Mean Ladies to Read About
Ohhh. . . hi, Hairpin. I didn’t recognize you for a sec, you look kind of tired! Yes, we should tooootally catch up. . . uh, my phone’s out of. . . power? but you should. . . find me on Facebook? Okayyy, gotta go meet some people for a drink. I’d ask you to come, but I don’t think you’d like it there, it’s kind of fancy. You know.
Wasn’t I being kind of bitchy? It was totally didactic and not at all real, I’d never treat anyone so uncharitably in real life. Because I’m perceptive and empathetic, I understand that I’m unusual in this way, and that most of you are probably lustful and scheming on a good day. That’s great! I practice radical acceptance and am able to love you for who you are. To love you so much, in fact, that I wrote this just for you, so you wouldn’t feel so lonely. You see, I was gunning up to talk to you about Jane Austen and Persuasion. And there was Anne Eliot, and I realized maybe some of you just couldn’t fucking TAKE one more heroine who was just a little bit too sensitive and clever and independent for her time and constrained social circle AND BRING ON THE VENAL, UNEXCEPTIONAL JACKAL WOMEN, AND WE WILL EAT THE BONES OF LIZZIE BENNET (sorry Lizzie omg I’m so sorry I don’t mean it).* You know. Some of you.
But problem! It’s harder to find a good leading silly bitch in canonical Anglo-American literature from before WWI-ish than you’d guess!** Once you open it up to other languages, the silly bitches are all over the place, jumping in front of trains and going to the opera, but EnglAmerica has a serious Special Girl hangup. You know the Special Girl. OF COURSE secretly you think you’re lovely and timeless and misunderstood just like her, and that Mr. Darcy/Dumbledore whatever will someday recognize your luminous soul (*wistful gaze over moor*), but at the same time, if you tried to have a drink with her, you’d be texting your actual friends to emergency rescue you before the frost had evaporated from the outside of your martini. And then your actual friends would meet up with you, ask you to spot them like 20, or 50, or, you know, whatever, make out with the guy you thought was looking at you, talk about their boring job, and smush your lipstick when they put the top back on. And at the end of the night you’d have a teary conversation like, “I love you guys soooooo much I just want you and that bar guy to be happy with your accidental baby that you probably made in the men’s restroom.” Well, good on you Hairpin, I found you three great silly bitches to have mind-cocktails with while you wait for that luminous soul thing to work out.
(1) Who is that bitch?
(a) There’s no point even talking about great books about great bitches if we’re not going to talk about Becky Sharp of Vanity Fair. First of all, Vanity Fair is the second best book in the entire world. Second of all, Becky Becky BECKY! Totally scrappy, shockingly contemporary, she’s a social climber like whoa, but she also kind of fucks up social climbing, and she’s hilarious and she’s terrible to her best friend but still sort of loves her, in a medium way.
(b) Lily Bart, from The House of Mirth, isn’t quite a *bitch* like Becky or our next bitch in that there’s not a whole lot of meanness there. She’s kind of silly and unreflective and just somehow keeps on ending up in private with people’s husbands who want to do her, but doesn’t quite get why? Oh, OK, yeah, sure, person’s husband, I could definitely use some money wait you want to WHAT?
(c) Kate Croy, The Wings of the Dove. She’s the closest we’re coming to a genuine sociopath, but we don’t care because her clothes are amaaazing and she will let us borrow them in return for a chance to murder us no I mean just wait for us to die, totally unmurdered. Sounds good, I call the pleated midnight blue top!
(2) Is that bitch prettier than you?
Becky: Pretty, for sure, but she also just works it, hard. If you, too, are willing to cinch your belt an extra notch, stick chicken cutlets in your bra, and bat your lashes like you’re powering a wind turbine, you could probably clean up right alongside her. No open-toed shoes, she’ll step on you.
Lily: Prettier than you and kind of dreamy-seeming, so all prospects will think she’s a Special Girl when you know that that’s you! Because you can’t be a Special Girl and the pretty one! HAVEN’T THEY READ ANYTHING? Everyone’s so shallow!
