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Tuesday, August 9, 2011

44

The Least Helpful Comment of the Day

Not from you! Your every contribution is a sparkling gem.

No, this is a New York Times comment on that uhhhhhhmazing Lives Restored piece about a man's lifelong struggle with his schizophrenia.

As an exorcist I can tell you this man is Possessed by Satan and would benefit from an exorcism.
Especially since it talks in the third person, ie He,instead of I.
Demons are removable.

You really don't hear enough from amateur exorcists about outside-the-box treatments for mental illness.

44 Comments / Post A Comment

shannonmkennedy@twitter

Amazing. That is all.

VictorVictrola

Demons are removable just sounds like it was pulled from the (oh how I hope so) upcoming Ask A Clean Person, Ouija edition.

becky@twitter

@VictorVictrola barkeepers friend really does do wonders.

melis

"Holy water," Hastur breathed. "You bastard."

"Do you know what this is?" asked Crowley. This is a Sainsbury's plant mister, cheapest and most efficient plant mister in the world. It can squirt a fine spray of water into the air. Do I need to tell you what's in it? It can turn you into that," he pointed to the mess on the carpet.

Nutria

@melis Oh man, there definitely aren't enough thumbs available for Good Omens quotes!

cherrispryte

@melis Get away frae me, wumman, I dinna know my ane powers!

melis

@cherrispryte "Shadwell hated all southerners and, by inference, was standing at the North Pole."

notandersoncooper

@VictorVictrola : Ask An Exorcist is one of my favorite columns.

pk
pk

how do you know he's an amateur? Sounds like he knows what he is talking about.

fondue with cheddar

@pk Seriously! He sounds like a professional. I'll bet he has a business card and everything!

Roaring Girl

@jen325 And a shingle above his door. "Ye Olde Exorcisery, Demons Get Behind Thee Or Your Money Back!"

noodge

TRUE STORY: my Crazy Aunt was/is crazy. she used to work for a suicide hotline. she was fired soon after starting her work there when they discovered she was telling the individuals who called for help that they were afflicted by demons, and needed to be exorcised.

fondue with cheddar

@teenie Demons, huh? THAT probably made the suicidal people feel a lot better.

Daisy Razor

@jen325 Hey, they could have thought, "Well, at least I'm not as crazy as that lady!" and felt a little better about themselves.

omgkitties

@teenie The hiring/screening process there maybe needs a second glance. Maybe.

noodge

@dearheart: I totally agree. This was back in the mid-80's, so I'm not sure how stringent they were "back in the day". Incidentally, this situation occurred about a year before I met her, when she came to visit my family in Illinois. After she left, I found a pamphlet stuck in my Cabbage Patch kid's diaper, detailing all the ways that Cabbage Patch Kids were the work of the devil. All in all - a strange lady.

beanie

@teenie I hope the Cabbage Patch Kids incident didn't scar you for life, because it is simply hilarious to imagine a 3 year old finding a pamphlet saying their toy was the devil.

EvilAuntiePeril

@teenie Oh dear heaven. Are your Aunt and my Dad related? Even down to the Cabbage Patch Kid-as-devil's-work! Many years after, I cynically began to believe that Dad had invented this claim to avoid paying for one, and possibly as an excuse for why I could no longer play with Jennifer E who had SIX of them. I'm sure the little imps are now warming up a pitchfork with my name on it for not even briefly suspecting it was not total actual truthiness...

marigny

Whenever I start feeling down on myself for whatever reason, I simply log on to AOL.com and read the comments. Makes me rethink why I was feeling inadequate in the first place.

plonk

nicole, where is edith? i'm getting worried!
(i am not complaining about anything GOD FORBID, i am sincerely concerned!)

Nicole Cliffe

No, I would be terrified if Edith went away! She was on the road yesterday, I'm on the road today. She is doubtlessly touched by your concern.

plonk

@Nicole Cliffe oh phew. safe travels everyone!

graffin

@Nicole Cliffe Your desire to comment while on the road is being caused by an easily removable demon. Your talking for Edith (3rd person) is also demon related.

atipofthehat

@Nicole Cliffe

IF THAT'S TRUE, THEN...

- WHY is "Edith" turned away from the camera in the Awl Co. group photo, while Balk points to a broken doll under a pile of Hotwheels cars?
- WHY does Choire, in the same photograph, wear a black armband and hold the reins of a riderless horse with its saddle reversed?
- WHY does Balk's bear video from last week, when played backwards at 78 RPM, have sounds of screaming and a car crash, and end with sobs and the words "miss her, miss her, miss her"?
- WHY did the Awl Co. hold an Edith Z. lookalike contest and sequester winner Willa Campbell in an undisclosed location?
- WHY, in the recent lenticular publicity photos of "Edith," is Boris Karloff making the sign of death over her head?
- WHY, when Edith's last posted video is played with only the secret B-channel on at max volume, do you hear the words "Take this, sister, may it serve you well"?

leonstj

I feel like anybody who would disparage fine religious people in this manner is obviously possessed themselves and your mockery of this obvious kind caring Christian is just cover to make us not see the devil. I'm willing to bet that not only is this "Nicole" character an agent of Satan, but this entire website is devoted to evil, what with the women tarting themselves up w/ sparkly eyes, doing the light construction work of men, not having been taught to clean by their mothers, and talking about sex without procreation. Bunch of hideous blasphemers. REPENT.

rayray

@leon.saintjean I think this would be right up your street http://womenofchristianmodesty.blogspot.com/2010/06/dangers-of-feminism-by-david-j-stewart.html

rayray

(no-one follow that link if you plan to achieve anything other than glaring angrily with steam coming out of you ears, and perhaps some intermittent pacing and fist-shaking)

Dancercise

@rayray
"Communism is the mother of feminism, abortion, birth control, children's rights, civil rights, and the homosexual movement."

I don't even.

franceschances

@Dancersize So what they're saying is that Communism is awesome, right?

MollyculeTheory

@rayray "There is NO argument that at least one-third of all divorces now end in divorce." Servicey!

foureyedgirl

@rayray I was literally in full on WTF face mode by the time I finished reading the first sentence. That must be some sort of personal record.

zidaane

For an extra $50 I'll put the excised demon on the person of your choosing.

City_Dater

"Removable" makes it sound easy, like taking off a sweater. Has this commenter NEVER seen any of those movies?!

KellyStitzel

Who ya gonna call? Demon Removers! I'll bet Ray Parker, Jr. will do the theme song. I don't think he's up to much these days.

fondue with cheddar

@KellySkittles Great idea! He could write it to the tune of "Heart of Rock 'n' Roll".

Megasus

Oh man, this is almost as sad as when someone asked Aziz Ansari TO HIS FACE why he wasn't wearing one of those Hindu dots (Bindhi? I think?).

thebestjasmine

@Megan Patterson@facebook That really happened? Oh God.

Megasus

@thebestjasmine It sure did! http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2011/08/aziz_ansari_forehead_dot.html

thebestjasmine

@Megan Patterson@facebook WOAH.

Tulletilsynet

Seventeenth-century demons were more badass than you.

fondue with cheddar

I just finished reading the entire article and...wow. Schizophrenia is a pretty difficult mental illness to live with, and this guy's doing astonishingly well. It's inspiring.

Texian

@jen325 Agreed! His desire to care for those orphaned kids is wonderful.

Pound of Salt

There are so many potential band names in that comment. "Possessed by Satan," "He not I," "Removable Demons." I would even go see "It Talks in the Third Person" play.

linlijun123

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