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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

71

I Like Fat Chicks. Questions?

I admit, “I Like Fat Chicks. Questions?” is kind of a misleading title. I’m about as well-equipped to tell you why I like fat chicks as you are to expound on why you love breathing. I could feed you some of that cushion/pushin’ line — it does feel quite nice — but that’s shortchanging the aesthetics. I dig not just the feel but the look, of all those curves you love to hate: double chins, upper arms that dimple, belly rolls and plenty (plenty!) of T&A.

I’ve known since I was 12 or 13 and I’ve done the psychological spelunking (thank fuck my mom is nowhere near fat), not to mention the sociological bull sessions. Am I part of the first generation to inherently reject Calvin Klein heroin-chic and go on to become completely desensitized to the nearly-naked thin bodies that any kid can discover on 1 out of 3 magazine covers? Am I just a better person than you? Don’t be silly. The point is I exist regardless of rationale and I’m not alone. In fact, I’m very not alone. With that crazy old “obesity epidemic” sweeping the nation like Beatlemania these days, do you really think more than 60% of the population ain’t getting laid? And for that matter, you think everyone hooking up with that 60% is ashamed or keeping it on the DL? Well…that one’s for another column. But let’s just say you’d be surprised.

You might have noticed that 60% is a majority. (Fact-checkers: I don’t actually know the up-to-date percent of “overweight”/”obese” Americans; just because it’s my physical preference doesn’t mean I’m prepared to argue the scientific stats! But you know as well as me it’s a lot!) Some of my gay friends understandably cringe when I compare the plight of fat people to the plight of gay people, and they’re not wrong. There has never been a hatred like fat hatred before. As far as I know, there has never been a majority that is treated (and in some cases, allows themselves to be treated) like a minority. In fact, so many people are unaware that Fat People Have Normal Sex Lives that I still get questions from the occasional friend-of-a-friend like “Doesn’t it offend your girlfriend that you call her fat?” (It doesn’t, though it might if she wasn’t 300+ lbs.).

So I’m not here to tell you how special I am and or how shallow you are (oh, am I ever). I’m here to assure you how normal this is — some of us probably even read Marie Claire, sadly — with (what else!) questions and answers.

Is it a preference or a fetish?
Big common question. If it was a fetish, I wouldn’t be telling you about it! OK — so that might explain why so many fat admirers (let’s call them FAs, the term the internet uses even though it’s lame) are in the closet. A fetish is generally shared on a need-to-know basis, namely between you and your partner, and many FAs, particularly ones with opinionated friends and parents, tend to keep their relationships with fat girls just that. But I call it a preference. My life doesn’t revolve around my preference for fat girls, but in a way it does. My guy friends talk about girls. I’d rather make it momentarily uncomfortable for them by putting my uh, information out there than make it incredibly uncomfortable for myself by enduring suspicion about why I dated x and y and did I notice they’re fat — I don’t know how many times I could handle going “uh, she’s funny.”

Should I tell my parents I like fat chicks?
You don’t have to tell them shit, though if you can’t bring your girlfriend home for the holidays you don’t deserve a girlfriend. That said, it helps. I know others who’ve had worse experiences "coming out" about it than me, but it’s a great relief for me to have gotten any questions/awkwardness over with when I told my dad at 18. I think he was talking about Nigella Lawson being a “pig” or something. I said, ‘Dad…I like big girls.’ And he said ‘So? I like thin girls.’ That was that. My mom figured out eventually. But then I also know (unwise gay comparison coming up in 3, 2…) dudes who’ve actually been kicked out of the house over dating a fat girl. And it’s not even illegal! (Yet.)

Tell your parents whatever you need them to know so that you (this is important) and your partner can be equally happy.

Ew! How do you have sex? Is it even possible??
What floors me about this question is that, so many people who ask it have in fact had sex with a fat (or at least chubby) person! And then I’m the one with the question: how do you manage to ignore so much of someone’s body while having sex with them?

Usually, I have sex the same way you do, only squishier. Is it true there are some people so big that general intercourse is problematic? Of course; it’s also true that some height differences prevent couples from 69’ing. Pointing out that it’s “easier” with thin partners is moot if I’m not into thin partners. If it’s what you want, you make it work.

