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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

12

We Are Seriously Getting So Stupid

We are dumber than ever!

After two years in college, 45% of students showed no significant gains in learning; after four years, 36% showed little change.

Oh no! Quick, though, think of something you learned in college. [...] All I can hear is the AIM door creaking open and slamming shut. Creak, slam, creak, slam. Plus,

Students also spent 50% less time studying compared with students a few decades ago, the research shows.

This is terrible! We are so stupid. Seriously, we're so stupid it's out of control. What's going to happen to us? Who will save us?

Dear Aliens,

OMG we need your help sooo bad! Do you even know how weak and idiotic we are now? It is TOO sad, for real, but we just don't know anything anymore — when people ask us a question, we'll be like, almost every time, "I have no idea."

Can you please come help us get our groove back? If you come and ... give us some medicine that you invented (?? or whatever!!), we'll be so grateful. Personally I would do anything you wanted, no matter how weird.

I know you guys are busy (like with what, out of curiosity, also?), but if you get some free time, please consider my request. THANK YOU!

Best,
Edith

12 Comments / Post A Comment

DoctorDisaster

I learned that I was allergic to hops!

saythatscool

I learned that girls at Parsons are pretty desperate for heterosexual contact.

jesseekah

Might as well extend that statement to the entire New School.

petejayhawk

I really hope that all the "recreating" the kids are doing nowadays has nothing to do with recreation and everything to do with actually re-creating things, like re-enacting seminal moments in television history, or making replicas of the Chinese terracotta warriors.

DoctorDisaster

Well it's mostly seminal Quidditch matches, but yeah basically.

Kneetoe

Maybe they KNOW so much when they get there that there's nothing left to learn.

Tulletilsynet

Unfortunately, Edith, writing a letter to the aliens will not help at all. Aliens do not live in the past, where the college students all study all the time, but in the future, where the science fiction things are.

PBandJ

I also think maybe we should talk more about why Edith will literally do anything/take their medicine they created. What does she know about aliens that we don't?

mytie

I learned a lot about SSRIs!

George K

That sleeping part of the chart is bullshit, comes to 5.76 hrs per day. I'd say more like 8 or 9 hrs easily, counting the naps.

Michael J. Levy

I truly hope that the first communications aliens have with the human race is this post. Not that stupid boring golden record on the Voyager probe. BORING.

theinvisiblecunt

Hey, man, more justification for the smug superiority complex liberal arts majors inspire in me is always appreciated.

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