Kate: Also the prettiest, but she’s eager to help you out with your hair and makeup and picking good places to go, because that way she can trick you into marrying her secret fiancé and get your your money when you die. What? No, no, she just said you should try something off-the-shoulder, your collarbones are great! With a little bit of shimmer riiight here. . .
(3) Is that bitch trying to steal your boyfriend?
Becky: Probably, but she doesn’t want to keep him. So, you know, what’s your problem?
Lily: Lily never tries to do anything.
Kate: Stealing your boyfriend is 19 levels of psycho less than anything Kate would ever even bother with.
(4) Will that bitch lighten up already?
Becky: Becky likes a party well enough, but she’s always looking around the room for someone better to talk to. Isn’t that why you go to parties anyway? What, I didn’t hear what you just said, why don’t you go get us a round? I want to just check. . . something out over here.
Lily: Lily's probably a lot of fun, actually! She has lots of good bad habits that are actually bad habits and then really bad habits, but you know that thrilling moment when you’re trying to decide whether to actually try crack and thereby become someone who’s tried crack, and everything’s in total gorgeous equipoise? No? Well, Lily does.
Kate: Kate knows everyone and takes you great places, but tends to hold back herself. Isn’t that just so nice of her? Don’t you wish there were something really great you could do to thank her?
(5) Does that bitch get shit done?
Becky: Here’s why Becky is my favorite — her scheming reaches world-historical proportions when she profits on selling her carriage to English people fleeing Belgium during the Napoleonic wars. It’s kind of nice that her over-fuckery extends to the entire world and not just other individual women. It’s somehow one of her most appealing moments.
Lily: Lily has a pretty endearing hat-selling phase during which she displays a surprising tough/proud streak, but “gets shit done” only for for the value of “shit done” = ”hats sold.”
Kate: Kate’s so damaged and weird that her shrewdness really does seem sick, and not kind of sassy like Becky’s. The people closest to her are either equally twisted or eventually repulsed, so while her plan *technically* works out, she pays in a way that really guts her, and somehow you. (This is in contrast to Becky, who is Punished Like a Bad Person, but you’re just like, whatever 19th century, stop playin’, you know and I know she’s secretly President of the Universe.)
So, yeah. It was really great to run into you? Good luck with uh, your thing or whatever.
*Duh, Jane Austen knew better than this and had more love for the Jackal Women than you’d know from, oh, say, the many, many miniseries (Lydia Bennet best character eeeeevvvvvrrrrrr!!!!!!), but you still have to talk about the Special Girls even if they’re actually complicated Special Girls and I can’t do it anymore. I can’t.
**Lots of awesome supporting bitches though. Edith Dombey!!! If you guys skipped Dombey and Son because you thought it was too long or “Oh, I don’t like Dickens,” seriously, you’re out of the book club, you aren’t allowed to read the rest of this stop right now and unread what you already saw. Also, why pre-WWI? It’s my secret rule that I don’t have to explain but that has really good reasons I promise.
Previously: Room With a View vs. Where Angels Fear to Tread.
Carrie Hill Wilner loves to read.
Illustration by Mortimer Lebigre.
I am picking up "The Wings of the Dove" on the way home from work today. officially.
I should maybe warn people that it's like 100000000 pages long and really difficult? Totally, totally, totally worth it, and seriously, KATE CROY: INSANE PERSON. But, if you haven't read it, The Ambassdors is maybe the most accessible late-stage James? I don't know. That's like saying magnetohydrodynamics is the most accessible branch of research astrophysics, I guess. Don't get me wrong! I love it all! The Ambassadors is probably the third best book in the world! (Even though I always accidentally say The Rescuers, which is VERY DIFFERENT). I just don't want people being all "Carrie, you said there was a bitch in this book but I CAN'T EVEN FIND A NOUN."
hahaha "the rescuers" A+
Seriously! I love Henry James, but good god, what does that man have against paragraph breaks??
Too rad for words.
I actually think Elizabeth Bennett would be a TOTALLY BAD A drinking partner b/c she would join you in making fun of mansplainers to their faces and tell off the rude bouncer and have good comebacks for dick remarks and show up with her petticoat 3 inches deep in mud and not care about the rich bitches in the VIP room and be totally happy at a dive bar where you would drink dark beer together and ignore the hot brooding guy who is staring at her all night b/c she is having more fun hanging out with you.
