Thursday, May 12, 2011



Hey gals, what have you been up to this week? Did you eat dinner at a fancy restaurant? Did you splurge and buy that new dress with the shiny pockets? What about taking a trip on a lover’s sailboat, or indulging in a full-body scrub with a bonus facial scrub at “Le Zing,” the hottest salon? Did you do any of those things?

Or what about the nicest treat of all: reading a new edition of Relationshapes??? Yeah, you did that. That’s why you’re a queen.

Well, here’s one message I never thought I’d hear on Relationshapes HQ’s answering machine:

“Hello, is this Relationshapes HQ? My name is Callista Gingrich. I’m Newt Gingrich’s current wife and a proud supporter of his campaign for President. I also dearly love your Relationshapes cartoons. I was wondering if you’d be interested in making comics for the campaign: something like ‘Gingrichationshapes’ or ‘Newtationgingriches.’ Don’t worry, we have lots of money. Please call me back to discuss this, and also to discuss if you would like to have an affair with me — you’d have to convert to Catholicism, but I’d make it worth your while. (PHONE WINK)”

Gulp. What should I do?

To view this special macroscopic Relationshape, simply stand 1,000 feet away from your computer screen and enjoy!

David Rees is a former political cartoonist. Now he is an artisanal pencil sharpener.

19 Comments / Post A Comment


Oh, oh, oh the travails of dating a cinephile. For the first time, Relationshapes, I feel like you really GET me. And now ... now ... now I realize that you got me all along.

Tuna Surprise

@Riff Randell: I was walking past the IFC the other day and saw the Herzog in 3D marquee and wondered who was watching that. Now I know.

Caitlin Podiak

@Tuna Surprise It's so good! Everyone should watch it!


I'd love to learn how to PHONE WINK, but not from Callista Gingrich.


I feel like there needs to be a Kale City joke within Relationshapes, just so my life will feel more complete.


I really want to be able to read Macrorelationshapes, but I just can't bear to that far away from the 'shapes!


John Hinckley Jr. was trying to get Relationshapes' attention.


not going to lie, Relationshapes completely blows over my head. I made an account just to request someone explain them to me.
(enter Yoda?)


For those who "get it", there is no need for explanation; for those who don't, there is no explanation.

Hope that helps!


@arabesque They're like the New Yorker cartoons, but even more obtuse and it helps to be drunk when you read them. And write them, I think.


@arabesque I honestly prefer the packaging (introduction, graphics, voicemails) to the product, which just makes me chuckle a little.

Someone mentioned last time that they had started typing "relationshapes" instead of "relationships" and I thought that was amusing, and then I caught myself saying it.


@arabesque *Yoda voice* "to understand, a hipster u must be"

viola bruise

Hey Relationshapes, if you need any help with Gingrichationshapes, I have extensive knowledge of Newt and Callista's wedding registry (spent summer 2000 working in a DC-adjacent Williams Sonoma) and am available for consultation. (COMMENT WINK).


@viola bruise Wait, two established wealthy adults getting married for an Nth time had a *registry*? #mindblown

viola bruise

@alpelican I know. It briefly made the papers when a bunch of Democrats came into the store to each purchase like, a two dollar wooden mixing spoon (several requested on the registry) to send to the happy couple.

Judith Slutler

@viola bruise lol WHAT? Does this guy just divorce a wife every time he wants a new set of Le Creuset!?!?


i really hate relationshapes.

dracula's ghost

I think an understanding of Mr. Rees's past work(s) might also help with understanding relationshapes...Although I also agree that if you don't get it, it's kind of impossible to explain (like most great comedy, in my opinion). If you don't know Get Your War On and My New Filing Technique is Unstoppable (to say nothing of Adventures of Confessions of St. Augustine Bear) I really urge you to experience them. I think GYWO is the best political commentary I have probably ever encountered in any medium. David Rees is an ultimate hero of mine! Total fighter of the good fight, via bizarre comedy jokes.

it is also okay to hate it, obviously. I'm just saying.

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