Quantcast

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

128

An Average Woman's 10-Stage Journey Through Jealousy

Stage One: Curiosity
This bitch better have a Facebook page. Who doesn’t have Facebook? Oh, OK, 30 results with that name. Crap. Well it can’t be that one, too old. That one lives in Texas. That one has an obvious eating disorder, he’d never go for that, right? Well, maybe he would, what do I know? Maybe he’s really into bony chicks that don’t order an appetizer, entrée, and four beers every time they go out. Maybe he wishes I had an eating disorder, maybe he…oh, this must be her!

Stage Two: Moment of Truth
Is she prettier than me?

Stage Three: Panic
Shit. She’s totally prettier than me. Oh my god, look at her hair, who has hair like that? Great, she’s got boobs too. I bet she knows how to put on liquid eyeliner. I bet she never has lint, dog fur, or bits of peanut butter stuck to her clothes. I bet she showers every day. God, how can anyone have that hair?  

Stage Four: Self-Loathing
I. Am. Hideous.

Stage Five: Obsession
If she has Facebook she probably has Twitter and maybe even MySpace too. I wonder what a Google image search would bring up. A YouTube channel would be perfect. Maybe she has a gross voice or looks bad in profile or something. I put quotations around her name, why is this link coming up? This is weird. This will probably give me a virus. Oh, here’s something! Wait, what the hell is 123People?

Stage Six: Rationalization
OK, she’s hot, but maybe she has a heinous personality. She probably has no sense of humor. She probably never reads the newspaper and is totally cool with women only being sex objects in 99% of Hollywood movies. Maybe she sucks in bed. Sometimes pretty girls just rely on their looks and are actually really terrible lays.

Stage Seven: Paralysis
Huh. Her music tastes aren’t bad. She has a quote from The Jerk in her About Me. She’s getting a Master’s in International Policy Analysis? Oh my god. Did she do that drawing? She can do graphic design? Holy shit, is that a guitar?! Can she actually sing?!?

Stage Eight: Reinvention
I’ve always had really good spatial sense. I’m probably actually totally kickass at graphic design; I’ve just never really applied myself. I should sign up for a class. I should start drawing more. Maybe I’ll stop shaving my armpits. I wonder if the art supply store is still open?

Stage Nine: Delusion
Maybe I should just friend her. She seems pretty cool. I bet we have a lot in common. He wouldn’t mind, right? I bet he wants us to be friends.

Stage Ten: Acceptance
I can’t figure out how to draw in perspective. I just spent an hour doing my makeup to look “natural.” Shaving my pits is the best part of shower time. Eff this. I’m going to go drink beer and watch It’s Always Sunny on Hulu. I wonder if Domino’s is still open?

Regan Smith lives and works as a freelance writer in Minneapolis, and is the co-founder and editorial director of Paper Darts Magazine. If you buy her shoes, she will probably trade them for beer. If you buy her beer, she will probably drink it.

128 Comments / Post A Comment

j-bird

This even applies to above-average women. I was actually on stage three when this article popped up.

JoanTition

@j-bird I pretty much LIVE in stage three.

Ms. Information

@j-bird Yes, very accurate. I just wished they had used the ship from Goonies for the image.

j-bird

@JoanTition Me too. Stage 3 can lead you to thinking you are either more, less or equally attractive. But either way, he's not with you...so what does it matter?

Titania

@j-bird I've been in stage 3 for the last 72 hours. Anyone else need a motherfucking cocktail?

sandyaygogirl

@Titania I'm currently in stage 6. I don't really believe stages 7-9, so I'm going to pretend that after stage 6 I just start forgetting about him. Cocktails help, though. Immensely. So does hitting on men five years younger than you in bars. I can attest.

