Monday, November 29, 2010


Ask a Dude

Do you have any idea how much Brazilian waxes cost? Seriously, without looking it up, what would you guess? And then, once you’ve guessed and then looked it up, is that a bill you’d be willing to foot? I always think guys should be paying for the Brazilians if they want their ladies to have them. Is that insane?

Uh, $50? (Ed.: With tip it usually ends up in the $60 – $70 region.) My understanding has always been that tidying up in that area is as beneficial to/comfortable for the girl as it is for the guy, so I'm okay with maintaining that status quo in all of my existing and future relationships!

As far as bill-footing goes, I mean, if the wax the guy wants and the wax you want aren't even close in price, and especially if you're currently on a tight budget, then it seems reasonable to talk to him about it. I don't think any guy in that situation would be enough of a dick not to have that conversation. I wouldn't necessarily push the idea that he pay for it right off the bat, as that might make you seem a little bit rude/crazy, but I think you definitely could try to bring it up organically.

But I also think that, in a lot of relationships, the price of your waxes probably evens out with other things your boyfriend might have paid for to make you happy. Let's not pinch pennies when it comes to love! (But if you have a real problem with it and are in a serious financial bind, talk to him about it. If you see something, say something! You're great as you are! Just do you!)

How long into a conversation does a lady need to reveal she has a boyfriend? And vice versa. FURTHER, when a dude asks you out for a hangout/dinner or whatever, do you need to ask "IS THIS A DATE?"

Hm. As far as when to drop the boyfriend information, for me, the best/most considerate thing a girl can do is just subtly mention it really early on in the conversation. Don't be heavy-handed about it — that's insulting and awkward — but just exercise some tact and slip it in there (TWSS).

Because, honestly, there's nothing more annoying for a guy than when, at the end of a great conversation, an awesome girl mentions she has a boyfriend like it's no big deal. Even writing that sentence reminds me of a lot of really annoying instances of this happening. Great, now I'm annoyed!

But, just so we're clear, the source of this annoyance isn't that every girl who's interesting to a guy is necessarily sending romantic/sexual signals of her wanting him or whatever, it's just that it can be disappointing for a guy when a girl he thinks is attractive and interesting turns out to be unavailable.

As far as what does it mean when a guy wants to hang out? There's no hard and fast rule for this, per se, but provided you haven't already established that you guys are just friends, I think you can take it as a definite sign of interest if he wants to see you in a one-on-one situation. Because, in all honesty, if he weren't interested on some level, he wouldn't bother trying to hang out. (This is all working from the assumption that both of you are single. If it's clear one or both of you has a significant other, then stuff can be friendly and all that.)

Although it's probably worth mentioning that you should be mindful of what sort of of hang sesh he's requesting, as that's probably more of an indicator of what his real intentions are. The really obvious hook-up-ish ones should be pretty clear — think a movie at his house or some other dark, secluded place where it'll be really easy to transition into a making-out thing. Everything else — the more-platonic situations like "a friendly museum date!" or some sort of shopping excursion — is a little more ambiguous, and probably just needs to be played by ear.

Once and for all, is it sexier if a gal orders something really butch, like Scotch neat, or something sort of refined and ethereal like a champagne cocktail? Obviously it's sexiest when a girl is confident and drinks what she wants blah blah blah, but if you had to pick. (Because the opposite isn’t really a question, as Scotch/beer/etc. are way sexier than champagne cocktails for dudes to drink, obviously.)

This really doesn't matter. "What a girl orders to drink" could not be lower on the list of things a guy pays attention to when assessing a girl and her attractiveness. Honestly, do not even worry about this. Worrying about this may in fact make you seem less attractive.

If fairly unattractive/pretty seriously nerdy guys are the only ones asking you out currently, what conclusion, if any, are you to draw about yourself?

More than being an indicator of you, it's probably more of an indicator of the social circles you play in. Are unattractive/pretty seriously nerdy guys the only ones in your immediate social circles? If so, then you're sort of sealing your own fate with that one. If not, just keep trucking, and if there's a type of guy that you like specifically, go where they are! (And for the record, I'm against "types" as a whole concept, but that's a whole other thing.)

What do you do if you feel like you’ve identified the person you’re going to marry/be with for a long time? It’s not, like, George Clooney or something (haha, OMG, George are you reading this?!), it’s just a guy I know who I feel like if we started dating, things would get really serious really quickly. Obviously I could be wrong, but because I really and truly feel this way, how should I behave now? Should I hook up with lots of people to get the wild-oat-sowing out of my system before anything happens with this guy, or should I just get the ball rolling? We’re both in our late 20s, but we don't live in the same state. Which is clearly its own thing, too.

