Thursday, June 30, 2011


The Perfect Penis

Previously: Emoticons We Need in These Troubled Times.

Jim Behrle has been watching the Women's World Cup and Columbo Season One.

49 Comments / Post A Comment


You complete me, Perfect Penis.


@Clare If you liked it then you shoulda put a scrunchy on it.

Hot mayonnaise

@parallel-lines: Perfect Penis will also accept a doughnut.

Patrick M

"The perfect penis is the one that's with you." - Chase Jarvis


His dad is obviously Dumb Donald from Fat Albert.

Lily Rowan

<3 <3 <3 <3


@Lily Rowan <3 8==========D


@dabbyfanny Well that just looks like a chicken bone.


Yeah, but he's always attached to his BFF, The Biggest Jerk On Earth. And you'd leave but...sigh. You know how it is.


@parallel-lines Also, doesn't perfect penis come equiped with his own biking helmet or is he just that careful? God, he is so good.

Nicole Cliffe

Russell Crowe disapproves of the notion that THIS penis could really be the perfect penis, if you know what I mean.

Also, this penis rocks.

Katie Walsh

I have a weird crush on Jim Behrle's handwriting. Make of that what you will.

Also, Perfect Penis is perfect.

Tuna Surprise

@Katie Walsh

Where do you think he gets his markers? Does he steal them from the office supply closet? Does he carefully pick out the best artisanal markers (miss you relationshapes!) from the art store? Or does he just pick up a box of Crayola markers at Duane Reade?


@Tuna Surprise In my mind, they are Mr. Sketch scented markers. That's the only way the world makes sense.

dr. annabel lies

@Katie Walsh I do too, I think because it looks just like the handwriting of someone I actually have a crush on.


Perfect Penis' pantaloons look like they would feel really nice against my skin.


@Elizabon if that's what you want to call them.


I'm thinking of asking Perfect Penis to marry me.


I'm not comfortable with the perfect penis and my mom having a shared love of felting and pot roast. Or any kind of shared love.


@anknee I need to google felting :/


@anknee I know. I certainly don't need him pleasuring my hard-to-please mom, because she's terrible at sharing.


@MeganToTheMax It's not as fun as the name implies. Neither is flocking.


perfect penis' neck is a lil thinner than i would like...but i do appreciate he wont be busting any windows in my *ahem* garage!!

Noelle O'Donnell

@ThundaCunt Agreeeed, balls should not overshadow the shaft!


@anknee Agreed. Especially since the only things my mom loves are herself, interior design and Jesus.


Oh man, when did the idea of drinking and watching House Hunters International and Scott McGillivray, with or without a perfect penis, become my idea of time well spent? #iblamemymother


The Perfect Penis totally likes or dislikes strippers.

Tuna Surprise


My Perfect Penis stands up when a stripper enters the room.


@Tuna Surprise Mine never smells like sour whipped cream


@parallel-lines I thought they ALL smelled like that!

(I'm so sorry, I can't believe I said that)


That "perfect" penis needs to clean the damn bathroom!


The perfect penis has teeth...


@fancypants Yes, that is rather disturbing. Funnily enough, I think vagina dentata are just fine.


For some odd reason, the Perfect Penis reminds me of James Franco.

Caitlin Podiak

@chexmixitup James Franco reminds me of a perfect penis.

Tammy Pajamas

He seems like kind of an over-achiever, but maybe that's ok in the penis world.


@Tammy Pajamas He just works hard.


he's gonna get his arms ripped off.


It hurts watching him ride that bike.


I think I love the Perfect Penis.

Tim Tracy

The Perfect Penis sounds entirely too much like a pussy.


@Tim Tracy & brad.....literally giggled like an insane person for a good 3 mins at those one-liners!!! thank you!

fondue with cheddar

Perfect penis always wears a helmet because he believes in safety.


I really hope the Perfect Penis has done some manscaping, because the proximity of balls to those bicycle wheel spokes is making me super nervous.

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