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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

28

How Miranda July, Richard Kern, and Agnès B. First Had Sex

Here's a preview of bi-annual arts and culture magazine Dossier's seventh issue, which hits newsstands this week and will include, in addition to these and 50 other stories of virginity-loss, Pulitzer-winning author Yusef Komunyakaa's debut play. Ooo-oo!

Dossier is available via subscription and at select book stores. So select!

28 Comments / Post A Comment

Jane Feltes

am i the only one who gets a fibber vibe from miranda?

Tulletilsynet

@Jane Feltes Silly, people don't lie about things like that anymore.

Meredith L.

@Jane Feltes "somehow not really mad" my ass.

vvv
vvv

@Jane Feltes i'm biased because i generally dislike miranda july, but i agree with you. i'm not buying what she's selling.

manshan

@Jane Feltes What are you talking about, I let all my 27 year old grad student friends have sex with their high school-aged girlfriends on a blanket on the floor of my living room. I don't even have a couch! Just a blanket on the floor!

annepersand

@Jane Feltes I agree. It was the whole "oral sex on a scenic overlook" thing that tipped me.

That and the fact that if you had asked me "how did Miranda July lose her virginity?" I would probably have given you this exact story because nothing is faker than when your carefully constructed self-presentation and actual life histories match up.

omglol

@Jane Feltes agreed. there's two main telltale signs that this is bullshit: 1) "family computer" i mean hellooo.... miranda july is old as shit. there were no family computers when she was 17. also, 17 year-old miranda july was probably less pretentious but 100x more annoying than she is currently which would render her virtually unfuckable IMO. also... I don't like how she talks without moving or opening her mouth a lot. that is creepy.

pixelit

@omglol um, miranda july is a year younger than me. which i suppose makes me OLDER than shit. however my family did have a family computer, we had several, dating back to when i was in elementary school. so can't buy your argument on that (or maybe either) point.

nonetheless this feels contrived. thinking hard about feminism and dumping your first after making him go down on you in some idyllic, outdoor setting is so f'ing miranda july it can't REALLY be miranda july.

so what?

@omglol miranda july is something like 37? a) that is not old (this is coming from someone 13 years younger than that) and b) that would mean her family had a computer in the early 90's, which i don't think was that uncommon, though obviously not as ubiquitous as today's standard.

that said, even i do like miranda july, it sounded false to me as well, because as @annepersand (uhhh shoutout, love yr username) said, "nothing is faker than when your carefully constructed self-presentation and actual life histories match up."

Carla Fran

@Jane Feltes it's the ending. That ending sounds great to yourself when you say it out loud, which means it probably isn't what happened

ohsweet

Dang, Miranda! Amazing.

rrot

And Kern never got any smarter about or better at sex, either.

Beth@twitter

I clicked through thinking "Wow, those three had sex with each other?"

homotextual

@Beth@twitter same. false advertising. also miranda july: affectation win. once again.

iceberg

@Beth@twitter hahaha exactly, I was like really, a menage story?

laurel

"I visualized outer space to block out the pain."

Words to live by.

ThundaCunt

i have no idea who this ppl are..ill be heading to google shortly..but Mirandas story reminds me of the time i was having sex with a guy and talking on the phone to my sister at the same time...telling her about this guy i was dating that i was probably going to break up with...he either wasnt listening to me at all, or was as dumb as he looked because when we were done i told him i was talking about him and he should go.....

melis

Have fun at Google! Call when you get there!

ThundaCunt

also...the first time i was 16 and 3 quarters...drunk on a bottle of Cisco that i chugged in like 2 mins to give me courage and doing it with the finest man i had ever seen. no relationship...just thought i was getting too old and had never seen a penis...wanted to get it out the way....it was in a small bathroom of the house i was babysitting in. he didnt believe i was really a virgin until he couldnt get it in...it hurt sooo bad! he literally could not get it in! i had bruises, from the faucet on the sink, on my butt for like a week! *le sigh* ahhhh....romance and ambiance is everything!!

snakeantlers

@ThundaCunt ah yes, the timeless drunken bathroom virginity loss... 14 and a bottle of vodka for me. i don't think i know a single girl who lost her virginity sober, actually. is that something that should be sad, cause i just think it's kind of funny, in an "ooohh yoooouuu" kinda way.

ThundaCunt

@snakeantlers I think its funny...in exactly the same way... "ooooh yooouuu" next week on i love lucy she she has a pregnancy scare after a wild weekend of sex romps with various guys!! OOOOHHHH YOOUU!! hilariousness!

whimseywisp

Did anyone else want to go back in time & give Richard Kern's girlfriend a hug after reading that? Poor thing... saran wrap, newspaper, & inexperience. Triple whammy.

theinvisiblecunt

100% of the pro-abstinence education crew needs to have Kern's story forced upon them prefaced simply with the warning that their future or present children are hurtling swiftly toward such a destiny

Dumbelina

I read Richard Kern's and was about to post it to Facebook when I realized I had been thinking of Richard Karn. I like it better my way.

ThundaCunt

@Dumbelina lmaaaoooo!! as do i!!

sp8ce

Never heard of these people.

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