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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

574

So You've Decided to Drink More Water

On the first day, you make the decision. “I’m going to drink more water,” you say. “Eight glasses a day, to start with. Maybe more.” Suddenly you realize the break room has gone silent. The sun sinks below the horizon as a sign of respect. You begin right away, finishing the cup of water already in your hand.

The next morning, you open your eyes after eight uninterrupted hours of deep sleep. The sun spills through the window onto the fresh white linens on your bed, and a glass of water sits on your nightstand, sparkling in the morning light. You drink it and realize that you no longer have the urge to eat breakfast. The water is enough.

Later, on the subway, a beautiful, serene older woman comes over to you and lays her gloved hand gently on your arm. “Your skin,” she murmurs. “It’s positively glowing. So fresh. So luminous. May I ask — it’s water, isn’t it?” You smile. She plants a tender kiss on your forehead and glides away.

A week passes. You go in for your yearly physical. “I don’t understand,” your doctor mutters as she looks at your chart. “A woman your age — it just doesn’t make any sense.” You shift nervously on the papered table. “Your body doesn’t have a single toxin. They’ve all disappeared. It’s as if something just ... flushed them away overnight.” She shakes her head. “I’m not even sure how to tell you this. Have you found yourself experiencing a decreased appetite lately? Difficulty finishing meals?” You nod, unsure of where this is going. “This is extremely rare, but your entire digestive system has been transmuted into pure mother-of-pearl.”

“I see,” you say slowly. You pull a bottle of water out of your purse and take a sip, and her face breaks into a relieved smile. “You didn’t tell me you’d started drinking water! Eight glasses of water a day? Of course! Is that why every inch of your skin is radiating a soft and healthy glow?” You nod again. She laughs and takes off her stethoscope. “I can see we won’t be needing this anymore!”

You start to carry water with you everywhere. Sometimes after getting home from work you drink from the kitchen faucet in great, hiccuping gulps. In no time at all you’ve moved from eight cups a day to a few gallons. Anyone else might have died of hyponatremia by now, but not you. You only grow stronger and more beautiful.

Every publication in the world, from The Lancet to Maxim to Mother Jones, wants to know your secret. “Tell us,” they beg you. Their eyes are hungry (thirsty?). “We have to know. How do you do it?” You sigh exquisitely. “I just like to drink water,” you tell them. Still their eyes bore into yours, pleading. “Sometimes I put a slice of cucumber or lemon in it. For the taste.” Upon hearing these words, an envious Anna Wintour sets herself on fire.

Grown men sink to their knees as you pass, their faces crumpling into shameless sobs. Mothers lift their children up to you in mute and expectant appeal. You bless them all.

Every country in the world bans the drinking of any beverage other than water. All droughts cease; deserts erupt in a riot of frondescence. You twirl in delight, slowly at first, round and round, as the entire world joins you in drinking more water. Everyone is drinking more water now. A soft, cool rain begins to fall. “She’s the one,” you hear someone whisper before you ascend to a plane of existence where human vocalizations no longer mean anything to you. “The one who drinks a lot of water.”

Mallory Ortberg is a writer in the Bay Area.

574 Comments / Post A Comment

backstagebethy

I just got an adult sippy cup (for free, I didn't buy it for myself, but it even has a hard plastic straw) and I am drinking water like a mofo lately. No riots of frondescence yet but I'm sure they're forthcoming.

Bittersweet

@backstagebethy: Just avoid that serene older lady and her kisses on the forehead because, you know, bleah.

marksteve56

@backstagebethy There are so many different prospects when it comes to this subject. Thanks for sharing your knowledge on this particular aspect and making it easier for us.
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jamsbond

Later, on the subway, a beautiful, serene older woman comes over to you and lays her gloved hand gently on your arm.

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Ten Thousand Buckets

This made me really thirsty.

Not It

Sure, I could glow radiantly if only I were
better hydrated, but the constant peeing will put a damper
on my career.

http://www.askamanager.org/2011/08/employer-is-monitoring-my-bathroom-breaks.html

raised amongst catalogs

@Not It Ha, the peeing and the damper.

mustelid

@Not It Fun fact, the blogger that writes AAM rabidly and blindly defended her boss when he was accused of raping a subordinate, despite the knowledge that the guy was known to have serious boundary issues.

fondue with cheddar

@Not It I would hope there would be a law against discriminating against people who drink a lot of fluids for health reasons. If so, urine luck!

