower East Side Festival a lady did as an adult film actress advised to get labia surgery? It was a musical, she played all the parts, and it included a song by the plaatic surgeon with the operatic chorus "I turn-a labia maaaaajor into laaabia miiiinoooor!". It was hysterical! When I tried to describe it to my roommates, though, I got some serious "wtf" faces in return...

Another Anon

@@serenityfound How strange, the change / From major to miiiinor...

anon1234

While I really appreciated and agree with 99% of this article, the whole paragraph saying that it is "absurd" that long labia might be uncomfortable in clothes made me livid. Thanks for invalidating my entire experience! I have one labia that is quite long and, in fact, it is almost constantly uncomfortable: when I am wearing skirts, pants, underwear, or even when I am walking around naked, because it rubs against my thighs (I have fat thighs, sue me!). This may be TMI, but, I have to tuck it up in order to even function in my daily life, and if it comes untucked, I can't adjust it in public without sticking my whole hand down my pants and thus get to be even more uncomfortable until I can find a bathroom. Maybe I will never get a reduction, but I certainly don't blame anyone for not wanting to be as uncomfortable as me.

And to single out one girl and say you don't believe in her specific reasons for getting a labia reduction is ridiculous. That's like saying, "Oh you got Botox for migraines? Yeah right! You just don't want to get wrinkles!!" Maybe some people do use that excuse, maybe 95% of people use that excuse, but you don't know anything about a specific person's reasons for getting a medical procedure.

shantasybaby

@anon1234 The article really did throw the baby out with the bathwater- yes, it seems extreme for someone to get surgery to reduce the size of their labia for purely vain reasons but acting like there is no way it could actually make someone uncomfortable is totally insensitive. I have enough trouble with chub rub from just my big thighs rubbing together, I can't imagine my labia hanging down there too, that must be awful!

TBD@twitter

"Bottom line: If the person you’re with doesn’t think your pussy is perfect, dump them and find someone who does."

For me, the perfect pussy is one with larger labia - at the risk of being a bit crude, there's more to roll around with one's tongue. I think it is perfectly okay for me to express that particular preference without getting righteous indignation as a response (perhaps from women with smaller labia or any women who objects to having their genitals appraised in any way.)

That said, any guy who ridicules a women for having any shaped vagina is a pratt and deserves a bit of - probably accurate - pointed remarks directed at his own genitals.

When I was younger I worried about my penis being too small and my scrotum being "too tight" and not hanging just right. I even misinterpreted the song with the lyrics "it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing". I also cringed every time I heard that "Short Dick Man" song. But I wasn't about to go for surgical intervention. I grew up and realised I was just a "grower" and that "tight balls" are probably an evolutionary advantage brought about by the need to leap over thorn bushes and porcupines. It is truly a shame that some young women don't grow out of their labial hang-ups. Don't fret about what is arguably a truly beautiful objet d'art. (I think there are even websites devoted to vagina art.)

I hope you take this comment in the spirit I intended: positive, uplifting, and light-hearted.

- Peace

MsCandyApples

It may seem like just an excuse to undergo super fun surgery on your woman parts, but pants, not even tight ones, can be really uncomfortable to wear if you have longer labia. Any pair of denim pants or shorts has a big knot right in the crotch that is a constant annoyance, and it's not because your pants don't fit, it's the nature of jeans. They migrate to higher ground (your waist), and the thing that catches them and holds them back from making it there is your crotch (and your long labia).

So yeah, I wear a lot of dresses.

Maybe some of those girls aren't just self-hating, perhaps they are jeans-loving. Just a thought.

criss

It's not "vaginal" plastic surgery. Vulva != vagina. Geez.

My labia (minora) are slightly on the long side, and depending on the temperature/time of the month/pants I'm wearing, sometimes I do have to encourage them to stay inside the labia majora. If they don't, the chafing can be severe (and baggier pants aren't an option, as they cause inner-thigh chafing to the point of bleeding). While it doesn't happen often and I am not considering surgery for it, it does make me aware that there's a potential issue. Anyone who had longer or more delicate labia than mine and liked to wear fitted (not even tight, just not baggy) jeans or do various activities like bicycling or horse riding would probably be really glad labiaplasty is an option!

Johnnyboy

OK - speaking as a guy, I take 'em as they come, but if anything I prefer the longer labia although I couldn't say why.

Aesthetically, they're all good, so there's not a woman born should worry about it.

On a related note, I do remember being appalled when I read some girl's blog maybe six or seven years ago, in which she told how she removed her own labia minora with a soldering iron. Made me feel seriously sick - why would ANYONE do that to themselves?

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