Quantcast

Thursday, May 26, 2011

203

Living With Breasts That Can Be Seen From Orbit

I was the first girl I knew to get breasts. I remember being in sixth grade and this horrible girl named Erica coming up to me before social studies and saying, “You don't have to stick out your chest like that,” and I almost cried. (I cried very easily as a child, and by “as a child” I mean “up until this morning.”) Because I wasn't actually sticking my chest out at all, it was just like that. I also had unusually good posture because I did gymnastics, so I was probably standing up straighter than most of the other kids, and as a result sticking my chest out a little, I guess, in retrospect. But mostly, it was just like that.

I was wearing real bras, with underwire, before I was out of middle school. Not for fun, but because I needed them. I gave up gymnastics for a lot of reasons, but embarrassment over the way my breasts looked unsupported in a leotard was definitely a factor. I was consistently mistaken for old enough to drink — and occasionally asked out by older dudes who had no idea how creepy they were actually being — from age fourteen on. By my junior year of high school, I was wearing a 36DD. And they just kept getting bigger.

There were things I liked about being The Girl With the Rack. By nature an extroverted person, I have to admit I enjoyed (some of) the attention. And, in high school, I thought getting hit on by older guys was cool. I eventually figured out that if a dude in his 20s is trying to get with a girl in her teens, it's not because the girl is just way smarter and awesomer than anyone else her age. It's because ladies in their 20s will not touch said dude with a ten-foot pole, probably with good reason. But at the time, I was really into going out with guys who had cars and being offered the wine list at restaurants. I was one of those teenagers who fetishizes standing out, and as far as I was concerned, having bigger tits than anyone else in my class was one more thing that made me unique.

The thing is, my breasts didn't stop growing when they hit the dreaded double D. For a while, unaware that you could get a bigger cup size than that, I just kept going up band sizes, which — as every well-endowed woman reading this knows, which is why they are all sadly shaking their heads and going “Oh, honey” right this minute — is a terrible idea. Too-small cups plus a too-big band equals back pain, those red marks on your shoulders, and, of course, a decided lack of anything that could be confused with perkiness. When I finally went to a real lingerie store and got a fitting, I discovered that my band size hadn't actually changed since I was 15 or so, but I needed to be wearing an H cup. (My skinny best friend: “Are you saying they make the entire alphabet?”)

I had always gotten a lot of attention for my breasts, but as I got older I became more and more aware of its disturbing undertone, and my own negative reaction to it. There are a lot of people in the world who view breasts as public property, only tenuously related to the person they're attached to. I've endured some truly appalling pickup lines. I've had guys ask “Are those real?” before asking my name. I've been followed down the street by scary men making extremely graphic comments. And I've been groped, a lot, mostly by people who think feeling me up is hilarious and “ironic” and not at all invasive or abusive. Frequently these people are female. It still astonishes me to hear the kinds of things complete strangers are comfortable saying about my body — and their inevitable defensive follow-up of “It's just a joke!” You know, if someone ever did make a joke about the size of my breasts, I just might find it funny. I don't know. All I know is that simply pointing out that my breasts are large is not inherently hilarious to me.

Interestingly, many of the people I've dated or hooked up with have gone out of their way to emphasize that my breasts are not what attracted them to me. Because that would just be too mainstream, I guess. They usually go on to explain which body part of mine they are interested in — usually my legs or hips — lest I get the mistaken impression that they're above objectifying women's body parts. Although to be fair, my legs really are awesome.

I don't remember exactly when my mother started offering to buy me a breast reduction, but I know I was still in high school. Her idea was that I would get the surgery the summer after graduation, and start college pretty and proportional. I can't say it wasn't tempting. My top-heaviness was already causing me occasional lower back trouble, and I was fed up by my limited clothing options. (Empire waists tend to hit me at about nipple level, and button-down shirts exist solely to mock me.) I was starting to realize that my breasts, and the attention they attracted, made me deeply uncomfortable. At the same time, the idea of “fixing” my body didn't sit right with me. Something in my burgeoning feminist consciousness hated the idea that my shape was flawed and needed adjusting. I told my mother I would think about it.

For the next few years, the topic came up semi-regularly in conversation. I kept saying that I would think about it, that we'd talk about it later. Finally, in the dressing room of a David's Bridal trying on bridesmaid gowns for my best friend's wedding, I got fed up. I was already emotionally exhausted by the salesgirl's obvious contempt for my body and her insistence that “nothing here is going to fit you without being altered horribly.” Horribly was the word that stuck in my mind. (I'm now planning my own wedding, and no power on this earth could induce me to give David's Bridal a goddamn cent.) So when my mom suggested, for the eleven thousandth time, that I'd have an easier time finding clothes that fit if I just got myself trimmed down to a D cup... well, I kind of lost my shit.

“Can we please stop talking about fixing me?” I raged. “The dress doesn't fit! That's not my fault! Can we fix the dress, please, and stop talking about how I need major surgery in order to fit into clothes?” And then I cried, of course, and then I bought the freaking dress, about four sizes too big everywhere except the bust, and got it altered, which cost like $20, and then it looked totally cute.

These days I'm wearing a 36J. I'm sized out of pretty much every store within reasonable distance of my house, and I have to buy bras online, which is a gigantic pain in the ass. (Just because a bra is nominally your size doesn't actually mean it will fit you properly, and it sucks to spend $50 plus shipping just to try something on.) There are styles of clothing I will never be able to wear, but there are also lots of clothes that look awesome on me. I still get cat-calls that offend me to my very core, although if I didn't have this rack I'm sure plenty of people would find something else to make douchey sexist comments about. I've never been able to find a sports bra that works for me, so certain kinds of exercise are total non-starters. I have more back pain than most women my age.

What I'm saying is, I understand why people choose to get breast reductions. There are days when all I want in the world — more than hot sex, more than a honeymoon in Greece — is the ability to walk into Macy's and buy a freaking bra. There are major drawbacks to large breasts. So why do I still have mine? No big reason, a lot of little ones. I'm kind of a sissy about pain (unless we're talking tattoos), and every breast reduction testimonial I've ever heard has made me cringe and whimper and curl up into a ball. The fact that surgery would leave me permanently scarred isn't a major deterrent, but the prospect of decreased nipple sensation does put me off.

But mostly, I've realized that my breasts are a huge (I'm sorry) part of my self-image. And in some mildly perverse way, I actually like them. As anyone who knows me personally can attest, I am a loud, opinionated, silly, often obnoxious kind of person. There's nothing I love more than taking a joke or a train of thought WAY too far. My breasts are kind of like this awesome visual metaphor for my personality: too big, too sexual, taking up too much space. If I got a breast reduction, I would still be me — I'd still wear red with pink and make “yo momma” jokes at inappropriate times — but in some way, I'd be blending in. Making myself less remarkable. I don't think I ever truly got over my adolescent urge to stand out in a crowd, to be seen. As a queer, femme, tattooed fat chick with titties for days, I'm kind of unmissable, and if I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that I really dig that.

I'm not saying — I would never say — that women who want breast reductions shouldn't get them. Large breasts can cause a lot of pain, and physical pain is not the only kind that counts. Plenty of people really don't like being the center of attention, which is a valid lifestyle choice although not one I understand. I've been lucky in that, so far, my back problems are minor and don't interfere with my everyday life. I've also been lucky to have a lot of support (that was a bra pun did you notice) from my friends and family, which many women with non-normative body types don't receive. There are so many variables that go into the decision (32B or not 32B? Oh God, I'm so sorry) and no two women with above-average boobs are ever going to have exactly the same experience. The factors that make surgery an absolute necessity for one woman may be totally negligible for another.

In fact, despite my deep-seated belief that I know what is best for everyone at all times, it's almost impossible to offer any real advice, except: Do what makes you happy. Take whatever steps are necessary for your physical and emotional health, taking into account your financial situation, your relationships, et cetera, et cetera. And I hope you can approach it from a place of self-love, whether that means loving your giant breasts or loving your post-surgery scars.

I also want you to get a bra fitting. If your bra straps are leaving red, tender marks, it's not a sign that you need a breast reduction, it's a sign that you're wearing the wrong size bra. The support should come from the band, not the straps. I put off getting professionally fitted for YEARS because I thought it would be awkward and embarrassing and wouldn't make that much of a difference. It is kind of awkward, because the fitter is going to full-on feel you up and show you how your breasts should be arranged in your bra (mine called this move “The Boob Scoop”), but she'll be super cool about it and you'll probably feel way less weird than you expect it to. And it makes a huge difference. My first properly fitted bra was an amazing revelation — suddenly, I had a waist! How had that been there the whole time and I'd never even noticed? Also, my back hurt less. Get a bra fitting.

While we're talking about pain, can we all just get together and chant the mantra for well-endowed women: Fuck jogging. We all know that sports bras above a D cup are pretty universally terrible and do not protect you the way you deserve to be protected. Until science makes some dramatic advances on that front, look for a form of exercise that doesn't bounce your breasts this way and that like kids on a trampoline. Moving around and working up a sweat in a way that feels enjoyable rather than punishing will help you develop a better relationship with your body. Think outside the gym—going for a hike, a swim at the beach, or out dancing all totally count as exercise. Speaking of swimming, get a bathing suit that comes in bra sizes, from a store that specializes in large-cup lingerie. If you've been smooshing yourself into horrible halter-style bikini tops with no support, and dreading going in the water because you know you could pop out at any moment, you will not believe what a relief it is to wear a suit that fits you like a bra. (A properly-fitting bra. Because you got a bra fitting.)

No matter how big your boobs are (or your ass, or your shoulders, or your whatever other part of you), you'll feel so much better if you wear clothes that fit. You may have to look a little harder than girlfriend who fits perfectly into a size 6, top and bottom, but there are options out there. Nobody cares if you have to wear two different sizes on top and on the bottom — you're the only one who knows the number on the tag anyway. Don't torture yourself by squeezing into garments that make you feel lumpy and suffocated. And wear clothes that you like! We've all read dozens if not millions of articles on “how to dress for your figure,” and they all insist that there are Certain Rules you must follow to hide whatever giant, hideous flaws you have (of course you have giant, hideous flaws). They tend to insist that if you are more than usually curvy, you must always wear V necks, never wear ruffles because they “add bulk,” always wear belts to “emphasize your waist,” et cetera, et cetera. The hell with all of that. If you like V necks, obviously you should wear V necks (I love them because they leave room for big gaudy necklaces). If you like horizontal stripes, you should wear those. Don't bother dressing to create an optical illusion that your body is shaped differently than it is. It won't work, and it's boring. Do you.

