Thursday, December 2, 2010


The Hairpin Scores First Interview With the Arsenic Aliens

HP: OMG tell me about yourself!

AA: Welllllll, I've been living in Mono Lake forever basically.

HP: Wait like literally forever?

AA: Hahaha, ummm.

HP: [Screaming]

AA: Hahahaha, LOLOLOL.

HP: You were joking?

AA: No, I was for real. We have actually been alive forever.

HP: Um, let me wrap my head around that. Brb in an eternity!

AA: Don't even worry about it.

HP: Anyway, I guess I'll just move on to my next question. How would you describe yourself, physically?

AA: Well, we're like ... this sort of fizzy pool.

HP: Are you purple? I feel like you should be purple.

AA: We ARE purple!

HP: Ahh, I knew it! I love purple. It's like girly but not overly girly. Have you ever read or seen Arsenic & Old Lace?

AA: Nope!

HP: It's about old ladies who kill people with ... arsenic. Have you ever killed anyone?

AA: Haha, next question please!


AA: Next question, though.

HP: Hahahaha [frantic laughter]. OK, let's see. What planet are you from?

[AA rolls its eyes, like, "are you serious"]

HP: Sorry! Hahaha [inward scream] I guess I just had to ask! Anyway, did I leave anything out?

AA: Are you going to ask me about Justin Bieber?

HP: I wasn't but, I guess? What do you think of Justin Bieber?

[AA shakes its head, like "what ACTUALLY is wrong with you"]

AA: [Icily] I was joking.

HP: LOL, I wasn't expecting you to be so funny, I guess!!!!!!!!!!

AA: There's an awful lot you don't know, I guess.

HP: Oh, totally, I'm incredibly stupid, I'm no threat to anyone, I'm like literally brain dead. Anyway, I'm going to head back to the offfiiiiiiice!!!!!

AA: Don't you want to touch me real quick?

HP: Noooo thank you, but seriously thank you so much, this was amazing, yay! By-eee!!

Disclaimer: There are no actual facts here, obviously.

14 Comments / Post A Comment


This filled me with joy!

Caitlin Podiak

I love purple, too. It's the best color.




Oh man, the interview! You got to meet them! Didn't you just want to die??!


That final exchange...sounds familiar from first dates!


What do they say on the second date?


They say: "What are you doing in my room?"

forget it i quit

Edith: something something but I don't like horror movies.
ArseNick: [grumbles] but I already got tickets!

George K.

lol, yes! bacteria can't talk so this is not real!

Hero of the Beach

No, I think it is, thanks.


They don't have opposable thumbs, do they? DO THEY? (screams)

dave bry

Hooray! I love this.

Also, I've been away from my computer machine all day, so this is the first I'm hearing of the news. And now I think I know more about it than pretty much anyone else. At least, the important stuff.

So, thanks.

Edith Zimmerman

Hahahahahahahahahhahahahdfjahsdfkajf;adjkf;ldsjkfadls'fjk. The Hairpin is your best source for facts on the web!!!

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