Titania

@sandyaygogirl At 25, that is something less of a satisfactory option, but I'll keep it in mind for the future. Because oh yes, I foresee a future where I am very, very single while all the men I like marry younger blond shiksas from New Jersey. Eff that bitch.

sandyaygogirl

@Titania ah yes. Still kind of illegal for you. I am 26 so I have rediscovered the art of making yourself feel better by flirting with 21 year-olds who would try to have sex with a furry rock if it let them. It's good for some compliments at least!

ambarella

Just moved into Stage 5.

zayetz

my ex left me for a girl who did not shave her legs, so stage 3 was all kinds of confusing.

parallel-lines

They're always prettier than you, skinner than you, and despite that last fact, somehow manage to have bigger boobs than you. But usually that's all they got going on. I've had many exes slink back all like, "But you were so cool and I didn't realize it then!" and I'm like, meh, go back to your Urban Outfitters model and pout and listen to some shitty band no one will care about six months from now.

smartastic

@parallel-lines So your life is a romantic comedy?

jacqueline
jacqueline

"Wait, what the hell is 123People?"

Oh god STORY OF MY LIFE.

DickensianCat

God, I am a master at stages 5 and 6. I use the "she probably has no sense of humor," or more aptly, the "I most definitely have a more fine-tuned sense of humor and am a funnier, more pop-culturally savvy catch" as my trump card. I CLING to it.

It helps though when some sleuthing during Stage 5 shows that the new squeeze lists Vanilla Sky as her favorite movie. Who the FUCK lists Vanilla Sky as their favorite movie?? I mean really? So judged, so smug, ha ha I win!! (oh who am I kidding I'm totally going to die alone).

parallel-lines

@DickensianCat No, think of it that way--that jerk deserves someone who is going to make him watch Vanilla Sky for the rest of his life and pretend to enjoy it. Take THAT!

JoanTition

@DickensianCat I like you.

h_jack

@DickensianCat I think I skipped from phase 5 all the way to 10 when I found out my ex was with someone who listed The Butterfly Effect as her favorite movie. I hope they have a wonderful life with Ashton at their sides.

DickensianCat

@h_jack AMAZING!

chichiwawa

i do have to say when they don't have facebook it is definitely worse. who wants to be left with their IMAGINATION! ugh.

wee_ramekin

@chichiwawa I dunno. I'd much rather be left with my imagination, because then I'm not subject to watching an entire Facebook flirtation / romance / proposal / marriage / baby-making journey play out.

In my imagination, if I can't see her, my ex could still possibly be pining for me, right? I mean like, maybe instead of being happy with someone who is 45,621x better than me, they are just trying to fuck their pain away whilst thinking of me? Even after six months? Maybe?...........Anyone? *ohgod*

chichiwawa

@wee_ramekin Ahh! yes yes maybe? or rather instead of calling it stalking or "watching" their journey perhaps we can can use the word informed. because back in the olden days it SUCKED running into the ex with the girl who was prettier than me. or not even the girl who is prettier than me but some other girl that was just a friend and you're like omg WHO IS THAT. at least this way you know all the details and you don't have to hear it from someone else. but don't listen to me i'm always stuck in delusion stage. always. delusional.

oh, disaster

@chichiwawa I always then assume that they must be just too super interesting and busy to waste time on the internet between climbing mountains and canoeing rivers and saving whales, while I hope my blog gets just a few more hits.

rebajay

There needs to be an alternate flow chart, where Stage 3 you realize she is definitely way less attractive than you, and progress to Stage 4 where "I am Hideous" stems from thinking "am I as overweight/buck toothed/hideous as I think this woman is."

thesassfactor

i take the stage 1 - stage 5 - stage 7 route. every time! i actually might hover in stage 7 with ALL of my partner's smart/beautiful/witty friends...

wee_ramekin

This post proves why everyone should quit Facebook. Remember the days when you broke up with someone and you didn't know what was going on in their lives unless you were willing to make an ass out of yourself by asking mutual friends? Those were the days.

Srsly though. I quit Facebook last August and it is the best thing that I have done for myself in recent memory. Waayyyyy better than wearing a nude bodysuit around NYC to get over a break-up(?) (I'm having a really hard time getting over how much that article sucked...)...

pollykettle

@wee_ramekin i thought that was vair vair ballsy of you

wee_ramekin

@pollykettle I am really loving the culinary interplay of our avatars. Also, I have a sizzling little body.

pollykettle

@wee_ramekin together we can make tea and creme brulee and talk about the hairpin

wee_ramekin

@pollykettle That sounds like The Best Day. When can you make it down to Austin?

gigglefest

@wee_ramekin oh my god oh my god I was trying to figure out how to tell you I loved your username and avatar without being incredibly off topic! But then this exchange happened. And I love it. I love them both. I love you both!

wee_ramekin

@gigglefest Tee hee! And your avatar is a smiling goat, so I love you!!