I've found that nothing helps my breast-related self-image quite so much as sleeping with women. If you're not queer, sorry about that, but for the girl-on-girl crowd: When was the last time you thought “Wow, I wish her breasts were smaller/bigger/perkier/farther apart/a different shape”? Probably never. Probably you usually think something along the lines of “Hell yes, naked girl!” Seeing other women's bodies in a context where you're enjoying, not critiquing, can help you reframe your relationship with your own body in the same way.

And in general, it's always a good idea to stop judging other people based on their appearances. This might sound a little corny, but it's an absolutely crucial step to take before you can stop judging yourself. Find reasons to compliment people, especially people who don't fit into the “conventionally attractive” box. Does that girl with bad skin have amazing taste in shoes? Does that fat guy have an incredible smile? Tell them so (or, if you're too shy to compliment a stranger, at least take note of it to yourself). Instead of looking for reasons to scorn people, look for reasons to praise them. Once you're in the habit of doing that, it will be so much easier to look at yourself in the mirror and think, “Hey, my hair is looking really cute today, and I love the way this skirt fits!” instead of “Holy God, my boobs could be seen from orbit.”

Finally, I want you to be gentle with yourself. Self-acceptance, to say nothing of whole-hearted self-love, takes a really fucking long time, and requires letting go of some deeply ingrained cultural nonsense. If you're not a perfect ball of healing light and nonjudgmentalness by this time next week, it's no big deal. Just keep on telling yourself that you're rad the way you are, and maybe at some point you'll start to believe it. Also, seriously, your boobs look so great in that top. You don't even know.

Lindsay Miller wrote a poem about her boobs one time, and then performed it on stages around the country. She is working on her MFA and has never mastered the art of the indoor voice.



203 Comments / Post A Comment

PJDee

Thank you for this. You rock. There are a million reasons why big boobs are a pain in the ass (and believe me, I know.) But a whole lot of these reasons amount to "Society thinks women should have only one kind of body, and anything else makes Society uncomfortable."

kvittan

@PJDee see KVittan post

nancydrew

This was thoughtful and amazing. Thank you! I'm going to make it my goal to praise a few people today.

antarcticastartshere

David's Bridal dresses do not fit ANYONE without being majorly altered. True facts.

rootmarm

@antarcticastartshere this is true, I think it's true of all bridal stores because they can get more money for doing alterations.(Making the behavior of that sales associate at David's Bridal that much more obnoxious and unprofessional!!)

DorothyMantooth

@rootmarm True fact! My wedding dress (which did not even come from David's Bridal) cost extra because it was a bigger size AND even more extra because of ostensibly necessary "extra fabric." All to accommodate The Ladies.

And then they ended up chopping off about half of the dress from the boobies down.

DrFeelGood

Ugh David's SUCKS. They're like car salesmen. What can I do to get you in this dress today?

swxnw

@antarcticastartshere I don't know I tried on the sample in the store and it fit perfectly...I MIGHT have had to get it altered 1/2 shorter depending on the shoes I wore, I didn't end up getting it, but maybe I have a wrong body type?

C_Webb

@antarcticastartshere: They sent one of my bridesmaids a dress so small that, after finally getting it on, she had to call a friend to come over and get her out of it. because she couldn't move her arms.

Leo Smoot

@antarcticastartshere Off topic, but, John Cale! Nice!

fondue with cheddar

@antarcticastartshere Would you believe that ALL FOUR of my bridesmaids fit perfectly (or nearly so) into the same David's Bridal dress?! They all had similar figures, but still. My dress, however, took major altering (I'm 5'0" with big boobs).

Lily Rowan

I love the variety of boob-related posts on this site! This is the kind of shit that women need to talk about more.

Katie Walsh

"My breasts are kind of like this awesome visual metaphor for my personality: too big, too sexual, taking up too much space."
<3 <3 <3 Awesome.

thefingersofgod

Oh my God this thing: Once you're in the habit of doing that, it will be so much easier to look at yourself in the mirror and think, “Hey, my hair is looking really cute today, and I love the way this skirt fits!”

My mom has the worst body-dismorphia and deals with it by being awful - just awful - about how other women look. And it feeds back into her own problem; if she thinks everyone else looks terrible, it's okay for her to think horrible things about how she looks, too. It's incredibly distressing, and incredibly hard to deal with. Like, it can be hard to be out walking with her because of the constant stream of criticism she directs, under her breath, at perfect strangers.

I wish more than anything that she could own this attitude, rock this amazing body-positive image that you suggest, because she'd be unstoppable.

In conclusion! Great article.

annepersand

@thefingersofgod Sister? Is that you?

My mom is EXACTLY like this. I hate it, but on the other hand it makes me hyperconscious of slamming other women's bodies, which I think is probably a good thing in the long run. Less body hating all around!

DrFeelGood

@thefingersofgod Ugh, my mom does a bit of this too. Usually one of the 1st 3 things she says to me is either "you've lost weight" or "you've gained weight". She's also constantly talking to me about my family member's weight and makes comments about other women... Sometimes I wonder if I stopped worrying about my weight how much time would I be freeing up?

every tomorrow@twitter

@DrFeelGood I have a friend who always comments on my weight when he sees me and although I would normally be too shy, I've taken up shouting "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS COMMENT ON MY WEIGHT? SHUT UP ABOUT MY WEIGHT! WHY DO YOU CARE IF I LOOK FAT? YOU CARE MORE THAN I DO!" every time he does it, including in front of company. This is effective AND satisfying.

amirite

@thefingersofgod Ugh yes. What's so sad to me is that my mom is completely incapable of believing that other people aren't constantly looking her over with a critical eye, because that's what she's always doing to everyone else. She'll never believe that other people think she's beautiful.

sftyisnoaccident

THANK YOU

i was pretty down on my (34FF) boobies, until i went to a proper bra store and got fitted ::cue heavenly trumpets and choirs of booby-shaped cherubs:: it makes such a HUGE difference in the way my body looks and clothes shopping. i even wear *gasp* STRAPLESS bras now (hint: go up a cup size and down a band size).

in conclusion, DEATH UNTO VICTORIA'S SECRET

parla

@ButtcatMcGee WHOA GIRL, wait, strapless? I haven't worn strapless since I hit a C. I am going to get a bra fitting tomorrow!

gimlet

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, thank you. This definitely helps with the borderline-creeped out feelings I was getting from the breast reduction article. Love. LOVE!

sincerely,

a big-boobed lady

EggsErroneous

@Riff Randell Agree times infinity! That article literally made me feel nauseated - because I could imagine it happening to me?

word em up,
Big-Boobed Sister

raised amongst catalogs

The entire last paragraph should be on every billboard on every highway everywhere. And written across the sky by many, many planes.

beeline96

You are amazing!! Thank you, thank you! I 100% understand and agree with EVERYTHING you have written. It's almost like you've been watching a play-by-play of my life since I was 11... only it was your life, which is awesome because it means I'm not alone! YAY!!

This particularly stuck out to me: "...if someone ever did make a joke about the size of my breasts, I just might find it funny. I don't know. All I know is that simply pointing out that my breasts are large is not inherently hilarious to me." After an entire semester studying abroad, the Americans had to give presentations on their experience. Some boys made a video with cameos by everyone in our group, and my segment was how I was (as a fugitive of the law), "stacked and dangerous". The picture was indeed hilarious, but it felt so awful that this was what they were going to remember me by - my breast size??!!!- and that they had had an entire semester to make jokes with me to my face (I probably would have laughed! Maybe!) but they did not. Oh well, their loss, not mine.

palliata

I feel like this blog spends more time talking about giant tits than Penthouse Letters...

melis

Yes, and in exactly the same way, too.

Watts Up?

Jayzus, now I kinda feel like an arsehole for bitching about my 36DD knockers. But they are fucking hassle, for real. I'm a 6 everywhere else but my chest. And they are HEAVY. Especially post-baby, since I couldn't properly deflate them via breastfeeding (which didn't work for me and babeh).
Rock on, honestly, but I still want a damn reduction. I'm a total boob tweener, size-wise. Not so big that they are like WHOA but big enough that it makes working out and shopping for normal clothing and bras a fucking hassle and a half.

PJDee

@Watts Up? I've found that "breastfeeding deflates boobies" thing to be a myth, anyway.

heb
heb

@Watts Up? This article is great until I get a reduction, and the other is great for when I do.

Bittersweet

@PJDee: For some of us, sadly, deflated post-breastfeeding boobies are not a myth.

PJDee

@Bittersweet Oops. I should know better than to generalize. I was hoping for some deflation myself, but it never happened.

Watts Up?

@heb I may or may be going to a chiropractor in an attempt to get him to send a letter to my insurance company recommending a breast reduction. I will let you know how this scheme - er, plan - works out when it comes to fruition.

chevyvan

@Watts Up? I'm going to take a wild guess here: you are probably not a 36DD. Especially if you are a size 6. You are probably more like a 30E or 30F. Step away from Victoria's Secret and go find a Nordstroms or a specialty store and get fitted. It will change your life.

thebestjasmine

@chevyvan Seconding that. Most people who think that they are 36 DD are definitely not.

kvittan

@Watts Up? see KVittan post

Monkey

I want to hug this post. I love it more than my therapist.

mouthalmighty

Loved, loved, loved this. Thank you.

Nova

This was seriously awesome, thank you for this. I have so much to agree with! Firstly, the big-boobs-as-automatic-joke thing continues to baffle and annoy me. I'm pretty comfortable with myself and my body and etc etc etc, but this past year I had a bunch of people routinely commenting on the size of my breasts (not quite so large as yours, but larger than average, for sure) and it was...weird. It was not necessarily mean-spirited, obviously, but just strange that a part of my body was up for general discussion.

