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Friday, September 2, 2011

30

Emo-Porn is Less "Belle and Sebastian" Than You're Thinking

Focus on the Family warns us about the creeping menace of emo-porn.

(I just like the phrase "emo-porn," otherwise this does not count as Birthday Programming.)

30 Comments / Post A Comment

Miss Zarves

"men should complain when compared to the artificial men of daytime television. In the real world where real men burn through a lot of emotional battery life to make a real living, being expected to behave like men who don’t exist is more than wrong."

Yeah, real life men, why can't you be like soap opera dudes? Why aren't you able to perform exorcisms on me or kidnap my evil twin or impregnate my niece who is actually my sister!

graffin

@Miss Zarves And why can't we only be employed as either a doctor, a detective, or wealthy business man.

Miss Zarves

@graffin hey now, Jason Quartermaine is nobody's doctor.

automaticdoor

@Miss Zarves Damn straight he's not.

graffin

I expected porn with alot of shoe gazing and skinny jeans.

As much as I hate Focus on the Family, the point isn't that far off.

cheeseandcrackers

@graffin I watch the Young and the Restless just about every day (SHUT UP) and a woman would have to be a certifiable workaholic if she wanted her man to act like those lunatics. They are CONSTANTLY getting in the middle of girl fights and taking their shirts off. Plus you never know when your guy might have a head transplant or a secret evil twin brother. No one wants that. It's just fun to watch.

blueruin

@graffin are you serious.

The Lady of Shalott

"With emo-porn, fantasy men perform stunningly between the sheets of conversation, emotional understanding, and emotional dexterity. Most mortal men cannot deliver such behavior, the way men do in soap operas and romance novels."

I don't know who should be more offended by this: All Men Ever or All Women Ever. Also I like how it lists "conversation" as something Impossible for Men to Do. How do they communicate when they're out in the Real World earning a Real Living, then? Grunts and pointing?

Miss Zarves

@The Lady of Shalott forreal. When men routinely get surgeries to increase the dexterity of their emotional aptitude, maybe then this can start being a thing.

Cawendaw

Focus on Family must be watching some seriously boring soaps.

leonstj

This complaining is stupid, anyone Dr Jake Ramoray can do, I can do better.

Hiroine Protagonist

@leon.saintjean I hate myself for this. Wasn't it Drake?

leonstj

@Hiroine Protagonist - Hahaha. Yes, I think you're right. It hasn't been my day, my week, my month or even my year.

Hiroine Protagonist

@leon.saintjean I'll be there for you.

Ophelia

@leon.saintjean That's OK. I'll be there for you.

Ophelia

@Hiroine Protagonist jinx.

Hiroine Protagonist

@Ophelia Damn, right at 3pm! We owe each other a Coke! Or a punch, depending on your region.

Ophelia

@Hiroine Protagonist Maybe we can thwack each other and then have cokes?

Hiroine Protagonist

@Ophelia You...wanna date me? I knew I'd find luuuuuuuuuv someday!

anonymass

@Hiroine Protagonist
I can just see you two hitting it off at Central Perk.

Hiroine Protagonist

@Ophelia Uh. That went creepy didn't it. Whoops.

wharrgarbl

There is pretty much nothing Focus on the Family has ever said or done that lessens my firmly-held belief that they should go fuck themselves with a jumping cholla cactus. This included.

Dancercise

"...when compared to emotionally dexterous hunks of daytime lore, chat rooms..."

What kind of chat rooms are these people going to?

wharrgarbl

@Dancersize Clearly the kind where they talk about stuff. Who the fuck does that in chat rooms?

Cawendaw

@Dancersize Do people still go to chatrooms? I don't think I've been in a chatroom since the 90's. Maybe this article fall through a wormhole from the 1930s, when romance novels weren't all about throbbing manroots, radio soap characters could go more than 3 hours without cheating or trying to kill someone (or cheating while trying to kill someone), and by chatrooms they're referring to actual rooms where people went to chat politely about the Vaudeville and the situation in Abyssinia.
Actually "fell through a wormhole from the 1930s" would make Focus on Family a lot less depressing if true.

leonstj

@Cawendaw I would kind of love a place to talk politely about vaudeville. It would finally give me an appropriate venue to refer to legs as "gams".

sam.i.am

The only daytime TV I watch is the Nate Berkus show and Law & Order. I wonder how that's ruining my relationship.

Artressa Vandelay

They may be emotionally available, but we all know they will either bang our sister or be dead within a year! And then they'll probably come back from the dead after I'm with my new hunk and make me all conflicted! It's not so great dating soap men, but they have rockin' bods so we will always love them. God, I love my soap!

Hollye

Hmmm.... I started swiping my aunt's Lavyrle Spencer and Nora Roberts paperbacks around the age of 10, and I learned lots of awesome lessons. Including that sex was supposed to feel really really good when done correctly. Also, I learned premarital sex wouldn't make me unloveable to my future husband, and if I wanted, I could have a really nifty career, like being a paleontologist, or architect, or opening a ballet studio is a picturesque New England town.

I stand by my romance novels.

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