Aw...so much love on a thread about so much sadness <3. Reason # 46 that I love The Hairpin.

KaiMcN@twitter

oh god, I was JUST clicking around an online profile of the Evil Ex of the Guy I'm Not Even Fucking Dating.
I'm resisting the reinvention because she's got years of perfecting musical talent, and I haven't played the flute in my closet since I was 17. I can't catch up.

Always Sunny it is!

Titania

@Kai@twitter The guy I've just been on a GREAT 4th date with suggested karaoke this week and suggested I wear a sexy little black dress. Then he friended me on Facebook, only to reveal a whole album of a great night out with his hot blonde ex singing karaoke in a sexy little black dress. My lifelong fear of karaoke is well on its way to becoming a medical condition as of 36 hours ago.

wee_ramekin

@Titania Um. He sounds sorta creepy? What dude suggests what you wear to karaoke? On the fourth date? I feel like you're picking up on some vibes there. Don't ignore them!

ELECTROMAGNETIC CHAOS

@Titania: Yikes! I imagine him sitting stone faced behind a table with his fingers steepled, like a talent judge, watching you.

rocknrollunicorn

@Too Much Internet Haha, I actually had a karaoke experience similar to this with a guy I was dating. I was drunk, he was sober. I suggested karaoke, but he was such a karaoke voyeur. It did not end up working out.

wee_ramekin

Think about this, ladies. We have ALL been this for some other lady. Because we are ALL fucking awesome. I mean, srsly, can you imagine the girl who looks at one of our profiles and is like "She writes for / follows / comments on THE HAIRPIN?!?!!?!". Homegirl might as well cut her losses right then and there. That's like a guaranteed one-way ticket to permanent residence in Stage 7.

HAIRPIN RULZ!!!!!!!

DickensianCat

@wee_ramekin word to this x1000. I may not be as skinny, but skinny never has anything interesting to say, presumably because Skinny is too ravenous to volley Simpsons quotes back and forth and can only think about cheeseburgers.

Nadia

@wee_ramekin It's sad that I never even thought about this, but thank you for this.

Tyrantanic

This works for dudes, too, though perhaps with less eyeliner. Not guaranteed, though.

DMcK

@Tyrantanic SO TRUE.

rocknrollunicorn

@Tyrantanic Thanks for breaking ranks and telling us about it. I assumed it was an insane XX thing.

sarahchristine

I enlist my friends in my crazy, my younger friends have acquired better internet stalking skills. "Don't judge me but are you still friends with so and so on Facebook? Can you look up his new girlfriend?" Etc. etc. and so on

LabRat

@sarahchristine I quit facebook after a breakup, but then made my best friend/roommate do all the stalking, which was the BEST IDEA EVER. Every observation was phrased in the "your taste in X is so much better than hers" manner. So according to roommate, whose opinion is unimpeachable, new girlfriend is a total downgrade. Hopefully I'll never actually meet her and I can maintain the delusion.

pallas

@sarahchristine Enlisting friends is the best plan! I'm still facebook friends with my best friend's most heinous ex (and she with mine), both of whom we've blocked respectively, so we just have each other check up on them from time to time. All the, er, "benefits" of stalking, with bonus judgement of choices/new girlfriends/new grad school programs.

(Did that make sense? I hope it made sense. I thought it was straightforward until I started actually typing it out, and then, well, you saw what happened.)

MoonBat

Stage six-point-five: she has a really big forehead. Hahaha, it's so big I'm calling it a fivehead. I'm going to Photoshop her picture next to Dooneese from Saturday Night Live and send it to all of my friends. Why don't they see the hilarity in this?

ChaCha

@MoonBat Your comment has helped me realize I'm still at stage 6.5 after being married 5 years. (To be fair, his ex has a seven head. It's ridiculous.) I have a picture would you like to... oh god.

