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Thursday, June 9, 2011

64

Oversharing Parents on Facebook: Animals Edition

Hi, it's B. from STFU, Parents. I occasionally receive submissions that don't fit the tone of STFUP, but because they're still worth sharing, I figured I'd show some of the WTF-iest entries to you. This week's theme: animals!

Now, a typical submission that might come my way regarding animals would look like this:

EW, right? So gross. I can't tell you how many "my dog ate my baby's crap" submissions I've gotten, but it's disturbingly common. But every now and then, I get something related to animals that's actually nothing like that at all. Like this:

Umm. Huh? Turtles doing it on a living room floor? I'm not sure if it's more bizarre to have turtles doing it on your living room floor or to photograph it happening and post it on Facebook with a quirky baby caption.

That said, turtles making love on a rug looks positively pedestrian compared to this:

Whaaat the fuck? This is one of my all-time favorite submissions. It is BEYOND. The logistics alone slay me. (Ha ha, get it? The coyote is dead.) This woman went to the trouble of taking a stuffed animal carcass out into a field, propping her baby against it, snapping some photos, and then uploading them to Facebook. If I didn't know better, I just might call her a genius.

Yay, animals!

STFU Parents celebrates the best and worst of parent overshare. But mostly the worst. Follow B. on Twitter and check out the Facebook Page for more (literal) shits and giggles.



64 Comments / Post A Comment

parallel-lines

OMIGOD yay, this is like the peanut butter and chocolate of the internet. My two favorites collide and it's awesome!

Emma K@twitter

@parallel-lines My two favorites as well!!!!

Patrick M

@parallel-lines I would like it more if that baby were leaning against a Relationshape

melis

I don't get it. Would the Relationshape be trying to be funny? Because I'm sorry, I just don't get it.

FoxyRoxy

This is sublime. I hope like hell that when the time comes I exhibit some self-control when it comes to taking pictures of my kid and splashing them on the Internets. I probably won't but I want to, very much, for the sake of... well, everyone involved.

RK Fire

@FoxyRoxy: I regularly think about this, as more of my friends are having kids. "Do not replace a picture of myself with a picture of y child.. do not.."

kayjay

Hi, B!! What a treat to see you here! And, as always, I'm fucking speechless.

thatsrealbutter

I would totally take a picture of my baby laying on a taxidermied animal in a field of lavender.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@thatsrealbutter Lupins, on the other hand...

Rosebudddd

@thatsrealbutter Those look like bluebonnets and I'm guessing that's Texas.

thatsrealbutter

@Rosebudddd @Butterscotch Stalin It's too hot and I was too lazy to figure it out! Plus the lavender would maybe cover up any taxidermy smell? I don't own a baby or any taxidermied animals, but I figure one or the other would probably smell

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

@thatsrealbutter Just as long as they're not poppies. Although the little boo has been acting a mite colicky lately...

MollyculeTheory

@thatsrealbutter Taxidermied animals don't smell at all - maybe a little bit like dust if anything!

kayjay

@thatsrealbutter I'm not really sure why else anyone would have kids. Because it hurts and they smell.

thatsrealbutter

@MollyculeTheory I'll blame the imaginary baby then. Or maybe I'll just get a baby doll and a dead coyote and put it in some sort of lavender infused Joseph Cornell style viewing box and be done with it.
[Doll News]

applestoapples

I often use STFU, Parents to passive-aggressively remind some of my my friends with kids that, although I like seeing the bebehs with birthday cake on their faces, I (and others) don't want to hear about their adventures in rectal temperature-taking. It's an invaluable tool.

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

They're "building a universe"

swxnw

UGH this reminds me of a 'friend' on facebook who posted an entire album of "Is it poop or chocolate?" Because her kids would smear both all around the house. Listen, if you can't control the poop smearing I understand, but to post it on facebook, that's just G-ROSS!

thebestjasmine

@swxnw WHAT. I have no words.

wee_ramekin

@swxnw You are very understanding. Because I can't understand the poop-smearing. *shudder*

swxnw

@thebestjasmine Yeah well I just got into an argument over closing planned parenthood with her (she belives that cutting all funding is GREAT and WONDERFUL - um anyway) Shes a little (lotta) right winged, thinks anything her kid does is cute and ugh shes just irritating me right now!

swxnw

@wee_ramekin I mean they're kids. At some point they're going to reach into their poopy diaper. I just don't think theres a justification for posting pictures of it on the internet!

thebestjasmine

@swxnw HIDE HER. That is what you need to do.

