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Monday, December 20, 2010

26

I Like Fat Chicks. Questions?

I'm not sure that this whole post/concept doesn't further marginalize us fatties. And I do have a question, if it's not too personal — are you fat yourself, sir?

I’d call myself thin most of the time, with a little gut. I know plenty of fat girls who love the contrast of scrawny angular dudes and rubbing up against the bones, but in my penis’s opinion they’re getting the short end of the deal.

As for the first part… It’s not my place to dictate this for you since I’m just some thin dude getting all up in your rolls. But in my opinion fatties have already been marginalized, many to the point of denying — well, not who they are, but maybe what dating category they belong to, for better or worse. And it’s not their fault, because society doesn't want them to know dating is even an option. (Society’s a dick.)

I wanted to start this column in the first place just to make even a tiny dent in the sheer number of people who don’t even know they’re dateable as they are. Storm Craigslist. Search “m4w”+”bbw”. And this part’s very important: refuse to settle for creeps. Right, it’s not exactly overflowing, you may have to wait a bit. Make them earn it. (Unless you like creeps, I mean. Maybe they give good footrub.)

I go by a different understanding of what a fetish is. (It seems that here it's secret/not secret?) So the Dan Savage definition, I think, is something you *need* in order to get off. (I'm not sure if that translates from objects to people. Or maybe, in translating, the people become objects.) Do you like girls who are fat, or because they are fat? Etc., etc.

Speaking for myself, good sex feels so good that I have definitely “gotten off” strictly from that. But isn’t it so much better and less utilitarian when what really turns you on is stimulating you? I’m with my lady both because she’s fat and because I like (love, in fact) her. Have I hooked up with girls based totally on the physical? Yes. Who hasn’t? I’d call it shallow, not fetishistic, sex though. Fetishes, in my opinion, evoke very specific fantasies and sometimes routines, and while I’ve got a few myself, I’m way too lazy to orchestrate that crap every time out. Especially when I wake up already humping the missus’ elbow or something.

If you met a skinny girl with a REALLY GOOD PERSONALITY, would you bang her?

I have! I’m still an asshole though, don’t get me wrong. Never underestimate the awesome power of “You’re the thinnest girl I’ve ever been with.” (That’s not what I actually said to the girl, and it’s not actually true, but that’s how she heard it so it was win-win). A bitchy part of me would argue my shallowness is better justified than the majority’s because plenty of guys openly dig thin girls. I hear some of them even get hit on in public.

Because people are the worst, no matter where you go or what denomination of beauty you belong to, there will be guys who are very much the freaky opposite of the universe you already know and loathe: “Ew, you can see that girl’s ribs,” etc. I can’t imagine someone being so viscerally disgusted by someone’s thinness when it's so nearly identical to their own, but I’m naïve: lots of people project their own body hate onto others. But in this case, I think they’re showing off. I’ve heard dudes start the “I only date girls over ____ pounds” contest. I’m all for personal preferences, but when you’re bragging about your requirements, you’re in it for the boys, not the girls. Double pathetic for a community that only tangentially exists in the real world. Triple pathetic for a community that should know better about the snowballing effect of cobbling a multitude of shallowness into one place.

I’ve had relationships with thin girls, both enjoyable and not. In fact, in high school, only thin girls would date me (the few!). All the bigger girls I asked out said no (the many!). I’m not mind-blowingly attractive (“thankfully symmetrical” is how I put it) and I’m 5'6" (“the same height as Lil Wayne” is how I put it), and I was a weird guy (I only really endorse myself from age 20 or so on) so it’s totally possible I was below their standard. But I’ve also heard from women who said no when they were asked out as a teenager because they thought someone was playing a prank on them. So it could be that too. They probably dodged a bullet; even us 5’6" nerds panicked at the thought of people “knowing,” laughable now because my reputation could’ve only gone up if it even existed at all. By the time I finally dated an actual fat girl my friends already knew. I probably didn’t have to make it such a part of my identity but I worried about it for so long I wanted to get my coming-out’s worth. And I haven’t looked back.

Previously: I Like Fat Chicks. Questions?

Ask the guy who likes fat chicks stuff at notes@thehairpin.com.

26 Comments / Post A Comment

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Is this going to become a regular Fat Ann Landers column?

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Or, Dear Flabby?

saythatscool

I remember that time I snuck up on you to give you a kiss on the neck at the grocery store. I'll never forget how angry Jonah Hill was when he turned around.