OMG What about the health risks??!!
We always practice safe sex, thanks for asking!

In 2009, the UK web site Freaky Trigger named Dan Weiss one of the "25 best music critics under 25." This is his first time writing about fat chicks. A girl who beat him up in 7th grade recently told him he has her "favorite Facebook."

71 Comments / Post A Comment

lleennee

Question 1: If you met a skinny girl with a REALLY GOOD PERSONALITY, would you bang her?

mirel

@lleennee Thanks for taking this opportunity to discuss this, I feel fervently about this and I like learning about this subject. buy oil royalties

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MoonBat

Great article! My two lifelong friends are short and SUPER curvy girls (I come from a long line of tall and emaciated people) and I've always been envious. My thought was, "what dude WOULDN'T want to snuggle into that???"

mirel

@MoonBat I feel fervently about this and I like learning about this subject. here's a realtor

ofsmallthings

This article's title is my new favorite pick-up line.

saythatscool

I think Nigella Lawson is fawking hawt, for the record. She has one of the most naturally beautiful faces I have ever seen.

Elisa Jean

Oy... the old "you have such a pretty face" trope. What fat girl hasn't heard THAT before? *eyeroll* ...I know that wasn't your intention, _saythats_, but we fat gals get tired of people always telling us what pretty FACES we have. We have pretty bangin' bodies, too. Nigella Lawson's is an excellent example.

smartastic

@saythatscool Uh except in what world is Nigella fat? Like, at all?

cherrispryte

*obligatory "call me" line

Seriously, though, there is a difference between liking girls who are fat, and liking girls because they are fat - the latter can get fetishy and creepy (you seem to be in the first camp, so well done.) Though I'm not sure that this whole post/concept doesn't further marginalize us fatties.

And I do have a question, if it is not too personal - are you fat yourself, sir?

Miles Klee

As far as I know, there has never been a majority that is treated ... like a minority.

Nelson Mandela will see you in his office now.

Moff

Women will too!

Miles Klee

A+

Edith Zimmerman

Ahhhh. Yes.

Kneetoe

And white guys!!!! Don't believe me, just ask the South.

petejayhawk

You're not the only one, pal.

It's not really a "thing," it just happens because I like what I like, and most of the girls I've found myself attracted to (including the current girlfriend) tend to be, well, fat chicks. My friends know, but there was never a "coming out" moment to speak of. I did take me until well after college to be at peace with myself about it, though, which says a lot more about me than it does about anyone I've ever dated.

morrow

re majority treated as a minority: ladies.
not a bitter comment. I enjoy complaining. As a lady, Jew, and short person.

George K.

you know the john lennon song?

morrow

Imagine all the Complaining

lbf
lbf

Yeah uh hi, a quick question, and a follow-up: can you lie, and can other brothers deny? [/obligatory]

cherrispryte

Except no, because of that whole "itty-bitty waist" requirement.

DanWeiss

Clearly I dodged a bullet not calling this I Know Colonialism. Questions?

Katie Walsh

How am I so confused by the accompanying photo? I have sat here turning my head from side to side like a pug watching a tennis ball and I'm still mystified. Picshurs hard.

boyofdestiny

It's a goblet. Or two silhouettes facing each other. Or both.

cherrispryte

Because fat ladies ain't built like other ladies. Fat ladies is different, see?

backstagebethy

I hope you're being serious, cos it also took me forever to figure out. (Her back is along the top of the photo.)

Katie Walsh

I am being serious. Thanks! I think it was a weird flatness to the depth of field that was confusing me! No offense everyone! It was more of a self-deprecating, I can't read pictures good comment. Great post, and I personally have no other questions myself. Carry on.

cherrispryte

Sorry my comment came out cuntier than intended!

Jolie Kerr

@backstagebethy: OMG now I'm even MORE confused! How is that her back?? Can someone help please???

Katie Walsh

Profile of her boob facing down, small crease at top is armpit. Dude in motorboat heaven.

Jolie Kerr

@Katie: Aaaaah. Also: AAAAAAHHHHHHH. (And haaaa-aaay!)