But I also think a night out with Becky Sharpe would be a fucking BLAST. She would know all the best parties.
heeey, you said it was impossible to get kicked out. I made it through Dombey and Son though, so: SAFE!… (and I enjoyed it lots, so, um, thanks for that). (HOWEVER the Awl's book club book only took me about a day and a half to read BY THE WAY).
I decided that I could kick people out because it was Bitch Day. But don't worry, you're cool.
I am currently stuck in a bad PG Wodehouse book. I didn't know it was possible! It's got a crazy Aunt Lora Porter in it though– and she's a bitch, so that's something.
I don't believe you! When was it published?
update: it was The Coming of Bill. It began and ended okay but had a really boring, sad, and long middle. Not typical Wodehouse at all, but "bad" might have been a wee bit harsh.
Becky Sharp is my homegirl and House of Mirth made me cry like a colicky baby on the J train, so.
Cathy/Kate from John Steinbeck's "East of Eden". It's a serious business novel and she's a straight-up evil biotch.
1. Who is that bitch?
Cathy Ames is a local girl who gets mixed up with some of the main characters, farming brothers in New England. She has a "malformed soul" and she's cold, selfish and cruel like woah. She leaves home one evening after setting fire to her family's home, killing both of her parents. Later she abandons her twin sons (whom she tried to abort with a knitting needle).
2. Is that bitch prettier than you?
Yes, basically. She's described as looking childlike and feline in a good way. Those who can't see her spiritual ugliness think her beautiful.
3. Is that bitch trying to steal your boyfriend?
She uses her sexuality to manipulate and control men, sleeps with her husband's brother, and does a lot of whoring it up. She likes to have power over men.
4. Will that bitch lighten up already?
I think Cathy's idea of lightening up is a bit of sadism and sleeping with her brother-in-law after sedating her husband. Even as a schoolgirl she liked to lure boys with her body, get them caught in the act, and see them punished. So, uh, in her own way yes? She says too much when she's had a drink, so that's a no-no.
5. Does that bitch get things done?
Does she ever. Let's remember how she befriends her madam only to take over the brothel. She takes compromising photos of clients to blackmail them, lies and drugs people to get her way, and cuts away all the dead weight (like trying to abort the twins).
Ugh, gross! No way am I reading about some tinytooth.
Just went to put The Wings of the Dove on hold at the library and saw that there's a movie version with HELENA BONHAM CARTER. I am a little bit ecstatic here. (Obvs will read the book too because books are always better -fact- buuuuuut HBC!)
The movie version with HBC is pretty great. And 90s Linus Roache is wicked hawt and worth being psycho over.
Yes, this. Best-ever Merchant/Ivory imitation/homage.
Do not know about how I feel about HBC casting choice, is not who I have cast in my brain. Let's go back in time and cast a young Isabelle Adjani (speaking English with a British accent, magically), and then forward in time and then recast HBC doing an American accent as Milly Theale.
THIS Adjani. (Adele H.)
No mention of Lady Susan? Sure it's written by Jane Austen, but Lady Susan is a pretty bitch, knows it, and uses it to get her way, which mostly involves trying to climb the social ladder. No misunderstood with a deep soul character here.
GOOD CALL. And she doesn't even get in allllll that much trouble for it, which is the hallmark of a great mean lady book, when being mean works out about as well as being not mean would have. Doesn't compare to other Austen in general awesomeness/subtlety, though.
Oh ladies – these are all free if you have a kindle! I just downloaded them!
"This is in contrast to Becky, who is Punished Like a Bad Person, but you’re just like, whatever 19th century, stop playin’, you know and I know she’s secretly President of the Universe."
Oddly enough, words can't express my love for this sentence. I think I'll be saying "whatever 19th century, stop playin'" for the rest of my life. Or at least, like, 'til something cleverer comes along…
It's how I feel so much of the time when reading novels about tiny social dramas (not that VF is one, but). "Whatever, 19th Century, just let them bone and be confused AFTER, like everyone else. Whatever, 19th Century, don't these fools have JOBS?" Cerealously, I can't even stop staring, that century is so ridiculous.
