Thursday, March 10, 2011


Woman Has a Fun Group of Friends

I was flipping through the March 2011 issue of Marie Claire last night, and came across a short essay about one woman's engagement.

After I got engaged in the south of France last summer, congratulatory cards started streaming in, and I gave each one a spot on the refrigerator door.

One card, however, went straight into the trash. It was from a girlfriend of mine, and all over the front, in tiny red print, it read: “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”

“Kidding!” my still-single pal had scrawled on the back.

But I knew better. In the weeks following Drew’s proposal, the reactions of some of my most loyal friends were shocking. One levelheaded pal responded to the news with a three-word e-mail that flatly read: "Congratulations. How wonderful." Another, who had recently been through a breakup, fled our engagement party weeping.

Fortunately the Kate Middleton doll — "Experience the thrill of her engagement by owning one of the most elegant and regal treasures in the world" — has been released not a moment too soon.

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This! This is my constant question: in even the closest female friendships, do we still sorta want our lives to be better than theirs? Do we? And then, if yes, what the hell is the matter with us?!

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

I secretly want all my friends to die. Then I would win.


No, then you would have to find other friends, and then you'd be right back where you started.


I actually get a kind of proud-parent thrill when I hear that one of my friends is doing well. It's probably because I'm working retail and generally floundering right now, so I like to live vicariously through those who have their shit together. Maybe one day when (if?) I'm successful, I will want to gloat to less successful friends. Yeah, I definitely will.

young preeezy

Do all of her friends happen to be Jenna Maroney?


I think SHE might be the Jenna.


As a man I must ask this: Is it really so awesome to marry one of us?


Ladies: you can do better.


Depends which one of you it is :)
I don't think the negative reactions are solely due to envy; when a friend gets married (male or female) it seems a lot of times they become less available to their other friends.

Lily Rowan

But isn't that true as soon as they become a Serious Couple, regardless of ring and/or legal status? I mean, if it's going to happen.


You'd think, but I had a friend recently get married (and they lived together for a few years before-hand) and now it's like there's some sort of boundary; I don't really talk to her on the phone when she's home with him, where we used to quite often before they married.


P.S. Really, I don't mind, I think it's kind of cute.


I remember watching a friend (who used to trick people into smelling his farts and crap with the bathroom door open so he could watch TV) get married and seeing the excited look on his bride's face.
Of course, my wife did get the brass ring of men, and had every right to get excited.


Like NeenerNeener said, it depends which one of you it is. However, it sounds like these women are more wrapped up with the notion of being married to gain status, like married people are somehow better than single people. Since I know women like this in real life, I sensed some tone in the way the author of this essay used "still single" that would infer that it may not be negative, but it sure isn't one of her positive traits.

Caryn Josepher

it's really not that great....been there, done that

Hot mayonnaise

I'm going to have to know the way the emailer heard the news to judge whether "Congratulations. How wonderful." was mean or brilliant. Was it though the grapevine or a smug mass email with picture of the rock in front of a slightly blurred Provence vineyard?



I think the inclusion of the phrase "south of France last summer" points towards the latter.


Marie Claire Essayist (usually) = Mean Girl Who Can't Understand Why Other Women Are So Very Wary of Her.


Hahaha seriously, I LIVE in France and I'm still like "oh, where did you say you got engaged again? The south of France? Douche..."


This is a Marie Claire Laydee we're talking about. you KNOW it was the second one.

Tuna Surprise

"Congratulations. How wonderful." is brilliant. It's the Martha Stewart of passive-agressive responses.


^^ Agreed. I'm going to put this one in my pocket for use later.


I put it on Facebook then ran away to England for a week. Then was like, "oh right, sure" when anyone asked. I make a bad Marie Claire Female.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

I did this too. After I put up pictures for the wedding-crazed friends.


Funny how when women are happy about something they will get mad if you are not happy for them.


Yes, can we talk about this woman behind her back for a minute? You know her -- she sends an email with a giant picture of her engagement ring to a friend who found her husband in bed with the babysitter; she calls a friend who just had a miscarriage to announce her pregnancy, and then when they have trouble choking out "congratulations" through their tears, she accuses them of being selfish bitches. Like her happiness is supposed to offer them a vacation from their own grief and misery.


OH, SPATES! Can't you just be happy for me?


Yeah! and they are all bitches when they're on the rag, they're so emotional, and they expect you to read your mind. Not to mention the shopping! AND CHOCOLATE!



Women get engaged like THIS, but men, they get engaged like THIS.


Hot mayonnaise

Here is the response every guy gets when his friends find out he got engaged: dumbass.

Internet Girl

This is what I think in my head whenever I hear this news*

*I have a vagina so if I say this out loud I'M JUST SO BITTER


Someone really left your engagement party weeping? I mean, I guess someone who's recently been through a breakup *could* just start weeping at any time, but it seems a lot more likely if you're being a turd about "the depths of your love" and how "nothing compares" and how you're "so glad not to be single anymore", etc.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, passive aggressive women sure.
But am I the only one who has a little bit of sympathy for the recently dumped? Does anybody really like spending time with a bunch of happy couples right after the dissolving of a relationship?


It was spending time with a happy couple that saved me after being dumped. That couple was Maker's Mark and Marlboro Lights.


"I hate you" card woman is my new favorite person. I wish the author had named names so I could track her down and aggressively befriend her.
"Congratulations. How wonderful." woman is def a close second.


The I hate you chick wins.

Internet Girl

I think the "I hate you" was more literal than the author was willing to admit.

it ain't the wedding, honey. It's you. "WHOOPS, YOU'RE A CUNT" would make a great little congratulations card!


I think maybe Edith is saying we all could have been a littttttttle happier about her getting a NYT Magazine column. Good news, good news. Really! IDK, maybe they'll even make it a weekly thing, eventually, if it works out. Good news, good news.


women who expect EVERYONE to treat them like princesses when they get engaged/married/pregnant drive me so crazy. i love my best friend like a sister (have known her since i was five), but if she complained one more time about one more single friend who was not happy enough for her on her wedding, i think i might have choked her.


This woman irritates me. She's expecting the whole entire world to jump up and down and squeal in excitement that someone proposed marriage to her. Good for you and stuff, lady, but not everyone is going to lose control of their bowel movements because you got a ring, even your friends. They may have other things going on (like a breakup) and don't have the time and/or energy to freak the eff out.


Also as a (currently single, semi-recently dumped) gay dude, my favorite thing to say to the newly engaged: "Well, at least you can get married." Always casts a real pall over the proceedings.

Meredith L.

"Gave each one a spot on the refrigerator door"? "Congratulations Notes"? Christ, I'd be surprised if my friends bought me a margarita and I have fucking GREAT friends.


I know, right? to me the most surprising part of this story is that her friends MAILED her CARDS. for her ENGAGEMENT. I basically don't put anything into the mail unless I'm legally obligated to do so, so that blew my friggin' mind.


I don't get the whole "getting married is a wonderful thing that we all aspire to and if anyone else does it before me I hate them" thing. I just never have. You're engaged... okay, whatever hon.


everything about that essay made me want to barf. and i know hate's a strong word, but i would like to use it here to describe how i feel about the woman who wrote that essay and her super vapid friends. barf.


It's really a toss-up as to who's the biggest douche in this story, though I'm leaning toward the narrator, she of such patronizing comments as "No wonder they were angry!" and "All the things I [single people] had spent years worrying about seemed, well, silly."


Wondering "What did his choice of restaurant mean?" only seemed "downright silly" AFTER she got engaged? What a twat.

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