MoonBat

@ChaCha : Let's call his ex.....oh...."Imax", shall we? I love that you are so snarky after five years!

theharpoon

@MoonBat Don't these ladies know about the wonders of bangs? (Speaking as a lady who is probably hovering around a 5.5head and has been successfully? hiding it for years.)

MoonBat

@theharpoon : welllllll.....when I found out that he was cheating on me with her, and I called her from his cell phone, the bangs suggestion *may* have been my parting shot.

theharpoon

@MoonBat OH MY GOD YOU ROCK.

Wait, this is the guy who had all the "platonic" ladyfriends?? What a dicknose!

MoonBat

@theharpoon : yes!!! Where are you so that we can have drinks on me and make fun of dumb boys?

MoonBat

@theharpoon : Also "dicknose" made me snort! You're awesome.

theharpoon

@MoonBat I'm pretty sure somebody else said it first, don't give me too much credit! Also I'm far from all Hairpinners apparently (in Austin) but maybe one day I'll make it to a Hairpin Up.

wee_ramekin

@theharpoon You are not far from me!! I, too, am in Austin, and I just invited pollykettle over for tea and creme brulee! I don't actually know if she lives in Austin though...

MoonBat

@theharpoon : I'm in Florida, far from most of the Hairpinners as well (but very close to the mermaid camp!). If I should ever get past my fear of scorpions and scurry out to Austin, I definitely owe you many adult beverages!

ranran

@wee_ramekin So when is the Austin meetup? It can be at my house, right now. I have hummus and gin. Actually I don't need other people to enjoy this, nevermind!

theharpoon

@ranran Yay! Austin people coming out of the woodwork! Maybe one day we'll have enough for a 'Pin Up with more than 5 people. It will probably be right after I move.

wee_ramekin

@theharpoon @ranran I would be down for an Austin Pin-up! I know one other Hairpinner in Austin, though I don't know if she'd come. Should we...do this?!

dr. girlfriend

@theharpoon @ranran @wee_ramekin i rarely log in (SO much effort) but i am an austin person too! pls pls let's get drunk and talk about makeup and boys!

dr. girlfriend

also, i've forced all my friends to love the hairpin, so they would join in.

smack

@dr. girlfriend You guys don't know me because work doesn't let me log in, but I'm in Austin and have been reading for forever and also I am rad so Austin, activate!

wee_ramekin

@smack @dr. girlfriend @ranran @theharpoon Dr. Girlfriend, I am so down - as long as we can talk about girls too!

Ladies, I am in the process of Making This Happen, with the help of an as yet unnamed Hairpinner (LAUREN O'NEAL!). Stay posted!

wee_ramekin

OKAY AUSTIN LADIES! Please e-mail me at austinpinup at gee mail punto com with times and places that would work for you for a meetup!

dr. annabel lies

@theharpoon Austin people, whee!

bitzyboozer

@MoonBat Another Austin Hairpinner here! This must happen!

km1312

seriously, every single thing about this is 100% accurate, including/especially "Eff this. I’m going to go drink beer and watch It’s Always Sunny on Hulu."

Katie Walsh

Ok where do we shoe horn in the stage involving the slash and burn massacre of deleting and blocking the ex and the new girlfriend and deleting anyone associated with the ex, lest they post any photos of the ex or the new girlfriend? And the stage where you realize your sister is still friends with the ex and please, will she please log into her Facebook and let me look at his profile? And the other stage where Facebook changes privacy settings and suddenly GASP HORRORS YOU CAN SEE ALL THEIR PICS. What stages are those?

Judith Slutler

But what if after both of your worst breakups, the exes each started dating a boring, not-prettier-than-me girl who they had known for longer than me??? Where is the "grim satisfaction at your ex's stagnating life" stage, and where's the "oh my god, does this mean I date boring people and/or am an intimidating maneater beeyotch" stage?

causedbycomma

@planned/barrenhood What about the period where your ex starts dating a woman WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU? And then the one where your friends tell you that you look like your ex's sister?????

pallasathena

@planned/barrenhood I've had the maneater fear, but then I decided that if I was a raging bitch, he deserved it. And his boring life.

