Qream! It’s perfect, right? I mean, after two recipes with Qream substitutions that resulted in relatively successful edibles that weren’t all that disgusting, we were starting to think that you could substitute literally anything for Qream and it would turn out great. Cream cheese? Qream cheese! Apple turnover? Qream turnover! Steak au poivre? Qream au poivre! The possibilities are endless. However, this is sadly not the case. Or, it may be the case. We just don’t know, because WE MESSED UP. BIG TIME. And with a Paula Deen recipe, no less! (Sorry, Paula!) And we got a peach qobbler that basically looked like peaches bathed in butter and snot. Here’s why!
As I am not the world’s most expert baketress, a collaboration was in order for this recipe, so I showed up at the apartment of the fabulous Jolie Kerr with a bottle of Qream and a dream in my heart. (And may I say, what a clean kitchen! You don’t know from clean until you’ve seen this kitchen!) Jolie confessed that after having wrenched her back that day, she had to take a few muscle relaxants, and I’m sure my prodding her to “for god’s sake just drink the Qream and suffer with meee!” didn’t help too much. I of course was liberally pouring myself wine, and in a kitchen like that who has time for things like reading recipes closely? Not us!
While staring at the beast we had created after a good many glasses of wine and Jolie’s muscle relaxants kicking in, we went over and over what could have happened. Was the oven not hot enough? Did we accidentally add too much milk to the batter in our pill/liquor haze? Did substituting Qream for water mess up how the peaches boiled? No, that couldn’t possibly be it. Qream can do no wrong. And then we looked back at the recipe. SELF-RISING FLOUR. SERIOUSLY, PAULA? FUCK YOU. YOU COULDN’T HAVE JUST ADDED SOME BAKING POWDER TO THE BATTER LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AHHH. What shame we have brought upon the house of Qream.
Paula’s Peach Qobbler
4 cups peeled, sliced peaches
2 cups sugar, divided
1/2 cup Qream
8 tablespoons butter
1 1/2 cups self-rising flour
1 1/2 cups milk
Ground cinnamon (we opted to not add this, as we were afraid of the delicate flavor pairings)
1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Combine peaches, 1 cup sugar and 1/2 cup Qream in a saucepan and mix well. Bring to a boil and simmer for 10 minutes. (We totally expected this to make the kitchen smell like peach glitter body spray, but it doesn’t smell that bad! Really!)
3. Put butter in a three-quart baking dish and place in oven to melt completely. (CAUTION: You may mistake this batter for Qream. Or not! It definitely looked like it when adding all-purpose flour. But, self-rising! Ahhh!)
4. Mix remaining sugar, flour and milk. Pour flour mixture over butter, then pour peach mixture over flour mixture.
5. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes, or just bake for 45 minutes and remain baffled as so why your batter didn’t rise to the top and instead just turned into a weird, rubbery mess under what has to be all of the butter ever.
Even if you do mess it up with the all purpose flour and get this weird, gelatinous dish that sort of looks like someone poured melted butter over peaches suspended in jello, it tastes pretty good! Sure, there’s still that after-tang of Qream, but after a while a girl gets used to that, right?
Jaya Saxena’s hands won’t stop smelling of Qream. Jolie! Help!