Ginny Ess

It's easy. Super-fat hottie on top, skinny guy underneath with his arm coming up and around her. His arm is around her belly.

Agnata

Same here. I keep staring at it.

Jolie Kerr

I prefer a plumper woman but put tremendous pressure on myself to be thin. There's a whole lot of fun to be found in the part of my brain that creates neuroses.

Jaime Green

I go by a different understanding of what a fetish is. (It seems that here it's secret/not secret?) Granted, mine is based basically on my Savage Lovecast listening, but then, what better source?

So the Dan Savage definition, I think, is something you *need* in order to get off. (I'm not sure if that translates from objects to people. Or maybe, in translating, the people become objects.) But I think it ties into a previous commenter's distinction - do you like girls who are fat, or because they are fat? Etc etc.

starseed

oh thank GOD i'm not the only one! this photo BAFFLES ME

CaitiDee

I'd have to agree with jaimealyse about the definition of a fetish.

But lets be realistic... the lines get blurred a little in practice. Sometimes, ya do like a girl just because she's fat! I do, at least. Frankly, I'd rather a date a guy who's exclusively into fat chicks even if that does make me an object and it does make *this* a fetish. I'll bet the sex is better anyway.

Joy McVey

Picture: his arm across her middle with part of her arm showing underneath and to the right of his...black lace obviously boobie (from the side)....curve on far left of pic is the top of her thigh...squishiness between thigh and his arm is her tummy.

Great article, Dan.

Substantia Jones

Writer Max Hess is harrumphing in his grave. (Except maybe for the oppression olympics bit.) Good stuff, Dan. Kinda great, actually. I very much look forward to reading more.

@cherrispryte, regarding Mr. Weiss' physical stature: As one who's spanked his bare ass, I can testify that this is one wiry mofo. Curiously defying the well-established fact that fat is contagious.

cherrispryte

Your testimony has been duly noted. :)

Veronica

men like you actually exist?!? I've never had the pleasure of meeting a man who is actually interested in me, fatness included! Can y'all wear a secret symbol or something, to enable us fat ladies to identity you. I've given up the idea of dating all together cause men are so cruel.....

Great article.

cherrispryte

I have often wished that fat-friendly people wear some sort of symbol, like an armband or something, not only for dating, but also so I know who won't mind if I plunk myself down next to them on the bus.
As to the rest of your comment - from one fat lady to another, yeah, the world can be cruel as hell sometimes. It sucks. But it's also not everyone, I promise. There are some guys who don't care, and some guys (like our dear poster here) who actually like bigger women. They're rare, and they'll be imperfect in some other way, but they're out there. (They are also far harder to find in some places than others.) I'm sorry you've had such bad luck.

In the trite words of the internet, hugs.

Jeff Carpenter

I have noticed that the men who like big ladies ALSO want their women to be funny. It's true for me and it seems to also be true for the writer of this article. I was surprised to learn other men DON'T always like funny women, apparently, so this might be a good filter. Is there a connection between the two factors? I don't know for sure, but I suggest being funny. Those of us who come closer after you make us laugh are probably the ones to pursue. 'She's funny' was a major point in my decision to get married and let's just say that 99% of this article would describe me.

Tquatt223

@Veronica I'd date you anyday you seem smart nice and funny

ThundaCunt

Veronica....*protip: Date black dudes!!

on the subject, it's hilarious to me that for a white guy this is actually an article...if a black man wrote this we would be like..."Um Hmm, and did ya know the earth is round too!! SHOCKING! ".....i have been a chunk monster all my life and BLACK. MEN. LOVE. ME!! and i dont even have an ass!! LOL...so if you are chubby and lonely, broaden your dating pool, cuz the chubby chasers are out there...and in abundance!! i aint saying im a whore...but i never go with out!! it might also be my sparkeling wit, tho!!

lauris

Thank you!
I'm glad that someone can express this somewhere other than a skeevy dating website.

emilylime

Thank you, for writing this. I have mad respect for men who speak up about loving fat!
As a fat women, I sometimes find it hard to accept love - rejection is so engrained in me, I can barely fathom believing that someone would be genuinely attracted to just based on my physical appearance. Anyway, your piece makes me feel beautiful - so thank you.