@causedbycomma I've had people approach my ex's new girlfriend and call her MY NAME.... I actually feel sorry for her.

wee_ramekin

Also, Regan, I am looking at your picture, and if you were the girl dating my ex, I would straight up shoot myself.

insouciantlover

I would argue that the worst is when you ARE prettier and funnier and thinner and bigger boobed than she is, but he's with her and they look really happy and she's fucking pregnant.

Katie Walsh

@insouciantlover Yeah I think that might be worse. Way worse.

BoozinSusan

@insouciantlover @katie walsh http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WzeCom06iA -- I haven't been able to watch with sound on (am at work) to make sure it's the song I'm thinking of, but give it a watch/listen. It's brill.

Sarah Bellamy@facebook

Hooooly crap, I didn't think FX let their shows on Hulu! Best news ever!

heb
heb

Ah, Hairpin. Every time I think I'm failing at the break up you just pick me up, dust me off, and reassure me.

AllyMcBLT

Stage 11: change your profile picture 35 times and reload your own facebook page to ascertain what she sees when she stalks you, because duhhh she's totally is RIGHT? Maybe make one thing public, like your hilarious "about me" or your "mobile uploads" album. Realize you are now just stalking yourself. Cry. Repeat.

sandyaygogirl

@TempGirl SO TRUE!

sox
sox

@TempGirl I was logging in basically to say this exact same thing, somehwere between stages 4-6?

teaandcakeordeath

Hilarious!

Little addition -

Stage 11: 'I dont want him, but I dont want him to want *her*!'

cherrispryte

Ugh all the body-size shaming going on here is really disappointing.

joie

@cherrispryte truth. :(

no way

@cherrispryte Was thinking the same.

For reals. I had a friend in college ("friend"?) who announced to the dinner table that she was "taller, skinnier, and prettier" than some other chick, and asked why she was single because she "deserved" a man. This is definitely along the same haughty vein.

Maybe I just don't get this. Jealousy is a bitch, but for christssake, you're not together anymore. It didn't work out. Get over it. Why are we acting like 5 year olds?

theharpoon

@S. Elizabeth Did you respond, "I have no idea! I mean, it surely couldn't have anything to do with your personality, so..."

brad

@cherrispryte - a direct quote from my 20-year-old bud..."i don't get it, i'm nice, i'm funny, i have a big dick...why don't girls like me?" i told him that the world was a confusing place and then decided to find a new friend.

redheaded&crazy

@S. Elizabeth Jealousy really IS a bitch. But I think that combined with maybe a little heartbreak and loneliness probably leads people to act in ways that they wouldn't be proud of normally.

I mean, if all you have to go on is facebook pictures (I'm fully on board the BLOCK EVERYONE ALWAYS train by the way), then the only thing you have to compare between you and the new girl is looks. I think that I would try to present a front to the world like Oh I'm SO above all of this bullshit and body snarking and I've moved on, while secretly making those judgments and feeling terrible and disappointed in myself. Breakups - what fun!

What I actually think is worse though is when a recently dumped friend makes that comparison - "I'm prettier than her though, right?" I pretty much feel obligated to engage in something that I don't approve of.

@redheadedandcrazy "I'm pretty much obligated to engage in something that I don't approve of." Exactly. And really, maybe it has nothing to do with the pretty thing, or the thin thing, or your perfect skin/hair/teeth/income. Maybe they just get along better, and there's nothing wrong with that.

It brings up some weird stuff -- I guess those types of comments/questions always strike me as dripping with entitlement based on pretty superficial things. Being skinny doesn't entitle you to happiness.

thatsrealbutter

What stage is it when you've gotten all the way around to realizing your ex is such a goddamn scumbag you're now stalking his and her profiles to see when she wises up and dumps his ass?

AllyMcBLT

@thatsrealbutter I know alllll about that stage. And it even comes with a soundtrack: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_hKXk2qSuw

thatsrealbutter

@TempGirl I'm also partial to this one

franceschances

But seriously, this is why you unfriend on Faceboook immediately. And then maybe months later if you become friends in real life, you re-friend. Removing the temptation is the best solution.

sarah girl

@franceschances Oh god, yes. I tried to half-ass it by keeping him friended but just blocking him from my news feed, FAIL. I'd be good for a couple of days, then around 1 am one night just flip over to his Wall and gorge myself, overanalyze every statement and photo... bad news.

jnj
jnj

I am so a master at the stalking thing. It's really a problem. When you're still dating the guy but he's sleeping with someone else...also a problem. What is my life.

