Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Which Disney Princess Wedding Dress Speaks to You?

Dreaming of a fairy tale wedding? Alfred Angelo can make dream weddings come true with a magical collection of Disney wedding dresses or bridesmaid gowns for your Cinderella moment.

Put on your girl hat because we're about to go deep into the girl mines. Actually, I'm going to lower a bird down first to see if it dies.

OK, bad news, I pulled the bird up and not only was it dead, it seems to have died from a combination of anorexia, white wine cirrhosis, and ... meth addiction. No one knows how it got addicted to meth so quickly, but it did and we're all very, very sad. So bring a pocketful of Splenda to sprinkle in case you get lost, becuase — no, don't eat it yet! OK, actually sure, quick Splenda break.

Anyway, let's do this.

Sleeping Beauty:


Belle (from Beauty and the Beast):

Ariel (from The Little Mermaid):

Jasmine (from Aladdin):

Snow White:

And Tiana (from Tiana and the Frog):

I like the Ariel one. Oh look, this Splenda has turned to meth. I don't know, honestly the Cinderella one is kind of pretty too.


72 Comments / Post A Comment


Damn it, Belle, stand up straight on your wedding day.


My ex-boyfriend's mother was (still is?) obsessed with all things Cinderella. When she remarried, they had a Cinderella-themed wedding and honeymooned at Disney World. I saw the wedding album. Not gonna lie, it was a bit creepy.


@LastMinuteLulu At the risk of being condescending, I find the whole Disney wedding thing extremely creepy. Like in a "these ladies are going to fill their children's bedrooms with dolls once said children move out, right?" way.


@manshan Agreed. I wouldn't be surprised if she has a room full of Disney paraphernalia now that all the kids have grown up and moved away (far, far away...).


Once you're a princess, it seems you don't have to worry about remaining upright or focusing anywhere but longingly into the distance.


@EleanorRigby At least none of these ones look actively suicidal
http://thehairpin.com/2011/04/suicide-brides. Also, focusing on things causes wrinkles.


Tiana and The Frog? Princess and The Frog...?


@lindsayb seriously!

squid v. whale

Not sure I believe in a world where Cinderella is more of a brunette than Belle is. Once you start mixing up hair colors I forget which one looks most like me, which screws up who I am supposed to most identify with.

Lily Rowan

@crosswordcoco I'm pretty sure if you're reading this post then the answer is Belle. I mean, right??

(I like her dress the best, even!)

squid v. whale

@Lily Rowan So true! At least Alfred Angelo got that correct!

Meredith L.

Cinderella doesn't quite look...living.

Hot mayonnaise

@Meredith L. Those brown recluse spiders are everyplace!


They just look like wedding dresses. The ethnicities and hair color of the models are aligned with the Disney characters, but beyond that ... they just look like wedding dresses to me.


@thundertheft yeah, they all kinda look the same to me.


@thundertheft They aren't even the right hair colors. If they're going to make "Ariel" blonde and "Snow White" sort of medium colored all over, damn, at least let the brown model have Cinderella instead of not-so-subtley sticking her in the "ethnic" dresses.


Dear God, this is awful! Imagine you having to explain your friends they have to show up at your wedding dressed as dwarfs/frogs/sultans/crabs? (on the other hand, Dear God, this could be fun!)

Katie Ritter

I actually love the Princess and the Frog one, which is the only of these movies I haven't seen. However, my groom will definitely be wearing the outfit from the Sleeping Beauty photo.

Edith Zimmerman

@Katie Ritter lol


You guys, remember... if you are brown-skinned, you are Jasmine or Tiana. Don't even eye up that fishtail dress.


So isn't that generic Sleeping Beauty dude (because he is no Prince Phillip, with whom I have been in love with since age four) wearing the Beast's jacket? He showed up to the wrong dead-eyed photo shoot.


I was thinking that the prince looked like a woman to me. Which makes that photo hot in a bizarre way that I'm sure only I think is hot.


@kayjay But yesterday we found out that women like men who look like women, so you're not alone!


@kayjay If you remove the "the" in your sentence, you just described how my older brother felt when Purple Rain came out.


@kayjay Nope, I think it's hot, too.


If by "speaks to me" you mean "screams at me to run far far away as fast as I can," then, well, ALL OF THEM.



Quick, under this tarp! I found a way out of the Magic Kingdom, through the Jeffersonian service tunnels...

elysian fields

The more foofy white wedding dresses I see, the stronger grows my resolve to get married in a hot pink jumpsuit (or is it a romper? whatever)


@elysian fields yeah, saying "fuck it" and getting married in jeans and a t-shirt is looking better every day.

Anna Marquardt

@elysian fields oh yes, I like you.

Toby Jug

@elysian fields Yes. I have been watching that TLC show about wedding dresses a lot (I'm unemployed and have cable) and with each passing episode...something is happening. It's like too much white fabric is being applied to too many people for it to mean anything anymore.


You know that thing some people have where their brain can't process the difference between faces? I think I have that, but for wedding dresses. I look at them and all I see is "white ... puffy ... white ... puffy ... sparkles?" I couldn't pick any of them out of a lineup.

Good thing I'm well on my way to white wine cirrhosis or I'd be seriously questioning my Girl Status.

Toby Jug

@Riff Randell I think the problem is that very, VERY few dresses anything but SNOW-BLINDING White. If you were given ONE shade to make a bunch of dresses out of everything would start to look the same no matter what shade it was.

RK Fire

I think I might like the Sleeping Beauty one, but I can't be absolutely sure because she is lying down and throwing off my view of the entire dress. Is it a one-shoulder dress? Does it have sleeves?

