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Monday, September 26, 2011

43

Crest Whitestrips, the Movie

"The hundred-per-cent-perfect-looking female is perfect in every way except that she constantly bonks her head on things. She trips and falls and spills soup on her affable date (Josh Lucas. Is that his name? I know it’s two first names. Josh George? Brad Mike? Fred Tom? Yes, it’s Fred Tom). The Klutz clangs into stop signs while riding her bike and knocks over giant displays of fine china in department stores. Despite being five feet nine and weighing a hundred and ten pounds, she is basically like a drunk buffalo who has never been a part of human society. But Fred Tom loves her anyway."
—The excellent Mindy Kaling lists seven types of women in romantic comedies.

43 Comments / Post A Comment

phlox

Yes yes yes. Mindy Kaling is hilarious and very much a Hairpin kind of lady, I think.

han
han

@phlox I wouldn't be surprised if she was a Hairpinner! Ahh, she's great.

phlox

@han She and Jane should go shopping and then tell us all about it.

swirrlygrrl

I will point out that the most egregious example of "The Forty-two-Year-Old Mother of the Thirty-Year-Old Male Lead" was in the original Manchurian Candidate, when Angela Landsbury had that kid when she was 3, apparently.

atipofthehat

@swirrlygrrl

When Jessie Royce Landis played Cary Grant's mom in North by Northwest and Cary Grant's love interest's mom in To Catch a Thief, she and Cary Grant were the same age.

melis

Didn't Cracked like, just do this?

melis

@melis They did! Both articles are good inasmuch as they are funny about a thing that's pretty depressing, I can report.

ribs+bbq

I don't know about you guys, but I think drunk buffaloes are sexxxy!

petejayhawk

@_ribstbbq_ *call me

julia

"There are, like, nine people in the entire world who are architects, and one of them is my dad. None of them look like Patrick Dempsey."

One of them is my dad! And none of them are actually practicing architecture.

kayjay

@julia What about Art Vandalay?

WaityKatie

@kayjay Or Mike Brady?

shenannies

@julia Maybe it's because I'm 'active' but I've dated three architects...they're all over the place.

julia

@shenannies I know a few, too, I just liked that line. And that architecture is held up as a v. high income and "interesting" to hollywood job. Maybe... if you can actually get a job.

rararuby

@julia i know a few good-looking architects, but yeah, there all currently unemployed

rararuby

@rararuby *they're*

ugh.

liznieve

@julia hahahahahaha "high income" hahahahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHA.

my student loans and current income are laughing with you/hollywood, not at you/hollywood.

CyberAly

@julia ahahahaha! Art Vandalay!

fondue with cheddar

@julia My boyfriend went to school for architecture, but now he's a photographer.

braceface

The Gallery Worker character is the rare female movie archetype that has a male counterpart. Whenever you meet a handsome, charming, successful man in a romantic comedy, the heroine’s friend always says the same thing: “He’s really successful. He’s”—say it with me—“an architect!”

There are, like, nine people in the entire world who are architects, and one of them is my dad. None of them look like Patrick Dempsey.

THIS IS SO TRUE! I work in an architecture firm and 1) most architects are like 50, 2) most of the time they are doing super boring, technical drawings and complaining about it, 3) ALL THEIR WORK IS DONE ON THE COMPUTER!! I think that last one is my biggest pet peeve. Architects don't draw anymore, and they haven't in years. No real firms have those huge drawing board desks. They have desks with dual monitors. Ugh. Hollywood, right?

liznieve

@braceface eh, sometimes we draw sexxxxxy hand-drawn perspectives to sell a design to a client, but mostly it is computers. sometimes it's really fun 3d computers or generative scripting to make crazy, transforming skins, but mostly it's coordinating roofdrains.

liznieve

@liznieve ugh, "computer programs" not 3d computers. I would hope the computers themselves would be 3d.

CyberAly

@liznieve My uncle is an architect and I thought it was the coolest career ever. Even when he told me he was mostly in charge of the staircases. lol. I always paid close attention to stairwells in buildings after that. (I think he has progressed professionally since he told me that in like 1987.)

