Thursday, August 4, 2011


Peach Qobbler

Qream! It's perfect, right? I mean, after two recipes with Qream substitutions that resulted in relatively successful edibles that weren't all that disgusting, we were starting to think that you could substitute literally anything for Qream and it would turn out great. Cream cheese? Qream cheese! Apple turnover? Qream turnover! Steak au poivre? Qream au poivre! The possibilities are endless. However, this is sadly not the case. Or, it may be the case. We just don't know, because WE MESSED UP. BIG TIME. And with a Paula Deen recipe, no less! (Sorry, Paula!) And we got a peach qobbler that basically looked like peaches bathed in butter and snot. Here's why!

As I am not the world's most expert baketress, a collaboration was in order for this recipe, so I showed up at the apartment of the fabulous Jolie Kerr with a bottle of Qream and a dream in my heart. (And may I say, what a clean kitchen! You don't know from clean until you've seen this kitchen!) Jolie confessed that after having wrenched her back that day, she had to take a few muscle relaxants, and I'm sure my prodding her to "for god's sake just drink the Qream and suffer with meee!" didn't help too much. I of course was liberally pouring myself wine, and in a kitchen like that who has time for things like reading recipes closely? Not us!

While staring at the beast we had created after a good many glasses of wine and Jolie's muscle relaxants kicking in, we went over and over what could have happened. Was the oven not hot enough? Did we accidentally add too much milk to the batter in our pill/liquor haze? Did substituting Qream for water mess up how the peaches boiled? No, that couldn't possibly be it. Qream can do no wrong. And then we looked back at the recipe. SELF-RISING FLOUR. SERIOUSLY, PAULA? FUCK YOU. YOU COULDN'T HAVE JUST ADDED SOME BAKING POWDER TO THE BATTER LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AHHH. What shame we have brought upon the house of Qream.

Paula's Peach Qobbler
4 cups peeled, sliced peaches
2 cups sugar, divided
1/2 cup Qream
8 tablespoons butter
1 1/2 cups self-rising flour
1 1/2 cups milk
Ground cinnamon (we opted to not add this, as we were afraid of the delicate flavor pairings)

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.

2. Combine peaches, 1 cup sugar and 1/2 cup Qream in a saucepan and mix well. Bring to a boil and simmer for 10 minutes. (We totally expected this to make the kitchen smell like peach glitter body spray, but it doesn't smell that bad! Really!)

3. Put butter in a three-quart baking dish and place in oven to melt completely. (CAUTION: You may mistake this batter for Qream. Or not! It definitely looked like it when adding all-purpose flour. But, self-rising! Ahhh!)

4. Mix remaining sugar, flour and milk. Pour flour mixture over butter, then pour peach mixture over flour mixture.

5. Bake for 30 to 45 minutes, or just bake for 45 minutes and remain baffled as so why your batter didn't rise to the top and instead just turned into a weird, rubbery mess under what has to be all of the butter ever.

Even if you do mess it up with the all purpose flour and get this weird, gelatinous dish that sort of looks like someone poured melted butter over peaches suspended in jello, it tastes pretty good! Sure, there's still that after-tang of Qream, but after a while a girl gets used to that, right?

Jaya Saxena's hands won't stop smelling of Qream. Jolie! Help!

78 Comments / Post A Comment


Could you substitute peach glitter body spray if that's what you have on hand?


@melis Is there glitter in Qream? Because I feel like there should be.


@cherrispryte That's coming with Qream2.0


Qream2.0 - now with qlitter!


@ejcsanfran Qream for Mac comes with sequins. It's just that little bit better.


@cherrispryte Yes! Like the gold flakes in Goldschlager.

Lauren Hayden

@melis Ughhhhh, you just made my guffaw so hard at work that Qream came out of my nose!


@Lauren Hayden: Are you sure it wasn't Peach Qobbler?


I saw Qream in the wild this weekend! I was in Chicago and it was in this bro-y, pubby type place. It was weird and I had a lot of feelings about it.


@ratchet, YES that means Binny's has it (I was worried they were too high class!) and our Qream Dreams would be shattered for the Pin Up.

Mister Horrible

@ratchet If I were a bro, I'd buy a round of Qream for all the fine ladies in the bar. If I were a bro.


@Mister Horrible and wallsdonotfall I hope so! It was actually halfway empty, and placed a few inches in front of all the other liquor bottles like it was extra special (which it is).


@ratchet See, and here I was picturing it being all shy in the wild, and having to be coaxed out into your glass. My bad.


you guys are aware that they make a second flavor that is strawberry qream, right? http://www.qreamwithaq.com/home.html#/page/3


@becky@twitter Oh yes. That's next, once I finally use up this bottle.


@becky@twitter I'll bet it tastes like Amoxicillin.


@Ophelia the last time i had an ear infection, i asked for the liquid. i was 26. i enjoy the taste.


@Jaya I feel like we should getting a kickstarter going to fund your qream baking ventures - the qreamery.


How much Qream do I have to drink in order to imagine I was there with you two? Because this sounds like entirely too good of a time.


@cherrispryte : "Everyone Qreams differently", remember? So you get to decide for yourself, how much is enough!


I have only made a couple of Paula Deen recipes and they are like 99% good job would make again but I need to say, as a fellow southern lady, bitch puts WAY TOO MUCH SALT IN. My collard greens tasted like a goddamn salt mine (also, turkey, Paula? TURKEY COLLARD GREENS?).

This seemed like an appropriate place to bring this up.


@antarcticastartshere Also who buys self-rising flour Paulaaaaaaa.


@antarcticastartshere I didn't even know self-rising flour was a thing?


@antarcticastartshere for real. I can't even remember ever seeing a recipe that called for it until this one and now I guess I know why.


