Monday, August 22, 2011


For Ladies Who Masturbate Too Much

...like, we don't know, you're forgetting to eat, or bathe, or something?

The Utne Reader's new article on the rise of "Dirty Girls Ministries" may provide you with some fascinating background reading. Or masturbation material, depending on what you're into:

Dirty Girls member Amy Christine Proctor, a self-described addict and a flight attendant from Colorado, started masturbating while she was visiting chat rooms on AOL. Unmarried and a virgin at 30, Proctor has struggled with her sexual identity since puberty, believing her same-sex thoughts are a sin. Last year, she says, she was masturbating almost daily, sometimes twice a day. To rehabilitate herself, she became an active member of Dirty Girls Ministries and started driving two hours to attend a 12-step program for sex addicts called Heart to Heart.

Almost DAILY, ladies. Sometimes? Twice a day! (Clutches pearls, looks shifty.)

83 Comments / Post A Comment

The Lady of Shalott

Their benchmark for addiction is twice a week or less?????

Oh dear.


@The Lady of Shalott Sure, it's only twice a week, but they go for 72 hours at a time!


Most of their hands are worn down to stumps!

Nicole Cliffe

@melis We must take up a collection to send the poor lambs some protective mittens.


@The Lady of Shalott: Look, you don't have to follow these guidelines to the letter. Think of them as a handy reference.


You know they're using seriously jacked-up "science" when their "how much is too much" answer is a frequency (a LOW FREQUENCY) instead of "does it interfere with your life."

(Personally, being well over their frequency cutoff vastly improves my life.)

Alex Barton

...she became an active member of Dirty Girls Ministries...

I don't think I'm okay with how wonderful this name is. Where's the judgement? Where's the shame?


@Alex Barton i cant get over the title of the article. "LOOK GOD,NO HANDS"

Tragically Ludicrous

@itsureiswindy It sounds like it should be a roller derby team?

Sella Turcica

@Tragically Ludicrous I've read other stuff about Dirty Girl Ministries, in Bust Magazine. They have meetings online. I'm equal parts horrified and fascinated by what else might pop up if I were to search for them. You know, in my quest to stop looking at porn.


Ha, one of my friends and I were talking about this exact subject yesterday. She said she thought she masturbated too much, and I basically told her that as long as she wasn't locking herself in her bedroom all day, she was probably safe.

I agree that the frequency shouldn't be the benchmark, but whether it interferes with your daily life or not.


Whaaaat? Clearly I have a problem. Those poor, brainwashed women!


I am also incredulous at the addiction benchmark...more than twice a week? I think we might need to start a hairpinner's anonymous group for compulsive masturbators. Now, who wants to go first?


What. Is. This. Shit?? Who buys into this?? The Republicans ruin evvverrrrything.

fondue with cheddar

I just lost my shit at, "Even though it’s hard and painful..."

Dirty Girls Come Clean sounds more like an all-lesbian bath/shower porn.


Isn't that a Courtney Love album?

fondue with cheddar

@jen325 "Where Grace Bounds"...these inadvertent double-entendre names are killing me.


It's that female hysteria!!


So clearly only women who masturbate "once, sometimes twice a day" are compulsive sex addicts? Because I'm pretty sure society is okay with dudes who masturbate about this much.


@cosmia wait, are you suggesting that this anti-sex evangelical Protestant ministry is being sexist? HOLD UP. :)

fondue with cheddar

“Our view of sex is that God designed sex for a man and a woman, not a man and himself.”

Hear that? Women can masturbate, but men can't!


@jen325 If god's as smart as he's supposed to be, and if he cares about the issue, then why didn't he design it so that sex REQUIRES one man and one woman? I bet he got his design degree from one of those Ivy League places where, sure, they're great on the theory of design, but when you get in the real world, you find that you can't actually design a damned thing.

fondue with cheddar

@Kneetoe Good point. We should ask him why he did that. Also why he gave us clitorises.*

*Not that I'm complaining. I'm THRILLED that he gave us clitorises.


@jen325 Some of us got no clitorises!!!

fondue with cheddar

@Kneetoe Seriously?


Mmm, are you a sex addict, Amy, or a virgin? I sort of feel like you have to choose one or the other.


@melis Not if you're going to be the ultimate Catholic fantasy you won't.


@melis No, she's "sexually-broken"! Because she wants to have sex with ladies, of course.


Lesbian Virgin Sex Addicts VII!

