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Friday, April 22, 2011

41

The Indie Rock Cred Test for Girls

Your favorite musician is:
a) Bjork
b) PJ Harvey
c) Kathleen Hanna
d) Chan Marshall
e) Joanna Newsom
f) Feist

Your actual favorite musician is:
a) Lou Reed
b) Brian Eno
c) Leonard Cohen
d) Bob Dylan
e) Alex Chilton
f) no really it's Bjork fuck you

You would most like to "sis out" on a lost weekend with:
a) Kim Deal (beer, meatball subs, and the Boston Public Garden Swan Boats)
b) Patti Smith (vodka, pizza, and MoMA)
c) Mo Tucker (whiskey, donuts, and pool)
d) Kim Gordon (white wine, spaghetti, and The Immaculate Collection)
e) Kate Bush (ecstasy, peach pie, and horseback riding)

You 'got into music' through:
a) Riot Grrrl/zines
b) hardcore
c) some guy you liked
d) a cool older girl
e) you just enjoy listening to music, learning about bands, and going to shows. What the fuck else would it be?

When you were 14 you were a:
a) punk
b) hippie
c) mod
d) raver
e) rockabilly
f) normie

Your favorite Joni Mitchell album is:
a) Blue
b) Ladies Of The Canyon
c) Court And Spark
d) Hejira
e) Don Juan's Reckless Daughter

Your mom's favorite musician is:
a) Carly Simon
b) Carole King
c) Stevie Nicks
d) Joni Mitchell
e) Annie Lennox
f) Nate Dogg

Genre you don't really like all that much but gloss over your dislike of so as not to reinforce sexist notions about what kinds of genres girls are into:
a) prog
b) noise
c) grindcore
d) math rock
e) drone
f) jazz

Your guilty pleasure is:
a) twee
b) pop punk
c) jungle
d) tween pop
e) folk rock
f) jazz

Have you dated any guys in bands?
+ 1 points for bassists
+ 2 points for lead guitarists
+ 3 points for lead singers
+ 5 points for drummers
- 3 points for sound techs
-10 points for music bloggers
+1 point if they were in Elephant 6
+10 points if it was Jeff Mangum
+100 points if they were in Minor Threat and you got them to 'break edge'
0 points if you are Courtney Love

Your indie rock dream date is:
a) Stephen Malkmus
b) Ian Svenonius
c) Jim O'Rourke
d) David Byrne
e) Lou Barlow
f) Jandek

You generally date guys who have (check all that apply):
– beards
- glasses
- shaggy hair
- a sense of entitlement about their taste in everything
- great record collections
- complicated emotional issues

You have (check all that apply):
– alienated guys by being more knowledgeable about music than they are
- been in a confrontational argument with a condescending dude about music
- been surprised when guys say they're "surprised that you know so much about music"
- used your gender as leverage to meet bands
- worked as a merch girl
- gotten in a flame war on a message board about gender
- met some really nice cool guys that like music as much as you do

At some point in your life, you have had (check all that apply):
– piercings
- a white belt
- jet black dyed hair
- combat boots
- band pins
- really worn out Chuck Taylors
- nerd glasses
- bad posture
- crippling marijuana addiction

Your life goals include:
a) touring in a band with your friends
b) starting an all ages venue
c) retiring to Dial House
d) running a message board for rhythm guitarists
e) getting the hell out of this town

For scoring, you'll have to buy the book.

Molly Lambert will be writing for Bill Simmons's ESPN project starting this summer.



41 Comments / Post A Comment

Daisy Razor

I haven't had indie cred in mumblemumble years, but beer, subs & swan boats with Kim Deal still sounds like an awesome day.

null

my indie rock dream date would be jonathan richman or bill callahan. jandek, seriously?

rj77

@klaus Lou Barlow, FTW.

gimlet

@klaus yeah, I picked Malkmus, but in my heart it's always been JoJo. Always.

dinos

@rj77 Barlow...dreamy.

thenotestaken

@Riff Randell So much yes to this.

Bubbles

I would take Jandek by a country mile.

So looking forward to an edition of FMK: Malkmus, Barlow, O'Rourke.

allifer

@klaus John Darnielle

rj77

"Kim Deal (beer, meatball subs, and a stroll through the Airforce Museum )"

She's from Dayton, yo.

editrickster

@rj77 Yes! I was just about to post this, as a Daytonian transplanted to Boston. Of course I picked her.

editrickster

@rj77 maybe a trip through the Oregon District.

amity

All of those indie rock dream dates, while truly awesome musicians, would probably be so painfully awkward you might actually crawl out the bathroom window. I'd go for Jim O'Rourke though, just for this masterpiece: http://youtu.be/v48twM_f0Xs

notjenny

I like all the genres I'm supposed to hate and don't really have a guilty pleasure that fits in that other list? Oops?

rosemarysbabyshower

I loved my white belts. So much.