ALSO - yes about finding clothes that fit you and work well with your body, yes about getting fitted despite the awkwardness, holy hell yes about sports bras (I may have found one that works? But I wouldn't call it comfortable. Just mostly functional), and yes yes yes about sleeping with women. Not just because I'm generally for that, but because it's true - it does amazing things for self-image and for realizing that how we see other people is how they see us - as people, not parceled into bits of not-so-perfect pieces.

That got lengthy, but in short - agreed, and thank you for writing this.

Napoleon

@Nova The being-queer-is-great-for-body-image thing is so true!
I was a chubby kid and when I became a teenager and realized I liked girls, most of my body image issues disappeared. Because I realized, hey, being chubby/thick/be-boobed/be-hipped/be-bellied is actually really sexy and awesome. I don't know if I would have realized that so much if I didn't think of women sexually.

Nova

@Napoleon I think I definitely looked at other women before and saw in them the flaws I saw in myself - not that I was mean, but just that I definitely looked at people's stomachs, legs, arms, etc. and compared myself. And then it was all about looking at other women and appreciating the things about them that were beautiful (aka I started shamelessly objectifying - that's totally allowed, right?)

Carter DeShazo@facebook

store/company suggestions for bras and swimsuits and fittings?

BethH

@Carter DeShazo@facebook There was an here article back in December/January that was excellent, and that I just spent a week reading twice a day to gear myself up for finally giving into my actually bra size. Excellent suggestions for brands/stores/etc

femme cassidy

@Carter DeShazo@facebook Bravissimo.com for life. They carry bras up to an L cup, bra-sized swimsuits, and clothes cut for big breasts. And their pricing is actually super reasonable, even with shipping--before I stumbled across them I was used to paying $100-$150 at the one fancy store that (occasionally) carried my size.

Xora

@Carter DeShazo@facebook Swimsuits by bra size are at Bare Essentials.

insouciantlover

@Carter DeShazo@facebook late to the game, but Freya and Fantasie (same company) have gorgeous bras and swimsuits. I ordered from lionslairdesigns.com and the saleswoman helped me figure out my size via email; it was a really great experience.

melis

This was lovely and marvelous and I have made myself your friend, in my brain.

femme cassidy

@melis Aww, thank you! Let's totally be friends, yes.

Napoleon

@femme cassidy FEMME CASSIDY. OH MY GOD BEST USERNAME EVER.

wee_ramekin

@Napoleon Hahaha...yeah. It took me a few days to get it (*sigh*). And then I was like "Best.Name.Evar.". I think I even told a friend.

feartie

Just one thing: ***Hooray for this***

With the sports bras, and bras in general, I find the UK is light years ahead. I shop at Bravissimo, which is very much a 'yey boobies' sort of place. They also have a clothing line which measures by dress size and bust - so you can have a buttoned down shirt that doesn't gape! Hopefully if enough people petition them they might one day open a US store.

Shock Absorber Max Sports bra is my current choice. Straps 'em down nicely, though I'll never be a runner. This brand goes up to 38HH so it might help some of you (sorry to the article writer).

annepersand

@feartie Bravissimo FTW! All of my bras are from there, which is difficult since I do not actually live in the UK, but so, SO worth it.

sftyisnoaccident

@feartie THIS!!!!!!!

i second both the bravissimo AND the shock absorber suggestions. my shock absorber has lasted one rugby season so far, and still going strong...

misskatesays

Fantastic post! It's so good to find out you're not alone *sniff*
I was a 34C at the age of 12, and have since grown to a size 36G (oh, and I'm 5 feet tall). It's always astounded me how my body seemed to be open for discussion to anyone and everyone. You name it - horny young boys, disapproving old ladies, and everyone in between. Finding a supportive bathing suit is my yearly nightmare. Although I disagree with the statement about jogging (I love running and Freya sports bras are a godsend), and heartily agree with everything else you say!

Hell to the yes about getting fitted. I was talking with a friend of mine recently about shopping for bras, and how I always get them online b/c I know what brand fits me. I mentioned my size, and she was shocked. "But, you don't look that big!"
That, my friends, is the Power of the Good Bra.

kvittan

@misskatesays see KVittan post

anonymous1000

I'm a 34DD and 34 years old. I'm petite everywhere else, except for my rack, and for almost my whole life, I've felt that it overwhelms my body and takes me over. In high school, I felt a lot of shame (although now I blame Victoria's Secret Second Skin Satin (zero support) for that). I've tried minimizers and other tricks to make them look smaller, but then it dawned on me that I feel even weirder when they look too small. I'm not a sexy dresser and am just an ordinary gal. But in between berating my chest and noticing only them in the mirror, etc, etc, I got attached. I would not take a reduction even if I could for free. This is me and nothing will make me perfect. Good bras are important and expensive. All the tips in this article are excellent. I love reading about brazen body acceptance. It's fabulous. You are all fabulous! P.S. There is an older post here from a 32F gal with all kinds of great bra links....

juliannasays

Ladies, there's just something in my eyes, really, I'm not crying at how good this is.

DrFeelGood

@juliannasays It is a bit dusty in here, no?

kayjay

Does anyone else have a crush on Lindsay Miller now? I feel a little awkward saying that because she's been talking about her breasts for awhile and I didn't want that to come off as weird or creepy.

This was so good.

DorothyMantooth

@kayjay TOTAL crush!

BethH

So, as someone who recently caved and admitted that I'm up to a DDD (I was also a too small cup/too big band person), I want more of these articles about this, because honestly, bra shopping makes me cry. I can get through maybe 10 bras (on, off, on, off, on, off) before I have to storm out or risk weeping in a changing room. but my biggest (no where near immeadiate) concern--babies. I want babies someday (in like, 10 years?) but oh god, the thought of my ladies getting even bigger....terrifying. IDK, does anybody else have nightmares about that?

mouthalmighty

@BethH: Yes. And really, my boobies are not that large (C-cup), but I got them so early (age 9) and was so self-conscious of them for so long that the idea of having to adjust to even bigger ones that I'll probably have to pop out in public at least once in my life makes me break out in a cold sweat any time the topic of having babies comes up.

BethH

@mouthalmighty I would have kept putting off resizing, but I was literally accosted by a woman in the bra department as I was leaving Macy's. I was thisclose to the door (FREEDOM!) and this 65 year old woman grabbed my arm, looked me in the eyes, and said "Your bra is the wrong size. Let me help you with that". She then used her Jedi powers to guess my size, and held me captive for 20 minutes before I was able to make my escape.

mouthalmighty

@BethH: Whoa. That's... kinda amazing.

melis

@BethH Please tell me she at least worked there.

Watts Up?

@BethH YES. You are not alone. I was a 34D (okay, DD) before I got pregnant with the The Child, and now I'm at 36DD. Stuck, as it were. We are planning to get busy on makin' #2 soon, and I'm TERRIFIED at what will become of my breasts during pregnancy and right when my milk arrives. OH FUCK.

ofmiceandgin

@BethH --here here to the quip about running out of the fitting room nearly weeping after trying on bras. I went from a pre-pregnancy C to a nursing DDD with my first, from a DD to an H my second kiddo. Someone once gave advice to my friend where it was suggested buying a nursing bra in her pre-pregnancy bra size because "big busted women don't increase in bust size while breastfeeding like normal women do," and that is a big f*cking lie.

pufflehuffityhuff

@BethH baby-boob-fear, yes i haz it too :-(

ps: LOVE the Jedi granny , I want to be her someday!

mouthalmighty

@BethH: Ummm, I took advantage of the Nordstrom sale this weekend to get fitted and it turns out, my cup size is a DD (wow, this is what a bra is supposed to feel like?!) and now I am even more terrified of pregnancy. WAT.

Arsenic

Super awesome post!
I now have a crush on you. Fair warning.

kayjay

@Arsenic Glad to see I'm not alone. Shall we fight for her? Pistols at dawn?

femme cassidy

@kayjay @Arsenic Ladies, ladies, one at a time!

...oooookay now I feel like a total creeper for saying that. Have I killed your crush yet? :)

themegnapkin

I recently lost a little weight (and of course my chest was the first to go), but not too long ago I was a 30DD/E. And I've always been a runner. It may not work for everyone (obvs, a 30E is lots smaller than a 36G), but the sports bras here: http://www.titlenine.com/category/sports-bras-and-undies/medium-high-impact-sports-bras.do?sortby=ourPicks&page=all REVOLUTIONIZED my life and made running fun again. So, maybe try The Last Resort http://www.titlenine.com/product/sports-bras-and-undies/medium-high-impact-sports-bras/313801.do?sortby=ourPicks before you give up on running.

nancydrew

@themegnapkin I was going to recommend this exact site. The last resort bra is pricey but well worth it.

Mar
Mar

@themegnapkin: I just lost a lot of weight in the chest area as well. And--how to put it--am experiencing quite the deflated look (there's a boob fat/skin discrepancy.) Any suggestions on fixing this? Could we have an article about the right bras for this sitch? Should I just put the weight back on and then work out to even out the rest of my bod? (Was "average" before; now pretty thin.)

(Please don't jump on me for not being totally "I love my body EXACTLY as it is." I think that's a good ideal to aspire to, but I still want some boob management advice. I'm not trying to be a dick.)

themegnapkin

@Mar - I have the same thing going on, and I'm weighing my options of being "average" weight, but slightly heavier than I'm happy with, with boobs, or thin and fitting into the clothes I want to, but not booby. Right now I'm going for thin, but I might go for the booby look later on. (This is assuming that if I gain weight, it will go back to my boobs - with my luck, it will go to my hips.)

I'm wearing smaller, slightly push-up bras now, and as long as I have one on I look fine, but braless is not as good a look for me as it was before - I have a boob fat/skin discrepancy, too. On the other hand, I used to need super-heavy-duty sports bras for running, now, average bras are fine. Let me know if you have any solutions, and I'd LOOOOOVE to see an article on this situation.