Not It

@mustelid Wait, what? Do you have some sort reference for this? I really enjoy her blog, but ugh.

mustelid

@Not It The background story is here. The survivor was an acquaintance of mine and from what I understand she was not given any support from the employer. Aside from her quitting, three or four of her colleagues quit as well as a result of the way it was handled.

Alison Green

@Not It As it happens, I'm not a fan of mob justice. And what I did was to do my job, which was to keep the organization running during that time. And once it was over, I left. Hardly a blind defense.

jamesrafael

@Not It This is true. What you did was professional and appreciate in my opinion.

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Dancercise

I currently have three cups on my desk, all with varying amounts of water in them. I'm so glad I've made the right choice.

JStallz

@Dancersize I too have three cups of water on my desk. Although I think the four peanut butter cupcakes I've had this morning might cancel out all of the benefits of aforementioned cups of water...

melis

@Dancersize Glad I could help!

cherrispryte

@melis Ahhh wait was this you? Is that a bad question?

Dancercise

@JStallz
No, no, no! That's the power of WATER!

melis

@cherrispryte It was me! I'm Mallory Ortberg, a writer (sort of!) in the Bay Area (actually San Jose)!

melis

@melis So...so I guess everyone on the Internet could find out where I live and murder me by tonight!

insouciantlover

@melis I love this piece! I like you even more now!

*pantomimes drinking water but really just drinks more lukewarm coffee*

Dancercise

@melis
Nah, you're totally fine. It's not like I made a duplicate of your key while cat-sitting this weekend or anything. Nope. Not like that at all.

melis

@Dancersize I KNEW YOU WEREN'T AT CHURCH

cosmia

@melis Not from Canada! I could, however, rely on one of my appointed hitmen scattered around the continent, waiting...watching.

wharrgarbl

@melis I'm pretty sure the internet isn't actually a murder-squad directing-device, but maybe you should move somewhere else and never tell it, just in case?

MrComment

@melis Your writing is as good as your comments. (Compliment)

punkahontas

@melis At the NY Pinup, we were wondering what city you lived in! (Not in a creepy way, we were just discussing commenters we wanted to meet.) There was also discussion on how to pronounce your screen name.

Ophelia

@melis @MrComment Ditto. LOVED this. Anna Wintour sets herself on fire = win!

melis

@punkahontas Rhymes with trellis! In my head, anyway. Since it's just a portmanteau of my first initial and part of my middle name, there's no wrong way to say it, unless you pronounced it Griswald or something I guess.

melis

@punkahontas I want to meet you guys too! I've got to get myself out to New York for the next Pinup.

Limaceous

@melis (Commencing stalking now.) Also: When will the bay area have a pinup of its own?

melis

@Limaceous I would support another one! I think SF had one a few months ago, but I was unluckily out of town at the time. Someone host it and I'll show up drunk!

punkahontas

@melis You must! We were brainstorming a whole-country meetup in Dollywood so we could meet the 'pinners from other cities, but I don't think it would ever really happen. If it did though, Qream should be the corporate sponsor.

PS. I thought it was pronounced like the first two syllables of Melissa, so thanks for the clarification!

Valley Girl

@punkahontas "We were brainstorming a whole-country meetup in Dollywood so we could meet the 'pinners from other cities"

This is the single greatest thing I've ever read. Maybe second only to an article by the one and only @melis.

whatsherface

@punkahontas ...or a multi-country meetup? For those of us in the north? I would gladly spend the rest of my afternoon researching my travel options. Also, Dollywood!!

wee_ramekin

@melis Holy holy holy shit. I have been walking around my entire Pin-life thinking you were a chick named Melissa who went by 'melis' on the interwebs. And like a week back, you said your real name on the internet, and I thought it was a joke. I...I even made a comment on A Queer Chick using your fake-real name as a joke! Because when you said you were "working on something for The Hairpin", I totally assumed you were talking about A Queer Chick!

Holy holy holy shit, this is like the time my friend realized that Peking and Beijing are the same city. It's like...the world clicks into a different kind of place and you become a different person?

I don't know how to feel.

[PS - I DO know that I love the article. I lost it at the fifth line, and didn't stop laughing until your revelation in the comments struck me dumb.]

melis

@wee_ramekin Peking and Beijing are the same city? For serious?

wee_ramekin

@melis For serious. Peking is to Beijing as Ceylon is to Sri Lanka.

