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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

21

Your Mutinous Bones

"I broke my back."
... Is what one woman says to open the nightmarishly titled article "Along the Spine, Women Buckle at Breaking Points," which chronicles the ways your bones are dissolving, and describes how your vertebrae will one day give out on you like crushed heads on a cartoon totem pole. Here are a few preventative measures you can take. (Don't do crunches.)

21 Comments / Post A Comment

charmcity

I got this. I've not been doing crunches my whole life! The curtsy-when-you-sneeze routine will take a little getting used to.

causedbycomma

@charmcity I know! Suddenly I feel like I've been doing (or not doing) something right!

rayray

Awww maaaan, I was at the beach this weekend and all I could think about was this document I was working on lately about dermatoporosis where your skin basically deteriorates til it falls off and how it's linked to sun exposure and I was totally gonna get it unless I slathered myself in Factor 50, and now I can't do crunches any more either? I think I'm okay with being one of those tiny little wizened old women that look like a walnut you see in Italian films.

alpelican

Tonight at 10! The Mutinous Bones! with DJ Coke Pillow! Admission $10 18+ No Refunds

theharpoon

@alpelican Best DJ name.

Bittersweet

@alpelican: Special Guest, the Spider Dolls!

theharpoon

Ok. The difference between crunches and sit-ups, someone explain it to me. Are sit-ups less bad, because you're keeping your back straighter? Why is exercising so confusing!

winchesterwolcott

@theharpoon Except I remember being told to do crunches because sit-ups were bad! Just do plank, I think. But that probably deteriorates your shoulders and elbows. So maybe just lie still.

Pound of Salt

@winchesterwolcott No I read lying down is really bad for you! Better just stand.

theharpoon

@you guys And sitting is killing us too! I'm just going to keep doing whatever I want.

raised amongst catalogs

@winchesterwolcott Lie still *and think of the Empire*.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@theharpoon: Core exercises in general are difficult to do because of the very small amount of leverage a person has, and how small the muscles are there. I have to pay particular attention or my kidney area will ache when I'm doing anything with the abdominals. I skip a lot of core stuff. :\

I think a full situp works your hip flexors and is hard on your back; crunches isolate your abs and is easier on your back because you keep your back more straight.

cuminafterall

Along with the plank, try the superman, aka lying on your stomach and flapping your arms and legs around like this: www.youtube.com/watch?v=_M7Oum7VbkU

It works your back muscles and glutes really well, and is actually kind of fun. I learned it in middle school from the PT who treated my scoliosis.

Clare

@cuminafterall Supermans! We used to do those at crew practice. They really do a number on your back muscles, butt, and even your hammies and quads.

amirite

@cuminafterall Love supermans! We do them in roller derby cuz you need a strong lower back to skate in the proper position.

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

So... yoga is bad then?

jetztinberlin

@Too Much Internet Yoga is excellent as long as it's performed safely / with good form.
The reason crunches can be bad is they can overbuild / stress the abdominal muscles without equally building / balancing the back muscles - this can actually increase back strain / load on the spine in an unbalanced direction. So true "core" work always needs to involve balanced work in both the front (abs) and back (spinal erectors, etc).
love, your friendly neighborhood yoga teacher!

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@jetztinberlin: A great reply to my flippant remark! I was kind of being sarcastic in a 'this just in, everything is bad for you' way that the news seems to indulge in. But you dropped some good info in here!

a horde of great crab things

@Too Much Internet Isn't the superman linked to upthread essentially just yoga? One of those ones with a lizard-y/ snake- y name, can't remember what.

Ellie

Jane Brody is such a joyless hag (almost as much so as Marion Nestle). Her articles all say literally the exact same thing, "Here is a new horrible thing that will happen to you as you age, abandon all hope!" presented in the most dire and humorless tone imaginable. Every single week.

area@twitter

Obviously the only solution here is to spend the whole of your life floating in a pool of some sort. I recommend a vat of wine- good for the skin. Plus you can hire scantily clad muscle men to carry you around like some Roman empress.

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