I'm not sure that this whole post/concept doesn't further marginalize us fatties. And I do have a question, if it's not too personal — are you fat yourself, sir?
I’d call myself thin most of the time, with a little gut. I know plenty of fat girls who love the contrast of scrawny angular dudes and rubbing up against the bones, but in my penis’s opinion they’re getting the short end of the deal.
As for the first part… It’s not my place to dictate this for you since I’m just some thin dude getting all up in your rolls. But in my opinion fatties have already been marginalized, many to the point of denying — well, not who they are, but maybe what dating category they belong to, for better or worse. And it’s not their fault, because society doesn't want them to know dating is even an option. (Society’s a dick.)
I wanted to start this column in the first place just to make even a tiny dent in the sheer number of people who don’t even know they’re dateable as they are. Storm Craigslist. Search “m4w”+”bbw”. And this part’s very important: refuse to settle for creeps. Right, it’s not exactly overflowing, you may have to wait a bit. Make them earn it. (Unless you like creeps, I mean. Maybe they give good footrub.)
I go by a different understanding of what a fetish is. (It seems that here it's secret/not secret?) So the Dan Savage definition, I think, is something you *need* in order to get off. (I'm not sure if that translates from objects to people. Or maybe, in translating, the people become objects.) Do you like girls who are fat, or because they are fat? Etc., etc.
Speaking for myself, good sex feels so good that I have definitely “gotten off” strictly from that. But isn’t it so much better and less utilitarian when what really turns you on is stimulating you? I’m with my lady both because she’s fat and because I like (love, in fact) her. Have I hooked up with girls based totally on the physical? Yes. Who hasn’t? I’d call it shallow, not fetishistic, sex though. Fetishes, in my opinion, evoke very specific fantasies and sometimes routines, and while I’ve got a few myself, I’m way too lazy to orchestrate that crap every time out. Especially when I wake up already humping the missus’ elbow or something.
If you met a skinny girl with a REALLY GOOD PERSONALITY, would you bang her?
I have! I’m still an asshole though, don’t get me wrong. Never underestimate the awesome power of “You’re the thinnest girl I’ve ever been with.” (That’s not what I actually said to the girl, and it’s not actually true, but that’s how she heard it so it was win-win). A bitchy part of me would argue my shallowness is better justified than the majority’s because plenty of guys openly dig thin girls. I hear some of them even get hit on in public.
Because people are the worst, no matter where you go or what denomination of beauty you belong to, there will be guys who are very much the freaky opposite of the universe you already know and loathe: “Ew, you can see that girl’s ribs,” etc. I can’t imagine someone being so viscerally disgusted by someone’s thinness when it's so nearly identical to their own, but I’m naïve: lots of people project their own body hate onto others. But in this case, I think they’re showing off. I’ve heard dudes start the “I only date girls over ____ pounds” contest. I’m all for personal preferences, but when you’re bragging about your requirements, you’re in it for the boys, not the girls. Double pathetic for a community that only tangentially exists in the real world. Triple pathetic for a community that should know better about the snowballing effect of cobbling a multitude of shallowness into one place.
I’ve had relationships with thin girls, both enjoyable and not. In fact, in high school, only thin girls would date me (the few!). All the bigger girls I asked out said no (the many!). I’m not mind-blowingly attractive (“thankfully symmetrical” is how I put it) and I’m 5'6" (“the same height as Lil Wayne” is how I put it), and I was a weird guy (I only really endorse myself from age 20 or so on) so it’s totally possible I was below their standard. But I’ve also heard from women who said no when they were asked out as a teenager because they thought someone was playing a prank on them. So it could be that too. They probably dodged a bullet; even us 5’6" nerds panicked at the thought of people “knowing,” laughable now because my reputation could’ve only gone up if it even existed at all. By the time I finally dated an actual fat girl my friends already knew. I probably didn’t have to make it such a part of my identity but I worried about it for so long I wanted to get my coming-out’s worth. And I haven’t looked back.
Previously: I Like Fat Chicks. Questions?
Ask the guy who likes fat chicks stuff at firstname.lastname@example.org.