The premise of this one is a little tricky, because I'm wary of ever being so completely certain about something with someone that you're not actually actively dating/have dated in the past.

But if you really think that you might have some sort of real relationship sort of thing with this guy, then you should just be mindful and respectful that situation. Make sure you don't do something that'll compromise anything you have or could have in the future. Act within the boundaries of your own character — if you're normally a wild-oat-sowing sort of girl and this guy isn't crazy-jealous or someone who will have a problem with this, then sow away! If you're someone who doesn't do that, then why change what's been working for you? Don't change your character just because you think there are things that other people expect you to do (like sow oats, or whatever). You're great just as you are!

All that being said, if you feel as strongly toward the guy as you say you do here, you should just go for it and pursue the relationship if you can.

Previously: Do I unfriend his dad and grandparents on Facebook?

A Dude is a dude who lives in New York and knows everything. Do you have any questions for A Dude?

23 Comments / Post A Comment


I'd pay her for NOT getting the topiary, hitler mustache, landing stip, or pedo special. There is nothing more suburban than a lawn that is too neatly trimmed.


Yes, as long as she applies the proper pesticides.


How much is a Costa Rican? I think I can swing that.


Isn't the trend local and organic? Let's keep it that way.




"There is nothing more suburban than a lawn that is too neatly trimmed." This makes me so, so, happy.


I always thought guys should have limited say at best as to whether sharp and/or hot things are applied to their partners' happy places. But then, I'm old-fashioned and prone to courting belles via sexy telegram.

Robert E Hanifen Jr

So you go in for the British Hedge Maze eh? My fave too.


birth control pills. they ain't cheap. i sometimes wonder if a dude would be willing to pay half. there's such a huge disparity in cost between condoms and the pill, not to mention the invasive hormonal onslaught. seems unfair.


This seems fair, but if, say, she cheats, does the guy she cheats with have to throw in a few dollars? This problem does not arise with condoms.


that's called prostitution. honestly, if you're in a serious relationship with someone I don't see why you wouldn't both contribute to the cost of contraception be it condoms, the pill, the ring or whatever. you both benefit. you should both contribute. as far as abortions go, it's INSANE to say a guy should only put money down when serious damage control is needed. naturally, a woman should be in charge of her body but this doesn't mean a man can't take equal responsibility for what happens to her body if he's planning on sticking his cock in it.

Hero of the Beach

Dudes should absolutely pay half for the pill, or whatever arrangement you'd use to split like an internet bill. You're basically subscribing to a service.

But really, if she's going to cheat, I hope she's going to be using condoms anyway? The burning sensations will kind of give the game away.


Ugh I just did the math and I've spent over $2,500 on BC over the past 5 years of my current relationship. Maybe I should bring that up to what's-his-name. (And that's with insurance, mind you.)


@cherri: it is scary when you add up the sum total of bc 'subscriptions'! Of course it is better than a No Baby No Baby No Baby STOP! WHAMMY!


It is! And I've probably saved a substantial amount in terms of paranoia-induced pregnancy test purchases as well!

Caitlin Podiak

I say, pay for your own BC pill, be diligent about taking it correctly, and if it somehow fails, he should pay for the abortion. And don't ever get waxed at all unless it's for a beach vacation. Just borrow his beard trimmer the rest of the time.


Dear ladies,

Please ask first before trimming your pubic hair with our beard trimmers.

Another Dude

Bus Driver Stu Benedict

Naw, man. If you got trouble with your face being close to those hairs, You Have A Problem.


To the asker of the last question: After a long struggle with what felt like destiny, my best friend and I dated for a month and it was awesome. Then we tried to date long distance and it was terrible. We have gone back to being best friends. Sometimes dating a friend is awesome and sometimes it isn't. Don't put all your eggs in his particular basket. Three weeks after we broke up I met my fiance and four months later, he met his.


Ugh, last week I had a long conversation with the man-of-my-dreams and at the end, he causally threw in he had a wife. If I wasn't still so smitten, I would have ripped him a new one. It was infuriating.

Caitlin Podiak

Meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife is supposed to be ironic, not infuriating, haven't you heard?

George Kr

if it was his idea I think he should pay for it.

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