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Friday, December 17, 2010

44

Should Guys Groom Their Pubic Hair? The Great Debate

Katie Walsh and Mary Miller ask themselves the most important question of our time.

KW: Why have men started shaving their crotches bald? It's disgusting. Is it porn? I blame porn. Extreme manscaping is a scourge that needs to be stopped. Even the word "manscaping" chips away a little at my soul every time I say it. Bring back the bears, please!

MM: Nooo, they must tame that business from time to time! It freaks me out when dudes have one of those too-pillowy mounds. Plus, it's important to start over and grow a fresh batch from time to time, like mowing the lawn. That's a lot of pheromones, sweat, and pee smell to absorb for your entire life! Can you imagine if we had the same hair down there for our whole lives? Ew.

KW: But pheromones are important! They work their way out of the pants and into the breathing spaces of ladies to make us identify our true sex mates. I think soap, even a light shampooing, can take care of any ball sweat and pee residuals. More important than hygienic issues, though (which we may always disagree on because a lot of people just always disagree on things like this), is the psychology behind it. I mean, when a man drops trou to reveal a bald crotch, was he expecting to get naked with us or another human being? It's true, everyone speculates on the possibility of sex, but don't give it away, man! And who told you we wanted to see that crease between your thigh and crotch? Please cover that up with a nice nest of hair!

MM: I can detect pheromones better on fresh skin than on a shampoo-smelling pubic mound! When it's full-grown, it looks and feels like a brillo pad, and you find hairs all over the place. Besides, when they remove some of that bulk, it makes their parts look bigger and function more.... uh....boldly?

KW: "It looks bigger" is a good argument, and I would say most men would say that's their reasoning behind such aggressive grooming tactics. Here's what I say to that: pube elimination will not make it FEEL bigger! As for boldly functioning... maybe feeling more streamlined and aerodynamic can add a jolt of excitement, but the fact of the matter is that we should all be able to work our parts regardless of grooming habits (you know, in the event of being lost in the woods with no razors).

MM: So in terms of the size argument, we must ask ourselves this important question — which is more important to us? The pushing of the bush sensation or the depth of penetration? (AAAHHH!) This will determine your side in this debate.

As for being lost in the woods with no razors, I did hear a story once about a person who got a pubic hair caught in their throat (or was that in a movie?) and a doctor had to remove it with tweezers and another person who got one AS A SPLINTER. So if you're going camping with your man you should bring at least tweezers, for safety. Although when they're full grown bear men, they drop pubic hairs all over the place. So at least you could probably look for them to find the path back to your car.

KW: So what you're saying is sucking ungroomed dick in the woods can be TREACHEROUS?!? Oh god, electric razors for all! No, no, I will not go back on my firm anti-grooming stance. I will take that risk. I will need the trail of pubic hairs anyway. I will follow the scent of pheromones and natural musk to find my rugged bear man. As for the size thing, I think pubic hair has a negligible effect on the depth of penetration. It's not like the pube forest is preventing his dick from going any further in. It's just offering a nice, soft landing pillow.

MM: HAHAHHA, yes, that is what I am saying, so do it at your own risk!! Probably best to keep those pubes as far away from life-giving parts like your throat when there's no way to save yourself if something goes wrong. Love in the woods has many perils.

I hear what you're saying about the negligibility of the depth that shaving creates, but still, there's a DIFFERENCE. What if the guy is small? The thing is, the guys who DO feel the need to groom in order to increase their size (length?) are the ones who need every BIT of that negligible depth! Plus, the precious, proud looks on their faces when they drop their pants!

KW: I guess I can't argue with a confidence booster such as that except to say it looks REPULSIVE. But I'm a girl who could happily fritter away an afternoon combing and caring for Alec Baldwin's pelt. I guess I just want to say, relax dudes. Us girls have been through this process. I know it seems like everyone is doing it, and it feels like you're going to reveal just what an uncouth, untrendy person you are with that bush. But the end result may wind up looking like you're trying too hard (kiss of death!). Let your freak pheromones fly! And remember, ball shaving is a perilous endeavor. And ingrown hairs are a bitch.