Meredith L.

I have 18 rock band points? How am I supposed to feel, slutty or awesome?

brianna@twitter

@Meredith L. I feel you...I have 20 on drummers alone. There must be a German word for he mixture of shame and pride at one's own actions.

throwaway style

fuck dating dudes in bands. start your own band.

Mike Barthel

@throwaway style Guys in bands would like to request that you do both, please.

throwaway style

@Mike Barthel done and done :)

throwaway style

@Mike Barthel just don't tell me how to set up my gear. that is the worst...(though i will admit i long ago stopped getting annoyed at dudes loading in my stuff, if you wanna carry that cabinet, knock yourself out.)

notjenny

@throwaway style - exploding hearts namedrop! love.

ranran

@throwaway style Wait though, serious question, how is being in a band supposed to help me date a guy who's not in a band? Like, bear with me here, I've never not been in a band, and I've never not dated a guy in a band. It sounds like a really nice change of pace (have you ever had a guy get all pouty because he thinks everyone likes your band more than his? ughhhh) but how am I supposed to meet these people?

But yeah, agreed that dudes offering to carry stuff rules and dudes trying to tell me to change my settings blows. Or, worse! "This recording sounds really good, did Jimmy put some effects on it or something?" No, you dumbass, that's my amp that you keep trying to mess up.

ranran

@ranran AND NOW THAT I'M JUST RANTING, when guys find out I play music, why do they always want to ask me how long I've been playing? Me: "Since I was thirteen, so I guess eleven years. How long have YOU been playing?" Them: "Oh, uh, three years." And then they get all quiet. So I guess that part is good.

throwaway style

@notjenny thanks :)

throwaway style

@ranran i wasn't saying being in a band exposes you to more dudes not in bands. i guess i just read this and got kinda annoyed about the idea that you have "indie cred" if you date musicians, instead of *being* a musician or caring about music. i'm not the person i date, y'know? (i also help run a rock camp for girls, so i'm really behind the idea of demystifying musicianship for girls)
and yeah, competition/jealousy between bands sucks if it's between significant others or just friends.

Setec Astrology

I first read "merch girl" as "mech girl," and was intrigued.

christonacracker

We have a terrible mixed-decades problem going on here. If you are old enough to pick Lou Barlow as a date, you certainly never wore white belts, chucks, and faux nerd glasses. More like awkward-fitting wide-wale cords, doc martens, and brown lipstick.

djd
djd

@christonacracker Not so! There is a small but significant overlap, probably lining up exactly with the demographic that watched the Smurfs on TV.

christonacracker

@djd True, but the individuals making up that small overlap were (1) either way late to the lou barlow party to have indie cred(entering only after he had a minor radio hit with the Folk Implosion), or (2) way too old to look cool wearing post-2000's scene outfits. Either this smurf watching person was not old enough to truly appreciate dinosaur junior, or looked like an idiot walking around in a white belt and scene hair at the age of 30. Exhibit A -- Lou Barlow is old as fuck.

kayjay

Funny. I don't see Morrissey on the list of "Your actual favorite musician is". Or either John from TMBG. Must be a typo.

Matthew Lawrence

Who likes Don Juan's Reckless Daughter?!?!

brianna@twitter

That's not really fair not to give the answers...the one about kim gordon vs kim deal was hard! I am in no way embarrassed about liking twee, so I guess I'd have to go with pop punk as a guilty pleasure...I'm never surprised when a guy says "I'm surprised you know a lot about music," but obviously I've heard that...so what is the right answer? I made a family member go way the hell out of the way to get a picture of the Maxwell's sign from the Big Star album, which I have on vinyl, and had the Big Star shopping bag and stamp book framed...so? And I racked up an embarrassing amount of drummer points. Grade me!

femme cassidy

My actual favorite musician is Corin Tucker, and my indie rock dream date is Corin Tucker. Wait, are dykes allowed to take this test?

tee
tee

@femme cassidy - best user name!

karenuhoh@gmail.com

@femme cassidy You are going to have to crawl over my body to get her.

Clare

- been surprised when guys say they're "surprised that you know so much about music"

Change "music" to "baseball" and you'll have the last 18 years of my life.

Internet Girl

Molly! Girl, when are you going to write something real for us? Your thisrecording readers miss you terribly!

saul "the bear" berenson

Oh shit. This is accurate. I can't even tell what my points will win me, I can just tell.

myshone

@rj77 Yes! I was just about to post this, as a Daytonian transplanted to Boston. Of course I picked her. Gaylen

myshone

A scrubber brush, nope. If you need a tool to get into crevices, the harshest thing you should ever use is a soft bristle toothbrush. If you learn nothing else from me, let that be it. Event Planners in Toronto

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