Monday, December 13, 2010


And the Amazing Race Winners Are...

Some very nice people won the 17th season of The Amazing Race last night, but, spoiler alert, this is really about one awful team—a Sienna Miller type with a boyfriend who would never let her speak—and how wonderful it is they didn't win. More spoilers after the jump, so beware!

After circumnavigating the globe, ish, the third-place team (real names: Jill and Thomas), along with the two other finalists, female teams Nat and Kat and Brooke and Claire, find themselves back in L.A. after visiting such places as Ghana and Lapland. Jill and Thomas proceed to hurl insults and frustration at their taxi driver because he can't find them a person who has the Internet so that they can Google the answer to a clue in order to find the location of their last challenge. It was something to do with Don Quixote, but none of these fools knew what that book was. The lady doctors, Nat and Kat, got all their answers by asking an operator to please Google some things for them, which is also a bit crazy. Jill and Thomas's taxi driver, whose first language was not English, didn't understand what they meant by "Internet," which prompted Thomas to ask him, "Do you even know what the Internet is?" Nice, nice.

There's also a part where Jill is just standing around while Thomas glues flowers onto a float, and she's really disappointed he wound up with this task because "He's just not crafty at all." Jill, by the way, lists her long-term goal on the CBS website as "Have an Eat Pray Love experience in life." Mission accomplished!

Now, what the contestants do for their challenges is also a source of anger for me. They're supposed to be educational: there's a lot of the show's host telling us audience members at home why a particular location is significant and what a particular culture does there. The teams do something that is supposed to "teach" them about those cultures. So in the port of Long Beach, the second busiest port in the U.S., the teams are given the task of bungeeing off a crane attached to a boat, as if they are a shipping container. Deep!

Anyway, Nat and Kat won!!

When Jill and Thomas reach the finish line, the show host says, "You guys have been so consistent. What happened?" What he really should have said was, "You guys traveled around the world, and you're still condescending to foreigners. You lost. Losers. Get out of here!"

If I myself were a foreigner watching this show as a "challenge" to try to understand American culture, I would learn that being American is about three simple things: money, adrenaline, and schadenfreude. But Nat and Kat were different! Even-tempered, positive, and full of sisterly love for one another, they really deserved their win. Big <3 <3 <3 to them.

13 Comments / Post A Comment


Come on, lady. Watch more than the finale before making a post about this. If you had, you would have been able to bolster the "Jill and Thomas are the worst" argument (with which I agree!) with the fact that in basically every single episode, Thomas would be all "Well, since I'm very well educated as I went to Notre Dame..." and Jill's response would be "He's so smart because he went to Notre Dame! And I'm just a hairstylist! But he went to Notre Dame! So much smarter than me!"

Liz Colville

I'm proud(ish) to say I watched the entire season!


Then I demand an expanded version of this entry! Let's talk Miss South Carolina v. 2.0 Mallory and her strange Catholic prayers! Brook and Claire's "kiss count" and Brook's strange insistence on warming up the already-warm karaoke crowd in Hong Kong! Abusive piece of shit Nick and the long-suffering asthmatic Vicki! The most clueless-American moment of all, when the annoying a capella dudes told Ghanaian kids that they should go to Princeton because they have an African Studies major (?!?!)!

Liz Colville

YES brilliant examples, all! But I fear if I'd recapped the entire season it would be like a five-page article. Also, I'm pissed that the next season is an "all-star" season, or rather the opposite of "all-star."


Hahaha. Notre Dame. I so want to start namedropping my shit school like it actually means something just to make other people feel weird, but the initials are too similar to an actual good (& nearby) school that I can't. People would be like...oh, that's a good school! And I would have to be like, no actually it's the other one and I'm stupid.


Haha to that first picture of them. Those expressions! I get it.

Term of Art

I can't tell you how frustrating it is to watch a series for 13-22 episodes... really look forward to the finale, and then have it completely ruined by a post headlining the results. Next time, perhaps only reveal after the jump. Gr.

Liz Colville

Fuck, I am REALLY SORRY about that, Term of Art. I'm going to change it now for others, and again, very sorry.

Term of Art

Thanks for the change. Sorry to be so grumpy about it. I need to watch it so I can read more about this post!

Jane Minty 

Any team who talks about their "relationship" should be immediately detoured through a field of poo quicksand, or force-fed intestines on skewers.


Isn't it great that we ladies can have such lovely diverse opinions on what, exactly, defines "hot" for us.....but, we can all unanimously agree on the definition of a total douchebag?

Legs Battaglia

Yay! Thanks for writing this! I've been hating on these emotionally abusive boyfriends all season long.


each time i used to read smaller articles or reviews that also clear their motive, and that is also happening with this paragraph which I am reading now. hay day unlimited diamonds

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