Qream Watch
"Inspired by royalty, I created this silky drink to celebrate the beautiful, independent and sophisticated women of today. It is a truly elegant experience for the modern day queen and her court of friends."
—Pharrell's new alcohol, a 12.5% ABV, 95% lactose-free cream liqueur that comes in both strawberry and peach flavors, "can be served on the rocks, chilled in a martini glass or deliciously baked into cupcakes, pastries and more." Qream With a Q, the website, answers not nearly enough questions right now, but in an interview with Salon, Pharrell explains the liqueur's appeal: "[I]t's got the same alcohol by volume as wine, except for when you pour a glass of Qream, it's significantly less calories. A woman doesn’t feel like she's gained ten pounds just by thinking about it, let alone drinking it." You can pour your first tall, hot glass of Qream later this month, when it's scheduled to appear in liquor stores (or now, apparently, for $21). Let us know how it goes.
Looks like something Polly Pocket would drink out of impossibly small goblets.
@dr.funke You are NOT WRONG!!!
@dr.funke Holy wowzer, I was coming down here to say something something Polly Pocket as well.
@Edith Zimmerman But we are probably supposed to drink Qream out of doll-head wine glasses, amirite? That's what Pharrell would want.
@dr.funke homework assignment!
Q.R.E.A.M.?? GAH!
http://youtu.be/e69laCvKxEw
Finally! I am sick of all the calories I get when I pour a glass of wine!
In other news, I would very likely drink the strawberry one. Maybe with some Baileys?
I can't think of anything I'd like to drink more in late August!
@thatsrealbutter Your handle is disturbingly evocative in this setting. Yum!
Reminds me of this http://www.ediblemanhattan.com/uncategorized/for-a-limited-time-you-can-find-quisp-his-quazy-cereal-energy-in-brooklyn/
This seems like drinkable perfume for teenage girls.
EW. Just reading the word Qream makes me want to take a shower.
@DrFeelGood Yeah I feel inqredibly queasy.
@rayray Qeasy?
@rayray Qreepy.
@vanillawaif Qgross.
The fact(?) that it has less calories than wine is disconcerting. Like a low-cal milkshake — gross.
@Hot mayonnaise ha good point. Something that's alcoholic and creamy should not be low cal.
Uhhhh, sorry, this doesn't look like a wine replacement to me. Maybe a wine cooler replacement for 15 year olds?
@Emmanuelle Cunt
You're soaking in it.
"95% lactose-free cream liqueur" sounds suspiciously like alcoholic non-dairy creamer, which just can't be good for anyone or anything.
If it is 95% lactose-free, does that not make it…5% with lactose? That's like saying now 95% peanut-free for those with allergens!
@City_Dater It also sounds like it would taste like…death. Fruity, "creamy" death.
@melis I think it's meant for the kind of girls who subside entirely on Tast-D-Lite and white wine – this is their perfect storm.
@parallel-lines
Because nothing says "sophisticated" and "elegant" like stuffing back a frozen yogurt for dinner while standing on the sidewalk outside the bar that offers $3 glasses of chardonnay on Ladies' Night.
@parallel-lines Excuse me, what is wrong with this?
@City_Dater It would probably have the consistency of non-dairy creamer, too. The horror of which doesn't strike you until you leave your coffee out overnight and have to pour it out and it is a gummy monstrosity in a mug. MmmmmMMM.
That Q keeps messing with my poor, sputtering brain. I just keep saying the name different ways over and over. Ca-ream? Que-ream? Ca-weam? (Elmer Fudd style).
@DickensianCat I'm imagining it like the Arabic Q. So…ca-ream? Stupid people and their misuse of Qs.
@DickensianCat Opening your pocketbook for this: cue getting reamed.
Can this be featured in the next Happy Hour post?
"Qream" sounds like something you would have with Quorn.
'Qream' sounds like something Prince thinks should happen to your jeans.
@spiralbetty Sha-boogie bop.
The thought of drinking a huge glass of this makes me wanna s-qream.
If I saw cupcakes full of this I would probably punch them since they signify everything wrong with the world today. EVERYTHING.
does this remind you guys of relationshapes? the frame, the color, the geometric planes of the bottle caps..
@barbara millicent roberts Now if David Rees released an alcoholic Relationshapes beverage…
@barbara millicent roberts OMG! RIP
How can this have less calories than say Pinot Grigio? Yes less than Port, but the white wines? I call shenanigans. This is also not a drink for real drinkers at all.
I'll drink a multitude of embarrassing things, but this looks like it would taste like those cream flavored lifesavers that you only see in the candy dishes of the elderly.
