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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

43

Highlights From Our Fate & the Zodiac, a Dark 1916 Horoscope Book

Would you like to know your fate? Come in, come in. *Book creaks open.* And here's an apple, I'm told you can barely taste the poison. Oops, why do I always say that part out loud!

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

Pisces, continued

I'm sorry, Cancer and Pisces.



43 Comments / Post A Comment

Christopherjames

I'm a Taurus, but I am always pitiful. I also find, that like Marie Fink, my comets are only street lights.

Bonnie Downing

I'm a capricorn, otherwise known as "...cold, unresponsive child."

Unrelated: someone I dated once made me a mix tape that included Foreigner's Cold As Ice.

shenannies

Same here, I already know I'm going to die alone thanks for the newsflash.

My unrelated is that I actually had someone 'serenade' me with 'Cold As Ice'. At a party no less. I still didn't put out but I shagged his friend.

Kateness

So what does one do when one is a Pisces dating a Cancer? I'm asking for a friend.

Fig. 1 (formerly myfanwy)

Drown yourself and have the Cancer OD on opium. Just make sure the Cancer does it first, since they are fickle.

//drifts away incomprehensibly

backstagebethy

God, that is the truest description of me as a Gemini I've ever seen.

garge

The horror, the horror.

Edith Zimmerman

I have the full thing if you're interested. (Gemini as well, CUT TO THE QUICK)

Caitlin Podiak

I really want to read the full description for Gemini. I try not to believe in astrology but the Gemini descriptions are always so eerily accurate...

backstagebethy

I found it on Google Books. "...the versatile Gemini heirs prefer to regret sensations rather than forego them." YUP.

velcrosneakers

I'm interested. No I'm not.
Geminis unite!

homotextual

gemini descriptions always totally creep me out re: accuracy. i've been nailed by this one. (as have all the geminis i know personally.)

fashion socks

"dead sea fruit"

garge

Though I may scour, I can't wash the dead sea fruit off of my hands.

theinvisiblecunt

Gemini descriptions probably creep you out because by handily including contrary descriptors by nature ("Sometimes you take charge, and sometimes you avoid responsibility! Sometimes you're happy, and sometimes… you're sad!!!!") the Forer effect can be so vague as to be all-encompassing and work its magic even more effectively than usual!

Edith Zimmerman

BUT I AMMMMMM A GEMINI

childhands

My mom bought be a Cancer-themed mug for Christmas, and at this point I'm not sure which describes me more accurately: its "you are nicer than everyone else" or Margaret Mayo's "wholly incomprehensible to the larger Humanity." I guess sometimes it's just like, will there ever be a mug that truly represents me??

The Secret Sharer

both are true and vice versa as far as that humanity thing. I'm a cancer too,so I know. I also totally get that thing about the poppies cause I feel like that all the time! also, horoscopes are not real but still fun. like ghosts and other stuff like that, not REAL!

applestoapples

Totally confused on Leo. It's probably a metaphor having something to do with a couple of my shitty exes.

bearpope

Man, Libra gets off easy on this.

bearpope

Unlike Scorpio, whore of the zodiac.

backstagebethy

"Whore of the zodiac"--I'm gonna have to find a way to work that into everyday conversations.

monicamcl

I call bullshit. I'm a Libra, and Humanity - underdog or not - can jump up my ass.

bearpope

While I secretly agree, I also like hearing nice lies about myself.

bearpope

More on libras:
"these people, above those of all other signs, are qualified to fill worthily the high places of the earth, holding the whip hand over their fellow-men by sheer force of inalienable right."
Holy shit.

backstagebethy

Geez, I'm gonna have to plan on having all Libra children.

monicamcl

Now that's more like it, bearpope! Suddenly I feel better about my cubicle-shaped high place of the earth.

Charlotte

Hahahaha awww, Cancer. Ms. Mayo must've married one of the ones with mommy issues. Pisces is about right, we're a wistful bunch.

forrealz

that title page is so pretty!

hairdresser on fire

Oh wow, that Aquarius one cut me deep as a representative of all the relationships/dating I've ever been involved in? Fuck.

snakpak

Yea, but don't you feel better because everyone ELSE around you is so shitty?! It's not me, it's you.

Melly

That scorpio one was spot on. Forgot to mention that all scorpios have fat arms though..

jesseekah

inclined towards suicide? always unhappy? doomed to many disappointments? that's-a-me!

backstagebethy

I want to give you a thumbs up of support but it seems horrible to respond to that statement with positivity.

dave bry

Cancers should not feel so bad. it's cool to have your zodiac sign depicted as Bill and Ted's favorite number and a smiley-face emoticon.

someofmybestfriends

"The flower of their birth is the drowsy poppy that croons of a drifting fate."
Finally! A plausible explanation for why I still haven't finished my degree!

Brunhilde

As always, I'm a perfect Scorpio.

boricuaintexas

That description of Sag makes us sound like a bunch of right-wing fundamentalist Christian Republicans. :(

Olivia2.0

GADS! This is an old book, and my b-day is March 20 - so, which to pick? Annoying! (But I pick Pisces, b/c it makes me seem nicer. That probably proves I'm really an Aries...)

pollykettle

hmm. well, as a sagittarius i can say yes, i hate maths because i don't understand it. same goes for spiders.

sangrianegra

I winced reading the Aries bit because it felt like I was being called out on my "frittering money away" habit that I indulged in moments before...

tardi to the party

"i apologize for nothing!" --hedonism bot [scorpio]

Hanah Amin

I think apologies are in order for the poor capricorn of the zodiac (and that's coming from a fickle poppy addled cancer). Poor goat is all alone on the mountain side.

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