Mar
Mar

@themegnapkin: Nice to hear that somebody else has this going on too. (I mean, I'm not happy that you're in this sitch, but nice to know you understand.) I think I might go with the heavier option, just because I feel too young to have my boobs look like they do with my bra off. Because, for me, the whole point of having clothes fit the way I want is to get people to want to get them off, and if I don't feel good with them off then the whole purpose kind of defeats itself? I've been thinking about getting some more elaborate lingerie to keep on whilst messing around, and that's about the only option I've thought of so far. I wonder if women who've breast fed have this same issue? Man, an article on this would be amazing.

joie

I think for the first time I really get how hard it must be to have large breasts. I always have felt so envious of women with big breasts and have scorned my 36Bs (which are now verging on A after a year of nursing), and the biggest part of my body acceptance journey has been realizing that my breasts are beautiful, even if they aren't big and bodacious. I never really understood how tough it must be to endure pain and harassment because of the size of your breasts. Thanks for sharing your story.

femme cassidy

@heyits Thank you for saying this and pointing out another fucked-up aspect of the whole body image debacle: if they're small, you're made to feel like they're too small, and if they're big, you're made to feel like they're too big. Breasts are a no-win situation unless you can manage to break out of the horrible women's magazine cultural conditioning and realize that, hey, breasts are awesome!

joie

@femme cassidy right? breasts ARE awesome! and I'm thankful that I don't have to worry about not being able to fit into sports bras, although I scorn button up shirts too, because I have a broad back and even my small breasts cause "the gap" and I'm convinced button up shirts only look good on Meg Ryan in "You've Got Mail".

Bittersweet

@heyits: Are we long-lost twins? Fellow 36B, almost A here, with athletic build and broad shoulders. Still working on loving my breasts, particularly because the nips are now practically the size of freakin' quarters. But I'm getting there.

Oh, and button-down shirts drive me crazy too.

Lily Rowan

Here's a thing about button-up shirts: On the cheap ones, the buttons are too far apart, so even if the shirt is the right size, it can still gap. This is less true of more expensive ones. (Or if you're just lucky and the cheap shirts' buttons are in just the right spot.) Otherwise, safety-pin those suckers.

kayjay

@heyits I find this so frustrating, the thing about button down shirts. It's crazy. Button down shirts are one of the sexiest items of clothing a woman can wear, and it think it's nuts that NO ONE is making them to fit ladies with ANYTHING going on in this chest area. I'm a 38C, which isn't huge, but I cannot find button down shirts to fit me in the chest area unless I buy ones 2 sizes too big, thereby quite effectively canceling out any of the sexiness a well-fitting, taylored button down shirt has to offer.

I feel like I should be writing a letter to someone about this.

joie

@Bittersweet what's helped me more than anything was focussing on the good things about my breasts, like how I can rock a really low-cut shirt and it makes me feel all lean and tomboyish, or how I can go for long runs without experiencing back pain. and although i really do think this acceptance has to come from within myself, it's really helped to have a partner who absolutely adores my boobs, because man or woman, everyone who's worth their salt just loves getting to play with boobies and isn't going to impugn the size of our nipples or in my case, the stretch marks from temporarily being a DD cup while nursing.

SuperGogo

@heyits 36-nearlyBers unite! And we all hate button-down shirts regardless of our boobie size! Hurrah!

joie

@Lily Rowan how expensive are we talking? should I be shopping at Brooks Brothers? perhaps that's part of the problem. the majority of my button up shirt experience has been through Old Navy/Gap/Express/J. Crew.

Lily Rowan

@heyits I couldn't swear to it, but I think Banana have been fine, Old Navy not so much. (I am speaking from the perspective of ending up yesterday with my cardigan buttoned up all day because the gaping/gapping Mexx shirt was driving me bonkers. Cheap+old=no good!)

And I am also repping 36B, more or less.

sparrow303

@kayjay My 38Ds live happily in Converse button-downs from Target. They're like $25 or so, and they're the only button-downs I've ever found that fit me. I have 'em in like four colors!

tutu

@heyits 32DDD/F here, so massive tit/rib cage discrepancy, and button down shirts can work, even if they're cheap! Just wear a camisole underneath, it'll prevent gaping.

KeLynn

@heyits You all need to check out Bravissimo clothes and AJ Rumina. They both make button-ups that button over a big chest. AJ rumina only goes up to F cup sizes but that's still a hell of a lot closer to fitting large-chested ladies than most button-ups.

Momster

@kayjay A few years ago I read about a place that makes bespoke women's shirts that seemed really cool. I bet some large-breasted ladies could rock the shit out of some nicely-tailored button-down shirts, so I've spent the past few minutes trying to find the place... no dice. There's this place, though, which is (understandably?) expensive: http://www.rebeccaanddrew.com/ And this place is SLIGHTLY cheaper: http://nialma.com/womens/
But if you Google bespoke women's shirts you get a bunch of results from NYC, as well as the UK and India (and Thailand, Nepal, etc.) Really I just want someone to get a bespoke shirt so I can see if it works out; my own tart-n-tinies pretty much never cause gappage so I don't need to go bespoke myself at this point (though it still might be worth it just to get a shirt that fits perfectly.)

thebestjasmine

I love this post a lot too. Not going to lie, if a reduction was a lot cheaper and a lot less painful, I would do it in a second (especially considering the money I would spend on bras, since a $40 bra is a DEAL at my size). But I still wouldn't go that small, since my boobs are part of my identity at this point, even though they frustrate me a whole lot. And oh man, my mom has been talking about a reduction foe years and years.

Titania

"But mostly, I've realized that my breasts are a huge (I'm sorry) part of my self-image. And in some mildly perverse way, I actually like them."

This sentence made me so sad, that you've internalized all the judgments and critiques that have been leveled at you over the years. It's not in any way perverse that you should like your own breasts--why would it be? Lots of women like their breasts; just because yours are larger than average is no reason why you couldn't be one of them.

@Titania, it seems unrealistic for someone whose body isn't a perfect svelt size 6 to NOT internalize judgment and critique. Also, it might be mildly perverse that having big knockers is a huge pain and really inconvenient, but she likes them anyway, and that is what's perverse (liking the thing that's annoying/painful to you).

FoxyRoxy

I appreciated this article so so much. Thankfully, I was a late bloomer but when my boobs came in, they REALLY bloomed. My doctor said, "My how you've blossomed," when my mom took me to see him at 18 (yeah, weird) to make sense of what was happening in the breast area. I hate that my boobs always become the center of attention or the topic of conversation when I mostly want to just blend into the scenery. I have yet to meet a man who will converse with my face. A few months ago, I was on a date once with a guy and we were standing at the bar to order drinks and the bar was hosting an event where many friends were in attendance. He shouted, "GOD YOUR BOOBS ARE HUGE," and spent the rest of the night leering at me. Everyone heard, of course. I wanted to die.The bartender looked sad for me. How does one even respond to something like that? That was the first time I seriously considered getting a breast reduction. I'm tired of my boobs as a source of continuous public commentary but I surely do love my nipples so I haven't pulled the trigger yet. On the sports bra tip, though, I do all kinds of working out, including running (albeit slow as hell) and Enell sports bras are the JAM. They are expensive but totally, totally worth it. They also make custom bras so they will work with you if they cannot accomodate your breastage with what they sell.

Xora

@FoxyRoxy You know that guy was a fucked-up asshole and there's nothing wrong with you, right? He's the one who should've wanted to die, not you.

Napoleon

@FoxyRoxy WHAT an asshole. I agree with Xora, he should be totally embarrassed by his behavior, because wow is that rude.

FoxyRoxy

@Xora You're definitely right and I do, in my head, know he's an asshole, knew it the minute he said that, ugh, so loudly. Just in the moment, it was really really uncomfortable and upsetting because so many people heard and I didn't have a sharp retort because I was so taken aback. I thought, "Now would be a good time to get beamed up by the great Oz in the sky."

Xora

@FoxyRoxy I get you. But someone being that rude doesn't need or deserve a reply. A scornful look is plenty.

Parma Violet@twitter

Oh my god. I read this article just after trying on my latest eBay dress, which fits perfectly everywhere except the boob zone, where the material stretches out and wheezes its way across my heaving bosom. And I felt like crap about it but now I'm looking in the mirror like, wow. I have an amazing rack.

I related to every last bit of this - being the first girl to have breasts at school - BIG ones, too - and being simultaneously envied and bullied for them, a mother encouraging me to have reduction surgery, boyfriends who always insist it's not my breasts that got their attention...

I have to admit it was only around three years ago when I fell for a girl and had awesome sex with her that I realised breast SIZE isn't important, it's just fucking awesome that they're THERE, ALL NAKED AND ON YOU. Who cares if they're big or small or whatever?? THEY'RE AWESOME and I want them in my face.

From that moment on I've been able to effectively shake off a lot of my doom and gloom over being a rather top heavy lady.

fondue with cheddar

@Parma Violet@twitter "Who cares if they're big or small or whatever?? THEY'RE AWESOME and I want them in my face." That CRACKED ME UP. So true, though. I've never met a rack I didn't love. :)

Allison Davis

*stands up, slow claps*

Love, me

(aka a 34F that wore a 36DD, until a girl I'd just met at a party/Alla Prima employee took one look at me and said, "Girrrrrrl, you are wearing the wrong bra. Come to the shop tomorrow, we'll hook you up." And they did. Changed. My. Life.)

BethH

You know the thing that kinda sucks for me about my larger ta-ta's is that guys are all in to them, but then treat them like water ballons or hand grenades or small animals that you might kill if you aren't gentle. They also spend way too much time there. Just cause they're big doesn't mean they're the only thing to play with! Also, pay attention, I'm bored.

itgetsbetter

Firstly: lovely, intelligent article.
Secondly: I would LOVE to start a hairpin ladies strike against David's Bridal. I had the same experience over and over again with their consultants and bridesmaids dresses (I think most of them assume the brides have already picked the dresses so the bridesmaids have to suck it up and buy from them no matter how they treat them) They are not a lady friendly company, especially if you have significant curves anywhere. Now the question is does anyone have suggestions of stores/lines/online sites that ARE lady friendly while remaining wallet friendly?