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I remember that vividly as you were still getting over your breakup with Louis Anderson, who caught you cheating with John Pinette.

Edith Zimmerman

You guys. Do I have to separate you?

saythatscool

Actually, believe it or not, scrolly's a lady.

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Edith, if my restraining order won't keep him away I don't know that there's much you can do.

saythatscool

THAT ORDER CAN'T RESTRAIN WHAT WE HAVE, SCROLLY!

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THEY'LL NEVER STOP OUR PUN AND FROLIC.

petejayhawk

I'm so happy I read this exchange. My life is further enriched for it.

barnhouse

I don't know! I love this guy.

DanWeiss

HA (@ dear flabby)

MoonBat

Lil' Wayne is 5'6"? That isn't THAT Lil'.

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Stubby Wayne? Not That Lil' Wayne?

MoonBat

Slightly below the 50th percentile for height Wayne. That'll scroll nicely across the Sirius display.

cherrispryte

Isn't Craigslist full of creeps, no matter WHAT you're searching for?
I'm not really sure what you mean by "dating category." While I think responses to your first post proved that it was very helpful for some people to hear "I'm a guy who likes fat chicks," from my point of view, it would be nice to be seen as a person first, and as a fat girl second. Clearly, society doesn't do that either, but if you're positioning yourself as a fat ally of sorts, being "othering" may not be helpful.

I also worry that comparing fat people to more traditional marginalized groups comes off as inappropriate and incorrect.

But hey, kudos to you for having the guts to put the words "penis" and "short" so close to each other. :)

I don't know. I'm hungover as hell and trying to explain these confused thoughts in my head.

shantasybaby

I would argue that EVERYONE would like to be seen as a person first but I think -at least in this guy's case- he's talking about what he likes sexually/who he's attracted to and everyone has their preferences. Boob men, ass women, women who love beards, men who loves beards, etc. We just very seldom hear a non-creepy man express the preference for big women. I don't think it's "othering" so much as sharing something that does make alot of men -who have been socialized to find a specific female ideal attractive- feel "othered" as well.

Also, I'm an inbetweener -not quite BBW but still pretty thick- and I dated a guy who was very specifically into fat girls and he did in fact pull the "you're the smallest girl I've been with!" line on me which made me feel tiny and delicate. But still, I was all "you mean I don't have to worry about being too fat but I might not be fat ENOUGH?! I can't win!"

DoctorDisaster

OH GOD I FINALLY MANAGED TO PARSE THE GRAPHIC

IT'S A DUCK

shantasybaby

Ooh, new slightly-off-topic question: what are you non-fat related fetishes? Anything crazy? I love finding out about other people's kinks. ALSO you're literally the first person I've heard make this point: "I’m way too lazy to orchestrate that crap every time out." I used to get all frustrated with my BF when it wasn't a balls out crazy BDSM scene every time (like it was at first) and finally he was able to explain that -like you said- it takes alot of work to instigate that stuff!

Elisa Jean

I'm so glad to read a blog column written by a a guy who likes fat women. Here's the thing: I'm a fat woman living in Los Angeles. Over the years, I've come to realize that there's just something about the guys here... most of them just don't want the fat women. They may harbor a secret interest in fat women, but on the surface, they're not going to date a fat gal. I know I shouldn't be surprised; it IS Los Angeles, after all. So what's a fat gal to do when she lives in a city where lookism is a near constant, and the only guys she meets on fat dating websites are guys into objectifying fat and not really interested in WHO a gal is? Have you got an answer for that one, Dan?

Gary Elliott

Maybe you should broaden your horizons. The ongoing joke when I lived in LA was, "What do a brick and a fat white chick have in common? Sooner or later they'll both get laid by a mexican."

Epiphany!!

that's mean and racist.

Epiphany!!

Okay, so here is a tip for us BBdubs: caution when you search craigslist for m4f BBW because you get a crap load of nonsense like this: "I am swm in my 30s, I am a highly educated and employed non-smoker, seeking same. I love long walks on the beach and hikes and canoeing. I am an unbelievable cook! I love intelligent, strong, independent women. I treat women like gold. Never been married. Looking for the love of my life, a soul mate, and best friend. If you have kids, its fine, I adore and spoil my niece and nephew! Please no bbws. I hate fat people. They are disgusting." So, that is what comes up when you search craigslist m4wbbws. It is pretty disappointing and hurtful. Also, craigslist is really no place to find a man for realz.

dennishobson

When I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Thanks! madeira palsticaTC

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