MAN, I felt totally the same way about this sentence. I also couldn't find a way to articulate my feelings toward 19th c social dramas (NCSDs?) well, and now I have one! Also, I cannot wait to read VF and TWoaD now. Swweeeettt
The 19th century IS wicked ridiculous, but it is also the BEST. If I had a longer attention span and less affection for material comforts I'd have done a PhD on, like, the Decembrist influence on pan-European anarchist movements.
Ahhh Carrie I kind of love you. Also, if you read this, should I go to law school or not?
I liked it, but still probably not? Buuuut maybe? What would you be doing instead and does that thing make you money?
oh wait! i want to know more about this too! (also, love this post.)
Wait is Ask A Lady in Comments If I Should Go To Law School a thing now? I'm actually not going to get too into law school/career stuff on the internet, because of, you know, my job — but you can email me at mywholename at gmail dot com if you actually want more detailed advice than "sure, it's not too bad"?
@Kate Croy No. Signed, A Lawyer
You guys, Lily Bart is great but the BEST Edith Wharton bitch is Undine Spragg from The Custom of the Country. She is prettier than everyone and will steal all the boyfriends and do whatever it takes to get what she wants and then not want it anymore and then want something else which she totally deserves because she's so pretty and special.
SOLD. I LURVE L. Bart. To the death.
Yesssss. E.W. is so great about how unexceptional we all are. But I hate the name U***ne so much I can't go around typing it out.
Maybe we need to get 19th (18th?) century and refer to her as "U—–"?
Ahhh I actually registered here to say the same thing! Undine is a mega-bitch. In addition to her long-ass list of marriages, divorces and broken engagements, she also bleeds her parents dry and snubs her friends for being fat. Meanness.
That is the best logo ever. Like I kinda want to print it out and hang it by my desk.
I knoooooooow, right? Go Illustrator Mortimer! Nice one! Goodjobthankyou!
So I'm throwing my gauntlet into the ring for Cathy the elder in Wuthering Heights. Read it NOW, and sing along to Kate Bush as you go… 'Heathcliiiiiffe, its meeeee your Cathyyy I've come hommee and I'm so coooolldd' etc etc. Or is that just me.
ALSO Eustacia Vye in Return of the Native, cos everyone hates her and she couldn't care less.
Aaaand one of my faves is Marian Halcombe in The Woman in White, she's not pretty, in fact she's kind of got a moustache, but she's got a killer body and doesn't even bother with a corset (shock!) and totally sorts out the plot. Although she's not all that bitchy, she definitely gets shit done.
Estella is pretty mean in Great Expectations, but I guess more of a supporting role.
This article basically hit my feminist/19th Century Literature Nerd sweet spot. I'm gonna go read some Dickens now.
Oh my God, yes to Eustacia Vye. That opening bit where she's on the hill with all those bonfires, with the bones of ancestors beneath her and she's racing across the moors but is also part of them, hnnnggh.
YUSSSSS. And they all think she's a witch and a slut and she does not give a shit.
Oh GODDAMMIT I have Kate Bush stuck in my head now, which would be amazing except for the fact that every time I try to sing along I sound like a tinny freak. Why must she sing so high?
So glad someone mentioned Eustacia, had to go look up the name and she is already mentioned! Also the Bingly sisters, and Mary Crawford in Mansfield Park. Although they are not total bitches, but just spiteful hateful women that are foils for the good girls. Because let's face it, while Fanny Price stands up for her morals, that spine is the only thing from keeping her from being a limp noodle. I love the poor girl, but would end up ruining my own reputation just to try and show her how to loosen up.
ok, I realize I am breaking away from the period we are generally referencing but I have it on good authority that Matilda from Roald Dahl’s Matilda – grew up to be a pretty bad bitch. More feisty, than outright mean but you know, you want her to like you.
Who is that bitch? Well, first, right now she is a kid. So cool it. Additionally, she is the smartest, most precocious little thing with the worst, stupidest parents/family and she can move things WITH HER MIND, telekinetically, y’all.
