Monday, June 20, 2011


Recession Band-Aids and Their Subsequent Reviews

The Chef — four corn nuts glued together

“This one healed my wound almost immediately, because of all the salt, but it was pretty painful and scarred right away.”

The Cat Lover — a miniature plastic disco ball tied around with string

“Just when I thought my cut was healing, one of the ball’s edges would reopen it.”

The Postman — bits of packing peanuts sprinkled on top of wound

“Well, what can I say — my leg’s been amputated.”

Previously: Nine Ways to Enjoy Adult Acne.

Erin Sullivan lives in Portland, Oregon.

3 Comments / Post A Comment


I prefer "The Cowboy." I splash the wound with Wild Turkey and then stuff it with Copenhagen.


The Swanson: fill wound with meat. And since, as a person, I'm already made of meat, it's meat within meat which is actually a Swanson Deluxe.

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