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President I’d Least Like to F*ck

In honor of Presidents Day, Nerve brought out their list of the Top 43 Sexiest U.S. Presidents. They make some good picks. Teddy Roosevelt is very deserving of the #1 spot, and JFK and Obama make excellent choices for the 2nd and 3rd. But there is one glaring error, IMHO. Namely, they’ve rated George W. Bush the 7th sexiest president. Seriously?

They use a pic of Bush in his younger days and claim: “If he had remained owner of the Texas Rangers, he would have been one of the sexiest businessmen in America.” Maaaayyybbeeee. But I think the point is that he definitely did not remain in baseball. He was “elected” President, and then went on to have an insane 8 years of almost complete and total failure. Is there any way you’d want to sleep with a guy who does these kinds of things?

OK, say you could get past all of his blunders and terrible policies. Would you even be able to get through dinner with him? Let’s imagine it: you’ve just arrived home after spending 15 years on another planet, and you know nothing of Bush or his presidency. You’ve for some reason been set up on a date with him, and you’re sitting across from him in a nice restaurant. He is talking to you with a slow, condescending voice that he thinks is charming, and you’re wondering if maybe he’s had a few too many drinks because it really shouldn’t be that hard for anyone to get words out of their mouth in the right order. But, in the interest of keeping things friendly, you reply with something interesting, like maybe you start explaining the central themes of the dissertation you wrote at Space University. He leans in a little closer and squints with a little twinkle in his eyes. And then he turns the corners of his lip up slightly, like he wants to smile but is holding it in. And he just looks so pleased with himself for pretending to listen to you—and you want to smack him!

There is no way you’d go home with that guy, right?? And so I declare that for his smirk alone he has earned the title of President I’d Least Like to F*ck (PILL2F*CK for short).

Picture via Flickr

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