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Monday, March 28, 2011

33

A Present for 29-Year-Olds

A British funeral company asked men and women how they felt about aging, and found that men begin to feel old at 58 — or, when they can't "perform in the bedroom" and think "music [has] become too loud in bars" — whereas women begin to feel old at 29 — or, when their "assets" droop and they spot their first gray hairs.

It's unclear how the company will use the information or why they were gathering it, but perhaps death-preparation programs will now be marketed toward 29-year-old women. "Plan your second most special day," "Are you a funeralzilla," etc.

33 Comments / Post A Comment

PBandJ

Ughhhh. I am 29 and I just noticed my jowls for the first time yesterday. Shiiiiiiite.

zidaane

I became officially old when I had to use the shelves to climb back upright in the library after perusing the lower shelves.

sp8ce

I felt pretty old when I after I got a girl's number I found out she was born in the '90s and that fact sounded crazy to me.

HelloTitty

I officially became old when I slept with someone nearly 20 years younger than me and it was not illegal.

zidaane

I helped a girlfriend move with her dad and guess what?

HelloTitty

*Someone* threw their back out, I'm sure.

Edith Zimmerman

You slept ... with her dad?

PBandJ

More info requested.

maevemealone

You were older than her Dad?

zidaane

I thought she was older when I asked her out. I had bought a print from her at an gallery show and a year later ran into her again and we started dating and about a week in I realized it was awkward. The move was a week after we started dating and the dad did not know we were together. I had to end it a few months later and that did not go well.

Hot mayonnaise

Oh. I didn't realize girlfriend meant girlfriend. Even better!

Also, who did you have to end it with, daughter or dad?

zidaane

The daughter of course. This also dovetails into a small mouth discussion I don't want to get into.

Kneetoe

Her dad helped her MOVE?!?

Hot mayonnaise

Dad had a pick-up truck, if you know whatymean.

zidaane

He paid for the pizza(!) and was a VERY nice rural accountant/farmer kinda guy.

Hot mayonnaise

Ha! My alternate comment was: "Wow, you sure must like free pizza and beer."

zidaane

It was heavy printing equipment. I earned that pizza and beer in many ways.

Carrie Hill Wilner

Look, I got no dog in this fight because I will be a nubile-yet-sophisticated 26 or 27 forever I haven't decided yet, but I this shit seems totally insane to me. I have had plenty of girlfriends whom I have seen progress from late teens/early 20s to late 20s/early 30s, and I seriously cannot think of a SINGLE ONE who looked better at 20 or 21 or etc. than at more closerer to 30. And I am not talking like, oh, confidence or poise or whatever. I am talking straight-up-fuckability. I literally am having an am I an alien moment to think about women stressing 29, of all ages. Like count grey hairs WHAT, aren't you too busy putting together an army of fine-ass adult bitches? Ok backslash Carrie's pet peeve. I can see 40 being rough though. You know, not that it will even happen to me.

PBandJ

But. What about my jowls Carrie? WHAT ABOUT MY JOWLS.

Carrie Hill Wilner

They're totally fuckable.

cherrispryte

What if I am 26 and already think music [has] become too loud in bars?

Argyle

Amen? I was in a decidedly seedy bar a few weeks ago and I wanted to kill myself over the a) loud music b) obnoxious people c) sticky floors and d) general overcrowdedness. And I felt super old when I realized I used to love these things about bars.

Also, I'll be 29 in a few months and just plucked a crazy-ass alien white/grey eyebrow hair. :(((((

PBandJ

Oh Argyle I remember a time when sticky floors were your JAM.

Argyle

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight? AM DOMESTICATED. Filtering the Washingtonian Top 100 Restaurant list by "Best Cocktails" has become the new jam. Shit ain't rented.

Emma Keefe

I'm 29 and yeah I feel old compared to say, my 18-year-old self. But not in looks, physical fitness, bangability, etc. More like in feeling a lot more disillusioned about the world. Do all the women in this survey work in the fashion industry?

insouciantlover

Yeah, my assets are pretty much where I expect they would be in my early 30s. I'm as bangable as ever, but also not comparing myself to 16 year olds. Maybe then I'd feel old. But otherwise I just feel awesome.

TrishtheDish

I'm 25 and considered the "baby friend". This tone is perfect for how I feel about my friend(s) turning 29 who think the world is basically over. Of course I can't do anything but be supportive towards my elder friends' "meltdown" (I'm 25-what do I know about life)... I just laugh behind their backs at how ridiculous they are acting. Bring on the DIRTY THIRTY!

atipofthehat

Pigeons age still faster, it would seem.
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PIGEON????!!

JuiceBox

I've always been more concerned about The Change. That's when mother nature will be like, "whelp. you're done doing anything important so here's a hot flash and a dry vagina. don't let the door hit you in the ass..." Then I'll say, "Eff you Mother Nature, I have some gardening to do" I also plan to start wearing really great hats.

curryspice

ME TOO. I just turned 40 last month, and several younger friends (and my Dad of all people) were horrified when they realized how old I was becoming. Like I was going to go to sleep relatively young, and wake up a shriveled up shell of my former self. Ridiculous, but "the change" IS daunting, some women seem to breeze right through (relatively), while others bodies seem to just go crazy during this time. I have no idea which camp I will fall in to, and that scares me a little. And YES to gardening and great hats.

Gwan

Man, I WISH the grey hairs had waited until I turned 29. Only 28 (so, ya know, totally different) but I have more than just one or two :( Not quite at the 'dying my hair' stage yet, but I'm thinking it can't be that far off. Curse this dark hair!

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