Okay, so I did the least creepy Google search of all time for you, and I found out that my company is doing contract work for your company. Please stop shaking the foundations of my existence. Thanks,

wee

melis

@wee_ramekin Okay you need to email me right now at mallory dot elis at geemail because this shit is getting eerie. I need to know what company you work for.

scully

@melis Should of realized something this hilarious and loony must have come from you!

punkahontas

@Valley Girl I think it was LeonStJean's idea to do it in Dollywood. But YES! There are so many 'pinners we want to meet that don't live in NY, and aren't as awesome as Cherrispryte who comes up from DC just to see us.

@Chaise Longue International House of Hairpin!

@wee_ramekin I totally thought it was short for Melissa too. You learn something new every day! And also the Peking/Beijing thing.

Xanthophyllippa

@melis Yes, but if you have a date in Constantinople, she'll be waiting in Instanbul.

D.@twitter

@melis Well I think it's pretty...the prefix "mel" makes me think of honey/sweetness. :))

teaandcakeordeath

I'm giggling in to my dehydrating coffee.

cosmia

I make the decision to drink more water about once a month, and usually stop at morning #1, when I drink that sparkling water sitting on my nightstand and have this really weird bloated "I have to constantly pee" feeling all morning and decide it's not worth it.

Also, this is hilarious.

parallel-lines

When your coworkers ask you if you're pregnant because you're getting up to pee so often. "No!" You say, "I'm increasing my water intake." And then you pull up your elastic waistband pants and take another diurex pill to help with the bloating.

Lisa_RedRowFarm

This is why I read The Hairpin. Awesome!

parallel-lines

Also, the opposite of all of this happens if your water comes from plastic bottles.

apples and oranges

@parallel-lines amen!
don't buy into the bottled water myth, people!!

(my hippie message of the day)

Abraxas

@parallel-lines I'm glad someone mentioned this, the whole time I was reading this wonderful post I was thinking about this water that I drank a couple of weeks ago that I had stored in a plastic bottle and then left in my car to cook for a while. It was like liquid death, but I was SO THIRSTY....... x_X

kylie

@parallel-lines WAIT! I dont get it, whats wrong with bottled water? Am I giving myself cancer or something?!?!

romastrega

I am a big believer in the 8 glasses of water a day BUT my ex-roommate went too far to the other side and was drinking TOO much water according to her doctor. Apparently she was flushing too much out of her system - not just toxins but minerals/vitamins that she needed. So, as with anything else in the world, moderation is the key.

femme cassidy

@romastrega Oh God, is this really a thing? I should probably be worried. I'm, like, the thirstiest person ever, and I carry around a HUGE water bottle and refill it several times a day. And I pee constantly, of course. Am I peeing out all my vitamins????

Virginette Acacio@twitter

i love you, Mallory Ortberg.

Gangy

I highly recommend the Camlebak water bottles. They are BPA free & have this bite valve/straw combo that lets you drink water quicker then you realized.

di
di

@Gangy All I want is a super tall bottle with a straw that can sit in front of me while I'm at my desk and I don't have to lean down to get to it. I want to be hydrated, but I'm also a lazyass.

... I just found CamelBak's hands free adapter. OMG. Finally a manufacturer that gets it!!!

madamvonsassypants

@Gangy I've used those on hikes and things, but drinking water with a straw creeps me out. Even if it is a neat water bottle straw thing.

Also, drinking water out of coffee mugs creeps me out. Once, upon waking up in my bed, half clothed and not remembering the night before, I instantly knew someone else put me to bed because there was a coffee mug full of water on the nightstand. Not right.

Gangy

@di Oooo, I never considered the hand free could be used with the bottle, I always thought it was for those hiking backpacks. Interesting, interesting.....

Also, usually when a bottle has a straw, the straw never reaches close enough to the bottom to get all the water. While it still happens with my bottle, the straw is still really good. Only a tiny cap full it out of reach.

Gangy

@madamvonsassypants I use to use a water bottle I got back in undergrad & it was the typical lean your head back & suck (sorry for the TWSS). It was probably because it was a cheap bottle, but it made *so* much noise. The straw works for me because it doesn't sound like I'm trying to guzzle the universe though my water bottle :)

kayjay

@madamvonsassypants It must drive you crazy to watch late night talk shows where everyone's drinking something out of a coffee mug and it's almost never coffee.

madamvonsassypants

@kayjay IT DOES!!!! Get a logo'd pint glass or something for the love of god!

