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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

27

The Adult Pacifier

In England and Canada they're giving drunk people lollipops at the end of the night to keep them from yelling and fighting, which is sort of like how in college they said to give anyone who got too high an orange, because they'd lose themselves in the intricacies of the juice pods. All problems need food solutions.

Tags:

food, problems

27 Comments / Post A Comment

parallel-lines

Or, if you prefer a more expensive solution: an iPad makes a perfect adult pacifier.

shenannies

Are these the lollipops that are Fentanyls or something? Because I see that working not just candy lollies. Did anyone see the Intervention with the woman addicted to the painkiller lollipops? Oh boy, that was a doozie.

OhMyGoshYouGuys

@shenannies Oh my God, that episode cured me of my addiction to Intervention. Srsly, weren't her teeth rotting out or something?

Clare

@shenannies @Mere I KNOW RIGHT?! And her poor, henpecked brother and her deluded parents...

shenannies

@Clare @Mere The brother broke my heart, I was so glad they got him treatment too. They sacrificed him for what essentially was a losing battle, she was mentally ill in addition to her chemical addiction.

becky@twitter

@shenannies they make painkiller lollipops?! where the hell have i been?

redheaded&crazy

Oranges? I would go for pomegranates instead - they take longer to eat. And they are FASCINATING.

nogreeneggs

@redheadedandcrazy And delicious, you forgot the most important thing!

bb
bb

ha, I remember someone telling me you were supposed to eat grapefruits while on acid because it made the trip last longer! but the "getting lost in intricacy" thing makes more sense.

NeenerNeener

@bb: The grapefruit thing was probably because of their vitamin c content - vitamin c is said to enhance hallucinations. So yeah, getting more lost in intricacy.

Kneetoe

Wait until one of those drunks cracks a lollypop against a wall to create a "knife" and slashes someone. Ohh, the liability. (Are we allowed to make Awl jokes here?)

sox
sox

@Kneetoe Yep, my very first thought was "whatever, they'll just crack them open and turn them into candy flavored shards on sticks."

Kneetoe

Also, I got your lollypop right here, baby. (No, really, I do; it's green apple-flavored and delicious.)

atipofthehat

@Kneetoe

Enough lollygagging!

ann aunamis

The orange thing? Do you know how many times I could have used that? Now you tell me...

cherrispryte

They gave us oranges and cigarettes.

Pixley

@cherrispryte And I never saw that boy again.

Hot mayonnaise

The lollipop/gum think works for small children as well. In fact, I've often described young childeren as "acting like drunken college kids." By which, I mean they are loud and don't give a fuck.

sox
sox

@Hot mayonnaise A good friend once described his three year old as a drunk ewok on cocaine and mushrooms, which seemed pretty accurate.

pixieg

@Hot mayonnaise, @sox I have two videos to contribute to this discussion: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttRIz-0HWps&feature=player_detailpage#t=35s and http://youtu.be/cds7lSHawAw

becky@twitter

@Hot mayonnaise we used to bribe my toddler nephew with tic tacs. freshens the breath, and only 1 1/2 calories.

thebestjasmine

@Hot mayonnaise And also really easily distractable by shiny things.

gfrancie

For the happy stumbling drunks they could be occupied for hours with just removing the wrapper. The angry/violent drunks would get angry when it was difficult to remove the wrapper and then try and punch someone. But I still like the idea.

Susanna@twitter

OH THAT'S WHY THEY GAVE US LOLLYPOPS
I sort of wondered, but not that much, because I was drunk. I just thought they were being nice. Now I have no faith in the world.

brista128

"Vancouver Police Department spokesman Constable Lindsey Houghton said distributing food products demands study, given the potential for food allergies.

“We would want to have proof that it wouldn't cause adverse reactions,” he said. “I’m not sure it’s something we’d consider but it’s not something we’d rule out if it’s shown to work.”"

Are people allergic to lollipops? (I mean, people who aren't diabetic, I guess.) Is this a thing?

kittennnnns

YES THIS IS WHERE I LIVE AND THIS LOLLIPOP BUSINESS IS TOTALLY WORKING. VIVA LA VICTORIA BC CANADA

glitterary

IT WORKS!

Better still, Metro's in Cardiff givess you free toast at the end of the night. FREE TOAST. CAN YOU IMAGINE ANYTHING BETTER AFTER A NIGHT AT A SWEATY CLUB THAT, WHEN I WENT THERE (IN THE OLDEN DAYS), SERVED DOUBLE-AND-MIXERS FOR 99P. NO YOU CAN'T.

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