@Ophelia I've heard of it, and there is a way to make it if you don't have any (it's like put baking powder and something else in it or something, it's on internets somewhere), but I have never ever seen it at a store in Canada.

Lily Rowan

I'm just enjoying hearing Paula in my head saying "self-rising flour": self raaaaahzin flooorrrr.


@Megan Patterson@facebook I'm pretty sure self-rising flour is just baking powder and salt added.


@Megan Patterson@facebook I bought some self rising flour somewhere in Canada (to make a Naked Chef fruit cobbler I think?) Never made the recipe, and think I still have it (5+ years later.)


@Lily Rowan i like how she says 'oil.' AWWWWWWWWHHHHHUUULLLLLLLLL.

Katie Walsh

@Lily Rowan would it be flooorrr or flaahhhrrrr?

Lily Rowan

@Katie Walsh Oh yeah, that's better.


@antarcticastartshere I've used it! I think the last time was for sticky toffee pudding and it was so good I had a mouthgasm.




@becky@twitter: Oh ew. Nasty, nasty visual!


@Xanthophyllippa paula's gettin down, y'all!


can we please start with the strwberry recipes now!?? i hate peaches and all these recipes make me want to gag...some actually have!! okay, lets get going on this strawberry qheese cake!!


@ThundaCunt I'm kind of amazed that, in all of these recipes, it's the actual fruit that's causing the problem for you...


After all of these posts, I think I have far too much affection for Qream.


@lil_bobbytables: I think we all have an affectation for Qream.


@ejcsanfran You mean an affeqtation, right?

Judith Slutler

I hope this is all secretly product placement for which The 'Pin is being paid handsomely. At this point I would love to try some Qream.


@Emmanuelle Cunt I'm gonna need a few vodka sodas first.


What shame we have brought upon the house of Qream.

Into every dream, a little Qream must fall.


Am I the only one who was disappointed that pills weren't an ingredient in the qobbler?


@ejcsanfran It would probably help the flour rise.


@ejcsanfran "Cooking with Jefferson Airplane"


one qream makes you larger
and one qream makes you small
and the ones that
mother gives you
don't qream anything at all
go ask jolie
when she's ten feet tall


@ejcsanfran ..."Cooking with Amy Winehouse" ...too soon?


@Ophelia @becky: I'm qackling my ass off.


@Ophelia: Qooking with Qream and Qualuudes.


@ejcsanfran Can I like this twice??


@Ophelia: Not soon enough, in my opinion.


The surface of that stove is positively blinding.


@DorothyMantooth And check out the grout in her tiles - spotless.


@Ophelia "check out the grout in her tiles" sounds dirty.


@becky@twitter hah, totally.

Christina McMc

I am intrigued by this Qream you speak of. The sooner this stuff comes to the UK so I can buy it, drink one shot and inevitably give it to an unsuspecting friend and/or relative, the better.


this looks like mac and cheese.


@Lucia Martinez Yes! I was scrolling down, saw the picture, and thought "Finally, the Hairpin is going to provide me with an awesome mac n cheez recipe!"


@Lucia Martinez @bitzyboozer mac and qreese?


@becky@twitter @bitzyboozer maq and cheese?


@bitzyboozer what the fuck kind of mac and cheese have you been eating??


I don't drink anymore (on purpose, it's ok) so I can't try this Qream junk and that's giving me a sad. Just a little one.

hairdresser on fire

This seems like a good place to leave this information. Although I haven't yet seen Qream in the wild, I have seen this: NUVO.
Two words for you: sparkling vodka. I saw it at Costco today and it looked like a bottle of strawberry shampoo for tween girls. I was much, much too afraid to buy it. A sample quote from the website: "Since it hit the shelves, Nuvo appeared in hip-hop videos by musicians including Jamie Foxx, T-Pain, Flo Rida, Keri Hilson, and Monica."


@hairdresser on fire The brave folks at the AV Club recently did a taste test of this. And Bear Semen. http://www.avclub.com/articles/lady-liquor-vs-man-booze,59667/


I make this recipe all the time and just use the Joy of Baking Ingredient Substitution list online. 1 cup of all purpose flour = 1 cup (130 grams) similar grade (all purpose) flour plus 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder plus 1/4 teaspoon salt

Read more: http://www.joyofbaking.com/IngredientSubstitution.html


Oh. Oh god. That just looks awful. What is the pool on the baking tray?

Jolie Kerr

@thesilente Butter. I know. Do you need me to hold your hair back?


Okay, the first problem with this recipe, besides the self rising flour factor, is that you're supposed to cook the shit out of the peaches before you bake the shit out of them. Paula Deen should be ashamed of her abuse of peaches. No wonder it got all snotty! You basically poured peach jam over batter and baked it FOREVER!! So sad....disrespect of my fantasy fruit. Peaches: don't hate Paula...she knows not what she does!

happy go lucky scamp

have i been doing it wrong all this time?
it's always been self raising flour to me

still haven't had a qream sighting
it makes me sad


My friend said that once he starts his job and gets his first paycheck, he's going to buy me a bottle of Qream! Peach or strawberry, folks? I'm having a lot of trouble deciding.


I feel like "SERIOUSLY, PAULA? FUCK YOU" is the only legitimate response to anything Paula Deen does, ever. I mean, bitch LICKED Robert Irvine.

Keith Anderson@facebook

@Xanthophyllippa I despise Paula Deen SO MUCH. Every time I see her face I actually think "SERIOUSLY, PAULA? FUCK YOU." She is the Worst. Well her and The Neelys and Guy Fieri.


i've been pissing off all of my friends because every time i pass a liquor store/am in a bar i always look for/ask for qream, and then shed one lone tear when they don't have it.

i also have begun spelling all words with the letter "c" with the letter "q." again, my friends dont think this is qool.


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