Pizzahut

This is why I'm not on Facebook, because I can't keep my own crazies in check. I would not only do this to exes, but also currents and intendeds.

Regan Smith@twitter

Hey thanks for all the comments dudes! Glad we can all admit that we're a little bit batshit sometimes. But, you know, glad we can also remember that we're also all a little bit awesome ALL THE TIME since we read The Hairpin and stuff.

Jenn

My gay BFF sent me this through gchat:

Jenn: oh god. yes. but...oh god.this is going to hit close to home,right?
oh god.

Matthew: yes. very. and hard

Jenn: oh woowww. get out of my head Regan Smith.

matthew: RIGHT?

Jenn: omg the comments. I've never felt so NOT ALONE. because YOU, YOU always made it sound like it was this crazy thing I did.
But COOL WOMEN DO THIS
HAIRPINNERS DO IT

Matthew: happy early birthday.

aintquite

my hair isn't that awesome.

e-lysian

Love this! What's the stage where you look at the date of her relationship status change and realize she began dating your ex before he "remembered" to break up with you first? And you send her a Facebook message alerting her to this fact, after which you quit the internet forever? Good times.

erinzyme

Or, a corollary chart in which, during stage 3, you realize that she looks naggingly familiar, and in stage 4 you realize that the person she reminds you of is SARAH PALIN. And then you win. Forever.

yellowthings

This is 100% correct and I no longer feel alone in the world.

parallel-lines

If you're still friends with the ex you do that terrible thing where you realize some girl is suddenly posting on his page a little more often than you'd like, and then POOF, there she is popping up in a tagged photo of him, and there she is again and again and oh god are they or aren't they until they finally make the status change annoucement. That one sucks.

heb
heb

@parallel-lines Oh it's also super fun when he doesn't really use Facebook all that often but oh god who is that new girl he's friends with and oh my god he posted on her wall and oh my god this is how we started but also how many dudes walls do I post on that I'm just friends with and OH MY GOD CAN HE SEE THOSE POSTS and if he can does he think we're dating and is that why he's so obviously throwing this other girl in my face or are they actually because I'm not and so maybe he's not either.

sox
sox

This is also why I will never ever change my relationship status on a website until I am engaged. Or married. Also that girl who keeps liking EVERY SINGLE THING he posts is making me super naseous all the sudden as it mixes with all these comments...

shenannies

Oh my, you all really drive yourselves nuts with the Facebook. Maybe stay off it, it doesn't seem worth it.

metermaid

@shenannies You don't need facebook to torture yourself like this, trust! I quit facebook ages ago and still manage to Google my way through pain and suffering many a time. Oh ok fine, and maybe JUST MAYBE I keep a friend's facebook password on file for times where I'm really desperate. YOU WIN. Or really, facebook does. It's impossible to quit them, even when you technically have.

marisaissleepy

Is there a Hairpin message board yet? That would be wonderful.

Bennett Madison@twitter

don't worry, eventually he'll get dumped and want to have long dinners with you during which he will spend the entire time complaining about how he can't stop obsessing over her even though she's definitely crazy but she just has this like intoxicating spirit which he knows is probably diagnosable mental illness but he's never felt more alive than.... .... ....

smartastic

@Bennett Madison@twitter Or they'll get married. At which point you will go through all these stages again with the added stage of 'oh my god, I'm unlovable, I'll be alone foreeeeeverrrrrr'!

sevanetta

@sockiboos: this is exactly how I feel. I caved last time, but ah, then we broke up and same vow again.

