Kubler-RosSVU
Denial
When news first came out that Mariska Hargitay wanted to scale back on her Law and Order: Special Victims Unit workload so that she could spend more time with her family, I was skeptical about how this would work out. Elliot has been there longer than Liv, he should probably get promoted first. Neither of them should ever get actually promoted, though, because they’re terrible at following the rules. They’re like vigilantes who accidentally have badges (I’m looking at you, UnStabler). They named Jennifer Love Hewitt as a possible replacement and just… no. There is no way. That literally cannot be happening. She played a traumatized rape and stalking victim on the show only a handful of episodes ago. Do they seriously think that we’re just going to have forgotten about that? Is she playing the same character and she’s just really gotten her life together? Could she even be big enough to fill Olivia Benson’s shoes? Definitely not. No way. I will hear nothing of it.
Anger
Then came the news that Christopher Meloni would be leaving the show because of contract disputes. Enter: fury. There is no show without Olivia and Elliot. Munch, Tutola, the chief… they’re all great, but SVU is all about Liv and El. How could they possibly let him go? I’m so sick of executives playing hardball and refusing to cough up money for the leads. They seem to think that they can just stick any old actor in that slot and it’s going to work and THAT’S NOT TRUE. If the success of the brand is just about the formula, then why is SVU one of the last ones standing of all the Law and Orders? The only good thing that could possibly come from Stabler not being on the show is that now we’re all spared the complete lunacy of watching him pretend that Jennifer Love Hewitt is an adequate successor for Mariska Hargitay. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, WORLD?
Bargaining
There has got to be some way to save the show. Since NBC canceled Law and Order: Los Angeles, that looks like some L&O resources that could totally be used to pad Christopher Meloni’s salary. Maybe they can somehow change up the shooting schedule so that Mariska Hargitay can still spend time with her family AND protect victims of heinous crimes. I promise, if the current incarnation of SVU is saved, I will donate to her foundation (which I should be doing anyway and so should everyone else because it’s important Joyful Heart Foundation). I will watch every episode when it’s new instead of catching it in reruns or DVRing it. I will… I have no idea what I’ll do, just please don’t take Benson and Stabler away from me.
Depression
I guess it’s really happening. Special Victims Unit has been on for 12 years. I have been alive for 20 years. Therefore, SVU has been on for every year of my life that it has been appropriate to watch a show like L&O: SVU… and then some. I can’t imagine life after SVU. Mariska Hargitay is taking it much better than me: "For the past 12 years Chris Meloni has been my partner and friend, both on screen and off. He inspired me every day with his integrity, his extraordinary talent and his commitment to the truth. I love him deeply and will miss him terribly — I'm so excited to see what he'll do next." Speak for yourself, Benson. Unless what he is doing is going back to taking his clothes off on HBO, I’m finding it difficult to muster up enthusiasm for my favorite detective being anything other than that. If anyone needs me, I’ll be crying in bed watching the entire first season on Netflix.
Acceptance
I’m not here yet, but I’ll keep you posted.
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Chung, chung.
@melis I think of it as more like CHUNGCHUNG.
@theharpoon But this was a sad, defeated chung chung – not the brisk, official, CHUNGCHUNG of the halcyon Liv and Alex years.
@melis Good point, and, sad.
@melis
CHUNG chung.
I am sorry for your pain. I have never seen this show but I know this pain of which you speak.
It's like when Mulder left the x files and they replaced him with robert patrick!!! I AM THAT OLD, THAT'S MY ANALOGY
If you haven't already, I urge you to watch Wet Hot American Summer, because it is brilliant and will cheer you up, but also because Christopher Meloni has a pretty amazing and major role in it that I think may come as a surprise to fans who only know him from the police show.
"LOOK AT ME MOMMA I MADE IT I'M O-KAY!"
"You listen to me, you cigarette-smoking piece of shit, I was in the Viet-Nam war."
Also, I'm going to assume you have already watched it based on your clotheslessness/HBO comment, but if you have not, watch the vastly superior Oz.
@melis "It's not about the girl Coop….Well it is….but see if you can follow me here…..it………isn't."