Is that bitch prettier than you? Not traditionally, but she might be quirkier. And more mysterious. And smarter. She won’t make you feel insecure about it, but you should probably be responsible for your own happiness and security, anyway. She will totally move stuff at bars with her brain though when you get drunk and let it slip to a boy. Just don’t get mad when he goes for her instead.
Is that bitch trying to steal your boyfriend? Nah, she has been in a serious relationship for a long time and they have the kind of happiness that inspires you not to settle. Matilda is really good at only keeping people in her life that contribute to her happiness and well-being, so she locked in that dude pretty quick and isn’t interested in yours.
Will that bitch lighten up already? Um, totally. She will use her telekinetic powers to haunt people who fuck with you, or move liquor bottles and pour free shots into your drink, or trick her parents into letting her favorite teacher become her mom and get justice on the evil head-mistress. She uses her powers for good but allows for good and entertainment to converge. And she knows when people are terrible and isn’t afraid to hate them even if those people are her parents.
Does that bitch get shit done? Yes and yes. See above with whole parents and head-mistress situation. Also, enacting revenge on behalf of her faux-mom/teacher Ms. Honey for a neglected childhood. Also, she was in kindergarten for five minutes and skipped to fifth grade level math. And she tricked her idiot dad into supergluing his hat to his head. Also, Ms. Honey used to make this really good tea that now she spikes and serves you in a garden. She probably works for some non-profit for kids whose parents are THE WORST, and in big picture terms she is really helpful, but she makes them think there is a ghost in the classroom when they misbehave.
As long as we're definitely jumping period …
I nominate Catherine Moreland from Northanger Abbey and any heroine of Anne Radcliffe's esp. from A Sicilian Romance, because, ZOMG. I know they're not really Mean Girls but they ARE crazy!
Veda, the talented teenage daughter in James M Cain's Mildred Pierce, is very, very mean.
1. Who is that bitch?
She is the older daughter, to whom Mildred Pierce dedicates her life and labors as a divorced mother during the Depression, whose future successes are going to compensate for divorce, scandal, economic ruin and the tragic death of the angelic younger daughter.
2. Is that bitch prettier than you?
Her mom is only sort of prettyish and she is definitely prettier than her adoring, hard-working mom. But yo: Veda is a coloratura soprano. She has presence and attitude that will kick the wind out of all the unicorns of pretty.
3. Is that bitch trying to steal your boyfriend?
Well, yeah, if she supposed it might marginally advance her career or promote her brutal notions of success and preeminence, then she definitely will try to steal your boyfriend; but in particular, if by "you" we mean "her mom," and if by "your boyfriend" we mean "her stepfather," and if by "trying to steal" we mean "sleeping with and planning to elope with," then that would be an affirmative.
4. Will that bitch lighten up already?
She will lighten up strategically for a calculated period of time, and during that interval you will give her your maternal heart's blood out of hope and gratitude; you will for example bankrupt your restaurant for her convenience. We are talking about the restaurant that you originally started in order to make yourself not seem contemptible in the eyes of your snob of a darling daughter.
5. Does that bitch get things done?
She gets things done in your face and leaves said face stomped on in the mud on her way to fame.
UGH I'm so annoyed that Gone With the Wind was written in 1936 because SCARLETT O'HARA. She is my favorite bitch of all (literary) time.
Dorothea Brooke is perhaps the SPECIALEST GIRL EVER. and is also prettier than you. but NATURALLY, because she would never wear her dead mom's jewelry like some sort of superficial whore. so you should probably just abandon this specialness quest now and give the whole thing a big WHATEVS, Celia-style.
Ce-li-a! Ce-li-a! Ce-li-a! I actually think Middlemarch is tops BECAUSE Dorothea's Special Girl status is like, mostly in her own mind and her ideas about how special she is end up fucking her over so bad. But then there is the whole "the light just fell on her a special, modest amazing way" Rome/Ladislaw scene. How much of my junior year abroad was spent in dark frocks looking to stand in hazy sunbeams just so because of that scene, answer like at least 7 months of it.
