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The New and Unworn Clothing That Haunts Your Closet
Are you better or worse than the British ladies who own "22 outfits" worth of unworn clothing? That's £285 (about $455) worth of purchased but never worn clothes. I'll just say I exceed this number but refuse to do the math because the extent to which I exceed it is not something I want to think about now, or ever.
Not sure how the "22 outfits" rubric was determined, either, because paisley velvet minidresses don't really go with multi-tone Keds (or anything, apparently), but I guess that doesn't matter. Maybe this can be some kind of sister-party to the Ugly Holiday Sweater parties: "Clothes You've Never Worn Before" parties. Not actually a terrible idea. (First World Problems, etc.) What would you wear to this party?
A midnight blue hoodie made of cotton in the back but satin in front. It looked like a compromise between a bowling shirt and a sweatshirt – I referred to it as a date outfit. And a pair of kitten heels with a geometric print. Cute, but 2 sizes too big. The plan was to stuff the toes with tissues so they would fit – I would wear them on a date, of course. I'm not sure I know what dates are.
lol
I've worn every single thing in my closet at least once – it's a personal rule I have. Even if I buy something off season, out it comes with some sort of layering under/over it. No garment escapes unnoticed!
Someone can get 22 outfits for $455? Including shoes? I clean out my closet probably 3x a year and give away or sell anything I don't wear alot. I think 13+ years of city/small apartment living has made me pretty ruthless. Though I do have a pair of shiny black leggings, a pink leather bikini top, and a burnt umber (?) zipper-ruffled j.crew final sale clutch that I have managed to hold on to without wearing, ever. But what shoes to wear with that?
pink leather bikini top! I would love to have that languishing in the back of my closet. Oh the possibilities I would likely never actually do, but think about occasionally.
I don't own anything I haven't worn. Why would I do that?
One of a few summery dresses I've bought in the last few years, thinking I'll look like an American Eagle model, somehow always forgetting that I'm 5'3" and pale as the moon.
I have two dresses that are waiting for a special occasion (ie., date) that could use a blast with the steamer, if not a complete dusting.
Yeah I have worn everything in my closet. Some things only twice, and some things not in years, but still, it's all been worn. Sigh!
You and me both. I hate shopping, but I would love to magically conjure up some pretty new clothes.
A fake leather jacket, in dark blue, with peacoat-style buttons and a giant, weird flap on the back that makes me look really boxy. It is too small to wear comfortably but not small enough to be one of those lil alt girl jackets, too leathery for most situations but not edgy enough for any time I would actually want to look punk. Does anyone want it
I actually have a Badgely Mischka straight-up (ball?)gown that I got for a fancy wedding (way on sale obviously). It's a size too small but I thought, okay I can just like not breathe for the whole wedding, don't want these people to think I'm not fancy enough to see them get marrrrieeed. Then I thought, oh god they'll know I'm overcompensating what you think you're like Cinderella or something? Cannot wear! But should I? No need a shorter length. And by then it was too late to return, plus I ripped off a tiny bit of beading forcibly levering the zipper up, and it makes me anxious to think about it so it's just in the back of the closet indefinitely. Do not do well with fancy-people, apparently.
But other than that I wear all my clothes.
Tan, velour cargo pants by Daryl K., which in my defense, was the first designer I ever found who made pants that flattered my (invisible) ass. The pants in question are bulky and thick and have a weird second cuff layer at the ankle.
A purple tutu, a souvenir t-shirt from Kauai with weird transparent patches all over, and a red, floor-length Laundry by Shelli Segal dress that I bought for a fancy party in college and then decided I didn't feel like going.
Isaac Mizrahi used to design for Target, and while lots of his stuff was sort of matronly — poly-blend sweater sets, you know what I mean — some of it was just bizarre, and it would always go on sale after Christmas, and I fell for it every time! One year I got a floor length, heavily pleated ball gown in a tasteful orange, yellow and green nasturtium print for like ten bucks, which was obviously a great deal. The only time I've seen this dress in the wild was on a girl at a mutual friend's wedding, which, imagine if I'd decided to wear mine that day? How embarrassing would that have been?
Outside of my outrageous and unwearable Mizrahi ballgown collection, I'm pretty good about that kind of thing.
a knee-length, black tulle skirt from the same label. That I got at a clothes swap 4 years ago. But if Black Swan Saturday happens, it just might finally get worn.
