Thanks, CNN!
CNN has a very helpful article titled "5 questions to ask before having penis surgery."
Wouldn't it be more fun to come up with our own?
1. Will I still have a penis after this surgery?
2. Have you ever seen a penis before?
3. Because, you know, if you've never seen an un-circumcised one before, I don't want you to wig out and assume my penis is being slowly swallowed by a cancer-snake. Do I sound nervous?
4. This isn't one of those surgeries you're doing conscious sedation for these days, right?
5. On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is completely improbable and 10 is very probable, what is the chance that my penis will awaken with a malicious mind, like the hand in Gene Wolfe's classic "The Shadow of the Torturer," and will eventually slowly kill me after first gouging out my eyes? Keeping in mind that there will not be a soft-hearted apprentice torturer to slip me a knife so I can kill myself first?
Bonus Question:
6. Can you make it prehensile?
And this will guarantee my acceptance into the Pen15 club?
Prehensile might be pretty nice but the real question is whether it could reach around itself.
I especially like CNN's number 3.Ask for names of other clients.
Umm, CNN, have you heard of a thing called HIPPA? I like Hairpin's list better.
@redheadedtwit
I know, that's a facepalm for one "senior medical correspondent," right?
There's always Yelp. "Dr Mentula wrecked my little monster. I'm never going back there."
@Tulletilsynet She had a senior [medical correspondent] moment.
I think it's funny that this article was written by someone who doesn't even have a penis.
@jen325 I hadn't even noticed the name of the author- that makes it even better.
@jen325
She might well possess or feel possessive about a penis even without actually having one growing on her. It just all depends what you mean by "have."
@Tulletilsynet You know, I actually thought about how to word that because I knew someone would reply with just such a comment. But then I got lazy and just wrote "have".
@jen325
Or then she might, you know, have one.
@Tulletilsynet I hope you mean what I think you mean by "have one".
Man, why does our language have so many vague words?
@jen325
How the clippers do fascinate you ladies. Makes me a little nervous.
@Tulletilsynet Clippers? I was talking about accepting a penis into one's vagina. If your first thought was something more sinister, perhaps you have something to be nervous about.
@jen325
Nicole's illustration photo did sort of … traumatize me.
Ack, articles/books/etc. are titled, not entitled!
@Josiepagne fixxxxxxed, thank you!
7. Will my penis be able to get itself off after this surgery?
I once read a short story in a collection of horror-erotica (I KNOW) and it was about a guy who did voodoo to his penis and it came alive and grew to be the size of like an elephant's trunk and started dragging him around trying to sex the wimmins and there was general horror and chaos. It was called "The Thang." WHAT IS EROTIC ABOUT THAT?
@figwiggin The only thing better than horror-erotica is amateur horror-erotica. I used to know where it lived but now I forget. There is a whole website devoted to erotica of all kinds, it's like fanfiction.net? It is a fabulous way to to spend a Friday night.
@Megan Patterson@facebook Oh, I know. I used to browse around looking up crazy erotica with my roommates some nights when I was in college. Speaking of crazy erotica, this may not be intended to be horror, but it sure is horrifying:
http://boytaur.net/home.html
8. did you ever see Alain Resnais "Night and Fog" when they have a shot of these sad looking men looking down and narrator says "…and these prisoners had their penises amputated." do you ever think about what happened to them after, how their lives turned out?