DrFeelGood

@Gangy Funny, I hate drinking water out of pint glasses... Feels too heavy to be a water glass.

DrFeelGood

@Gangy I have one and I drink a shit load of water because of it, but a few assholes have made comments about how I look like I'm drinking from a baby's bottle.

shenannies

@kayjay So true! They always seems drunk as lords, no way they're having coffee.

di
di

I rarely get the feeling of being thirsty, but clearly my body wants water because anytime I have a glass, it's gone within 30min. So, I don't know, get with it, body. Please.

KeLynn

@di Same here. I rarely feel actually thirsty, I just know when I need to drink water because I get all crabby and headachey and tired.

punkahontas

You're also supposed to EAT WATER, according to Dr. Murad. He wrote this really great book called The Water Secret that I loved.

Dancercise

@punkahontas
I'm going to feel SO GOOD when I start chewing my water for 30 seconds before swallowing. This column is changing my life!

parallel-lines

@punkahontas Water is the new salad.

punkahontas

@Dancersize Don't forget to cut it into tiny pieces. It will make you feel like you're eating more!

punkahontas

@parallel-lines Salad is actually the new water, according to the book!

Ophelia

@parallel-lines Bonus points if you can tell us how many calories are in that slice of lemon you put in your water.

Dancercise

@parallel-lines
Shutterstock search: Women laughing with water

omgkitties

@punkahontas "and vitamins, nature’s vitamins!" LOL!

punkahontas

@dearheart Aww, thanks for reading!

amusedgirl

I recently bought a 1/2 gallon jug so I can monitor how much I'm drinking a day.. especially at work. Holy balls is it hard to consume the amount of water you're supposed to! I feel like my 5 footer body is going to drown in 8 glasses.

melis

@amusedgirl You're definitely drinking enough water, the whole '8 glasses a day' thing is nonsense, and you probably get more water than you realize from food and other non-water beverages.

cosmia

@melis Yeah, pretty much. Fruit and salad and things account for some of those 8 glasses!

amusedgirl

@melis I'm also in TX..and it's been 100+ for..ever? But that one day I consumed 8 glasses my skin was looking niiice

Whitmans Sampler

YES! Can you write a follow up titled "So You've Decided to Be Outdoorsy"?

oh, disaster

The only downside to lots of water: having to change the water bottle at work means looking like I sat in the Splash Zone at Sea World.

kayjay

Never touch the stuff. Fish fuck in it.

melis

@kayjay "Woodhouse, you scoundrel! Is this brandy?"

kayjay

@melis Archer is the best. WC Fields said it first. Either way, I can't take credit for anything funny I say ever.

melis

@kayjay Oh yes, definitely. Neither can I - this entire article was lifted directly Marcus Aurelius' Meditations.

kayjay

@melis I thought it sounded familiar. Good work.

MollyculeTheory

@melis It's a mixer, Patsy, we drink it with whiskey.

alice b. tchotchke

But what do you do at work if you're not getting water, drinking or peeing?

Lily Rowan

@alice b. tchotchke Right? Water is my hobby at work.

kayjay

@Lily Rowan Mine too. Gets me away from my desk, which I'm generally tethered to. Plus, naps on the toilet!

sox
sox

@alice b. tchotchke You're...here on the Hairpin? (obvs.)

Slapfight

@kayjay Oh my God I love the terlet naps! Lucily I drink so much water that I get so many. Seriously. I think I have pre-diabetes or something. I should probably look into that.

DrFeelGood

@Lily Rowan Same! Bored, get some water! Bored again, go pee!

shenannies

@DrFeelGood And when the filter needs changing it takes 4x as long to fill up. I must drink about 6 water bottles full a day, mainly to kill time and have something to do at my desk.

SarahP

I love this article! And I have my own magic water story to share: Once, in high school, I overheard one popular older girl say to another: "My skin has gotten so much better since I started drinking more water. I just carry this water bottle around and refill it whenever it's empty."
Popular older girl #2 responded, "I noticed your complexion's better! I should try that."

I felt so cheated, because I drink plenty of water,* and did then, and nothing ever changed about my skin! Ten years later, studies about the benefits of drinking water still make me bitter.

