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Tuesday, June 14, 2011

25

Gwyneth Wants You to Get It Together

"[Gwyneth] pointed at my tummy and said, 'What's going on here? I love you. Get it together.'"
When Gwyneth Paltrow loves you, she's not afraid to tell you you're fat. (Then poof! Your Fairy Goopmother snaps her fingers, and you magically lose 40 pounds and turn into the new spokesperson for Jenny Craig.)

25 Comments / Post A Comment

misfit

I would like to point at Gwyneth's brain and say to her "what's going on here? I hate you. Get it together."

People mag, no mention that he first lost weight on "Celebrity Fit Club" in 2007? That's shoddy journalism!

Tuna Surprise

What an honor to have Gwyneth critique your life. I wonder what she would say about me? Are my dinner parties failures because I don't invite Mario Batali and William Joel? Is my dating life a disappoinment because I'm not dating a British adult contemporary rock star? Should I be working out with Madonna's trainer? Please, Gwyneth. Don't hold back.

Tammy Pajamas

@Tuna Surprise I really would love to see Gwenyth poke Mario Batali in the stomach and ask him what's going on there.

raised amongst catalogs

I will not let this ruin my day. I will not let this ruin my day. I will not...

applestoapples

My roommate said the same thing to me when she walked in on me watching Country Strong on Netflix.

parallel-lines

I imagine there's some terrible clubhouse somewhere in Hollywood where Gwyneth, Katy Perry and a bunch of other skinny ladies hang out and try to figure out what they can say next to seem more relateable to the normal human being, but they always screw it up with stuff like this and telling people to delegate menial work to your assistant.

I would have bitten her scrawny finger and yelled, "ME HUNGRY!!!" What a rude woman.

parallel-lines

@parallel-lines Also, the dude looks the same - he just changed one flamboyantly colored dress shirt for another and removed his jacket.

noodge

@parallel-lines
:-(
hhhheeeeyyyy don't hate on skinny ladies - hate on ridiculous celebrities who have shit for brains. just because someone is skinny doesn't mean they're not a normal human being.

parallel-lines

@teenie Gwyneth Paltrow is not a normal human being. She is a skinny one, but not a normal one.

noodge

@parallel-lines yes, but her being skinny doesn't have anything to do with her being inhuman. "...a bunch of other skinny ladies hang out and try to figure out what they can say to seem more relateable to the normal human being" seems to mirror a sentiment i feel like i hear a lot here, which is that you can't understand "normal" life, suffering, feminism, etc if you're skinny, which really isn't the case.
just sayin. let's stop injecting body hate language on all sides.

parallel-lines

@teenie You really came back four days later to bitch at me about that? Really? Save your skinny activism for someone else, I don't need your lectures.

noodge

@parallel-lines
i was trying to be thoughtful and pull my thoughts together in a way that was sensible and real. we don't have to always shoot from the hip.
i wasn't trying to bitch - simply create awareness.
i don't think of it as "skinny activism" - but as trying to create more unity and less body hate all around.
i appreciate your input here, but i feel like there is a real gap on the Hairpin when it comes to being fair to all body types, not just the big/thick ones.

veryanonymous

Nice to see the lessons of Shallow Hal have stuck with her.

Also: her poor, poor children :(

saythatscool

@blily Awesome.

Sassypants

@blily I was just thinking that! I genuinely feel bad for her daughter. When she grows up and takes a gander at her mom's behavior/quotes.....ugh. What a horrible moment for her to understand how disliked her mother is and why.

becky@twitter

i wish i could goop out 40 lbs with a snap of gwyn's magic fingers.

cherrispryte

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thatsrealbutter

Ross Matthews might be a publicity revenge genius

Monkey

This makes me homicidal.

teaandcakeordeath

Does this mean that I can say whatever I want to people provided I use 'I love you' as a precursor?

chickadee

Translation: "I love you, but not enough to take five seconds to have one of my assistants script a little tact. In reality, I just want you to be painfully aware that I consider you inferior."

rayray

Aww, poor Gwynnie, I'd be bitchy too if I ate nothing but macrobiotic vegetables and did yoga 23 hours of of every 24. Oh and if I was that annoying.

insouciantlover

Spoiler alert! She doesn't really love him.

melis

I kind of hope, based on that sentence alone (I'm not going to read the full article for fear of suffering a rage-induced aneurysm) that Gwyneth just legitimately doesn't know what a stomach is. "No, really, what is that? That, um...that section. The flap part. Between? Your top and bottom parts? It holds...things. Food things? Tell me what it is. Please. Tell me."

naughtysneaky

Oh look, another reason to intensely dislike Gwyneth Paltrow. And unlike other celebrities that I perceive to be assholes, there is nothing about her that mitigates this feeling at all for me. Fairly certain her picture is in the dictionary under "condescending." Her attempts to increase her relatability are exercises in futility.

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