Right, I do love Middlemarch, but the majority of the characters kiiiinda do my head in? Especially Dorothea, cos like, Mr Casaubon, ew. No amount of specialness can counteract that. I'm secretly more of a Rosamond Vincy fan. If you can track down the BBC series though, Rufus Sewell plays Ladislaw – abonjourrrr.
Also that first jewelry scene is probably the scene i picture most vividly in my entire mind out of all of literature. D's dense conflicted story LITERALLY starts out with a cascade of sparkling stones and she spends much of the novel leeching all that color out if it, through her own kind of vanity. God I love that book but I don't want to do a thing on it because the entire giant Reform Act subplot rightly drives contemporary readers crazy.
ugh, Dorothea. But she does marry an expatriate Polish starving artist who looks like Rufus Sewell in the end!
You are all going to LOVE "The Eustace Diamonds" by Trollope, featuring one of the best bitches in all pre-20th-century literature. Because I'm procrastinating, I'm going to rely on the Wikipedia summary, but I think this is going to sell you:
The plot centers on Lizzie Greystock, a fortune-hunter who ensnares the sickly, dissipated Sir Florian Eustace and is soon left a very wealthy widow and mother. While clever and beautiful, Lizzie has several character flaws; the greatest of these is an almost pathological delight in lying, even when it cannot benefit her. (Trollope comments that Lizzie sees lies as "more beautiful than the truth.") Before he dies, the disillusioned Sir Florian discovers all this, but does not think to change the generous terms of his will.
The diamonds of the book's title are a necklace, a family heirloom that Sir Florian gave to Lizzie to wear. Though they belong to her husband's estate (and thus eventually will be the property of her son), Lizzie refuses to relinquish them. She lies about the terms under which they were given to her, leaving their ownership unclear. The indignant Eustace family lawyer, Mr Camperdown, strives to get the necklace, putting the Eustaces in an awkward position. On the one hand, the diamonds are valuable and Lizzie may not have a legal claim to them, but on the other, they do not want to antagonize the mother of the heir to the family estate (Lizzie having only a life interest).
Meanwhile, after a respectable period of mourning, Lizzie searches for another husband…
RIGHT? I promise you, you won't be disappointed!
I might have to overcome my superstitious refusal to read Trollope bc everything I have ever read by him then HAPPENS to me if he is out there writing about archaic ESTATE LAW.
OK, I'm totally skipping periods as well (OMG! Better get an EPT!) but Moll Flanders was an AWESOME bitch.
Who is that bitch? Born in prison, pretty much pops in and out of it for the rest of her natural born days.
Was she prettier than you? Yeah, she was pretty hot. In a skanky way, but she worked it.
Is that bitch trying to steal your boyfriend? Does he have money or, like, food? Then yes, yes she is. And she's probably going to marry him w/o divorcing her other husband(s). But it's not HER fault, see? She's just a girl, trying to survive.
Will that bitch lighten up? That bitch is a fucking blast, my friend. And she's pretty much going to make sure YOU have a blast. Until she marries your boyfriend, anyways.
Does that bitch get shit done? Bitch avoids/escapes prison at least once, and ends up getting exported to America, where she makes a sweet little life for herself. Safe to say it beats selling hats.
Also Cathy in East of Eden is a BAD bitch. Loved her.
OH and it would be a crime not to mention these two, from Far From the Madding Crowd (which I love, and is much less depressing than other Thomas Hardy novels) and The Tenant of Wildfell Hall. Again, cheating with the Wikipedia, so forgive me, but I promise you these are great books and bad-ass, angry heroines:
Bathsheba Everdene (!) from Far From the Madding Crowd:
Gabriel Oak is an up-and-coming shepherd in the prime of life at twenty-eight years of age. With the savings of a frugal life, he has leased and stocked a sheep-farm. He falls in love with a newcomer eight years his junior, Bathsheba Everdene, a proud and somewhat vain young beauty who arrives to live with her aunt, Mrs. Hurst. She comes to like him well enough, and even saves his life once, but when he makes her an unadorned offer of marriage, she refuses; she values her independence too much and him too little. Gabriel's blunt protestations only serve to drive her to haughtiness. After a few months, she moves to Weatherbury, a village some miles off.