The Lou 83

Oh great... something else to make me embarrassed about being from Kansas.

fondue with cheddar

"...she considered having an anonymous encounter with a man. She set up the meeting online, went to the prearranged spot, and was waiting for him, but “God met me there instead,...”

Way to cockblock, God.


@jen325 Masturbating is just having sex with God, right?

fondue with cheddar

@tee Now I'm seriously considering changing my profile picture to a masturbation-related Hand of God pic.


@jen325 Use the peace sign personal massager from the last post.

fish in barrel

@jen325 God is such a buzzkill.


@jen325 "I don't want anybody else, when I think about Maradona, I touch myself."

fondue with cheddar

@tee @fish in barrel @MollyculeTheory I LOVE YOU ALL.

Tragically Ludicrous

@MollyculeTheory How many times can I like that?

fondue with cheddar

Does anyone else find it disturbing (for two different reasons) that "many teenagers and preteen girls, some as young as 11, have also joined"?


@jen325 Well I could see Betty Draper putting Sally in there.

fish in barrel

@jen325 It's never too early to start the shame!

fondue with cheddar

@fish in barrel Not only that, but pedophiles can hang out and watch who goes in and out. It's like...what's the expression...things in a thing?

fish in barrel

@jen325 Oh man, that part never even occurred to me. It keeps getting worse.


As much as I guffawed in utter amazement at this article, by the end, I was just really, really sad.


@wee_ramekin I was saddened by the start of the second graf: “Does anyone want to share a story where they felt they had some sort of personality disorder?" A personality disorder (!) because they masturbate twice a week????


@Rosebudddd I know! What about the poor woman who is having same-sex fantasies and is now trying to "cure" herself of those? And the woman who married at 19 and is freaking out because she is having fantasies about someone other than her husband sometimes when they have sex? Huge wave of sadness.


@wee_ramekin Me too. What struck me most was the almost palpable sense of loneliness and isolation. When I've read pieces on anti-porn ministries directed at men, it seems there's a lot of rhetoric about the sexualization of culture and a sense that, as a result, almost all men "struggle" with this issue. Here, it seemed that the women interviewed saw themselves as particularly damaged, weak, or otherwise unable to hold themselves to a standard that, implicitly, most women are able to meet. It's a very old double standard: most men Do (even if they shouldn't), but nice girls Don't.

And anyway, what levels of suspicion toward pleasure, imagination, and curiosity must one harbor to mount a crusade against romance novels? It's like efforts to ban the Harry Potter books: singling them out grants a power to titillate they'd never have if not forbidden. Sad sad sad.


@wee_ramekin I couldn't stomach the whole article.

science is sexy@twitter

I can only imagine how many websurfers have been disappointed by XXXChurch.com.


As a single dude, let me encourage the ladies out there who feel their frequency may be too high: please, keep it going. If you don't put in the time to figure out what you like, we're never going to be able to help you out.


@leon.saintjean Wowsers. This comment rubs me the wrong way. (SORRY.) But, uh, how to put this, it's not like homework, you know? (Oh god, is it like homework for boys? Boys are so weird.) But figure it out? Once a lady reaches the guilty hell-bound sex-addict stage it's a pretty good bet she's got it as figured as it's going to be.


@queenofbithynia - Don't be sorry! I completely see how you got that out of it. I constantly forget that my incessant smirky sarcasm does not come out well online at times!

I didn't mean it as an assignment, and I DEFINITELY did not mean to imply that the only reason (or the main reason, or even one of the most important reasons) for a woman to be happy is to make a man happier. I don't disagree my comment could be taken in that way, but I meant it as me pointing a "yet another incidental benefit of..." not a reason to - please just take the fact that I read and comment on a "ladyblog" regularly as evidence enough that I'm not a dude who believes a woman's sexuality should only exist to compliment that of a man.

Lily Rowan

@leon.saintjean (I'm pretty sure she was only apologizing for saying "rubs me the wrong way." As if there IS a wrong way to rub one's self!)


@Lily Rowan Oh wow, I am incredibly bad at the internet today. Thank you.


@leon.saintjean Yeah but...rubs me the wrong way? That's what she said? I can waggle my eyebrows a little if it will help with the joke.

& I know you're a nice normal feminist, no worries. I just hate the prevalence of the whole women-are-mysteries-even-to-ourselves trope. It's nicer to think of yourself as a boring old pervert than a befuddled spelunker in the woman-caverns through which you will someday have to guide et cetera.


There was a boy in my church group going up who suffered from "pornography addiction." His dad was one of the elders.