@KatnotCat Shit, I just replied the same thing!
@KatnotCat But I like those!
So this is a liqueur called "quim" then, yes? Bwa ha ha ha ha, non-dairy cream called quim!
My new diet will be a punch bowl with a few bottles of this and a jug of Cherry GoLYTELY.
Qream sounds like some kind of wacky "tingly lube" kind of thing from the sort of people that make Axe.
How will this mix with Hpnotiq?
Thinking about red wine is supposed to make me feel like I've gained 10 pounds? I think I've been thinking red wine wrong.
I question the design aspects of this project, if not the concept. Pharrell's known for his design sensibilities, so I'm wondering…
What happened? Did he drink too much Q-ream in the marketing meetings? God only knows what this stuff tastes like (though, probably tastes better in a doll head wine glass… anything would), I'm skeptical to say the least. (Yes, I do believe this is what vintage-Prince would have wanted to appear in your panties).
But the name?
The Packaging??? If I were a five year old girl I WOULD BE ALL OVER THIS. Even at 9 I would be thinking this was the Best Ever (maybe).
But by 11 I would be all… wtf. At fifteen, I'd be like, "if it's got liquor I'm drinkin' it!" (even if it does taste like your grandma's candy that's been in her purse for the last 10 years).
Sophisticated? Hip? Glamorous? Yummy? If I wanted to kill myself by drinking out of a perfume bottle, maybe. Is that the point? Is is???
Disregarding the disgusting nature of that…thing up there, can we please have a post talking about alcoholic cupcakes? Because I'd be all over that.
@thebestjasmine A cupcake shop where I live has "thirsty Thursdays" where they serve boozy cupcakes. I got a cosmo cupcake once and there was so much vodka in the frosting, I had a bit of an after-lunch buzz. It was divine.
@thebestjasmine I LOVE baking/eating boozy cupcakes. I find the alcohol takes the edge off the sweetness of the sugar. The best ones I made were based off the Old Fashioned cocktail. They were bourbon-soaked with a frosting made with angostura bitters and orange zest. I could eat them forever.
As a beautiful, independent and sophisticated woman (a queen with her court of friends, if you will, with the powers to think myself fat! Iceberg lettuce! Iceberg lettuce! celery! mmmmm… qweeeeeem! sweet sweet qweeeeem), I hate to be indelicate… but… just think of the barf that might result in quaffing too much Qream! Not pretty!
Not that I've ever puked from too much drinking… but I hear it happens sometimes…
I can just see the young, hot shot boys walking around with a tray of these at a bar…"Would you like to drink my Qream?"
Also, "Qream With a Q" would make a great gay porn title.
This sounds like the liquid version of Lifesavers Creme Savers.
RECIPE
- Dump bag of Strawberry Creme Savers into blender
- Add a couple shots of well vodka
- Toss in a few non-dairy creamers
- Blend on HIGH
- QREAM YO' PANTS
I'm pretty weary of advertisers who want us to "celebrate our power" with pink shit. I don't need pink pens, I use a big ugly hammer, big scary 5 blade razors, and I want my bourbon in a big glass!
Oooh, I think I get it… (lightbulb?) this is supposed to promote faux-luxury for the ghetto.
(I grew up in a ghetto neighborhood, so I know of what I speak when I say that in poor neighborhoods, liquor is advertized very heavily, as an "escape" for poverty).
Hence the imagery of a little girl's princess-y room in a lily-white picket fence suburban idyllic with lush tree lined streets. Birds… chirping.
Throw in some royalty for the poors, and it's a win out of the ballpark!!
Throw in some fat-phobia (while at the same time embracing it with a voluptuous body/bottle)… ooooh, honey, we're selling now! I just q-reemed in my pants!
Well played, marketing people, well played.
I do like yogurt, tho so alcoholic yogurt-type-stuff? I'd try that.
Flavor copy makes me want to try it, but marketing campaign makes me want to throw it against the wall, and watch the bottle splinter into many many pieces, while pink (or peach) goo drips down the wall. In a very expensive hotel room, natch. Then I'd pour a glass of fine aged scotch.
WINE HAS CALORIES??!@#%!^!#?!!?!?^^!
Clearly you did not read Mr. Pharrell Williams's description of this extremely classy fluid. It is A TRULY ELEGANT EXPERIENCE that was INSPIRED BY ROYALTY.
I don't think I have ever been so offended by a beverage…
Even my lavender suit wearing, button hole flower sporting, Emily Gilmore obsessed homosexual Great Uncle Kenneth would be all "That's a lot of pastel."
But I totally love it when my alcohol comes in recycled Avon bottles from the 80s. Classy.