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Monday, January 10, 2011

33

Reasons You Need a Winter Pedicure

You already know the No. 1 reason: you don't want to head down that slippery slope of letting your body go to shit during the colder months. It starts with the smallest things and sometimes there's no going back! Don't do it. Here are some more motivators and a few tips for winter pedis (my computer just auto-corrected "pedis" to "penis," haha. Winter penis.)

1. You want soft, pretty feet.

2. You love the person you're having sex with. If you're doing it right, your feet will be in your partner's face at some point during all the fun and it's a lot to ask them to overlook such a simply solved problem as neglected feet. Especially if your partner is a dude; what stuff looks like is frustratingly meaningful to them.

3. If you ignore them long enough, the dry, callousy parts of your feet can actually crack and bleed and then you have REAL problems. This gets more likely as you get older. Just Google "heel fissures" and thank me later.

4. You want to successfully get a spray tan. Dry spots and callouses soak up self tanner like nobody's business. I'm telling you from experience that it can look like you stepped in poop for a week if you don't take care of that shit.

5. Footwear is the biggest pain-in-the-ass part of getting a winter pedicure so plan accordingly. If you can't run home or to your car in flip flops without getting frostbite, plan to get a manicure or chair massage after your pedicure so your toes have time to dry.

6. Pack a little saran wrap or sandwich bags and once your toes seem dry enough, ask for cuticle oil and paint it over your toenails. Then wrap your toes in the plastic before shoving your feet into socks and boots. This may not be 100% successful in preventing smudges, but it is waaaay better than nothing.

7. And lastly, go with a friend and pack vodka-crans to maximize your fun. Just buy little bottles of cranberry juice, drink 1/3 of it and refill with vodka. Pop em in the freezer for a lil while until crystals form. ENJOY!

Previously: Do I Really Need to Wear Highlighter on my Face?

Jane Feltes is a VERY CLASSY LADY and produces the radio program "This American Life." She can be seen regularly on stage at The Talent Show in Brooklyn and also blogs about cooking awesome meals for that special someone — herself — at ReadyMade.



33 Comments / Post A Comment

cherrispryte

8. Because looking down at my toes and seeing ridiculous sparkles makes me incredibly happy? Seriously. Happiness is turquoise glitter on one's toes.

(Also good for the winter - less people will be seeing your feet, so you can wear whatever insane polish you want!)

MoonBat

The vodka crans advice is awesome, my friends and I have been doing that for years on girls' days out. It works great with any fruit juice or soda, and you can just make a cooler full of them for the car! You can even mostly empty a squeezy plastic lime juice container, refill with vodka, and pack it onto the airplane to add "lime juice" to your diet coke!

cherrispryte

I'm pretty sure I spent the majority of my second semester of senior year sipping vodka cran out of cranberry Nantucket Nectars bottles. In class.

Jenn

You ladies go ahead and class it up with the vodka-crans, I'm gonna stick to my tried and true method of Jack Daniels and a gas station Polar Pop.

MoonBat

Take a purse full of rum minis to Taco Bell. Their fruitista-whatevers make an amazing daiquiri/pina colada!

Jenn

I like your style.

Jane Marie

I love that this is turning into clandestine drinking tips!

Bonnie Downing

I thought that's what "How to Be a Girl" meant!

Kate

9. If you don't, you will get velcro heels, and when you walk across the looped carpet in your bedroom, you will actually hear a tiny "rip, rip, rip" emanating from each step. Or so I've heard tell.

applestoapples

So that's what they're called. I was ashamed at the look the pedicurist gave mine last week, because I had some serious sandpaper action going on.

Luckier

Or you will drag your yoga towel with you when you do balancing stick pose.

PBandJ

Whatever you do, when you get your winter pedi (penis?), be sure to remember where you have dry, scratched skin on your feet. Because I didn't and the lady gave me a chemical burn from the callus goop. Ooops. Still, the toes look pretty.

Edith Zimmerman

I actually saw someone skittering down the snowy sidewalk in flip-flops and beautiful toes not 24 hours ago, and if I hadn't read this I would not have understood.

cherrispryte

Also may I suggest investing in one's own pedicure supplies?