He looked at it online, you know. And he felt so guilty for it that he got up on stage during Youth Group, with all of the lights on him, and told us all about it.

Sexual shame is rampant in church communities, especially with the boys. I'm actually kind of shocked to see something pointed at women-- girls, rather-- regarding sex and physical gratification.

Granted, most of it stems from a place of, "If you pleasure yourself and your one-day-future-maybe-if-God-wants-you-to-have-one Husband CAN'T, gosh, think of how sad he'll be!"


Oh my GOD as a veteran of numerous church summer camps, let me tell you, having one of the guys get up on stage during confession time or prayer hour and impulsively share his "struggle" with "pornography addiction" was as much a yearly ritual as fighting over who got the top bunk and going on the Blob. It was the worst, not least because what he usually meant by "addiction" was "I'm attracted to girls my own age, look forward to sleeping with one of them, and have masturbated in the interim." Thanks for making that bus trip home super awkward, Ryan.


@melis Exactly. Addiction. Pah. To quote one of the best movies of ALL TIME, and still one that is watched with frequency at church camp, "I do not think that word means what you think it means."


@LaFabuliste Oh God, between about eight different church camps over the course of six summers, I think I watched the Princess Bride, Remember the Titans, and Napoleon Dynamite about 50 times each.

fondue with cheddar

@LaFabuliste There IS such a thing as porn addiction (my ex husband had a big problem with it), but it's a far cry from the sort of stuff described in this article. As @LittleMousling said above, it's only a problem if it interferes with your life. You could look at porn and masturbate to it every day without it interfering with your life.

stephanie cawley@twitter

@LaFabuliste I just read a student essay about watching The Princess Bride at a church lock-in. I was raised in a non-church-going family so I was all oh-my-gosh-how-cool to hear this was what she watched, but I had no idea it was a regular thing!


@jen325 Oh, I don't doubt that there's such a thing as being addicted to porn, or to sex, or to anything else that has the power to change chemistry in the brain.

What I'm saying is that the churchy definition of "addiction" isn't actual addiction in most cases, but merely a way to 1) get people to feel ashamed of a behavior and/or 2) A good story to tell people about how much God changed your life.


@stephanie cawley@twitter Princess Bride, Lord of the Rings, Remember the Titans, ANY Pixar movie, and Father of the Bride I and II.

It's like a secret evangelical code.

MAYBE the Sandlot. But our pastor once made us turn off Miss Congeniality because of the "JESUS CHRIST!" and other things.


And 3) a fantastic way to make sure that no one ever makes direct eye contact with you in Bible study again.


@LaFabuliste The rampant lesbian subtext?

fondue with cheddar

@LaFabuliste Yes, I do believe you're right. Such a shame. "Everything in moderation" is a much healthier motto to live by than "abstain, abstain, pleasure is the devil!"


Our camps always split up the boys and girls for that evening. The boys, so we heard, got the "porn is bad" talk, and the girls got the "you're beautiful the way you are and some guy will love you for YOU one day" talk. Of course, the bus rides were still awkward because inevitably some guy told the girl he liked who confessed what and then the whole splitting us up thing became pointless.


@Dancersize We did that whole "You're beautiful" shit, too, and then the boys came in and prayed over the girls. And no one prayed over me! But I could hear my friends praying next to me and saying all of these wonderful things about the other girls and there was no one there to pray for me.

I don't think I need to elaborate on the major complex THAT gave me.


@Dancersize Definitely the worst part is the assurance that someone will love you some day! Because maybe no one ever will (spoiler alert)!!


And you'll be dead someday.


@Dancersize Speak for yourself, Stewart. Once you ask Jesus into your heart, he's there forever.


@LaFabuliste That's all sorts of f'd up. I would have hated that even if I did have a boy praying over me.


I want to start a band just to name it Dirty Girls Ministries.

fish in barrel

@SA I'd totally go to that show.


@SA and I want to be in that band! Shotgun bass guitar!


Excessive masturbation is generally treated with topical lotion.


Video or it doesn't happen, Hairpin ladies.


@Kneetoe You've got your imagination. Use it.


@Kneetoe Ew!! Inaproooooooopes!!!! I'm telling Edith on youuuu! EEEEEEEEEEDITH!!! Kneetoe's bein'g GRO-OH-SS!!!


Dirty Girls? Is anyone else reminded of Reverend Caleb from Buffy?


A friend of mine is friends with Reverend Caleb, from back in his Edmonton days. Apparently Nathan Fillion is a very nice and gracious man.

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