Monday, July 18, 2011


How to Be a Girl, by Mark Twain

If at any time you find it necessary to correct your brother, do not correct him with mud — never, on any account, throw mud at him, because it will spoil his clothes. It is better to scald him a little, for then you obtain desirable results. You secure his immediate attention to the lessons you are inculcating, and at the same time your hot water will have a tendency to move impurities from his person, and possibly the skin, in spots.

—Mark Twain, Advice to Little Girls (1865).

8 Comments / Post A Comment


you wait right there! it'll only be about ten minutes for me to boil this kettle...


@becky@twitter Shouldn't you already have a pot of water boiling? I mean, every good chef is always saying if you're in the kitchen you need it, cuz you never know when something will need to be boiled. And we all know that obvs, if you're a girl/woman your place is in the kitchen.

So by the powers vested in me by the principals of hypothetical syllogism and old-timey gender rules, If you don't have a penis you should have boiling water handy!


@leon.saintjean ::throws mud at leon.saintjean::


@becky@twitter You have to use my older sister's ingenuity (devious perniciousness?) and convince the brat to accidentally scald themselves with the kettle.


@applestoapples 'perniciousness!' nice word.


#doll advice


Mark Twain: #1 Uncle or Grandfather


This is why I wear thermo-protective briefs.

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