Moniquito

Wow, this is fucked up. Especially if your partner is over 300 lbs- I'm curious. Do you love her weight so much that you want her to stay as fat as she is because it turns you on? How will you like it when she develops diabetes, heart disease, etc, at age 35?

There's nothing wrong with loving someone as they are, but when your preference for their huge size prevents them from being healthy, it's a real problem. When it gets to that point, you're just using them for their body (whether or not you have a fetish for 'fat' or for 'emaciated' it's equally unhealthy at that point.) How about loving someone for who they are and encouraging them to be as healthy as possible?

This is not to imply that fat people can't be healthy; those that exercise regularly and participate in aerobic exercise can be. But those who just sit around and eat because they feel their partner won't love them anymore if they get thin are going to die young.

cherrispryte

Way to be the turd in the punchbowl, asshole.

Seriously. Weight does not indicate health, and there's no magic number where it suddenly does. You don't know his girlfriend, you don't know her health, and at no point does he say he's "preventing her from being healthy," so please, keep making things up to fuel your fucked up opinions.

You've trotted out so many bullshit lies it's insane - you really think fat people in happy relationships "sit around and eat because they feel their partner won't love them anymore if they get thin"?! Unless we are talking about feederism, a very specific fetish that is not at all what is being discussed above, that's not the case.

Cloaking your fat hatred in "but her health" is total shit. Her health is none of your business, and besides, there are far more important things than health.

If you have a problem with fat people dating and fucking, then own it and say so.

david wicik

What's more important than a person's health? That is the standard baseline measure of a person's well-being, hence the figure of speech, "At least you have your health." There's a difference from loving a person's natural size and defending self-destructive life-styles under the banner of personal liberty. The latter is what Sarah Palin and Phillip Morris do.

Gwan

At least it's not another one of those articles you see all the time in women's mags celebrating 'curvy' chicks like Christina Hendricks or J. Lo. Not that they're not hot & at least providing an alternative vision of beauty to 'stick thin', but come on... that sort of body is equally unachievable for most women, whether you sit on the skinny or fat side of the spectrum.

Wait, Nigella Lawson is fat???

Rick Borjas@facebook

Hello Dan. My name is Rick Borjas and I am a television producer for the Cristina Show on Telemundo, which is a division of NBC. Our program is like the Spanish version of Oprah. I am producing a show on Chubby Chasers this coming Wednesday the 8th of February and I wanted to invite you and your girlfriend to be our guests on this episode. Of course we would take care of all of your travel expenses including air fare, hotel, per diem, transportation etc. Can we chat about this opportunity? May I call you? I am on major deadline and would appreciate hearing from you ASAP. I can be reached at richard.borjas@nbcuni.com I look forward to hearing from you! Thanks

Sara Hutchings-Schwartz@facebook

@Rick, "chubby chasers" is kind of an offensive term these days...even Latino men on BBW forums don't use that term. Fat Admirer (FA) is used, or BBW admirer, just saving you some from negative email.

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eeshalisha

You are moron. (Not because you dig fat chicks and are comfortable discussing it; that's great.) But you can't possibly really think that fat people are the first majority that is treated as a minority, can you? That's so stupid I can't even find words to do it justice. Have you ever met a woman? Have you seen a statistic about how many men/women there are in the world? (Hint: there are more women.) And there are countries where the majority ethnicity is the one being repressed, too, and states in America where this is true as well (although not in the country as a whole.)

peasofmind

Ahem. Small complaint.

"As far as I know, there has never been a majority that is treated (and in some cases, allows themselves to be treated) like a minority."

. . says the dude writing on a website whose target demographic is women. WOMEN. Women are an oppressed majority. We're right over here! Hi! *Waves.*

gaby

So what, how are we to judge. I have no problems with fat or thin guys, only heart matters. click here

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Barbara Denzler Cruz@facebook

What a great post! I really love reading about FA's and their views. I,personally, want to be noticed for my big body first! Everything else second. Physical attraction is a must.

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