I would like to go to that party. I have this amazing grey heavy jersey maxi-dress, with slightly puffy cap sleeves and a huge, rainbow, fleur-de-lis sort of pattern at the bottom. It looks like some modern-medieval princess deal. It's too heavy to wear in the middle of the summer, and I can't wear it in winter or when it's wet because it's too long. It's not very formal, but it's definitely impressive, especially because I'm tall and it's very long. I love it, but I just cannot think of an appropriate occasion to wear it. Good thing I only paid like $10 for the thing.
really slutty dress
When I first moved to New York I bought all of these brightly colored fancy dresses that I could wear "going out." So far, my invitations to various star-studded "hot spots" that nymag tells me about have not arrived. I have a pink velvet Rachel Roy dress with a bubble skirt I need to wear, New York! Come on!
One day maybe I'll get so desperate that I'll wear it to work?
Just wear it to, like, a dive bar, and if anyone is like "hurr hurr you look dressed up" you can be like "I have somewhere better to be," even if that's a lie.
A scarlet chiffon cocktail dress that makes me look like an escort. I must have been ovulating that day in the dressing room because I remember thinking, “damn, I look good!”
I own a skintight denim jumpsuit last seen on J. Lo in her flygirl days. I have worn it outside my house.
Suffice it to say, I do not own anything I have never worn, because clearly, I will wear anything.
If this is like virginity, in that after not wearing them for 10 years they become unworn once again, then I would be dressed like a skanky teenage goth. Otherwise, I've worn everything I own many times, even the things I don't like much. People tend to assume that I'm in my early twenties, and I'm 100% certain it's because I don't dress like an adult. Not that I dress like any sort of fashionable young person either.
But I own some very pretty books!
Oh god, this is perfect timing. My mom is a stay-at-home-mom with grown children who restlessly trolls T.J. Maxx and Bealls and the Naval Base Exchange. The result? I get boxes and boxes of clothes that either don't fit or are uggles–or a couple of them I like well enough but it ends up overwhelming my tiny city closet that I share with my boyfriend and crowding out my clothes I actually really like. Plus, overwhelming middle-class guilt. Reasons:
"Oh, it'll be a good basic" Mom, I already have SO MANY PLAIN WHITE/BLACK TOPS/SKIRTS
"You can wear it to work" Again–I've been working for a year and a half, I have enough clothes to last me
"Don't worry about sending it back if it doesn't fit, just put it on Ebay" Do you have any idea how long it takes to photograph 2 bags full of clothes, upload them, and create separate Ebay ads? No. No, Mom, you don't.
So, I've finally gotten her to stop with the politest of firm pleading, but not before I acquired 2 (!) garbage bags stuffed full of brand-new clothes I have never worn. I am planning on taking them to Buffalo Exchange on Saturday and/or donating to a domestic violence shelter or something.
I could wear:
A pink wifebeater with floral applique (yyyeah)
A knee-length black skirt (i have like 5 already)
One of many too-small pairs of high heels I bought before I realized my issue was having narrow feet, not buying shoes that are too big
I think I have finally purged my closet of unworn clothes. I had this ill-fitting pale pink skirt for years, but I finally tossed that. It was very slightly too small. I could put it on and do it up, but not comfortably. I finally realized that A) that is a terrible colour on my pale ass and B) it was a terrible fit so it went to the Goodwill bag.
I do however have a strapless dress that sat unworn in my closet for 4 years, that I finally wore last month and it was fabulous!
I used to be terrible about buying questionable items that were "good deals" & then never wearing them because their reasonable price did nothing to offset how poorly they matched my skin tone/body type/other wardrobe. I've since gotten better about this. BUT:
I still tend to compulsively hang onto clothes that I literally haven't worn in years, for what could only be considered "sentimental reasons." example I discovered last night: a black t-shirt with silver lurex thread woven through it that I got for like $10 at a vintage store on a trip to NYC when I was 15 (i.e., more than a decade ago). & I don't think I've worn it since 2002, if then. but how could I bear to part with such a crucial item?
I have a really bad habit of buying Maggy London dresses on ebay. I find them irresistible for some reason. They're usually labelled as "party dresses," but I have yet to attend a party for which they would be appropriate. I need swankier friends, maybe. It's not my fault.