*--Because I'm thirsty, not for magical healing--maybe it's the intent behind it that causes water to be magic!

freelee

game changer - started bringing in lemon slices for my work water habit. now, i close my eyes and imagine i've just finished a spa massage whilst sipping my lemon water. soon after, in a harsh return to reality, i manage to get lemon in a papercut and then immediately in my eye. and i realize i'm at a desk. in an industrial park. in the suburbs.

Valley Girl

@freelee You know, I'm always looking for things to do with all of my neighbor's free lemons. I may subscribe to your newsletter.

alice b. tchotchke

Have we all forgotten?...drinking water = needing to pee = brilliance in all things

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/choke/201104/needing-pee-enhances-decision-making-really

carogriffin

@alice b. tchotchke Wait, what? If I get a UTI will I become a super-genius, then?

David Buchta

I never drink water. Ever. My girlfriend drinks water all day long. She pees something like fifty times a day compared to my two or three. Look at all the time I'm saving!

Bittersweet

@David Buchta: You realize that no serene old lady will ever gently kiss your shriveled forehead, right?

David Buchta

@Bittersweet My forehead is smooth and supple like a baby's butt, as is my bladder, I imagine, from the life of leisure it leads.

thebestjasmine

It's the "never getting 8 interrupted hours of sleep because you always have to get up in the middle of the night to pee" part that I hate about drinking lots of water.

leonstj

When the hurricane was coming they told me to get 1 gallon of water per person per day, so i figured i'd be stranded for 2 days max (before it became The Road in greenpoint) so I bought two gallons of water.

Yesterday I worked from home, and decided to just drink directly out of the 1 gallon jug and see how I did.

(A)Taking a swig from a 1 gallon jug of water is very hard, but would be a could thing to recommend sexy people of your preferred gender do while wearing a tight white tshirt (please note that this is gender-neutral objchestification, I'm assuming ladies&gay/bi men have types of chests they lurve on dudes)
(B)HOLY SHIT that is a lot of water. Why why why do they think I need so much?

Slapfight

@leon.saintjean How am I supposed to get any work done now?
Not that I was, but still.

fondue with cheddar

@leon.saintjean The water in other beverages and in food counts toward the 8 glasses.
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=eight-glasses-water-per-day

annepersand

@leon.saintjean I think you can drink from a gallon jug like you drink from a growler? Balance it on your bicep, put on your best juicebox face, and swig?

(Also, Greenpoint!!! How much of a non-event was the hurricane? My apartment is like, a block from the Zone A and was seriously hoping for some apocalypse style shenanigans.)

kayjay

@annepersand We got all of your Brooklyn Apocalypse shenanigans here in the Hudson Valley. It's a nightmare here for lots of people.

annepersand

@kayjay Yeah, I've been hearing how bad it is up North and in Vermont - I'm really sorry about that. I've been somewhat flip about the whole thing because I know we got off light; I was having an actual panic attack during the lead up to the storm because I was convinced a brick was going to come through my window and brain me/the boyfriend/the cat to death.

kayjay

@annepersand Oh man, I was TOTALLY flip about the whole thing. I was pissed off because my boyfriend's gig got canceled due to the storm and we really needed the money and I made a big deal to everyone I know about how this state is made up of a bunch of wusses and blah blah blah and wow, I'm really eating my words and feeling horrible now.

Elsassypants

I've had three cups whilst reading this post. Thank you, I am on my way to beauty and greatness now!

Maria

Halfway through reading this I had to get up and refill my water bottle. There was nothing I could do to stop it.

charizard

If I don't drink at least 20oz of water each day, I get a UTI in about 48 hours.

I think there's something medically wrong with me, but I can stave it off with the luscious, clear, delectable substance that is H2O.

deannimal

I just gulped 33.8 fl oz while reading this.

darianlo

This is so aspirational. I'm now on my second glass... an overwhelming feeling of victory is already starting to course through my soon-to-be-super-hydrated-veins. Can't. Wait.

MoonBat

Vodka LOOKS like water. "Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck" ...hic! Time to refill my camelbak!

CheeseWizard

Reading this makes me need to pee.

Kristin M Bonelli

I don't know if anyone else has this thing, but I find I can only really, earnestly drink water from a straw. If I have a straw in a glass or even a stout water bottle I can drink so much more than by straight sipping. Without the straw, my water glass in restaurants usually goes untouched.

darianlo

@Kristin M Bonelli I'm right there with you... straw addiction is real. Imagine my horror when my mother told me that using straws can give you those smoker-esque wrinkles around your mouth (I guess with the similar pursing lips/sucking situation?)UGH, THANKS MOM.

