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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

16

Letters to the Editors of Women's Magazines

Charlize, Angel
Charlize Theron continues to blow me away. I enjoyed reading about her progress building soccer fields in Africa in “Charlize Theron: Goal-Getter” [July]. Did you know she has also narrated a video about a puppy-mill investigation by PETA? It was fascinating, and I sent it to everyone I know.

Katie Moore, Baltimore (InStyle, September 2010)

Well, I will say my doctor was a little surprised when I explained that the reason I broke both my hands at the same time was from clapping too hard alone in my house at the end of Charlize Theron’s latest movie, but, you know, it is what it is.

Ginny F., Santa Barbara, CA




Lori Gottleib is spot-on in “What if Your Best Friends Are Your Worst Enemies?” I have both male and female best friends, and I undoubtedly listen to the guys more than the girls, knowing they have no hidden agenda. Maybe we need to take a cue from the boys and start being brutally honest with each other. If a friend won’t tell you the truth, who will?

Lauren M., Rochester Hills, MI (Marie Claire, September 2010)

When my girlfriends start talking to me, I just shake my head and slowly draw a finger across my neck. God love ‘em, but I also hate them, deeply.

Patty Y., St. Louis

The Big Scoop
The Life, Etc. section of the magazine continues to amaze me. The fresh ideas in “Summer Party Guide: Ice Cream!” [July] gave me the incentive to prepare homemade ice cream and present it in a fun manner. The gourmet ice cream sundaes were my favorite and the most delicious.

Rachael C., Lynbrook, NY (InStyle, September 2010)

One idea I had was to put a little hat and shoes on the ice cream. Under the hat I also put a little hair from my brush. I call her Linda because she looks just like a little woman. And you KNOW I couldn’t eat her, so I put her on a saucer and I keep her in the freezer. Linda, Linda, Linda. What goes on inside your ice cream head? Lol, my electricity bill is going to be so high this month, too (from standing in front of the freezer with the door open, looking at Linda).

Deirdre J., Roanoke, VA

An Issue So Big It Hurts!
I bought your September issue in preparation for a 14-hour road trip. In my hotel room, I dropped the issue on my foot. The magazine was so big, it broke my toe! You weren’t kidding when you said it was your biggest issue in 20 years! Keep up the good work.

Jillian K., Yardley, PA (Glamour, November 2010)

I thought you were joking about the magazine being the biggest in 20 years, so as a prank I put it on top of the door and asked my friend to come into the room. Without going into too much detail, I guess I’ll just say that both my friend and I learned you were not joking. I just sort of quietly walked out — it wasn’t my house. R.I.P. Diane.

Lindsay P., Gary, IN

Reading to the Rescue
After I picked up my mail at my condo one day, I found myself stuck in an elevator all alone. I was relieved to find my July issue of InStyle among the pile I carried. Reading about fashion and Cameron Diaz helped me through this traumatic experience!

Nicole S., Toronto (InStyle, September 2010)

One time I fell down an empty elevator shaft, but I had my InStyle with me so I just opened it up and rode it down like a little flying carpet. Now THAT’S in style!
Elaine P., Bronx


Writer Sarah Wexler said in her Contributors note that she hadn’t eaten beef in 15 years, but when Mary J. Blige insisted she taste her pasta Bolognese, she did [“Queen Mary,” August]. Wexler should be grateful that Blige didn’t insist she jump off a bridge. While I’m sure one simple statement was not intended to be a “deep moment” in the interview, it says many things about hero worship.

Debra W., Hamilton, NJ (Allure, October 2010)

I thank my lucky stars every day that Mary J. Blige doesn’t insist I jump off a bridge, because you know I’d be at that bridge in like two seconds. No question. Although if Mary for sure wanted me to die — because some bridges might be too short — she’d have to specify that she wanted it to be a tall bridge. She’d have to be like, “Carol, I want you to jump off a bridge tall enough to kill yourself.” Because if it were up to me and I were someplace that had a bridge that was tall and a bridge that was short, I’d probably go for the one that was short. So yeah, Mary would have to say.

Carol I., Portland

Previously: "A gust of wind blowing through the eye socket of a skeleton that killed itself."



16 Comments / Post A Comment

dave bry

Hooray for this! As always.

sorry your heinous

What Dave said. So good!

kmase

I love reading these because each one is even better than the last! It's like each time I read one it's the smartest thing she's ever said.

MisterHippity

These just keep getting better every time.

If this trend keeps up, before too long, I'll enter a temporary state of intense-humor-induced psychosis after reading one of these pieces. Or, at the very least, I'll end up suffering from a severe case of Post-Comedic Stress Syndrome.

City_Dater

Whenever I read an inane letter to a ladymagazine, I hope it will end up here.
I thank my lucky stars you saw that Mary J. Blige one!

mary hk choi

YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Holy crap I LOVE these so hard. There's NEVER anything to comment other than to quote it or big it up but MAN... SO. SO. SO. GOOOOOOOOOD.

Tulletilsynet

It is beautiful, right?

BitchSetMeUp

I'm always tempted to comment on how pregnant I want Edith to make me, but I'm scared she doesn't want children.

atipofthehat

Please draw a picture of Linda the ice cream lady.

atipofthehat

(I think we used to see each other.)

DoctorDisaster

My hastily photoshopped love letter to this series: http://twitpic.com/3138ls

Edith Zimmerman

Ohhh myyy goddd. I love it so much, thank you.

Tulletilsynet

I love pasta and meat and barely know who Mary J Blige is, so I was thinking when I read that letter about Mary J Blige how difficult it was to imagine myself in that particular predicament (being told by Mary J Blige to eat pasta bolognese against all my principles or else possibly lose the goodwill of my interviewee). But then I thought, what if Edith told me to taste something that had mayonnaise and mustard on it and then to go jump off a tall bridge? I hate mayonnaise and mustard equally as much as I love pasta and meat and I would have that taste in my mouth all the way down, if I really wanted to get that interview.

Edith Zimmerman

Tulletillllyyyyssssnnettttt!

Notanderson Cooper

Wild stuff! Love this.

jessica

god, i love these so, so very much.

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