Megasus

@braceface Oh man, there's even a video game called Heavy Rain where the main character is an architect and he uses the desk! You even have to like draw on it!
But then his dumb son gets hit by a car and he gets divorced and THEN has his remaining son get taken by a child killer, AND you have the option to cut off his finger (which I did), so like, it's all win/win I guess.

PixieSparkle

How depressing is it that the exec was like, "um, we want board game movies." I hope that doesn't mean we'll be stuck with Settlers of Catan starring James Franco instead of Mindy Kaling's daughters of Ghostbusters reboot.

(Actually, I would totally watch James Franco in Settlers of Catan).

marytoddlincoln

@PixieSparkle James Franco in the Settlers of Catan movie is literally the best thing I can imagine.

emilylou

@PixieSparkle Can we have Paul Rudd as a rival settler?

Artressa Vandelay

I deal with a lot of architects for work. There are definitely loads of them out there, but I've never met a Ted Mosby!

shenannies

Mindy Kaling kills me on The Office. She nails every scene, and did you know that in episodes when she dances it means she wrote or co-wrote it? She used to have a fashion blog, it was *hilarious*. I really love her.

rararuby

THIS "the ethereal wierdo" is my favourite

But she is essential to the male fantasy that even if a guy is boring he deserves a woman who will find him fascinating and perk up his dreary life by forcing him to go skinny-dipping in a stranger’s pool.

karion

The best part of being a female gallery owner onscreen is that all you have to do is direct your staff of plenty to move art from wall to wall according to your particular quirky aesthetic, and to host shows that are well attended by folks who can actually afford spendy art.

No selling or hustling required.

sox
sox

@karion I worked in a female owned art gallery for a few years after college and it actually was not much different than that in real life. It was in Charlotte, so many banky types actually could afford the spendy art. They even jockeyed to get their red dot on the most expensive peice before the shows opened.

karion

@sox: I kept reading that to say "it was Charlotte," as in Sex and the City and I kept shaking my head no.

But then again, I seem to only know one type of gallery owner - it is always a guy, he invariably does a lot of blow, and he is nearly always insufferable but 'maybe-just-this-one-time' sexy.

He is constantly hustling and selling, and most artists in town can't stand him. But he is the one and only place in town where you buy the $50K piece, and his clients love him, so he gets the business and the cycle continues.

HoliandIvy

@sox
I'm a gallery director. Hundreds of thousands of dollars, even in this economy. Blows my mind.
I always tell people it's ~exactly~ like 'Beverly Hills Cop'. Except with more liquor.

cuminafterall

Can't wait for Mindy Kaling's book, it's coming out just in time for the holidays. Yes, I'm hinting to you, loved ones who lurk on the Hairpin.

The Lady of Shalott

I actually do have to tie my hair back or up in a bun when I am working really hard. But even though I have pretty much singlehandedly planned a conference that's happening in three weeks, with its fair share of teeth-grindingly irritating shit, I have never once barked into my cell phone "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!!!!"

Mostly I just text people things like "arrgghghghghghghghgh i can't wait til this thing is over so i can drink until i'm blind." I have never yet seen this represented in film.

Bittersweet

The board game movie thing sounded terrible at the beginning, but I'd totally go see Apples to Apples 4D...as long as people weren't being beaned too hard.

SuperGogo

To be fair, I would totally see Sharks Vs. Volcanoes.

emilylou

@SuperGogo I would like to see a film where a volcano blows up all over an island of attractive people... but instead of erupting lava it erupts hammerheads. Make this happen, Hollywood.

cosmia

At my boring office grunt job I am pretty sure there is this one really attractive artchitect, but I'm also not sure that he's an architect. Maybe he is some of the time. I don't know, they're in the arts, everyone has 12 titles and does that one thing only some of the time.

CyberAly

In my head I was always the Ethereal Weirdo aka the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. It turns out I am the klutz. But actually, like two klutzes put together. so not dainty or pixie like. And I hate getting in trouble, so sneaking in somewhere to skinny dip makes me freak out.

Eventually, the manic pixie dream girl ends up 35 years old, career gone nowhere, no savings, knocked up by bad boy who abandons her. (Wait, am I projecting here? oops.)

CyberAly

@CyberAly Damn, I sound bitter! lol.

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