Kristin M Bonelli

@darianlo Seriously, cuz Oh My God, those are the only wrinkles I seem to be forming...and I don't smoke! For real.

fondue with cheddar

@Kristin M Bonelli That's funny, because I only like to drink water from a glass without a straw (except in restaurants if I'm not confident about the cleanliness of the glass).

fondue with cheddar

@darianlo You can drink from a straw without puckering your lips, as long as it's not a milkshake. ;)

thebestjasmine

@Kristin M Bonelli Me too, I repurposed a iced mocha cup with a straw for my water at work, and have been drinking a lot more water this summer because of it.

Charlie

somewhere deep in the bowels of this excellent piece there is a hilarious woody allen joke just begging to take a colossal dump.

melis

Is there really, though?

Valley Girl

This reminds me of this gorgeous plus-sized blogger who would respond to every query about her luminous skin by crediting simply drinking lots of water and washing her face before bed. I would seethe with envy and refill my glass.

Here's my problem: The water cooler at my work is DISGUSTING. The nozzles are so bad, I swear I'm going to get Legionnaire's.

Megatron

@Valley Girl I am chained to my desk literally all. day. long. and have to sneak to the bathroom around the corner to re-fill my water bottle. i try not to think of the poop particles that are flying in my mouth when i fill up at the sink, but it's impossible.

Katiesaurous

@Valley Girl A couple months after I started working at the job Im at now, I got mono. Im pretty sure I got it from our disgusting water cooler. Preach!

Megasus

@Megatron Well, aren't there poop particles on everything? Aren't there more poop particles on your keyboard than on a toilet seat? I figure as long as you don't get sick you have ingested just the right amount of poop particles for the day.

entangled

Love this!

I drink more water than anyone I know and all it gets me is peeing more than anyone I know. I fail to see how this makes me a special snowflake (as the ladies mags would tell me) - only an inconvenient road-trip companion.

Alibi Jones

@arrr starr Me, too! That and I once basically failed a pee test. I'm possibly the only person I know who has been doctor-ordered to drink *less* water.

entangled

@Alibi Jones: I have, too! I actually have to make a concerted effort to cut down. Oh, and they also diabetes-tested me a good half dozen times in the course of a year (nope. no diabetes. just thirsty). I'm convinced that it became some sort of anxiety reflex and I broke my thirst mechanism and crave water if I go 10+ minutes without drinking any. It's actually kind of awful, so anything that pokes fun of this drink water reverent attitude makes me quite happy.

Dalas Verdugo@facebook

This is one of the best pieces I've seen on The Hairpin.

Oh, squiggles

I KNEW IT! I knew this would happen if only I could get myself to drink more water...that could have been meeeee (wails)

saythatscool

You turned water into win. I loved this, Ms. Ortberg.

melis

It's Mrs. Saythatscool, actually.

dg
dg

OMG I hate this so much. I usually drink about 8 nalgenes of water a day. I recently moved to Ecuador and drinking water straight from the tap makes me really sick--so I have to stick to bottled water. I'm like constantly uber dehydrated here. I miss my carefree days of of tap water and ice. OH ICE HOW I MISS THEE.

nerds

Haha, thanks for a great laugh! Also I drink lots of water, but no glowing yet. Maybe I'm doing it wrong?

scully

I lost my shit (which means I laughed quietly but *out loud* in my cube) somewhere between the mother of pearl digestive system and Anna Wintour setting herself on fire. Truly hilarious.

ribs+bbq

So, do you still get that glowing, luminous skin from applying water directly to your skin? I've never tried that before.

Becky Varley-Winter@facebook

This. Just, this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4TFcnuuyNs

palliata

This is kind of awesome... reminiscent of Cracked stuff

allegraringo

Hilarious! I drink a lot of water, but I also think the "8 glasses of water a day will solve all your problems" attitude totally needs to be made fun of.

clutchingpearls

This is the funniest thing I have ever read! And I've read John Maynard Keynes!

Love,
Your sister.

melis

@clutchingpearls Meestair! You HAVE read Keynes, and I love both your handle and avatar. Huzzah and welcome to the Hairpin! Would you like a lemon square? Port? Brandy? I'd offer you water, but we're fresh out.

clutchingpearls

@melis Yes it is I, the meestair! I will have a hot scotch and water, hold the water, hold the heat, on the rocks.

literalati

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