How Will Your Murder Be Solved?
In every murder-themed entertainment, detectives start by looking for the dead woman's purse. But of course whoever killed her threw that in the river and/or used the contents to assume her identity. So they head straight for her desk, where it takes just a moment to glance at her open address book and say:
"Every Wednesday at 2pm she meets a 'Dr. Forrester' behind the warehouse. It's 1:30 now. Let's go."
Solved.
What will happen when you are murdered? Did you consider the feelings of your future homicide team when you scrawled notes on half of one pink post-it?
1. cauli-pot. thing, get? 2.remember to find 3. important! ostrich story notes
No I didn't think so. Try to solve your own murder right now. Will the clues on your desk and in your e-mail get the job done? If not, clean up your act by simply reminding yourself every time you jot an appointment or list: one day, they will need to solve my murder.
Right now the page I'm open to in my notebook says "employee bookcase" and then a few lines later "requests -> not normal," underlined three times. The rest of the page is just curlicues and flowers. The detectives will see this and whisper, "Ah well, probably for the best."
When I am murdered, the detectives will open my desk drawers to find so many clothes and dental hygiene products that they will wonder if I was secretly homeless. They will then try to crack the code of all of the crossed out and violently circled numbers all over everything–post-its, scraps of papers, the desk itself–only to never realize that they are the page numbers of where I left off reading the e-books I read instead of doing my work.
Garge…. Garge. Garge! You know that there are e-book readers and apps that keep track of your last page right? You don't have to scrawl out numerology to keep track of this!
Yes, but would an e-book send the cops on a worldwide, DaVinci Code–esque number-based investigation?
This is kind of like how my main motivation for cleaning my apartment is "imagine what the cops would think if you were killed and this is what your place looked like when they came looking for clues."
I am very serious – I do my best cleaning post L&O marathons.
Me, too! I need to actually put the used q-tips in the trashcan.
One of these days I should clean the previous occupant's stuff out of my desk at work. (It's only been mine for six years now, so no rush.)
Has the previous occupant's murder been solved yet?
What if I don't have a planner. How will they ever solve my inevitable murder??
I best start one.
I am moderately obsessive about scheduling and have frequently thought, "If I ever disappear, between my iCal, email, and Facebook, they should find me within a day."
Oh, geez, I hope I'm not murdered today. The cops will think I can't hold my coffee, thanks to EZ and her early morning "you big gross rat" line!!!
I too, quite literally, spit coffee on myself because of that.
If it weren't a privacy violation, I would send you a photo of my client's now coffee-stained investment statement in front of me.
That is why I leave post-it notes with my ex's name name and number everywhere. Coat pockets? "Chad 985-655-2500." Computer monitor? "Chad 985-655-2500." Glove compartment? "Chad 985-655-2500." Hairpin? If I am found dead…IT WAS CHAD! HE CAN BE REACHED AT 985-655-2500. So very servicey.
I'm calling him now to beg him not to do it.
I write things REALLY HARD and then throw out the hard copies. And the cops can etch out the words on the seemingly blank post-it notes. I don't really do that!!
That shows up as a link in my mobile browser. Should I call it?
ugh you bicth
Hahahahaha! I at least had the foresight to Google it first.
There are two recurring appointments in my Google Calendar:
- a reminder to ask my roommates to pay me back for the ConEd bill
- a reminder to check the website of No Idea Bar to see if my name is one of the name nights this month
I got killed by my roommates, for nagging, or by my own booze problem, probably.
All I have are interview transcriptions for school like "Mother: do you like hammers? Child: bell?" and post-its about how I owe small sums of money to people. I think I was murdered by a mother-child organized crime duo…
I want more of that interview transcript.
Hi ladies! Just curious, not taking notes or anything… My, the panoply of humanity sure is interesting!
Possibly OT: I once read a book covering the coldest of cold cases, things from the fifties and forties. One woman's case seemed unsolvable due to the sheer volume of beaus and flings. That's how I want to go out. Leaving a massive clusterfuck for the detectives.