@insouciantlover: YES. I am usually not the bigger-boobed one, but I usually feel I am the other things... why? :rends hair, gnashes teeth: (maybe that's why)

@moonbat and theharpoon: I put an ex's name (the one that completely shattered my heart, he was a couple of years ago now) as Useless Dicknose in my phone. Cheered me up no end.

macaroni

Ooof. This could not be more true. Totally true for me in the past, and absolutely true in the present. My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend (there's some complications because she and I share a mutual close friend - his cousin) is currently in Stage 9. Like, totally and completely wants to be my friend despite the fact that we have virtually nothing in common and live 10+ hours away from each other. I mean, I get it, I feel her, but it sucks to be on the receiving end.

mirror_father_mirror

@macaroni Ooh, a bf's-exgf stalker. I have one of those! Except that mine occasionally drunk-texts me and invites her "band" to play *at my house* and writes about her one-time relationship with my BF on her professional blog and once got really drunk at our friends' wedding and tried to make out with me! And she doesn't live that far away AT. ALL.

notjesslane

The thing that they didn't mention is that stage 9 is sometimes followed by stage 1 again and it repeats infinitely. This whole post is giving me a panic attack. (I LOVE IT.)

Jen Nifer

So what you need is an extra facebook account... for when he blocks you... or the password to your moms account(mom, here, i will fix that for you, i just need your password). That works too. His friends are stupid(we all agree on this)and can be relied upon to tag him and his new gf in photos and post them to their public walls. I'm just sayin....
I keep going from stage 5 to stage 9 and back again........
She looks totally cool. And awesome. I am thinner, but she has great boobs. Man. Her hair is good too!
/me goes off to check out some of her fave bands...maybe when she dumps him (and she will) (cause she looks amazing and he is obviously a complete idiot) (DUH!)..maybe then we can hang out and be bffs!

What'sUpMakeup

I actually tried to avoid my ex's new GF like the plague, both online and IRL. She was super irritating to me but she was cute (she is apparently an "actress"), so of course I hated her. Since we were in the same social circle I saw her EVERYWHERE and I went through stages 1-10 repeatedly, sometimes in a single drunken night.

Then one day I was watching Lifetime (just...yeah, I know...) AND THERE SHE WAS!!! ON THE TV!!! IN A TERRIBLE LIFETIME MOVIE WITH SHANNON DOUGHERTY!!! I mean, sure, what have I ever done? But seeing that just made my jealousy instantly feel so ridiculous. I laughed forever.

I'm completely over the whole thing now, and I wish her no ill will. And thanks, Lifetime, for providing me solace in my hour of need.

wee_ramekin

@What'sUpMakeup This would make a great Lifetime movie script.

What'sUpMakeup

@What'sUpMakeup "For Crying Out Loud: An Ex's Story"

Also this list is hilarious. A Face to Die For AND A Face to Kill For?! That's some face!

rocknrollunicorn

@What'sUpMakeup It's not the one with Jason London where Shannon Doherty is in a band or something, and the chick is a psycho, is it?? I love that one.

nancydrew

Where is the phase where you create a fake FB account, friend him and then tag all his photos "douchebag"? I, uh, heard some really insecure people might do that.

eleanore w

I love this! So true. But the best part is that, in a little while, none of it will matter. We'll be over her

-The Spinsterlicious Life

atipofthehat

Thank goodness for the new StalkerReveal Facebook app, which autopublishes the logs of your stalker's activity as a convenient online diary, with commentary and an obsessometer readout!

hellosunshine

This is a little bit hateful, isn't it? I think what's more important than tearing other girls down is just not thinking about it and moving on with your own life. You'll never get anywhere by comparing yourself to someone else down to the molecular level, especially not your ex's new prospect.

rocknrollunicorn

Is it weird if I'm going through this on a daily basis with friends of the dude I'm dating? He has a LOT of facebook friends. For good reason, but the girls flirt with him and it makes me insane. Luckily I'm leaving the country for a bit.

Frank Silver@facebook

HELLO i have read testimonies about this great spell caster called Dr. Ekpiku how he helped people to bring their lover back. so i decide to give him a try, i am here today to give my own testimony on how this great man brought my ex back within 48 hours for just to contact him. this girl has broke up with me over 6 weeks but she came back just within 48 hours that Dr Ekpiku said he will make her come back to me. just contact this man and he will bring your ex back here is his email address mail. Ekpikuspelltemple@live.com

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account