This eliminates the walking home issue, and provided you are at least moderately flexible, you can do as good if not better a job as the poor lady making minimum wage to scrub your feet. Also you can spend forever getting rid of your calluses, if that is a problem you have. Not that I would know.
But mostly, it eliminates the immense guilt I feel whenever I get a professional pedicure.

Limaceous

Thank you for this. I was starting to think I was the only person left who took care of her own pedicure-related needs? (Mostly out of a desire to save money, although there is also something uncomfortable about paying another woman for an unpleasant task I am capable of doing myself. These are also the two reasons I don't have a cleaning service.)

The nice thing about scrubbing your heels in the shower is that you can do it as often as necessary (daily even!) and so you never get heel build-up.

Also painting your own toenails while watching Glee is way fun. (But do not attempt after two glasses of wine.)

Jane Marie

Me three! I also suggest investing in a Ped Egg. Those things are aaaaaamazzzzzzing.

MoonBat

Also, if you are so ticklish that you can only just barely stand to use an emory stick thing on your OWN heels, getting a pedicure (I've had exactly one; my first and last pedi ever)is absolute torture.

curryspice

Me too with the ticklish feet. Remember that cream that Edith recommended last month, Amlactin? Slathering that (or Alpha Hydrox) on, then putting on socks before bed will work too, it just takes longer.

winchesterwolcott

This may seem like a weird question, but why do you feel bad about paying other people to do stuff? If you think they deserve more, then tip. Otherwise, it's not like they automatically get cushy, high-paying jobs if people do not get their houses cleaned/toenails painted.

dr. girlfriend

this gets rid of calluses instantly. and if you mail it in (like i would ever put out that much effort), they sharpen it for you gratis.
http://www.tweezerman.com/scripts/item.cfm?gc=T&sc=RS&itemsku=5069-R

cherrispryte

@ww: I don't feel bad about paying other people to do stuff in general - I get my eyebrows waxed and the occasional manicure or massage. But pedicures are different. The way you're elevated in some throne-like massage chair and this other person is squatting by your feet, there's a really weird subservient feeling going on. I totally recognize it's not about them at all, it's about how I feel about the situation.
Also, feet, unless you're not really using them, are kinda nasty, whether it be smell or shape or calluses and bumps and knobs. I'm not one of those feet-phobic people, I just don't feel comfortable subjecting someone else to mine.

wallsdonotfall

Except, hello? Best thing about winter is that you can go months without paying attention to your own, or anyone else's, feet, thus circumventing a crippling phobia of nails and nail treatment.

Luckier

#2 is so right. I scratched the hell out of Mr. Luckier's knee this weekend with my big toe.

corinne

I heard a lady say that the special callus cream pedi made her heels crack. Now I'm scared of it. Do we think her heels were scary and crackable or is there something I should know?

Bonnie Downing

My Winter Boyfriend* just complimented me on my Winter Pedicure**.

*he doesn't exist.
** nor does this.

Caitlin Podiak

Last week I overheard a group of guys discussing one's "Winter Girlfriend" at a restaurant. True story!

oldirtybassist

The winter girlfriend is surprisingly hard to catch, sprinting down the ave in her flip-flops. But once you catch her, she will give you a pot of vodka cranberry if you promise not to lock her down--I'm sure they were sharing tactics.

pigsy

the highlighter article made me go out and try the exact same highlighter...so will this one. I am too easily convinced but I look forward to more articles by Jane of what else I need . :(

Redd Delicious

@Jane Marie - Ped eggs? Really? I cant imagine applying a cheese grater to my foot with positive results.

Jane Marie

@pisgy: that is great! i promise i will never lead you astray. @redd: that worried me as well but you really can't feel a thing somehow? and it is so disgustingly satisfying when you open it up and there's like half a cup of foot shavings in there. yuck, sorry.

tiptoemammal

Omg foot shavings, that's horrible. I'm going to have to get a ped egg now.

epingleacheveux

" It starts with the smallest things and sometimes there's no going back!"

I'm all for personal grooming, esp. at a reasonable price, but this kind of fear-mongering and exaggeration is just silly. You won't be prosecuted or explode if you don't get a pedicure.

Women have enough problems with their bodies and self-image. This kind of language is not humorous.

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