DrFeelGood

@pepgal David's sucks but honestly most places aren't much better. So many strapless gowns are made because they're cheap to make and fit, not because people really love them. I had a bitch of a time with 2 plus sized bridesmaids who were not the same size on the top and bottom and I didn't want a strapless gown myself. Ended up having a dressmaker make separates.... sorry that I have no constructive advice, just chiming in to bitch with you :).

SouthernSmirk

Totally seconding the "being a queer lady helps your own self-image" thing. So true!

rien à dire

RE: the paragraph on not judging other people based on their appearances, this is just wonderfully put. Lindsay, if you asked me "Can I get an AMEN?" I would give you all of mine. For the past six months I have consciously been doing this, and every word written in that paragraph is absolutely true. The process has totally changed my outlook on life. Thanks for a wonderful article!

Hot mayonnaise

Am I allowed to say that this was a great and well-written article?
-hetero male lover of boobies big and small

Watts Up?

@Hot mayonnaise Yes, and tell your hetero male friends. Please.

dracula's ghost

p.s. I loved this article. It has many life-lessons that apply to many different areas of a lady's life. I love the compliment advice, also.

THANK GOD for boobs in all their glory

Ashley Eleanor Clark

Yes! Yes to all of this! This is the unofficial support group (no pun intended, I swear) for sensitive tattooed ladies with huge boobs that I needed and didn't know I was missing. The hairpin wins again! Thanks for this <3

dracula's ghost

sorry, I used the computer wrong. It ate a very long comment I wrote about how everyone should go get fitted at the Orchard Corset, and how my bra-fitting there revealed that I am not a c-cup as previously vaguely believed, but actually an A CUP, if you can imagine, and that after my fitting I suddenly saw my breasts as sexy and pretty for the first time in my life, and was comfortable in a bra for the first time, and just generally felt great about all boob-related issues for the first time ever. And it is mellow and non-judgmental and kind of hilarious in there, a surprising feeling of sisterhood and acceptance. Everyone complimenting each other's beautiful breasts, regardless of size, weight, color, class, or creed. NO BOYS ALLOWED.

empty_sack

@dracula's ghost "NO BOYS ALLOWED" I hope you don't mind me (a eunuch, one could say) dropping by. Anyway, I just want to say that I wish us men could share our feelings like women share their's. I would have a difficult time sharing my situation and body issues with other men. I actually find it easier to tell a woman that I have lost my testicles because they seem more accepting and understanding.

cremefracas

One thing that my big-breasted self was very surprised to learn about when I was pregnant was that getting a boob reduction (but not an enlargement, figures) will totally mess up your ability to nurse your baby. Why this is not well-known is beyond me. Of course, a reduction is a choice everyone should make for themselves, but the fact that you are destroying your boobs main function by doing so makes it a much more complicated one. I'm glad I never went for the suggestion of various well-intentioned meddlers back in the day...

Watts Up?

@cremefracas Yep, I'm waiting until the second babe is done on the titty before I actually go ahead with my nefarious plans. And I still have to bring Mr. Watts around...he loves him some big fun bags.

cremefracas

@Watts Up? It would be nice to have boobs you love more post-breastfeeding than you did pre, that's for sure.

thebestjasmine

@cremefracas I think that that is relatively well known, it's actually one of the reasons that I've resisted it for so long.

MidoriSour

@watts up? For what it's worth, my then-boyfriend now-husband was a big fan of my reduction, because afterwards I keep basically shoving them in his face. "Look at my boobs! They are amazing!" *arches back* Of course, YMMV, and I don't know how you feel about your body now, but Mr. Watts might find confidence more sexy than size?

workerbee

I *LOVE* the paragraph on "where what you want!" I have EVERY What not to Wear Book (UK & US), InStyle, Lloyd Boston book, etc etc "fashion book" on dressing for your body (I am 14/16).
I once paid a lady $300 to come to my house for 2 hours to tell me what to wear. - she said "no navy!" - WTF?!?!?!?!
So....according to all the above, I should only wear v-necks, wide pants to the Floor, only dark pants, never sleeveless or short sleeve (only 3/4 sleeve), no squareneck/boatneck. Pockets - but not bulky pockets. Blazers, but only single button. Coats, but only single column buttom. Heels - but not platforms. Wedges but no ankle strap.... dangly earrings, not studs.
Basically, dark pants and a solid colored v-neck for the rest of my life. It's my uniform of self hate.
BLA BLA BLA!!!!!!!
I also have 36DDD boobs. My hubs isn't even a "boob man."

femme cassidy

@bcfol440 Oh my God, fuck EVERY SINGLE WORD OF THAT. I mean, if you like dark pants and V-necks, rock it! It's a cute look! But for God's sake, you are allowed to wear other things. (I'm not hating on you--you're awesome!--just on that terrible "advice.")

lil.orphan.shannie

"Fuck jogging." Also: certain yoga poses. Anything that starts with me trying to fold myself into a ball usually results in me motorboating myself.

annaclare

i know this is ridiculous, but reading stuff like this, by and about big-boobed ladies and their adventures of self-acceptance, makes feel like i'm missing out on a big (literally) important part of being a girl, namely having and dealing with breasts. i have this one bra at the back of my underwear drawer that i bought when i was 11...i don't still wear it, but i could. at age 21, my itty bitty titties barely fill out an A cup. not that i always hate that...flatchestedness has it's own pros, cons, and wardrobe difficulties. can't make cleavage. can't hold up anything strapless. string bikini tops just look deflated and sad like this: http://i.ytimg.com/vi/cIN6OFiDdYw/0.jpg. but i can exercise without boob-bouncing crossing my mind, a lot of clothes look awesome on me, and i still get hit on by guys (hotties and creeps alike).
all i'm saying is, we all have our body issues and we all should work on accepting/loving our bodies etc., but i still have days where i feel like a preteen boy and can't help wishing i had some great big melons of my own.

femme cassidy

@annaclare I would be so psyched to read a testimonial-type piece from the POV of a small-breasted woman! I'm sure some of the self-esteem issues would sound really familiar, even if the particulars aren't the same. LET'S ALL TALK ABOUT OUR TITTIES.

every tomorrow@twitter

@annaclare I'm a fat A cup. I love my lack of boobs any time I am not trying on clothing, because small boobs are super convenient. The thing is, buttonup shirts also exist to mock ME, because any buttonup big enough to fit the rest of my body assumes I am a C or D cup, so I have these giant gussets just flapping in the wind and look incredibly sloppy. I think tailored clothing is basically the nemesis of anyone not of "average" proportions, whatever the hell those are. (Lately I am shopping for job interview clothes and LONGING FOR DEATH.)

Also bathing suits suck because either they have soft cups that also flop around or the cut that is supposed to show cleavage goes down to my bellybutton cos I ain't got shit up top. My mother forced me to try on a strapless bra once and it was the saddest thing I ever saw.

So yeah, itty bitty titty committee solidarity.

Judith Slutler

@femme cassidy I'm an A-cup and I wear unpadded camis a lot of the time. I used to believe that my tiny breasts were a sign I was way too fat and should actually somehow be a size 4 or so, despite my naturallly curvy ass and thighs. I also spent years of my life freaking out about my stomach because it's way too easy to gain a little weight there and suddenly feel like it's upstaging my tiny titties. Seriously, I used to do 200 crunches a day because I was so afraid of my belly.

Strangely, every time I've ever mentioned to a guy that I feel unsexy sometimes due to my smalll breasts, he looks at me like I'm insane and goes "Small breasts? Huh?"

I also really like the fact I can get away with a cami w/ a shelf and don't have to spend time thinking about bras. I quit wearing them when I was 17 and have never looked back.

simone eastbro

@annaclare girl, the experiences you have, no matter what they are, are part of your experience as a woman! think about ladies who have no breasts at all, or women who identify as genderqueer and have top surgery, or ladies who take hormones--their various breast statuses don't make them less a part of Camp Hairpin or any other "womanly" experience! you're not missing out. you just have your own story.

empty_sack

@annaclare Don't feel bad. As a man who has lost his testicles I have to tell you that I'd rather have small testicles than no testicles.

spicywing

"Real bra stores" keep getting mentioned, but can someone give a name/example of one? A Victoria's Secret employee once said I'm most likely 34E+ but I generally wear 34DD - 36DD and my back's always sore. I need to go to one of these "real bra stores."

KeLynn

@spicywing It's hard to say what is "real" near you because they usually tend to be small boutique-y type stores, not chains. Google around for lingerie shops near you, then call them all to see what sizes they carry. Go to the one that carries the biggest range.

spicywing

@KeLynn Thanks for the advice on small boutique lingerie stores. Just wasn't sure where to start because there's no "Real Bras" department at Macy's.

themegnapkin

@spicywing DO NOT trust Victoria's secret. At one point they told me I should just wear a 34C because there was no way I would find a 30E, and the cups are equivalent, after all -- v. bad advice.

I go to a lingerie boutique near where I live (Bare Essentials on 202 in Delaware) I've heard that Nordstrom's has a good measurement department, plus they tend to carry sizes that are not mainstream.

whimsy

@spicywing
I agree with themeganapkin... Nordstroms does have great sizing!

acefreakly

where can I get a proper bra fitting? Vicky's Secrets does not count as proper!

