Quantcast

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

16

Modern Pranks to Play on Dates

If a guy takes you out on a first date, Facebook friend him as soon as you get home. Then, when he accepts, immediately request to be "In a Relationship" with him. Quickly message him asking him why HE relationship-requested YOU and tell him you "had a nice time last night, but aren't ready for anything serious" and that you "don't usually do the whole Facebook relationship status thing, anyway," but that maybe you'll "run into him one of these days!" De-friend him on Facebook, and then friend-request a bunch of his friends you've never met IRL.

Write "I'm still in love with you" (weird time stamps like 7 a.m. on a Saturday or 5 p.m. on a Monday are best) on the Facebook wall of every boy you've ever kissed.

When you're at a guy's place and he leaves the room, open up his iTunes library and select ALL the songs. Right click and hit "Get Info." Are you sure you want to edit information for multiple items? Yes!!! You're sure. Change the artist to your name, the album title to "Fuck You," or "I Don't Like You That Much!" and the song title to, "I'm Doing a Practical Joke!" or something like that and clear the rest of the info fields. Maybe you can change the genre of the entire library to "Ambient Life-Ruining" or "Post-Honeymoon Phase" or "Experimental Monogamy." If you have time, change the album art to a picture of your face and sync his iPod to match, too. Then quit iTunes and lay on the bed unassumingly until he returns, whereupon you can tell him you're just dying to listen to the new Rihanna single and that he should turn it on.

The only appropriate response to a text message from a guy asking, "What's up?" is just "Guess."

On a dinner date, stand up once you've finished your food and tell the guy you're going to the bathroom. With a straight face, say that it's "time to purge" and walk away. Go to the bathroom and do jumping jacks for a few minutes until you break a sweat, and then walk to the table and quietly sit back down.

There are endless possibilities once you've got access to someone's e-mail account, but, like, really? A person's e-mail account is sacred. Just sign him up for a bunch of mailing lists.

Carrie Battan is a writer living in New York City. Don't let her near your computer or cell phone.

16 Comments / Post A Comment

saythatscool

Great little prank for Facebook chat:

Click on anyone randomly and type

"I couldn't be bothered taking her to the abortion clinic, so I just did it myself"

Then type, "Oops sorry wrong convo!"

Tulletilsynet

Brilliant! But. That last suggestion? I don't think so.

Tell us what you really did to the poor bastard's e-mail account.

perpetua

I love this post so very, very, very much.

Bro-lo El Cunado

But seriously, why does it feel so weird to friend (or hesitate to friend) a crush? Or is that just me?

[redacted]

For me it's because I'm going to sleep with them twice and never speak to them again, so it's best to avoid the whole casual defriending process later. Maybe different for other people though?

permafrost

I really want to do some of these!

Becca

This is hilarious.

JaffaCakes

"Those are just evil. EVIL!" - my brother's response

whoneedslight

I'm still in love with you. Hands down the best.

Nikol D S Hasler

Other than the iTunes suggestion, these are kind of horrifying. Even if a girl was trying to be funny by doing these things, they'd be unacceptable unless they were in some sort of Kate Hudson romcom.
Ladies, try to imagine going on a date with a guy who then played any of these pranks on you followed by "JK!"You'd still be like, "hah. Okay, crazysauce. Never call me again."

melis

Wait, so we SHOULDN'T do these?

perpetua

Oh my God, to me the iTunes thing is by far the MOST horrifying thing here!

gabba gabba hey

Lol, Salty!

Also, post deserves a deep thought quote:

"Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o'-lantern with a knife in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After that, I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done."

DahlELama

Etiquette question: For one who is no longer dating, would it be more appropriate to just do these things to one's husband? Or to start dating on the side?

whateverlolawants

Super late to the party here. The "Guess" response to "What's up?" texts actually IS totally appropriate and non-pranky.

Here's one: Tell a guy you'll Facebook him, but then the next time you see him, tell him you can't because of "too many awkward friends in common" and quickly change the subject.

Post a Comment

You must be logged-in to post a comment.

Login To Your Account