Ask a Dude

Do you have any idea how much Brazilian waxes cost? Seriously, without looking it up, what would you guess? And then, once you’ve guessed and then looked it up, is that a bill you’d be willing to foot? I always think guys should be paying for the Brazilians if they want their ladies to have them. Is that insane?

Uh, $50? (Ed.: With tip it usually ends up in the $60 – $70 region.) My understanding has always been that tidying up in that area is as beneficial to/comfortable for the girl as it is for the guy, so I’m okay with maintaining that status quo in all of my existing and future relationships!

As far as bill-footing goes, I mean, if the wax the guy wants and the wax you want aren’t even close in price, and especially if you’re currently on a tight budget, then it seems reasonable to talk to him about it. I don’t think any guy in that situation would be enough of a dick not to have that conversation. I wouldn’t necessarily push the idea that he pay for it right off the bat, as that might make you seem a little bit rude/crazy, but I think you definitely could try to bring it up organically.

But I also think that, in a lot of relationships, the price of your waxes probably evens out with other things your boyfriend might have paid for to make you happy. Let’s not pinch pennies when it comes to love! (But if you have a real problem with it and are in a serious financial bind, talk to him about it. If you see something, say something! You’re great as you are! Just do you!)

How long into a conversation does a lady need to reveal she has a boyfriend? And vice versa. FURTHER, when a dude asks you out for a hangout/dinner or whatever, do you need to ask “IS THIS A DATE?”

Hm. As far as when to drop the boyfriend information, for me, the best/most considerate thing a girl can do is just subtly mention it really early on in the conversation. Don’t be heavy-handed about it — that’s insulting and awkward — but just exercise some tact and slip it in there (TWSS).

Because, honestly, there’s nothing more annoying for a guy than when, at the end of a great conversation, an awesome girl mentions she has a boyfriend like it’s no big deal. Even writing that sentence reminds me of a lot of really annoying instances of this happening. Great, now I’m annoyed!

But, just so we’re clear, the source of this annoyance isn’t that every girl who’s interesting to a guy is necessarily sending romantic/sexual signals of her wanting him or whatever, it’s just that it can be disappointing for a guy when a girl he thinks is attractive and interesting turns out to be unavailable.

As far as what does it mean when a guy wants to hang out? There’s no hard and fast rule for this, per se, but provided you haven’t already established that you guys are just friends, I think you can take it as a definite sign of interest if he wants to see you in a one-on-one situation. Because, in all honesty, if he weren’t interested on some level, he wouldn’t bother trying to hang out. (This is all working from the assumption that both of you are single. If it’s clear one or both of you has a significant other, then stuff can be friendly and all that.)

Although it’s probably worth mentioning that you should be mindful of what sort of of hang sesh he’s requesting, as that’s probably more of an indicator of what his real intentions are. The really obvious hook-up-ish ones should be pretty clear — think a movie at his house or some other dark, secluded place where it’ll be really easy to transition into a making-out thing. Everything else — the more-platonic situations like “a friendly museum date!” or some sort of shopping excursion — is a little more ambiguous, and probably just needs to be played by ear.

Once and for all, is it sexier if a gal orders something really butch, like Scotch neat, or something sort of refined and ethereal like a champagne cocktail? Obviously it’s sexiest when a girl is confident and drinks what she wants blah blah blah, but if you had to pick. (Because the opposite isn’t really a question, as Scotch/beer/etc. are way sexier than champagne cocktails for dudes to drink, obviously.)

This really doesn’t matter. “What a girl orders to drink” could not be lower on the list of things a guy pays attention to when assessing a girl and her attractiveness. Honestly, do not even worry about this. Worrying about this may in fact make you seem less attractive.

If fairly unattractive/pretty seriously nerdy guys are the only ones asking you out currently, what conclusion, if any, are you to draw about yourself?

More than being an indicator of you, it’s probably more of an indicator of the social circles you play in. Are unattractive/pretty seriously nerdy guys the only ones in your immediate social circles? If so, then you’re sort of sealing your own fate with that one. If not, just keep trucking, and if there’s a type of guy that you like specifically, go where they are! (And for the record, I’m against “types” as a whole concept, but that’s a whole other thing.)

What do you do if you feel like you’ve identified the person you’re going to marry/be with for a long time? It’s not, like, George Clooney or something (haha, OMG, George are you reading this?!), it’s just a guy I know who I feel like if we started dating, things would get really serious really quickly. Obviously I could be wrong, but because I really and truly feel this way, how should I behave now? Should I hook up with lots of people to get the wild-oat-sowing out of my system before anything happens with this guy, or should I just get the ball rolling? We’re both in our late 20s, but we don’t live in the same state. Which is clearly its own thing, too.

The premise of this one is a little tricky, because I’m wary of ever being so completely certain about something with someone that you’re not actually actively dating/have dated in the past.

But if you really think that you might have some sort of real relationship sort of thing with this guy, then you should just be mindful and respectful that situation. Make sure you don’t do something that’ll compromise anything you have or could have in the future. Act within the boundaries of your own character — if you’re normally a wild-oat-sowing sort of girl and this guy isn’t crazy-jealous or someone who will have a problem with this, then sow away! If you’re someone who doesn’t do that, then why change what’s been working for you? Don’t change your character just because you think there are things that other people expect you to do (like sow oats, or whatever). You’re great just as you are!

All that being said, if you feel as strongly toward the guy as you say you do here, you should just go for it and pursue the relationship if you can.

Previously: Do I unfriend his dad and grandparents on Facebook?

A Dude is a dude who lives in New York and knows everything. Do you have any questions for A Dude?


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