Dove

Those looking for a great bra store, if you are near an Intimacy, definitely check them out. They have amazing fitters and a billion great bras, something will work for you!
I love, love love, this article. The breast reduction one made me a little sad because I was wondering if maybe I was making the wrong choice, living with my 34F's.
I had a very similar moment with my Mom where I blew up at her for suggesting surgery a couple times and basically saying that I needed a major surgery to look "normal." Of course she didn't really mean it that way, but that is how it feels. My Mom also hates her big breasts, so over the years her voice has gotten into my head, even though I used to love mine. Now I'm going to go back to loving them! I've had a fitting, but I'm due for some new, cute bras!

elegantfaker

As someone who had to get a bra in 4th grade, and topped out wearing a 40G (thanks to lifestyle changes -- i.e. the dreaded diet and exercise -- I'm now down to a 38DD), this previous Hairpin post gets my stamp of approval for giving really great pointers on how to shop for a bra if you are ... busty.

http://thehairpin.com/2011/01/bra-shopping-for-busty-women-in-denial

Kim's Kitchen Sink

Thank you for this. I logged in for the first time to comment, because I had been a little disheartened after reading the recent article about breast reduction surgery. I've gone back and forth on the breast reduction thing for years (after my mom first suggested it, I think while I was still in high school), and now I am inspired to seek out a proper fitting. I've never really wanted the surgery, but was considering it as what I thought might be my only option at comfort, out of a desire to be "normal", not have to deal with the hassle, etc. Most of the time, I totally love my 36DDs (though with a proper fitting, who knows what size I'll be?), and my boyfriend loves them too. It's really only when trying on clothes ("button-down shirts exist solely to mock me" - ha! too true!), or when I realize the bra I'm wearing isn't as supportive as it used to be, that I wish they were smaller. In general though, I like them a whole lot and don't want to change them -- especially if it could mean loss of sensitivity or the ability to breastfeed. That would be so not worth it to me.
Time to find myself a great bra store and save some money to invest in real, great bras! (something where the underwire won't start sagging down my ribcage due to the heaviness of the bosoms, or give me red indentations because I've had to tighten the straps so much to keep the girls up)

E
E

@annaclare I think it would be great to do the counterpoint article from a small boobed lady! They did the person who had implants, so the "I have small boobs and I'm keeping them" would cover all the colors in the boob rainbow.

As a fellow small boobs, the one that gets to me is when stores only sell A and Bs with enough PADDING to make you appear to be a C or a D. It makes me SO MAD, because it pretty much says, "no you NEED MORE." It's this silly type of lying. Ugh. So offensive

groggette

@E No joke, I almost got into a fight with a salesperson at a bra store once becuase she didn't listen to me when I said "absolutely no padding." I finally just stopped her and said, "look, I'm shopping for bras after getting a breast reduction! If I wanted it to look like I have bigger boobs, I wouldn't have had surgery so find me some unpadded bras for fucks sake."

ofmiceandgin

YES YES YES. Yes to so many goings on here. To the smaller breasted women making a case for a discourse about that, and to a dialogue about breasts generally. To weeping in changing rooms and internalizing other's views--many of them strangers--about your breasts and attractiveness. Yes to the unwanted comments on your breast size. I recently acquired a neighbor--a woman--who spent nearly every day of my pregnancy exclaiming "oh my gosh, your boobies are HUGE!" As so incitefully mentioned, my chest is not up for public discussion. How can such a very personal and natural part of our bodies and lives get so away from us? And yes to the comment about cringing at the reduction article. My big tits have become an integral part of my self identity. I had to buy my first bra when i entered the fourth grade, and throughout high school, thought my C cup was enormous. Now my H cups have me feeling alienated and in the spot light any time i go somewhere. I feel like i could spill out of a crew neck, and be "asking for it" while wearing a Cosby sweater. So glad for these recent essays, they are truly therapeutic.

entangled

"And in general, it's always a good idea to stop judging other people based on their appearances. This might sound a little corny, but it's an absolutely crucial step to take before you can stop judging yourself."

This. This whole piece is just full of awesome, but right there is so right on. Being less critical of others, and particularly of other people's bodies has changed my world, my outlook, my relationship with my body, myself, with food... I can go on and on but it's really the one change that's made the biggest impact on my life. I'm still probably an asshole, but a less superficial one.

ofmiceandgin

Oh and yes to not being able to find shit to wear. Not being able to dress in something frenzy or rock something cute problematizes an already screwy situation, i think.

checkonetwo

I have this problem where I tend to show off my boobs probably more than necessary because the alternative is to have something hanging down from my boobs and then I look fat. I've considered a breast reduction but I'm not convinced I hate mine enough to resort to that-- I don't mind the attention when it comes from male friends, it's the randoms that concern me. Also I think the scars from surgery would make me super-insecure. It's so not fair that breast augmentation leaves minimal scarring when it's basically a vanity procedure (not hating on women who really want it and earn it for themselves, but let's be real, it's not necessary) and breast reduction leaves gigantic scars and loss of sensitivity.

And YES to @ofmiceandgin about the "asking for it" in a Cosby sweater! I HATE THAT I SHOW CLEAVAGE IN EVERYTHING. I'm still in school but I am seriously concerned about people taking me seriously for jobs when the time comes (especially in the ultra-conservative fashion world of DC.. ugh).

Okay maybe I have a bigger complex about this than I thought.

French Linton@twitter

I learn so much about women by reading this blog (and its comments) every day. This was very informative, as usual. Thank You!

femwanderluster

34DD and a runner.

Every woman doing exercise I see I want to, somehow uncreepily, give her a card telling her to get an Ennell sports bra NOW--your tatas won't move more than 1/4 inch in any direction. No, I am not paid by Ennell, but damn, my size is the smallest they offer (for once in my life, I'm a size 0! *snicker*lolsob*)
Check it out, SO WORTH IT!
http://www.enell.com/

whimsy

@femwanderluster
BEST BRA EVER.
I mean, besides being the tank of bras... I own two of these and they are the only thing I have ever found for High Impact Sports. It's even endorsed by Oprah (you know, if you care about those sorts of things)

chevyvan

@femwanderluster

32F and a runner here. I have some Anita bras that I like, and they get the job done but I think I'm going to try Enell next time. I just never wanted to buy one because they look so scary. Moving Comfort is also great, but their sizes stop at E cups, I think.

That said, 32F is not 36J. I think that is right about where you really start running out of options in the sports bra department.

Avey

@femwanderluster YES - 32F and thanks to Enell suddenly I could run again for the first time since hitting puberty. It's not a pretty bra by any means but it's so worth it!

cdog

I <3 you for writing this! (30FF here) So many good points in this, and your advice at the end is golden. Needed that!

iwantarosegarden

I love this article. I used to really resent my boobs and would've traded my boobs for just about anyone else's in highschool. I was one of those slouching stop looking at me teenagers though.

I remember being horrified at Lane Bryant that they didn't even HAVE my size in the shop. I thought I was a 40DDD but at my first real fitting they said I was a 38H & had to order online. I still sometimes wistfully long to be able to buy the colorful lacy pretty bras at dept stores, but I've come around. :)

"Find reasons to compliment people, especially people who don't fit into the “conventionally attractive” box..." - THIS PARAGRAPH IS SO TRUE. I wish I'd learned this when I was younger!

smirkette

@iwantarosegarden LB doesn't carry my bra size in-store either. And isn't so damn depressing to not be able to go to a brick-and-mortar and pick up what you need? It makes me feel a little freakish. I can't hate them completely though, because they are the only place I can get button-down shirts that aren't totally awful about accommodating my boobs.

kvittan

@iwantarosegarden used to wear Lane Bryant, now see KVittan post!

mockingbird

I'm really late to the big boob party, but I need to chime in. I had a reduction 17 years ago, when I was 21. Best thing I ever did. I was a late bloomer, but they just kept blooming, going up about a cup size a year until I was a 34 DD in college. It got to where I had to wear a sports bra to sleep, because their moving around when I rolled over hurt. Men would leer, but women were the worst. I had co-workers who would say things that had me almost in tears. Then I had a summer of being sexually harassed at an internship (including a lovely moment where my boss thought my complaining about his partner always talking to my chest was an opening for him to talk about my breasts), and I'd had it. I had a great GP who helped me get the surgery approved, and my plastic surgeon did an amazing job. And discovered that instead of the usual 90% fat, 10% milk-producing tissue, my boobs were 2/3 milk-producing tissue, which is incredibly heavy and dense. Losing weight would have had no effect, and if I'd had kids without the surgery, I would have needed a wheelbarrow for my breasts.

I don't even notice the scars anymore, they're so faded and I'm used to them. I've never had a guy comment on them, except for the guy I was seeing when I got the surgery and that was because I asked him. I was never someone who wanted boobs, only to wear a bra like my friends did, so it's a cruel irony I ended up with big ones. Post-surgery, I love them. I've gone between a 34C after surgery and a 34D when I gained weight, and am happy to have lost it and be back to a 34C. They're perky and firm (all that milk tissue is good for something I guess) and I still pass the pencil test. I don't go running around braless, but I can. No well-fitted bra will ever feel that good.

Yes, I may have trouble breast feeding, but I've heard enough stories of problems with breast feeding to know that any woman could have trouble, surgery or not. If I have kids and need to track down the breast milk black market, I'll do it. Having saved all those years of neck, shoulder, and back pain, and the emotional pain of nasty comments, was more than worth it.

Magpie Shinies

I was called "The Great Plains" in grade school, and didn't develop until the summer of my 14th birthday. They eventually made it to a DD, though down to a C when I lost quite a bit of weight, but I was forever self-conscious of them.

One morning, when I was was 34, I discovered a lump in my right breast, which was eventually discovered to be cancerous, and my breast was slated for removal.

The morning of my surgery, I cradled my breast and cried and cried. It took the last day of being complete to realize that they were me, and I should have loved them because of it.

No moral here: I didn't hold onto this glorious acceptance, some days are better than worse, and it's a process.

blee

I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS ARTICLE.

macaroni

Thank you for this article, for so many reasons. I was a 32DD by 8th/9th grade, and they've only gotten bigger. I danced until college, and I HATED having to wear regular bras under my leotard during classes lest my tits fall out. Plus, as you mentioned, the totally random (and usually female) groping an attention. But despite the annoyances/violations, I LOVE my breasts, and hate when others try to make me think that there's something wrong with them.

Also, I realized while reading this it's been about 3 years since my last fitting, and I've lost over 20 pounds. I keep thinking I know what size I am, and I totally don't. I know my weekend plans. (I know, super exciting Memorial Day for this lady.)