When next they meet, their circumstances have changed drastically. An inexperienced new sheepdog drives Gabriel's flock over a cliff, ruining him…
Etc.! So much etc. You're going to love it. She makes so much happen, rather than so many things happening to her.
And Helen Graham from The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, by Anne Bronte, which I don't understand why it's not assigned as a matter of course. It's a diary within a book, with a shocking secret!
Gilbert Markham narrates about how a mysterious widow, Mrs. Helen Graham, arrives at Wildfell Hall, a nearby old mansion. A source of curiosity for the small community, the reticent Helen and her young son Arthur are slowly drawn into the social circles of the village. Initially, Gilbert Markham casually courts Eliza Millward, despite his mother's belief that he can do better. His interest in Eliza wanes as he comes to know Mrs. Graham. In retribution, Eliza spreads (and perhaps originates) scandalous rumours about Helen.
She's a painter who makes her own income as a single mother. It's almost Scarlet Letter-esque. I love both these books so much I wish I could tap myself on the skull with a hammer so I could forget I read either of them and start over.
I do love that all of Hardy's heroines have names that sound like something you would find in a trashy Harlequin romance novel.
I dunno, Helen Graham can be a super bitch but she's got every reason to be, right? And it's all on principle, right? She's not a lying, manipulative psycho like Kate Croy…
Carrie, I need you to write about Persuasion. I know you'll do justice to the best book everrrr.
These comments have forced me to download about 10 books I keep meaning to get round to.
So what Trollope should I start with? Should I start and all? Should I insert the obligatory Joanna here? No? OK.
Kate Croy is kind of literary perfection but unlike Becky Sharp (best vixen name ever) and Lily Bart, she's entirely unlikable. Stylish in so many ways, but unlikable. I don't mind my bitches psycho but Kate just aint no fun.
I think of Lady Susan as Austen's Melrose Place novel. Not a terribly good book but camp as hell and with a first rate bitch. Austen was pretty awesome at creating bitches though…Caroline Bingley, Maria Bertram, Lucy Steele, Fanny Dashwood…
Ok, not Eng Lit and not quite 19th C. but surely the Marquise de Merteuil is the grandest bitch of all?
Oooh, I love Kate Croy. Except she scares me. Kate vs Becky in a cage match, anyone? In the WOtD movie, Helena Bonham Carter plays Kate, and Helena is scary enough anyway (yeah, I read the book too, but in the movie it's like two hours of coughing and then all of a sudden Helena strips down & goes full frontal and I was like, WHAT JUST HAPPENED?).
In Austenland, how about Anne's bitchy sister Elizabeth in Persuasion? And then her other drama queen sister Mary? BOTH horrible. Not sure which one is worse.
Did I just read there is a BBC Middlemarch where Rufus Sewell plays Ladislaw?!? I love you all so much right now.
Mary is def worse. She's all boo-hoo I have such a hard life with my lovely husband who puts up with everything. Whereas Elizabeth is just convinced she's a Special Girl, and that every guy is desperately in love with her. She's going to end up sad and lonely. Mary's going to be terrorising everyone and making her daughters-in-law MISERABLE.
I may have been thinking about this too much.
Hey! I'm late to the party (but perhaps fashionably so?), but I wanted to tell you that you got me to watch a) The Leopard and b) The Pillars of the Earth in one frantic epic historical weekend. I wanted to make out with Alain Delon, then Burt Lancaster, then Alain Delon some more, then Tom Builder, then JACK Builder (even though he started out as a weird, muckle-mouthed kid, he got, like, exponentially more attractive by the end). And now I'm gonna go watch some Upstairs Downstairs. Whew. I'm exhausted
But! As for bitches – ummmm, Cathy from Wuthering Heights? Total bitch. Also, Amy March. At least, in the early bits.
And the Specialist of Special Girls: American Style? Meg March. Meg's Jelly Won't JelL, y'all! (Sometimes I wanted to punch her in the face).
I'm going to wrap this post and give it to my daughter for her … howmanyth birthday?