Cossette729

@thebestjasmine Yes. The hide feature is possibly the best feature on Facebook.

theharpoon

@swxnw You've submitted this album to STFU, Parents, right?

wee_ramekin

@swxnw I just feel like there's a difference between "at some point they'll reach into their poopy diapers" and them doing it enough to have an entire album of poop smears. *gags* WITH THAT BEING SAID, I am not a parent, nor have I babysat a diapered wee one in a very long time, so maybe this is normal? (OH GOD PLEASE NO)

I sort of feel like it's her punishment for her views on Planned Parenthood.

theharpoon

@wee_ramekin My sister has two small children and, to my knowledge, they have never smeared poop on any walls.

Cossette729

@wee_ramekin There's also a difference between "Jesus Christ on a cracker, I hope I don't vomit while cleaning up and add to this disaster" and "Quick, honey, get the camera!"

leonstj

Isn't taking amazingly absurd photos of children half the reason for having them? I want to have a whole Mormon family so I can make them re-enact the storming of the bastille and put on little plays about the Teapot Dome Scandal. Children were always meant to be entertainment for parents above all else, right?

saythatscool

@leon.saintjean Child fight club?

applestoapples

@leon.saintjean My mother used us as pawns in her twisted Sound of Music fantasies. She sewed us sailor outfits and summer outfits literally made out of toile drapery fabric (just like in the movie) and taught us to sing "Do Re Mi." This ended up backfiring horribly.

saythatscool

@applestoapples Did the Nazis end up taking your dad away?

applestoapples

@saythatscool She told us he was on a business trip in Berlin!
No, we just all ended up harboring various degrees of dislike for family photos and get-togethers, and consequently never spend any time together unless bribed.

saythatscool

@applestoapples I never did trust your brother Rolf.

boysplz

@leon.saintjean That is a good use for children. I also plan on conducting some awesome social experiments if I ever prove myself to be responsible enough for kids. Kids without gender, hell I'll raise them to be species-blind too.

ThundaCunt

@saythatscool it might be wrong but my kids entertain me endlessly with the fighting. i mean thouroughly entertained. tiny fists are FUN-NEE!!

redheaded&crazy

I thought that coyote was alive at first ... in which case the appropriate response would be WTF parents?! I guess it still is.

atipofthehat

@redheadedandcrazy

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/dingofarside.jpg

Tyrantanic

I've run into this phenomenon with pet owners as well.

thebestjasmine

@Tyrantanic Some of my pet owner friends are way worse than the parents. WAY.

beecaveroad

Taxidermy coyote + kid picture with blueb

theinvisiblecunt

Margaret! Come back! The suspense is killing me

beecaveroad

@theinvisiblecunt What, there was definitely an entire comment there when I pressed 'Reply' Anyway I was just saying that picture was clearly taken in Texas. It's actually an effective illustration of why Texas is the fuckin' best.

wee_ramekin

@margaret_r Yeah, it's clearly Texas. I live in Austin, and every native Texan I know has a baby picture in a field of bluebonnets.

Watts Up?

I have never, and will never, submit photos of my child(ren) under these or related circumstances to any social networking site, ever. You have my word, Hairpinners.

thejcar

Words cannot express my joy at seeing B on the hairpin! Yayyy! Off to go taxidermify some animals, get knocked up, and GET TO A FIELD ASAP.

winchesterwolcott

I don't see what the issue is. I'm not taking anything but animal carcasses with for the Sears baby portraits. Bear bullets, those birds that had their heads torn off by falcons...Edith, what did you do with that fawn?

cherrispryte

Ooohhh, taxidermied coyote! I thought it was a direwolf, but also I have been watching too much Game of Thrones.

cat of the canals

@cherrispryte The baby's demeanor does seem to imply a certain "come at me" attitude that can only be explained by the possession of a direwolf.

scully

@cherrispryte There is never too much GoT!

cherrispryte

@scully I watched all 8 episodes in about two days. It was kind of like methadone to get me through Doctor Who withdrawl.

RK Fire

@cherrispryte: how have you been watching it? I don't have cable, and, uh, my friend wants to know.

cherrispryte

@RK Fire I would suggest your friend go here: http://www.icefilms.info/index and there are kind of a lot of steps to get it all working but once it does its golden. Or also here: http://fastpasstv.ms/tv/game-of-thrones-/ which is easier but oftentimes more low-res.

RK Fire

@cherrispryte: thanks!

raelite

that coyote photo -- that's a twilight thing, isn't it? the lavendar, the baby and the "wild canine"?

melis

It's a wedding photo.

cherrispryte

@melis Santorum warned us this would happen.

jackietgregory

That field is f'n gorgeous. I'd pose dead in that field.

scully

Maybe the dingo ate your baby?

Johanna Stapleton@facebook

Hey! Dead, stuffed coyotes have the right to sit in a sunny lavender field too.

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