Frankie's Girl

Awesome article! I got boobs in 5th grade, and had to go bra shopping with my father (oh the horror!). I was a DD through high school, and then during college they went into "off the chart" territory... I'm currently a G cup. Can't agree more about the professional bra fitting, and I was fortunate to find a bra store in my city where you can find sizes through J and try before you buy (if you live in a big city - do the web searches; they are out there!). I would love recommendations on websites tho!

ohyaknow

I just wish the same "do what ya gotta do, it's your body" attitude was granted to women who choose breast augmentation. Same body part, same issues (save for back pain) for women with small, deformed, or uneven breasts, but the fact that they want MORE boob somehow makes them threatening, greedy tramps.

franticdoll

I am giving you the biggest hug in my mind right now because reading this was excellent! I got my first bra in the 5th grade and was a B going on C cup the next year. Today, I am a 36D, which is probably nothing after reading all these ladies' anecdotes. As I was reading the part you wrote on ways to exercise and you mentioned swimming, I recalled the thrill of just diving (if you call belly flopping like a BOSS diving) into pools when I was younger and how they made my boobs sore as they grew. I still swim and occasionally dive everyday, but I practically have to cannonball, covering my tits with my knees at the pool. Gym class was the worst. Changing, running laps, the stupid mile, etc. For the longest of times, I wanted regular B cups like most of the girls I knew. Now I've grown to be just okay with my hooters, since I'll have them until I die and I'm grateful I never had to endure an awkward bra fitting or consider the thought of going under the knife. Again, thanks for writing this. Good luck on that MFA, take care.

Berryz Kobou@facebook

I love your article!. . . Just a quick note: As I was well endowed as a teen My mother would make sports bras for me to wear... specially since gym class was mandatory. By the time I was in my early twenties I started making my own blouses and bras... Tons less expensive than buying them online and they always fit just right!!

djdoucement

Excellent article! I am a 30F and though it is hard to find pretty bras in my size that are reasonably priced (Neiman-Marcus has a great but expensive selection), I recently discovered www.brastop.co.uk. They ship to the US, and above a certain amount, shipping is free except on returns. They have a 30 day no quibble return policy, and a wide selection of bras in hard-to-find sizes. For the first time in years, I have bras that not only fit, they're also really pretty. I have told every large-breasted woman I know, so I thought I'd share. Again, great article!

Pygmy Lion

@djdoucement Have you looked at lovebras.com? It's the sister site of Brastop, so they have almost all the same stuff, but they have half price international shipping and free UK shipping with no minimum spending.

Cristina M.@twitter

no, do NOT fuck jogging. i am large chested, but that will never stop me from involving myself in such a healthy, wonderful activity. there are sports bras out there made for women with larger busts - moving comfort, title nine, and enell all make great bras for active women.

doil

Aww I'm glad all you guys are happier but can someone write one about having 32AAs now? :'(

pufflehuffityhuff

@doil If that's you, doil, get writing! I wanna read it :)

doil

@pufflehuffityhuff Ok I did! Fiiiingers crossed.

bessbrowning

I fiercely love this article. I immediately sent it on to my mom, my aunt, any other woman who has had to go through the same process of self acceptance. The community of woman commenting on this post is amazing. It helps me feel much less alone in the world with my fears/thoughts/acceptance no matter the cup size. I grew up in a small town where everything about me felt like an anomaly. In high school guys thought it was ok to cop a feel instead of a high five. While I always knew that wasn't ok, it became exhausting to keep fighting it. I had a teacher call me Breast instead of my name (Bess). Through all that, I never considered a reduction until I was an adult. In most situations it made me stronger, it made me KNOW who I was and KNOW I was more than their comments.

I felt more of a pressure to conform and take my life into my own hands when I entered the working world. I wanted to be taken seriously. I wanted to wear business outfits. Instead, I wear cotton dresses for important meeting. A business suite is OUT OF THE QUESTION. While no one has said anything, I'm overly conscious of being taken seriously and not seen as a talking rack. Just once I want to not try on every dress in 5 malls and still not find anything appropriate. I can't even talk about bridesmaid dresses. I finally donated all of them and I have never felt such release from the clothes that shamed me more than anything else.

This article has been amazing at helping me remember why I embraced my body. I might not be able to do yoga poses properly because my boobs keep my body a good 8 inches from the ground, but it made me me. It made me strong, self assured, and confident. At the end of the day, I'll take my $80 bras.

pufflehuffityhuff

Exercise made me more accepting of the G's, even if it did nothing to reduce them. I think it's a lot to do with taking control of my body and thinking, "well, I'm doing my best." Plus all the feel-good hormones. Plus plus seeing all the variety of ladyshapes in the changing room and thinking that they're all kind of lovely.

Exercise. I love it.

Tina Surman Scully@facebook

I love you for this. I wish my sister could have read it before she was scarred for life at age 21 by a post-reduction infection*. This happened after surgery done by "one of the best surgeons in town." If only one woman reads it and decides to realllllllllly consider all of the implications of changing her body surgically, you have made a wonderful difference in the world.
PS Anyone considering this surgery should look up "debridement" and and ask A LOT of questions about this possibility.

Sunny Marie@twitter

Thank you so much for this. I had a breast reduction three years ago (no regrets there) but I think that if I'd had an influence like you during my awkward growing up self-hatred phase, I might have been a more body positive person. I'd still have had the surgery though, because if I hadn't my spine would be dust by now. But the last couple of paragraphs really hit me like a ton of awesome bricks. And I shall endeavor to be more positive about myself and other people in general.

Ashley Marie@facebook

I can't even imagine how much you've gone through. My boobs are not nearly that big, but I still, almost daily, wish they were just a little smaller. Being 5 feet tall, I think that makes my 34D boobs look just that much larger. But, I gotta say, I am so blessed to have a boyfriend (someday, husband) who simultaneously likes my boobs (that's especially helpful when I really hate them and am wishing for an A cup) and tells me that even though he likes my boobs, he loves me no matter what my boobs look like. It's empowering, but I still wish I could wear some freaking spaghetti straps. Or find a dress that fits me on top and bottom. Or wear a bikini.

Also, as far as these stores that supposedly sell bathing suits that fit like bras specifically for larger breasted women, where the hell are they? You'd think that, since I live on the beach in Florida, these places would be everywhere, but not so much. I went to the beach last week, but didn't wear a bathing suit because all the ones I own make me look like a freaking porn star. As a mostly modest person, looking like a porn star is not an appealing thought.

Natalie Rose Apar@facebook

Thanks for this, Lindsay! It's a fabulous article, or large and small breasted folks alike. I particularly enjoyed the part regarding girl-girl relationships-- the only thing I ever think about my girlfriend's breasts is, “Wow, I wish her breasts were WAY CLOSER TO ME RIGHT NOW." ;)

I also always appreciate the body positivity in your writing, and the way you encourage everyone to just be themselves and be comfortable doing it. This brushes up against a topic I've been thinking about a lot lately that, if you were interested, I'd love to hear your take on. Namely, what do you do when what you're taught was is sexy for your body/gender is NOT what makes you feel sexy? I suppose the obvious answer is to just wear what makes you feel sexy, but gee, why are we force fed the idea that "If you're X, this is sexy, end of story." If you're a girl, you have to wear pink and frills and shorts with ruffles on them and show lots of clevage. Unless you're a fat girl, in which case any piece of lingerie made for you will have the shape of a potato sack.

I keep seeing all these women, dressed in heels and corsets and ribbons and pasties and I've tried-- oh how I've tried-- but that stuff just doesn't make me feel sexy. I can't even find a bra that makes me feel sexy. I've had half a dozen formal bra fittings and been told everything from I'm a 36A to a 44C, and none of them fit right. I guess having small breasts and a broad back isn't... sexy?

What makes me feel sexy? Honestly? A sports bra (hell, at least my breasts fit into it properly) and an A-shirt (which, taking a cue from the Simpsons, I'm going to start calling "a wife blesser"), maybe a pair of shorts or boxers. Pretty gender disphoric, I know, but I can't help feeling like I've been run out of my own gender. Bras won't fit, only a handful of stores carry clothes that'll fit me, said clothes cost and arm and a leg, and none of it makes me feel sexy or even comfortable most of the time.

Anyhow, as both a queer femme with fabulous fashion sense and an all around awesome person, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the question, "Is there room within our gender to be 'unconventionally' sexy?" Which I suppose gets the heart of the matter-- what does it mean to be a woman? I personally don't believe the vagina makes the woman, but if it's not that and it's not breasts and it's not being skinny and it's not pink, frilly lingerie... what IS it?

daylightspool

@Natalie Rose Apar@facebook The idea of "being sexy" is inherently problematic as "sexy" is perceived, an adjective applied to you, passive, constructed. I am not sexy. I don't want to be sexy. I am sexual. Sexual is innate, active. "Sexy" is a word that makes me cringe, especially when people try to apply it as a compliment because my sexuality is not open to comment. I feel most sexual in a sharp blazer jacket or a slouchy cardigan or soft leather loafers made in Italy. Sexual is what you deem it to be.

Nothing and everything makes you a woman. Woman is yours and yours alone (If you want it to be woman...you don't have to be woman or man...you can be woman some days and man others...or exist suspended inbetween). The rest is the world being too dumb to imagine other possibilities.

simone eastbro

also, i hope lindsay answers queer chick questions/can help me find dates.

Dora Gordon@facebook

hey, i know how you feel about bras, which is why (and I SWEAR i'm not spamming you) you should go to new york city and visit The Town Shop. It's on Broadway and ...the low 80s, and it's the most PHENOMENAL bra shop ever. i'm a 32G, and they always have my size. And even better, they help fit you (although I'm sure you could tell them to f-off if you wanted).

daylightspool

No one can just buy clothes off the rack...that's one thing I've realized. It's difficult for everyone to find clothes that fit and there seems to be this weird stigma against getting clothes altered. Get shit altered. It's awesome. My fave pair of jeans are ones that I bought on sale from Macy's that were too long and too wide, but fit great everywhere else...so I had them hemmed and tapered. Total cost? $65.

I have DD breasts, which, after reading this, now feel like AA. But I'm also a 32DD, which is nearly impossible to find. I'm also 4'10 and barely look my age and developed early...so you can imagine how I might detest men who have been leering at me since I was a kid. I want a breast reduction because I feel ambiguous about my gender...and these breasts with my small waist seem too...feminine? for how I actually identify. I was talking to a friend with large breasts and she was talking about using them to get into clubs and I couldn't fathom exhibiting that kind of sexuality because my sexuality isn't really connected to my appearance. I avoid tight-fitting clothes because the shape it reveals does not align with the shape in my head. My figure feels wasted on me cause I just don't care for it...the same way buying a television would be a waste cause I don't watch TV. I don't hate it, but I'm not that into it either. They're really nice tits...nice shape, weight, and everything...I wish I could give them to someone else who might make better use of them. But personally I've always found mens' clothes more appealing. Doesn't mean I want to be a man...just less of a woman?