And then what did you say? And then what did I say? You said you were gonna go…fondle your sweaters. No I didn't. I said I was thinking of making…fondue with cheddar. Yep. Fondue with cheddar cheese for dinner tonight. Whatever, Gene. Okay I gotta go to my bunk for a real quick sec.
@dracula's ghost People who haven't seen it always look at me funny when I tell them to watch Wet Hot American Summer, but that doesn't stop me from doing it.
@theharpoon We need an open thread for WHAS at all times, because I could quite literally never tire of discussing it. The director's commentary and special DVD soundtrack with extra farts? Bradley Cooper's gay sex scene? All ripe for dissection.
@melis I always think of Bradley Cooper's gay sex scene. All the time.
@melis Also, Ken Marino! Sometimes when I was watching Party Down I would kind of sing under my breath "Even though we ain't got money…."
@theharpoon Those tube socks! That errant soccer ball!
@theharpoon Wait for me, Abby Bernstein! Wait for me, my darling.
@melis YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. love love love this movie.
you taste like a burger. i don't like you anymore.
@becky@twitter I'm trying to think of a way to type Paul Rudd's grunts and arm-flailing as he picks up his lunch tray and its contents from the cafeteria floor, but I am failing.
@theharpoon oh em gee. that scene makes me wheezy-laugh uncontrollably. i love when he flings his fork into the bin.
If you look carefully, you'll notice that while Andy never actually knocks his cup off the table, it is among the items he collects on the floor. This movie is full of amazing sometimes-on-purpose continuity errors.
@melis i quote the "how dare you usurp my authority…" bit at least three times a week at work. it's my litmus test of whether someone is secretly cool or not.
I'm gonna go hump the fridge, y'all.
Oh God, I've started something I couldn't finish. My kids are a bunch of amateurs, the choreography is a mess, and the last thing I need is some diabetic freak prancing around onstage and making my life a living hell!
Fine, I'll put him last.
@dracula's ghost Or when that moron replaced Scully? Yes XF is my show-ending sorrow touchstone too. BUT it sounds like if I go and watch Wet Hot American Summer I will cheer right up.
@melis Concur; 24/7 OPEN WHAS THREAD PLEASE.
I am not Ruth Buzzi standing here! I am not Ruth Buzzi standing here!
@melis You guys. The "college town" that they go to to shoot heroin in is supposed to be my college town (though it was not filmed in my college town? Which is weird?). And the professor that Janine Garafulo falls for is supposed to be from MY COLLEGE. Wheeeeeeeeeee!
@theharpoon The Paul Rudd lunch tray scene is my favorite scene! Though, to be fair, scene is my favorite scene.
Throw the ball…throw the ball…YES!
The scene with the Kenyan winning Capture the Flag is only made better when you notice that Michael Ian Black has been power-walking during the entire game. If you slow it down and watch it frame by frame, you can watch the impossible angle at which he swivels his hips.
@melis Haha, I love that! I didn't notice that until the second or third viewing. There are so many small touches like that which don't necessarily reveal themselves the first time you watch it.
HEY GUYS, WAIT UP!
@wee_ramekin So, you were basically in WHAS.
@theharpoon I mean, basically. Yeah. Duh.
One of the Saddest Things in my Life is that I can't really use my favorite quote from WHAS. My favorite quote is when Coop yells "I want you inside me!" as Katie walks away. As a lady, I can tell you that it is not easy to quote this epic scene without a lot of uncomfortable misunderstandings.
@wee_ramekin Oh, hey…you know…from before.
@dracula's ghost YES to both of these. love x-files and love wet hot american summer.
GUYS, did you know there is a prequel planned?!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/21/wet-hot-american-summer-prequel_n_881351.html
@so what? OMG! THIS IS THE BEST NEWS EVER. There were rumors they were planning something. Great still accompanying that article, too.
Kid: Andy, have you seen my swimming buddy? If I can't find him, Im telling Beth that you let him drown.
Andy: I was busy!
We need a Hairpin meetup for the prequel premiere, followed by a big secret pizza party (cool!).
@melis I second this. So what is it? Is it like 9? 9:30?