Also, as an engaged lady, maybe instead of walking down the aisle I should lie on my side and be carried down the aisle to my betrothed? Of course he would be lying on his side as well. And then everyone can gather around and we can eat grapes from tables and drink wine and laugh oh so much about how no one should stand up or sit up straight, ever.


@RK Fire Get married on a hill. Then you can sort of roll down to the altar.

RK Fire

@annepersand: That sounds like so much fun, and I won't have to worry about getting hair and makeup done, because, you know, the rolling.

I'm imagining rolling down ala Sonic the Hedgehog and then jumping out of the position in a star position. TADA! I do realize that isn't as easy to do when you're rolling down like a log though. This requires more thought.


@RK Fire Or you could just get them to put you in like a wheelbarrow and your dad or whoever could roll you to the altar and that way you could stay in a nice reclined position.

ps awesome username.

RK Fire

@theharpoon: No no, I'm a princess, you know! I need to be carried in on some motherfucking cushions and shit.

p.s. thanks! (something good had to come out of them winning the Grammys, am I right? ;P) I've been a big fan of yours as well.


@RK Fire Maybe a gold wheelbarrow? I'm just kind of attached to this "bride in a wheelbarrow" image I have.


Belle. Duh!

Except that I like none of these dresses. So sad :(

I was going to say that Disney has been doing this for years and Alfie there is just copying, but it looks like Disney got him to do it for them as you can see on the disneybridal website. Yes. there is such a beast. You can see the dresses better (i.e. without slouchy models) on this site. http://www.disneybridal.com/bridalgowns.html


None of these look like the iconic dresses the princesses wear AT ALL. I mean, sure, that would be even creepier, but who do they think they're kidding? Here are what the dresses actually look like: http://bit.ly/o048E


@nancydrew: Is it just me, or is Mulan obviously thinking, "What am I doing here with these silly bitches?"

Lily Rowan

@SuperGogo And Pocahontas is OVER IT.


@SuperGoGo Ha, yes. Mulan actually looks like she's hiding her sword behind her back and is "this close" to going postal on the other princesses. Or maybe that's just my fantasy...


If being a princess involves all that reclining, then please sign me up!

Jolie Kerr

WAIT WAIT STOP!!!!!!!!! Does everyone know about the Disney Bride forums???? They are amaaaaaaaaaaazing, by which I mean mesmerizingly frightening.

elysian fields

@Jolie Kerr omg WHERE? WHERE??? Please tell us, for the sake of weirdos (i.e. me) who enjoy gawking at crazy people on the internet.

Jolie Kerr

@elysian fields http://www.disneybrides.com/whoarewe.html ENJOY!


@Jolie Kerr: Future Hairpin expose/story idea, comin' right up


@Jolie Kerr I may never read anything else on the internet again!


@Jolie Kerr It says we need a member in good standing to refer us! Wanna fake it and be my referral friend?


I think the real question is which of these dresses speaks to Kate Middleton. We have real princesses to worry about here, ladies!


Am I the only one who saw this and immediately started Googling wedding dresses? My boyfriend and I are approaching our five year anniversary with no hint of promises of matrimony, and sometimes... sometimes I just need to look at wedding dresses.

HRH Your Cuntness

@ilikemints TRUE FACTS. This morning I was giving a training at work and showing people (on a big fucking projection screen) how to upload a file to this database. So I click on the Browse button and it goes to the last active folder . . . which was a cache of wedding dresses that I had last looked at earlier this morning.

I have never blushed so hard in my life. And, like you, I just like to look at wedding dresses! Because I think they are pretty! Oh, how embarassing.

Daisy Razor

@HRH Your Cuntness Wedding dresses are so wonderfully unlike anything else people wear these days, and I think that's what's mesmerizing about them. I bought a beaded cocktail dress for my wedding, thinking I didn't want a foofy monstrosity. Then I ran into a bridal going-out-of-business sale and ended up with the biggest, poofiest, princess-iest dress ever, because, really, when am I ever going to get another chance to wear something that insane in public?

HRH Your Cuntness

@Daisy Razor I would look like a chubby little cupcake in a fluffy dress. And, though I love cupcakes, it's not a look I'm going for.


@Daisy Razor That's what I love about them! You can basicly play dress-up in something completely ridiculous and anachronistic, and everyone has to tell you it's the most beautiful thing they've ever seen.


I would love to see more yellow, pink and blue tone dresses. Not even bright colors, just a teeny tiny tint.

I like to pretend I'm not super into weddings because of patriarchy, flawed institution, blah blah blah but really y'all I flat-out don't look that good in all white.


@KatnotCat, I once came across a short little blurb in a magazine (The Week maybe?) about color in wedding dresses that was illustrated with a white dress set off by a HUGE cornflower blue bow on the back with tails that trailed to the ground. It was really pretty and literally the only time in my life I have had a thought about a wedding gown more complex than "oh"


@theinvisiblecunt That sounds gorgeous. Seriously, why the hell are wedding dresses all so boring? Why do they have to all look the same? Why do they have to scream "BRIDAL!!"? Everyone at the wedding will already know which lady is the bride!

Hana Maru

The Jasmine dress should have a bare midriff

HRH Your Cuntness

Boy, I am just never, ever going to find a wedding dress that I actually like, should I ever get married.


@HRH Your Cuntness Yes, but in a pantsuit.


Edith, you're the funniest and the best.


princess wedding dress i love the sleeping beauty!

lace @twitter

A perfect wedding dress is the dream of a woman's

lace @twitter

A perfect wedding dress is the dream of a woman's


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All of them are good princesses so there is no need to choose. - Integrity Spas


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Very beautiful wedding dress, the prince and the princess is happy of life together.also you can use jewelry and wedding dresses. wholesale jewelry


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