MM: In conclusion, I think that full ball shaving/bush shaving shaving is permissible maybe once a year for fun, and otherwise if you're blessed with a giant bush, guys, please don't be in denial. I'd like you to tame it. Don't shave it, tame it. TRIM it. Maybe comb it once in a while to discourage shedding. And if we are forced to choose one style or the other, just leave it hairy. We get scared when you've removed all your body hair. If we wanted that look we'd Tweet Pauly D!! (Love you Pauly!!!) And a related note, please never, ever, ever shave your chest. That's the creepiest and it feels EEEEEK!

KW: I can wholeheartedly cosign this. Especially the Pauly D part (YOU ARE SO CUTE WHY DO I THINK YOU ARE CUTE).



44 Comments / Post A Comment

MoonBat

Trim, trim, trim. I cannot emphasize this enough. 1 inch or so is fine. Some girls are easily distracted, and the urge to bounce a hand off of that afro in your southern hemisphere is SO compelling. Pat, pat, pat, boing, boing, boing....

Blacktress

I sign off on KW's cosign, and please don't mind if I go off on a tangent. Many moons ago I had an Australian bear of a man who I'd tamed in the summer of 2007 meet me 9 months later for a hotel rendezvous in New York City. I was excited to be mauled by my international lover [insert "Down Under" joke here].

When he finally shed his boxer briefs, I had to hide my horror as he revealed a BARE SCROTUM and pubic region. It was so bare, it actually looked like a prosthetic penis. I guess my confusion and mild fear were obvious, because he explained, "I used Veet for you."

The day men start using hair removal CREAMS is a dark day for us all.

Mary Miller

LOL @ VEET!!

Miles Klee

@Blacktress: please stop telling people that I told you I was Australian; it's embarrassing for both of us.

gaytheist

I will never not fall for alec baldwin linkbait

Jolie Kerr

"But I'm a girl who could happily fritter away an afternoon combing and caring for Alec Baldwin's pelt."

I <3 this so hard.

Katie Walsh

I knew you would!

Jolie Kerr

Truly you have made my day. (You always do.)(Awww.)

curryspice

The hair stuck in the throat thing was an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, I believe. I used to work with a guy who claimed to shave his whole body daily. He was grossed out by anyone who didn't do this. Hated that guy.

zidaane

You could also give it a modern look with some Latisse and waterproof CoverGirl Lash Blast.

Mary Miller

Ha ha, great idea!

petejayhawk

One nicked scrotum was enough for me to declare some years ago that I shall forever TRIM (not even that short, really) but never again SHAVE.

saythatscool

But to me, "One Nicked Scrotum" was your best spoken word album, Pete. So please reconsider.

zidaane

We used to sing "One Nicked Scrotum Walks Away" in grade school.

scroll_lock

@zidaane: "Go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and Veet a friend."

katiebakes

There won't be any strumpets blowing
Come the judgment day...

boyofdestiny

I've actually put a lot of thought into this, and I'm of the school that if a woman asked, I would do it. But I'm far, far too lazy to take that initiative on my own.

iantenna

i didn't even realize shaving it off was a thing that dudes do but now i'm imagining the peen areas of all my friends and whether or not this is something that they would do. so, uh, thanks. it was terrifying enough when i learned this was a thing that ladies do.

saythatscool

"pube elimination will not make it FEEL bigger!"

Still can't figure out what Katie meant by that.

scroll_lock

Next time you Veet your boyfriend, ask him what he thinks she meant.

scroll_lock

Team Katie! You had me at Alec Baldwin's pelt.

If you want a weirdly smooth Ken doll, go buy one!

Katie Walsh

High five! Baldwin's pelt is my debate trump card! You just can't argue with it.

cherrispryte

While perhaps full-on shaving is not necessary, SOMETHING must be done. Some sort of maintenance, for odor if not appearance, and also because getting pubes stuck in one's mouth/teeth is the worst ever.

Not that I would know, for I find such things distasteful and below me.

scroll_lock

I read that as "distasteful and blow me", so there you go.

lbf
lbf

Ladies, I'm already battling hair loss on. my. head. If it's not revolting (as in, like, shoulders or back hair) I'm keeping it.

