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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

3

Five Ways to Not Become Your Mother

1. Try a bunch of skin-related anti-wrinkle things.

2. They won't work.

3. There is no way; it is your destiny. A tiny version of her lives in every cell of your body, getting bigger and bolder with each passing day.

4. You'll probably look worse than her, also, if you think of all the new chemicals you've unintentionally consumed or otherwise absorbed.

5. Plus you're almost certainly stupider.

Tags:

beauty, aging, moms, fate

3 Comments / Post A Comment

cherrispryte

There are moments when I find myself acting like my mother.

Those are the scariest moments of all.

gabba gabba hey

If our mother's dead, will we slowly become zombies?

Or I guess that would only work if our mother was still a zombie, instead of like, re-dead, for real.

So I guess we'll just die.

Toleda

The baking soda and vinegar routine is pretty much identical to the most efficient chemical-free method to strip out demi-permanent color that's too dark and won't lighten after a few shampoos or to try to lighten up fresh permanent color that's too dark. I have thick, curly hair frizz-prone shoulder length hair that I can't any kind of brush through. I get rid of whatever I've shed by using a wide-toothed cob on wet, conditioned hair. I am also lazy and unwilling to do anything that takes longer than a minute to style. I had just been washing it every 3 days, rinsing it daily with some conditioner, using a little cheap silicone stuff on it when wet--even argan oil had no effect--parting it, then throwing in a tiny bit of a cream styler to weigh it down. This didn't work well in the winter when I spent my time subjected to central heat. I was told that the no-poo thing involved washing with conditioner I tapered back to a weekly shampoo and I daily comb through of cheap conditioner that I rinsed out. It looked the same and smelled the same--neutral and clean (I hate heavily scented hair products and use unscented or very lightly scented stuff). After about a week my hair started behaving better and fell into place without any styling product. I now massage in conditioner every 3 days and rinse it out. I use a few drops of the same anti-frizz stuff after the fake shampoo. I just give it a fast rinse with clear water on the other days, part it, and go. It even falls into place if I don't wet it and rake my fingers through. I even had a few highlights done and though they felt like straw after my stylist deep conditioned it, after a week of laziness it felt great. My color looks great and lasts forever. I buy a bottle of l'oreal or pantene color safe conditioner and shampoo maybe every 10 days. The only drawback is I do have to shampoo twice before I touch up the grey in new growth every 4 weeks so the translucent color--which doesn't penetrate the hair shaft--adheres well. I don't know if I'll have to conditioner-wash or use a little more anti-frizz stuff, which at this point I really don't need to do much. I don't brush it or use dry shampoo--just make sure to give it a good go through with a wide-toothed comb in the shower twice a week to remove the mouse-sized fuzzball of shed hair. I have mega natural Jewfro frizzy curls that transform into shiny, soft curls. If i really want a change, a can scrunch a little while it dries to make it bigger or run my hands through once or twice to soften it into waves. A good haircut every 10 weeks to pull out some of the weight and even it out. This will transform your life--pony tails are strictly optional!

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