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Thursday, January 27, 2011

52

Sex and the Surprisingly Unslutty College Student

UCLA conducted an interesting sex survey among college kids — the stupidest, saddest people alive —  that LA Weekly has helpfully presented in 14 points, the last of which appears above. (How is "oral sex with Barney" (!!!) the same as "teachers" and "Harry Potter"? Also, who is Matt from Digimon?? So many questions.)



52 Comments / Post A Comment

Madeleine

How are "oral sex with Barney," "sex with teacher" and "sex with babysitter" innocent childhood fantasies? And how far do they need to go to morph into adult sexual fantasies?

boyofdestiny

This is an excellent comment.

Madeleine

BUT YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE QUESTION!

boyofdestiny

Maybe I'm just not reading this right, but what makes "an orgy with a cast of anime characters" an "innocent childhood fantasy"?

Tragically Ludicrous

According to my Romanian friend, there's a joke in Romania that ends with the phrase "Tarzan strong! Tarzan make new hole!"

So, just think about that a bit.

Princess Slayer

I HAVE to know that joke.

Barbara Gordon

I'm more disturbed that "Saw" was one of the movies guys thought most appropriate as a pre-sex date movie.

Edith Zimmerman

Hmm. I actually think movies like Saw are better pre-sex date movies than, like, The Notebook. You're all scared and everthing's all ... bloody and weird. IDK. Anyway, horror movies! I hate them, but they're good date movies! Everyone's all jumpy and grabby on each other.

DoctorDisaster

But surely torture porn isn't as good for this as, say, supernatural horror?

Also, unequivocally WORST pre-sex movie: Gaslight.

boyofdestiny

I saw The Ring on a double date one time, and it terrified me to the point that I was hiding my face in my date's shoulder during the scary bits. Unfortunately, nobody else shared my progressive views on the outmodedness of traditional notions of gender normativity, and I was roundly laughed at.

DoctorDisaster

That may have been because The Ring was not scary. Unless we're talking about the Japanese version, which I haven't seen so who knows.

Edith Zimmerman

OMG WHAT it was SO SCARY!!!!!!???????

boyofdestiny

Thank you, Edith!

saythatscool

The version with Jessica Simpson was pretty frightening....

DoctorDisaster

OK, first, I should clarify that I am not macho posturing here. I am the biggest baby you will ever meet about horror movies. They get in my brain and I keep the lights on while I sleep.

But in high school, I let a group of friends convince me to see The Ring opening weekend. And I vacillated between giggling and laughing uncontrollably the entire time.

I mean, your average Nine Inch Nails video is scarier than the TERRIFYING VIDEOTAPE OF DOOM. The monster is a wet emo girl, whose terrifying power is crawling out of the telly to drip on your nice carpet. Did you see those preposterous Evil Dead-style establishing shots of the cabin with the well under it? And the HORSE, you guys! The horse! Glub glub, Wilburrrrrrr!

I jumped once the entire time. It was when main character lady was going through some papers, and a bug crawled out. This was not scary or startling. What was startling was that EVERY INSTRUMENT IN THE ORCHESTRA decided to make the loudest noise possible all at once. So from then on I was giggling about the sountrack, too.

MoonBat

You saw The Ring in high school?!?!? Hm, I release my dibs on DD, girls. He is officially way too young for me. Have at him.

boyofdestiny

I was a freshman in college at the time. Is that better?

DoctorDisaster

Form a queue to the left, ladies. No pushing!

On the plus side, if I were older, I would be hiding behind a picture of my 25-year-old self on the internet, which: laaaaaame.

boyofdestiny

Ladies, he may be young, but he's a doctor.

MoonBat

I kinda never did have a thing for Doogie Howswer, though.

boyofdestiny

I tried, Doc.

DoctorDisaster

If you've seen Dr. Horrible and didn't fall in love with NPH a little bit, it probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.

EleanorRigby

I'm way more concerned about the dudes who think Saw is the ideal date movie. And where is "threesome with Bert and Ernie?"

thatsrealbutter

I'm most concerned that enough college students have see "Oh, God" for it to place as an inappropriate date movie. Or maybe I'm happy about that?

DoctorDisaster

I'm surprised at how many gems were overlooked. Third-best pre-sex movie, as rated by guys? 300. 300. Batman and Robin as an adult fantasy?? Whoaaaa there, pedobear.

insouciantlover

When I was 13 my friend and I started drawing this Barney comic strip, and of course I had to do ample research to better know my subject (okay, this is explaining some things) and watched MANY episodes, which I had never seen before, so that I could craftily re-write the songs as lewdly as possible.
Anyway, oral sex may or may not have been involved, but Barney got his little dinosaur sidekick chick knocked up and then developed a taste for blood when he ripped the dino baby out with his teeth so he attacked and ate half the kids.
/not a sexual fantasy

boyofdestiny

And you're scanning these to share with us right now, I assume?

insouciantlover

I'm reminding myself to dig through boxes to find them when I get home this afternoon. They were glorious.

saythatscool

I'm just confused about the oral sex part. Is Barney doing the cockchuggery or am I Barney getting my purple head?

cherrispryte

Isn't that half the plot of Twilight?

DoctorDisaster

Twilight was originally a 13-year-old's Barney fanfic?

...

Plausible.

Kneetoe

stc: Was just scanning the comments to see if mine was "taken," and we seem to be on the same wavelength here (although I was wondering if Barney goes down on the girl or vice versa). So, how to explain how scary this is to my therapist?

thatsrealbutter

My Little Pony?

DoctorDisaster

"Little" yeah, but he's got it where it counts.

cherrispryte

Have you ever seen the episodes when the boy ponies show up? Those were some sexy ponies!

thatsrealbutter

And by "where it counts" you mean a sparkly rainbow mane and tail?

perfect_cursive

YES – there a blue pony football player that had a removable helmet. And a blonde pony with a red bandana around his neck b/c he was all California. These are the things I swear I hallucinated.

Kneetoe

Cookie Monster?!?!?!?!?!

garge

If you have to ask ...

JUST KIDDING ZOMG IDK. Better/worse than Alf?

boyofdestiny

He's ravenous, you gotta give him that.

MoonBat

Ha ha ha ha, "nom nom nom nom"!!! No, I'm good, I'm good for the night, monster, lemme get some SLEEP!

oldirtybassist

Anyone else notice that Jessica Rabbit is mentioned by name for the females, but only as "[Roger Rabbit's] wife" for the males?

boyofdestiny

She had a name?

Kneetoe

Nooooooooo! GOOKIE!

saythatscool

The only downside is that he never swallows.

Kneetoe

HAHAHA you're too much Mr. STC. And, sure, he's a little messy, but he swallows all right.

inbed

I am so in love with the fact that there is a whole discussion of cookie monster's oral sex techniques here. yay hairpin!
of the sesame street characters, he might be the most doable... although the count is european which might outweigh his boring conversation skills.
jill
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com

rebeccaedith

i'm somewhat disturbed and very amused at how many of the collective childhood fantasies involve bestiality.

alicia

OH MAN. I'm a sophomore in college and I had kinds of thoughts about Matt from Digimon at age eight. He was a stud.

Nattie@twitter

ahaha, matt from digimon...
no comment xD

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