Also I'm in a super comfortable position: I can argue that ladies shouldn't feel any pressure to trim/shave/wax anything anywhere, because my fiancée is totes blond and hairless. I'm an effortless feminist.

zidaane

I have an insane lap time in the butterfly and I can turn on a dime.

DMcK

If the word "stubble" doesn't prevent you from indulging in this practice, then nothing more can be done for you.

fairlyalarmed

You guys, it could be worse. I hooked up with a guy in college (this was 5 years ago) and he had crafted a LANDING STRIP for himself. A LANDING STRIP. Horrors.

Katie Walsh

(involuntary shudder) Can you please send him this link? That atrocity cannot go unchecked.

fairlyalarmed

It didn't go unchecked; I can't send him this link because WE ARE NO LONGER SPEAKING, OBVIOUSLY.

insouciantlover

Hmm. I was going to start sharing and caring then realized I have so many examples that it's like slut city in here. (the beer is always cold!)

Anyway, worst recent-ish example was a guy who had a massive pillowy ginger pube mound that was, like, fluffy. I asked him to trim it and he hadn't the next time I saw him. Also he was tremendously dumb and would just sit there in awkward silence post-coitally so I made him hold my nail polish bottle while I did my nails, then I kicked him out.

blarghasbord

I could not disagree more with you guys. My current boyfriend has the best-looking... groin area I guess? of any guy I've ever been with and it's got a lot to do with the fact that he habitually keeps it groomed. I had never really enjoyed looking at a guy's junk before him. Heavy duty shaving isn't necessary for me to be happy, and I find complete baldness a little offputting, but a guy should at least make a LITTLE effort imo. I mean, I do.

Disagreed on the chest shaving thing, too. The only thing more off-putting to me than a hairy chest is a hairy back. Sorry, I just don't like body hair. I especially hate it when a guy expects me to shave my legs but throws a goddamn fit when I want him to shave his chest. Grow up and learn to make some compromises, (hypothetical) guys (and certain past boyfriends).

firecracker

LOVE this article. Just a few weeks ago I was about to get down with a dude and he was like, "oh, but I didn't shave!". I didn't even know that was an issue for dudes at that point. I think that particular dude was a freak about hair, though, because he wanted me to shave mine bald too, and I'm totally against that, so it didn't work out. I think it had something to do with him being from Dallas. People from Dallas are weird.

Sanford

I can understand those of you women who don't want your partner shaved. I have never cared for women to shave their pubes. I was raised when women didn't and I prefer that look.

tuch1111

I recommend just asking your man to let you use the trimmer on him. After experimenting with only shaving or trimming larger or smaller areas and at different intervals it seems the close trim is the easiest to maintain and results in the least irritation. Volunteer your help every ten days to three weeks. Mark it on the calender for play time. Have fun. He'll love not having the hair in the warmer months. I think any honest guy would say the same. Shower first and exfoliate pelvic region, shaft, testicles and crack entirely. It all has to go. Trust me. All that partial trimming and gradual expansion of the area to check the look is lost time. Get rid of every hair from the waist to three inches below the cheek crease. Yes, clean the hair off his buns, too. My hub loves it. Your help will save him a lot of time and you'll probably wind up making love after a follow up shower. He won't believe how much cooler he'll feel. We think its just good clean fun. You're not dominating him. You're just a couple working on a project together that will end up giving you a better view and him cheap air conditioning and full sensitivity.

tuch1111

He does the shaft and marble with the razor himself.

ventroaq

You have got to be dumb as a box of hair to think that shaving or trimming your pubic hair is going to make your dick look bigger to anyone but yourself. And insecure as hell, too!

Pauly

Girls please leave my D out of the... beating around the bush. p.s Love's Around.

Jet
Jet

Men who shave are all idiots . The hair is there for a reason. Let the God given stuff stay. Why the hell would you even think about getting rid of it. Something's wrong with you guys that have an obsession to shave. Keep your bald balls to yourself and be the wimps you want to be.

Tyler Villeneuve@facebook

Hey some guys shave bald down there because they are not very big down there, and it the pubic hair sucks into there crotch when soft which hurts, so some people don't have a choice.

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