I want a breast reduction for the same reasons I imagine a transman may want top surgery...just to feel more aligned with my gender identification. I'd want an A cup...or something like prepubescent boy boobs. I have huge hips and huge thighs. I'd be charmingly pear-shaped...and without having to wear minimizing bras.

PS Figleaves.com sells amazing stuff. Tired of ill-fitting non-supportive bikinis and with a penchant for beach sunbathing, I did a search, and found a fabulous bra-sized underwire bikini top that is sooo comfortable and looks great.

apb
apb

Enell sports bras! Enell sports bras. I can't say it enough times in a row. Sometimes I am at the gym and I want to hand secret notes to unhappily bouncing women about Enell sports bras. They've enabled me to run for the first time, ever (and I love running). Also, NYC ladies, go to BraTenders. 32DD/E here, no back problems and tall enough that they don't look "that big" - so not asking for any tears to be shed on my busty behalf - but a bra that fits a) feels amazing and b) makes clothes feel better and c) makes you appear slimmer.

kvittan

@apb see kvittan post, I carry enell!

hannanator

Thanks for the story! I'm almost 27 and it wasn't until I was 23 that I was properly fitted for a bra. A very large bra, I might add (32FF). I was amazed at how much better I felt about myself and the boobies after finding something that fit right. As for the running part I've found that Natori, Moving Comfort, and Freya all make great busty sports bras. The ladies don't hurt on my runs anymore.

Pygmy Lion

I hate Victoria's Secret, but I am slightly grateful--without their extremely limited size range, I never would have discovered that I wear a 28GG/H instead of the 34DDs I was wearing.

Angela Butson@twitter

i feel like this is my auto-biography. you go girl! i'm 20 and i'm wearing a 38F. the worst for me isnt the back pain but that the styles lately in stores seem to be centered around flat chested girls because strapless anything is a dangerous game to play. and halters just hurt.

i've weighed the options of a breast reduction but my entire family on both sides are just as breasty as i am. and i feel like if they dealt with it maybe i can too. regardless, thanks for sharing! its nice to know other ladies go through this :)

Angela Butson@twitter

i feel like this is my auto-biography. you go girl! i'm 20 and i'm wearing a 38F. the worst for me isnt the back pain but that the styles lately in stores seem to be centered around flat chested girls because strapless anything is a dangerous game to play. and halters just hurt.

i've weighed the options of a breast reduction but my entire family on both sides are just as breasty as i am. and i feel like if they dealt with it maybe i can too. regardless, thanks for sharing! its nice to know other ladies go through this :)

Sara Baron@facebook

This makes me feel less alone in the world too. I'm at 36I these days, and often ordering clothes from England where they make things that fit, and then paying big buck to mail them back if they don't fit. I will say, though, that the Enell sports bra lets me jog, and ski moguls and do everything I want to do without pain. When I first got it I would put it on and show anyone (appropriate) how amazing it was that "THEY DON'T MOVE!" Even better, no shoulder pressure.

Thank you. This made my day.

Amanda Simpson@twitter

I loved what you wrote.

However, one note. I'm an F cup and I run. I have a great sports bra. I know other women with big cup sizes who do too. There are good sports bras out there and you don't have to be a D or smaller to enjoy running.

Lindsay Gordon@facebook

Hi Lindsay! I'm Lindsay too (and spelled correctly) and I also have GIANT BOOBS. I was wearing the wrong size for years and ordering said wrong size from BraSmyth, which is the only/catalogue retailer that carries lots of great bras for ladies like us. I was in NYC on Madison near the only BraSmyth store and decided to get measured. This tiny, European woman measured me, asked what size I had been wearing, and then shook her head at me like I was stealing the last cookie in the cookie jar. Then she put me in a number of awesome bras that made me feel and look 10 million times better. I have yet to find the perfect swimsuit for my boobs but I'm looking. Seriously, though, thanks for posting this. People don't really get how hard it is to find clothes, find sports bras, find real bras...and also that our boobs are not a conversation starter. People seem to treat them like a pregnancy bump! Anyways, from one large-breasted Lindsay to another, thank you so much!

curlygirl

Thanks for a great post!! Average-size girls have no idea what we go through. I find it hilarious that in the popular imagination, a D or DD is considered big. Pul-EEZE! We big boobed girls need to hear more of body-positive messages like yours. When I finally got fitted at the Towne Shoppe (in NYC) and came to terms with my true bra size (34H), it was a revelation! Now, when I see a big boobed woman on the street wearing an ill-fitting bra (because let's be honest, you can spot them pretty easily) I want to take her by the hand and lead her to a good lingerie store. The embarrassment of being groped by a 65 year old saleslady is far outweighed by the benefits of looking and feeling SO much better. Rock on my busty sisters!

Kyriss Starr@facebook

I totally agree with the hassle of large breasts. I am very well proportioned (hip, shoulders & bust) until I drop down to below a size 10 and then the Barbie comments break out. I have contemplated a reduction until I saw the surgery on a cable show (Discovery? Healthlife? some such channel) and felt my boobs almost crawl back into my chest. No thanks!
However, and I may have missed some comments, I didn't see any postings for bra stores to accompany this posting and wanted to encourage ladies to go out, find 'em and post for those still looking. My breasts have always been lifted in style with strapless, long bras, demi-cups and plunges at the bra store my mother found (who was HELLA jealous of my boobs) when they busted out onto the scene when I was 13. Yes, trauma was had. However, If you are in Southern California or will be visiting the area, I have to recommend the awesomeness known as Creative Woman, the Wizard of Bras, just off the 210 freeway in Duarte (LA county) They have been supporting *LOL* my breasts since 1987 and in business since way before that with not only well fitted but PRETTY bras. They also have a website, so look them up and try to come in any day but Saturday, or be prepared for a 1+hr wait. They also have sports bras that work (36F & I love the Goddess and the Impact Free)as well as wired bathing suits (even Tank-inis) Its worth it!

redkoolaid

this is an awesome article, and you deserve major kudos for making such peace with your body image. i'm one of those girls you referenced who does not like to be the center of attention (at least because of my body) and chose to get a reduction when i was 18, after years of taunting and teasing. i'd just like to say, for those considering the procedure, while it is major surgery, i had a really easy time of it. minimal scarring, i can still breast feed, and did not experience a decrease in sensitivity (actually, i had a little of an increase!). i spent one night in the hospital, felt like i had the flu for a day or two, and was wearing a bikini and going down water slides 4 weeks later. don't get me wrong, it's major surgery, and requires lots of careful thinking and planning (not to mention insurance wrestling). but it was a positive experience for me, still one of the best decisions i've ever made, and thought i'd share for anyone considering the same thing. for gals like you though, continue to rock it out! we're all beautiful!

sophisticated_love

This post is absolutely amazing. I love this writer. She has made me smile, and love myself for who and what size I am. This article definitely empowered me even though I don't have the exact same problem as her. Sometimes I just wish my boobs were proportional for my size. I have relatively small breasts for my size (40 D, and wear a size 22). But I have huge wide hips. I also have to have my dress altered massively because of my size because it had to be ordered for the fullest part of my body so it literally looks like a circus tent right now. Oh and I am also only 5"4' so I am way shorter too. The dress is so long and so big on the top. but I bet I will be absolutely stunning on my big day, especially when my dress fits my body. Kisses to you girl, and keep it up with the self love. I know that I love myself right now despite my flaws because they make me perfect. :)

arun

She has made me smile, and love myself for who and what size I am. This article definitely empowered me even though I don't have the exact same problem as her. Sometimes I just wish my boobs were proportional for my size. I have relatively small breasts for my size (40 D, and wear a size 22). But I have huge wide hips. I also have to have my dress altered massively because of my size because it had to be ordered for the fullest part of my body so it literally looks like a circus tent right now.

arun

thank you

Catherine Dee@facebook

thank you for this! I take a 34DDD and I also have a bitch of time finding bras that fit (short of online specialty stores and like you said, who wants to pay 50 bucks plus shipping to try on a bra?). I gave up on bikinis years ago and invested in a really sexy red one piece swimsuit that has a built in bra.

kvittan

@Catherine Dee@facebook see kvittan post

Ondine@twitter

Thank you for writing this. I don't have large breasts, but I think anything that advocates an aggressive level of self-love and self-acceptance needs to be said, often and loudly. We need to remember that there's no need to change ourselves just because other people tell us we should.

kvittan

I took my "H" cups and make money! I'm a bra lady that carries all size cups from 32a-44h, visit www.myessentialbodywear.com/A10762. The bras are 45 day money back guaranteed! I'm also a seamstress and have altered plenty of David's gowns in the past. Good thing they add 2" to every seam and altering these gowns are fairly easy.

feuilletoniste

Can I just say how unbelievably comforting I'm finding my little forage through the hairpin archive of articles-about-busty-ladies? The body hate and the physical discomfort have been really wearing me down; thank heavens for the sisterhood of hairspinsters!
Also, @Lindsay Miller, snap! As of last week, when I had my first proper bra fitting in ages (and ages... and ages... really, those early ones at 12-14 were so traumatic I just couldn't face them any more) I am also a 36J. Really won the genetic jackpot there! And while I appreciate that being buxom (or, contrariwise, gifted with a body-line that would make a flapper weep with envy) can be difficult at any size, I confess to getting a little vexed when I read things in women's magazines/ blogs/ what have you lamenting how hard life is in D-world. 'They don't,' I find myself thinking, 'know the half of it.' Or somewhat less than half of it, really. Sigh.

Mari Harju@facebook

Me and my 40Js love this article. <3

Bonnie Why@facebook

I love you. This is my exact story. I just went clothes shopping today and came home frustrated at only finding one stupid shirt that fit me and am sick of button ups and V-necks only. I need a new bra, stat! Thank you so much for this article. <3

aloha

i'm so glad you feel good about yourself, and we can all realise that you're human and normal like everyone else :) it's always good to remember that

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account