@melis A douchebag is a hygenic product, I take that as a compliment!
@melis YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
@theharpoon You're going to think this is so shallow, but what was your name again?
@jen325 Let's say 9:30, so that everyone can be there by 9.
I'm with you, although I kind of watched SVU to death, so have been remiss in really keeping up with it lately.
Slightly OT, I don't really like L&O: CI, but I run into the female lead fairly frequently when she's walking her dogs, and she's really nice.
@Ophelia Oh shit. You mean Kathryn Erbe?! I love her and her grim little wisecracks, even beyond Law & Order.
I equally heart SVU and CI, as long as it's Goren and Eames. Mr. Big is cool and all, but he's no D'onofrio. (And yes I spelled that correctly without using Google.)
You had me up until you mentioned Christopher Meloni taking his clothes off, and I got distracted. Now, what were you saying about naked Christopher Meloni?
@Bebe Go watch Oz. You'll probably get sick of seeing him naked, it happens so often.
I don't think that ever happens. It's always beautiful and new to me.
@Nicole Cliffe Then are you going to love season 2.
@Nicole Cliffe Right? Even though he's a terrifying rapist sociopath. It's still beautiful.
I'll give you terrifying and sociopathic, but Chris Keller rapes no one. They all go willingly. Even blue-eyed Ronnie Barlog was smiling right up until his neck got snapped (spoiler!).
@melis I cannot believe that this is true! Playing a sociopath who may or may not be a terrifying rapist (depending on if you agree with @Monkey or @Nicole Cliffe) – that I totally believe.
He is definitely the type to just throw you up against a wall and make you a woman, isn't he? Hmm–what? Huh? Oh, sorry – distracted again.
@Bebe Yeah, except for the woman part – his proclivities in Oz lean slightly more toward the bearded and emotionally vulnerable, or the square-jawed and murderous. God, this thread is so derailed and I'm almost sorry.
On the Jennifer Love Hewitt thing, Casey the not-always-confident-ADA played a controlling CEO who was into auto-erotic asphyxiation. Never mentioned when she took over for Alex when she went into witness protection. (Geeze, am I a dweeb.)
@ebgb Finally! I thought I was the only one to notice
@ebgb But with different hair color, no? That's a Superman-level disguise!
Also, S. Epatha Merkerson was on L&O: Original Recipe before she joined the cast, too.
I don't want to live in a world where the only L&O generating new episodes is Criminal Intent.
@chevre4evre Isn't it done already? I"m pretty sure it's over.
@chevre4evre Yes, Criminal Intent definitely ended a couple weeks ago
I still miss NYPD Blue.
@Not It But I'd take Christopher Meloni's ass over David Caruso's without a look back.
@Xanthophyllippa
€oo–*_* < --------- That is my emoticon of David Caruso taking off his sunglasses and saying something witty like "Looks like our accident…isn't an accident at all".
Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
I'm so depressed about this, it's like all I've been thinking about forever… can't even type anything coherent because I'm so upset about the topic.. ahhh
This just made my bad day even worse.
Seriously.
I'm gonna go lay in bed with a pint, who am I kidding, 1/2 gallon of ice cream and watch SVU on Netflix now.
@totallyunoriginal I just the other day noticed that the first, like, 11 seasons of SVU are available streaming on Netflix. That made me feel slightly better
Damn it. I had circled from depression all the way back to denial (which was lovely while it lasted) and NOW I read this. I just developed a muscle twitch. BENSON WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITHOUT YOU?!?
Does anyone else love Goren and Eames more than Benson and Stabler? No? Just me? Ah ok.
@scully You are literally the only one.
@scully I AM WITH YOU! It's all about Goren. Stabler, gimme a break. He'll kill you one night in your sleep in a sex rage, you can tell.
@scully
Yes.
@scully & @Elmo Keep. Me three. Love me some D'Onofrio. But I've always been a brains over brawn girl.
@scully I love Goren and Eames, you're not alone. I'd be hard pressed to pick one duo over the other, although D'Onofrio plays adorable and semi-crazy just enough to maybe make him the winner.
@scully: I love, love, love Goren & Eames!
@scully LOVE Goren and Eames
@scully Goren & Eames forEVA!
My bestie and I have a fun game: texting each other the one-sentence descriptions of random SVU episodes that show up on the TV guide. Always fun to be in a meeting and get texts that are like "An unemployed clown tries to frame his grandmother in the death of a 10-year-old child star."
@katiebakes WIN!
@katiebakes This is the Best Idea.
what they really need to do is bring back more Criminal Intent because I've been marathoning it and have a weird crush on Vincent D'Onofrio and his enormous crime solving head
@cloudburst Ew no! He was creepy and phrased his sentences funny, with oddly placed breaths.
@totallyunoriginal I KNOW but I'm weirdly fascinated by it!
@cloudburst Vincent D'Onofrio is sexy as hell.
@totallyunoriginal He has the delivery of an old William Shatner – no, no on the D'nofrio!
@cloudburst He's super sexy! AMIRITE??
@scully YES. I have no idea why but I am crushing bigtime
@cloudburst There is literally nothing weird about crushing on VDO.
I just hope Liv and Elliot get together on the show and that is why they have to leave the force. BECAUSE OF LOVE.
@antarcticastartshere I don't think they can get together – if they had sex, the unprecedented hotness would make the world explode!
@antarcticastartshere ME TOO. If it doesn't happen maybe we can just co-author some fanfiction where it does happen? Actually I bet someone already has done that…
Not only has someone already done that, I'm pretty sure it constitutes roughly 1/3 of the entire Internet.
@melis well then, i know what I'm doing tonight.
I don't even own a TV.
May I point out the existence of this: http://inappropriatestabler.tumblr.com/
And I was mad when I heard all of this news, but honestly there are so many old episodes, which are all on Netflix and I assume will continue to be marathoned on USA, that I may just not watch a new one ever.
something I learned just now while checking to make sure they are all still on Netflix: there is (was?) a Law & Order: SVU Russia.
@florabora
And LAW & ORDER: UK, which for at least its first two seasons was just early Original Flavor episodes rejiggered for the British legal system and set in London. Truly delightful and rife with sexual tension.
The LAW & ORDER franchise is my Zoloft.
The Law & Order franchise has largely perfected the art of bringing in the same actors to play different roles. Some actors have been on the show three or four times in different capacities. One day a judge, the next day a serial killer, the next day a defense attorney. I love seeing an actor's range. I'm also a Broadway nerd so I enjoy seeing like, Elphaba interrogating the shit out of a perp. All seasons of SVU and CI are on Netflix. Also, on Tuesdays, USA has an SVU marathon for mostly the whole day. I'm embarrassing myself here, but my devotion to SVU is quite serious and I spend a surprising portion of my writing time discussing this show or finding a way to bring a reference from this show into my work. What I'm trying to say is that I feel you in having to deal with these stages. I'm still in denial, myself.
@FoxyRoxy Yeah, that redheaded lawyer who took over after Alex Cabot had originally been on the show as someone into auto-asphyxiation, who I think killed a dude? I had an acting teacher who was on L&O as like 10 different characters over the years; they're def into actor recycling. He said it was just easier for them then finding new actors all the time. Also, the actors are absolutely not allowed to change the script at all, so even if there's a typo, they MUST say it.
you sick sonuvabitch.
This looks like a dump job OF MY SANITY, NBC. THANKS A LOT.
@florabora
And LAW & ORDER: UK, which for at least its first two seasons was just early Original Flavor episodes rejiggered for the British legal system and set in London. Truly delightful and rife with sexual tension.
The LAW & ORDER franchise is my Zoloft.
Jamie Bamber! Secretly British!
just when you think things can't get any worse! woe is me.
I would have been completely ok with it if they had hired Michael Raymond-James as Meloni's replacement. That boy can read me the phone book in any accent he'd like.
My mom always said not to trust a man with two first names, but three must be ok, right?
first, cuddy leaves house. then, stabler leaves SVU.
my life… it is over…
@phoebe Wait, Cuddy left?! WHy?? (Note: I stopped watching sometime last year…)